Hi all,
I had never seen a therapist before this January. This has been a huge step for me. I have a general question based on a lot of comments I have read.
My therapist is not a gender therapist. Is it important when working through things to come to decisions and early on to see a gender therapist. I have read that it doesn't really matter, when you are hurting, just see one. Others seem to feel that because of our very specific needs that it is better to see a gender therapist. Of course the TV doctor House(all TV doctors are all accurate :P -and by TV I mean television just in case someone is being clever) would suggest that a specialist looks at a problem and sees the problem they specialize in...
So what are your thoughts?
Thanks for your replies in advance. You all seem to have so much more experience, no matter your ages.
Joanna
well my therapist isnt a gender therapist specifically, but being a psychotherapist and a LSCW, and possessing enough knowledge, he can actually give me one of my one of my letters if i need him to.
Honey, IMHO, you definitely want a Gender Therapist, even if you have to Skype to talk with one.
There are a bunch of threads on this board where people have bad experiences with regular therapists learning about gender issues at their expense (literally and figuratively).
actually, i'm kinda curious of the difference.
Quote from: Eveline on May 15, 2015, 04:52:41 PM
Honey, IMHO, you definitely want a Gender Therapist, even if you have to Skype to talk with one.
There are a bunch of threads on this board where people have bad experiences with regular therapists learning about gender issues at their expense (literally and figuratively).
Yeah, but it isn't really fair to paint with such a broad brush. I've dealt with two therapists that weren't specialists in gender issues and things worked out fine.
Eveline,
I know what you mean and have seen the phrase about them learning on your time/dime. I research like crazy. It is kind of something I am good at. Perhaps too good, because I find opposing ideas and can relate to both. So to start with I think this has been good to have someone to bounce these things off. Now, if I had been out to anyone else I could just bounce them that way... She has been supportive and does look into what she doesn't know. I really like her but wonder if I should be moving on?
I am curious if there is a point where I should switch or add one? Can one go to two therapists? Does one go to a general therapist, then back when evening out? Or is there no evening out?
I am sorry, I was just looking for responses and I jumped back in.
Fire away, ladies.
Joanna
After two sessions with my therapist (not a Gender Therapist), I was finally confident that she would be able to help me, and that it would be nice..
When I'd finally built up the courage to tell her (I'm quite shy).. She requested that I see a different therapist, because she thinks that I'd be able to connect better with a male therapist.
:(
Experience and familiarity is the difference. Can a regular one work out yes, but you may have an uphill climb as they learn. Hugs
Mariah
IMHO, if you are hurting, have no place to turn to for support or to talk things out, to do any sort of reality checks, then a general therapist who is T* friendly is a great way to start.
I lived a good 90% of my life within 2 miles of Manhattan, NYC. Or, as my wife calls it "Trans Central". When the excrement hit the air handler once again in my life, and I FINALLY realized how I was NOT handling being trans was the root cause I was living in rural West Virginia, a good 3 hours away from anything that resembling a Gender THerapist and like 90 minutes from just a friendly.
We have a TON of baggage and bad behaviors or adaptations we live by "To get by", to blend in, to hide. Having GD is not necessarily a ticket, or more like a necessity, to do a full social transition. Much like "Geographical Relocation", also known as running away from your problems, the "If Only....." factor always seems so enticing.
Yet, when your life is in toilet, you grasp at straws, any straws. Why it's in the toilet may be due to GD. Transitioning is not always the way out of it. Six years ago when my life was totally in the toilet, and knowing the GD was why, having tried transitioning and stopped... twice before in my youth, I knew my negative self-esteem and zero self-worth from it, was hurting me far more than anything else. Especially when any objective observer would say I had a great life.
So I went to work on all the underlying issues haunting and derailing my life. For 3 years or so I saw a generalist who was trans friendly. I started out with transitioning being the absolute last thing on my mind. Been there, tried it twice. Not for me.
My life turned around. I found joy, I found peace. Then I got the opportunity to return home, back to Trans-Central. One of the conditions I made with myself and my wife was to find a for real Gender Therapist. No more 3 Hr drive excuse, only 30 minutes, tops with traffic.
With no doubt, I will attest that there is a BIG difference. Mostly positive differences in the therapeutic approach. Not quite as challenging as the generalist was. (Full disclosure, I am thankful I do not need to transition, today. I appreciate having that reality confirmed)
I think, think of a therapist as just another "Baby Step" vs the end all and be all approach. You are hurting, need help, need new tools to survive. Need to help unlearn things, learn healthier things. Any start along that path is good. Don't let lack of access to a for-real Gender Therapist stop your progress. Just try to assure that whoever you see is at the very least trans friendly.
I don't think my therapist is specifically a gender therapist, but he is LGBT-friendly, and has worked with many transsexuals in the past.
