One of the most astonishing things that has come out of my transition, has been how quickly my social life has evolved towards LGBTQ friendships, particularly gay men. I would be curious to hear from others on this subject.
hate to say it but its not really in my life. sure i'm here but as far as activism or going out and meeting others of like kind, not to keen on it. there were times i was invited out for some fun with a couple of lesbians and gay men but i said no thanks under the pretenses of i'm not comfortable being out there. i guess to me its like attention seeking behavior. i rather be extremely low key and not bring attention to myself
The new friends I've made since transitioning have been mainly lesbians and a trans man. It's not been intentional, but it's been cool.
Almost zero. I've even had a couple of gay men who were my friends basically scorn me now. My therapist explained why that may happen but I'm not comfortable giving that explanation here.
So.... I will support all equal rights for everyone. Marriage, freedom from discrimination etc, But I'm not part of the whole LGB "scene."
I just want to be me.
some other trans people but I don't feel much in common with most lgb people...
I have known some in the community for some time but the number hasn't increased and I really don't expect it to because of my job and social circles are not conducive to meeting more.
the extent of my involvement has been on this site. I don't go to bars so it's pretty limiting for me , I did work with a trans man at my job for a few years.
I'm super active. Most my friends are queer/trans. I live with like 4 other queer people. The only straight people I interact with regularly and for long periods of time are from work.
Lending support on here is the extent.
Mariah
Basically not at all, for a lot of reasons. My network is pretty extensive, and very LGBTQ saturated because of how long I've been in the area, how long I identified as a lesbian prior to coming out, and how active I was in the community in college/grad school. If we were to play Six Degrees of Separation, I would be willing to bet that I'm not more than 2 steps away from any other LGBTQ person in my area.
And that really bothers me. I don't like being Max who used to be a stone butch lesbian who's transitioned and is now a man. I'd just like to be Max, but it seems most of the LGB community that I know is more interested in who I used to be or how I came to be who I am, instead of just letting me exist. It's a disappointing attitude coming from other marginalized people, so that is my primary motivation for withdrawing from that community.
I have a lot more in common and feel much more at ease with other trans folks or people who identify as queer. Those are the kinds of associations I tend to seek out.
interesting question as to a statistic. But having quite a few friends from the T part of LGB, the more my life is becoming to flow within normalcy of societal attributes the more I drift away from even those connections.
For some, activism or identity of being Trans is a way of life, however, as I set out on this journey, I only pressed on to arrive at the other end. To me I always felt the stigma attached to the condition I had to live with as though the process of transition was the process of curing the illness.
I am in a solid place now. I am living women's life as it should be for a woman I am.
I do have friends who likewise have shipped across vastness of transition and arrived at the destination.
Occasionally I will visit the LGBTetc crew at the uni near my place.
For the most part though, I reside in the mainstream.
I have done that deliberately. I didn't want to be putting myself in a box, and negotiating my transition at work, all at once.
Now things are settling down though, I feel a need for company again. I am into quirky people in general, gender isn't really a factor.
I'm sure there are plenty of quirky people out there for me to play with :~)
I've always been fairly immersed in the LGBTQ+ community, really. Were it not for the isolation that I now face due to most of my friends being two states away, I probably would still be.
Also I kinda dislike labels.
I hate when people label me as queer. I'm not! That's like using the N word, IMO. I'm transgender/transsexual but I don't even want that label to be used frequently. Woman, girl, female, person. PERIOD. Yes I was born a boy but as far as I'm concerned that's a birth defect I'm fixing, not something I want to celebrate and embrace.
I've found that (cis and trans) women now are really open to friendship with me and we talk about life and how we deal with it. Not any trans stuff but things like family life and kids. I'm very comfortable about coming out to women I know and I have found that we forge closer friendships when I do. They seem to be eager to welcome me to the "club" lol. I just wish I could share some of their struggles such as pregnancy and childbirth, periods, contraception and growing up as a girl.
Not involved other than here and attending Pride. I love the energy there!