There are a lot of variables. If you and a gender therapist don't see eye-to-eye as well as you and a general therapist then it may not be as useful. Overall I'd say gender therapist is your best bet for dealing with gender issues specifically, but it all depends.
Personally I'm seeing a generalist(?). She says she's worked with people who have transitioned and going through stuff like this before, though I'm not entirely sure I believe her. Doesn't matter though, I like her a lot and she's been a HUGE asset for me. As in without her I probably wouldn't be where I'm at, which I'm quite happy with.
I use her for a reality check, impartial opinions and advice, and as a person to get things off my chest with.
A gender therapist might be able to offer more, and I may seek one out eventually, but I certainly don't regret starting with a generalist as my issues, as JoanneB pointed out, don't all revolve around gender.
I could totally see having a general therapist, then doing X number of sessions with a gender therapist before dropping them or only checking in every once in a while once things become settled, but keeping the general therapist on a more permanent basis.
So...short answer? Find someone you like and do whatever works for you!
One thing that bothers me about my therapist is that he is a really positive, happy type. I have a much darker personality, and prefer people to be straightforward with me and cut the B.S. because I am often bad at taking social cues. He's not B.S.ing me about trans-status, but I wish I had someone who could guide me better on the details. I can go to the I.C. clinic when I get a little money, i just want a surgery letter when the time comes and a reassurance that I'm not crazy. Other people have in the local LGBT community (informal setting, as my therapist is a gay man) have been more helpful than therapy. one thin that bothers me about therapy is that I do a lot of talking, but I much prefer to listen.
i didn't even know that gender therapists existed. how would you even go about getting one?
and rachel, i have a regular therapist and he is friendly to my situation too and has been supportive thus far. if you are unhappy with your therapist or they are not fitting your personality or needs you should definitely change. being uncomfortable or frustrated with your therapist is not helpful to you at all. good luck darlin. :)
Pretty much the same way you do the others except you find out if they have experience and knowledge with transgender patients unless you go to a gender clinic then it's expected that they have that experience. Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: catandry on May 16, 2015, 07:04:10 AM
i didn't even know that gender therapists existed. how would you even go about getting one?
and rachel, i have a regular therapist and he is friendly to my situation too and has been supportive thus far. if you are unhappy with your therapist or they are not fitting your personality or needs you should definitely change. being uncomfortable or frustrated with your therapist is not helpful to you at all. good luck darlin. :)
All therapists get the same basic training to be able to counsel people. Many choose additional areas of interest to focus on, which is why you will see some whose expertise is gender or sexuality. They have had more education or specialized training in these areas, and as a result are often better equipped to help you navigate the healthcare system, come out to your friends and family, and deal with all of the emotions involved with transitioning.
I think it really comes down to communication. Make your intentions very clear regardless of who you're working with. If they need to research something or find out details before they can give you a definitive answer, give them a time limit for doing it. They want to get paid, they need to work for it. At the same time, don't expect that someone who labels themselves as a gender therapist won't try to get you to jump through hoops for them.
If you are considering a new therapist who claims to specialize in gender, search for them on here and read people's experiences. Send people messages about them. If you don't find anything, post a new thread and inquire. With as many members as we have, there is a good potential for someone to have had some experience with them.
Here's an example (https://therapycertificationtraining.org/index.php/itca.html) of a credential program for gender therapists who are already licensed mental health professionals in Florida. In this case, it's called a "Transgender Care Certification".
Based on my experience, you do need someone with experience in trans issues, preferrably with some training as well. Even the best-intentioned and best-trained general therapist is going to have trouble sorting out what problems you have are trans-related and which aren't, unless they've had a lot of experience with trans people.
I have a very nice therapist right now who I feel like I can tell (almost) everything that's on my mind, but she still has a hard time actually helping me with the gender issues. She's supportive, but in the way supportive family members who've never known a trans person before you are supportive. When I started seeing someone who specializes in gender issues (and trauma, which is another issue for me), it was like night and day. She gets it.
My first gender therapist is married to a FTM and is non binary. My second therapist is FTM and is married to a female and I will see their family in June at the PTHC. Both therapists are in and around our community and have first hand knowledge of all the issues facing trans.
The two therapists are very different and use different techniques. I did an intake and the intake person is a therapist as well and very good. She had me see my 1st therapist. I needed the first therapist's techniques because I was suicidal. When I had to address I was trans a lot of the past I suppressed came at me full force. My second therapist is about addressing the areas I repressed and hid and growing those areas.
As a consumer you need to find out what you are buying and try a few if need be. When you click and make progress addressing areas of need, that is what it is about.
I'm not sure finding a different therapist would really help, and there aren't a lot of therapists that deal with trans issues where i live. I think the profession just seems to attract the more positive optimistic types in general.
Thank you all for your thoughtful responses. I had hoped this would turn into a really great group of comments and suggestions and it seems to have.
I have a few other topics I will be posting soon and hope to have the candor of this one. It has been a great series of conversations.
Thanks again,
Joanna
dunno if it'll help. But I found my therapist on Laura's Playground site. They are listed state and city:
http://www.lauras-playground.com/gender_therapists.htm (http://www.lauras-playground.com/gender_therapists.htm)
Quote from: Marly on May 19, 2015, 07:08:15 PM
dunno if it'll help. But I found my therapist on Laura's Playground site. They are listed state and city:
http://www.lauras-playground.com/gender_therapists.htm (http://www.lauras-playground.com/gender_therapists.htm)
I found my therapist on Laura's too! She has decades of experience with transgender people and has made that the focus of her practice. Her experience, and contacts in the trans community, have been a huge help.
Years ago, I went to a non-gender therapist. She wanted to "cure" me -- "You just need to find some buddies to hang out with". Then she was convinced I was gay, even though I told her many times that I was not attracted to men.
Regardless, it is MOST important to find a therapist that works well with you and is open to helping you exploring your gender.
Kim :)
Most of what I discussed with my therapist I could have done with a non-specialist therapist - it was just a lifetimes worth of baggage.. But, my gender specialist was able to make me see how much of it was wrapped up in my denial of who I really was, which actually made it easier to deal with.
Evening all,
So far my therapist has done very well by me. Some of things she has found for me to look at and explore seem kind of "pedestrian"(sorry if that sounds elitist). I have been doing a lot of research on my own. It just took me a little deeper than she initially went. However, she has been great. Keeping an eye on my tendencies to hide from myself; keeping my focus on how my wife might perceive certain subjects and the fact that I was planning, researching, wrapping myself in knots, worrying about how to tell my wife and ramifications but had not really explored how I felt about this fairly recent discovery about myself.
I think she is professional enough and we have a good enough relationship that I think I will just ask her when we next meet. Not to be insensitive or rude but just to see if trying to figure out how to proceed is something we are good with or if perhaps it is a little out of her depth. I might try to meet with a specialist in that I have questions to ask about hair removal, hormones, and other options and logistics.
Trying to keep moving forward,
Joanna
I know a lot of you already told everything about that issue, but let me share my experience:
Some years ago, like, 4 or 5 years ago, I decided to look for a therapist. I already knew why I needed one and what I wanted to discuss. I had been in a dark place for years and knew about my gender issues for a long time already.
So, i found myself a therapist, but not a gender one, cuz I didnt knew that they exist at the time. My therapist was a great guy. It only took me 3 sessions to tell him my gender issues. But, to my surprise, he said that he didnt had any experience with gender issues but said that he would read about that.
So, i continued my sessions with him. Despite the fact that my gender issues were the primary matter that drove me there, it was NOT the only one. I was depressed, going in and out college for more than 10 years, etc etc etc. We talked a lot about all that, and he was great on that. But everytime we got on the matter of the gender issues, i could see that he was lost and even kinda uncomfortable.
Bottom line is: I saw him for about 2 years, and yeah, he helped me a lot, I'm a much less darker person. But, when it comes to gender issues, he didnt help much, even when he tried.
I think you should absolutely see a gender therapist if that's an option for you. If you can talk to a person who has studied people like us and doesn't need a lot of guidance that can be super helpful.
Make do with what you can get though.
Just a quick update on a personal note,
I originally posted this topic to see if there was a hugely persuasive reason to shift to a gender therapist. It began a wonderful set of questions and contributions. Thanks again to all.
I asked my therapist today if she thought I should see another therapist as well. She was very candid and offered to give me name of someone she feels is the best in our city. I was encouraged to contact this doctor if I wanted to try that route out as well. She added that the transgender world is changing so fast, she is not always up to the absolute latest information but has helped 4 people through their transitions. I thought I would hold off, but she wrote down the information and suggested that there is some info that this gender therapist might have better information to within our area(trans friendly endocrinologist or electrolysis providers).
I have been so lucky to get great advice and support from all of you as well as a caring doctor. I hope to continue to lean on all of you for ideas, suggestions and information.
With gratitude,
Joanna
That's great things are going well and it sounds like you have good access to knowledgable professionals. Don't be afraid to advocate for yourself and argue if your people seem too reticent to help though. Knowledge of trans people is changing fast but it hasn't ever been reliable and you need to get your needs met regardless of what public opinion looks like.
With a gender therapist you shouldn't have to explain trans 101 to them on your dime; they should already be well versed in the treatment of trans people and you can avoid wasting time and money. Also, they should be able to write letters for medical treatment and i'm not sure if a general therapist can do that (?).
With that said there are lousy gender therapists that don't get us and do more harm than good, and excellent, perceptive general therapists that can really help trans people.
I think that the only way to know for sure is to have an initial visit with and a list of questions for a therapist to figure out where the therapist stands and if you click with the therapist. Word of mouth from other trans people is also an excellent way to find a therapist - that's how I found mine.