Quote from: iKate on May 14, 2015, 11:09:45 PM
I hate when people label me as queer. I'm not! That's like using the N word, IMO. I'm transgender/transsexual but I don't even want that label to be used frequently. Woman, girl, female, person. PERIOD. Yes I was born a boy but as far as I'm concerned that's a birth defect I'm fixing, not something I want to celebrate and embrace.
Not all TS people feel that way.
I do identify as transsexual. I do not think I had birth defects. There was nothing wrong with my body. The problem was, who I am did not match.
Not everyone in wider society is going to see things our way, either. Just because somebody disagrees, that doesn't mean they are malicious. Often enough, they simply don't agree, and that is all there is to it.
So, I would choose not to be offended by labels. They are what they are, no need to invest negative emotion into it.
I hang with transpeople at times lots in
common
I hang with a fair crowd of the L and B parts of the acronym.. The G and the T's? Not so much. Mostly because I fit in with cis women far better than I do trans women - I'd go in to the why of that, but I fear it would cause some anger to come my way.. And I can see no real reason to hang with gay guys any more, I did a lot of that in my past.
I'm not a vocal activist, I prefer to be the quiet educator, educating individuals, as needed, as I move through life. I will also admit that I don't have too many issues that happen because I'm trans, I suspect mostly because I don't make a huge issue of it.. An example: My jurisdiction requires proof of surgery in order to change my birth certificate, so I just use my female gendered passport - I can, however, still use my birth cert in order to get married..
My girlfriend is pretty into the scene. So are the two trans friends I have. They're super sexual, claim asexuality, hit on me a lot, and frankly embarrass me in public by dragging me into their trans discussions where they try to make cis people ashamed.
So I guess it's clear that due to my demographic I am not particularly thrilled to be lumped in with a group I'd rather not associate with. When the first thing people talk to me about is either trans or lgbt crap, it depresses me. I wanna be recognized for who I am, not what's between my legs, or who I love.
Quote from: April Lee on May 14, 2015, 03:22:24 PM
One of the most astonishing things that has come out of my transition, has been how quickly my social life has evolved towards LGBTQ friendships, particularly gay men. I would be curious to hear from others on this subject.
I actually think that this varies based on geographical location. In my liberal little university town, I wound up becoming close friends with A LOT of gender-queer people. I was surprised, however, how few transsexual people I wound up becoming friends with (only two -- one MTF and one FTM). Gay men, on the other hand, were totally mainstream there, so it was kind of expected that everyone knew some gay men to begin with. So, upon starting my transition, only one sect of GLBT revealed themselves to me even more: gender-queer individuals.
Now, since I'm spending the summer in my conservative little hometown, people are pretty dang average it seems. GLBT in general is pretty absent here. I'm the only transsexual woman I know in this town, and it doesn't cause me any problems because everyone just thinks I'm cis-gender lol.
But, I mean, if I have to provide my information for a job -- or for the bank or whatever -- people learn that I'm living in a gender role opposite of that which I was born into. And generally, they're really taken aback and sometimes even interested in my transition. E.g., a bank teller around my age had to see my identification today, and I look nothing whatsoever like the person on my ID cards. She was clearly intrigued. I got home later tonight and had a Facebook friend request from her, and she's been liking all of my trans-related stuff on my FB lol. So, GLBT as most know it isn't exactly present in my life anymore, but Allies are more abundant than I had expected.
Ally
LGBTQI isn't just part of my life, it is my life.
I run an LGBTQI group, I'm giving an LGBTQI talk in about 2hrs and a longer talk on Monday, then on Tuesday I'm going to a meeting arranged by my local council to discuss improving life for trans people in this city, apparently I'm responsible for this meeting due to comments I made last year.
In between all of this I try to find time to write articles for this site.
The only things in my life that aren't LGBTQI are my dog and playing GTA but I do wonder if my dog is bi as he spends hours casting longing looks at my neighbours dog
I scanned this thread quickly and wasn't thinking of responding until it occurred to me that all of my personal friends are trans, all transitioned, and all but one postop.
Quote from: SarahBoo on May 14, 2015, 11:42:41 PM
Not all TS people feel that way.
I do identify as transsexual. I do not think I had birth defects. There was nothing wrong with my body. The problem was, who I am did not match.
Not everyone in wider society is going to see things our way, either. Just because somebody disagrees, that doesn't mean they are malicious. Often enough, they simply don't agree, and that is all there is to it.
So, I would choose not to be offended by labels. They are what they are, no need to invest negative emotion into it.
Well, I do have a right to ask people not to call me XYZ. I don't want people calling me queer. I feel that it unnecessarily highlights my difference. I want to be known for things I do, accomplish and my good deeds. I don't simply want to be known as "that queer person" or "that trans person."
If you want to be referred to as that, that's great. You can and I'll respect it. All I'm asking is that people respect my wishes as well.
The idea here is that because you are trans it doesn't mean that you have to be stuffed into that box. I want to get on with it and live my life. To me it's a journey, not a destination.
I still live at home with my parents so I haven't had a chance to explore friendships of that type. My folks are just starting to accept my transition. They would have a heart attack. Once I move out, I'll be able to do much more.
Unfortunately not at all and I am now really regretting it.
I have always avoided any involvement in the LGBTIQ community for the very selfish reason of not wanting to out myself.
Over the last few years I have felt poorer for it. We all need support as we travel through this life and not surrounding myself with people who understand this journey has left me feeling very alone in all of this.
I have tried over the last few years to find social groups in my area particularly in the trans part of the community but there doesn't seem to be many. I have stumbled on a few through the internet, but they all seem to die out as quickly as they start.
It would be really nice to just socialise with other trans girls in real life even if only just for coffee once in a while.
What an interesting thread, As I started try and identify myself, I mostly met up with tlgb as most of who I thought were friends pretty much moved on with my x-wife, then as I began to identify myself as transgender and started my real life, I kind of mixed it up with a lot of cis girl friends and tlgb people,
When and if I go out it is to clubs that are very tlgb only,
My only social outings that are not inclusive are with the church
I am very active in the local tlgb community here
Well, I'm bisexual and in an apparently lesbian marriage, so there's no getting away from it. :) Even when the "T" isn't evident, I'm still living at least two of the letters daily! (Oddly, gay men are *not* in my social circle at all; just not that into men in general, and I don't understand what it's like to be a gay man at all even if I may have briefly looked like one.)
Almost a daily thing for me. I have many trans friends that have gay and lesbian acquaintances. I've met genderqueer folks before but we really don't have much in common. I personally find gay people are very accepting of the trans community.
Quote from: iKate on May 15, 2015, 08:37:56 AM
Well, I do have a right to ask people not to call me XYZ. I don't want people calling me queer. I feel that it unnecessarily highlights my difference. ... All I'm asking is that people respect my wishes as well.
The point I am making is - just as nobody has a right to dictate how you or I see things - nor are we any authority in what others perceive.
You can ask people to address you how you see fit, but you cannot demand it. You cannot expect people to go against what they believe, just to accommodate you.
The catch with free speech is that for it to exist - everybody must have the same privilege.
So, I will not be offended if somebody disagrees with me. Live and let live.
Quote from: SarahBoo on May 15, 2015, 07:12:49 PM
The point I am making is - just as nobody has a right to dictate how you or I see things - nor are we any authority in what others perceive.
You can ask people to address you how you see fit, but you cannot demand it. You cannot expect people to go against what they believe, just to accommodate you.
The catch with free speech is that for it to exist - everybody must have the same privilege.
So, I will not be offended if somebody disagrees with me. Live and let live.
That's true, I was merely stating my preference. Just like you or me don't like to be called "sir" either but some people do anyway.
The point is though that some people take the "queer" badge with honor. (And that's cool) I don't. I'm kind of at the point now where I don't want to give anyone a reason to discriminate against me because of my trans history.