So I board the bus after work. I actually am dressed kinda femme. I had a jacket on but I took it off.
This guy comes in and in a nearly empty bus sits next to me. Okay, all fine and good. Says not a word.
Then midway during the trip as I'm watching TV on my phone, he fidgets around his pockets, as if he's looking for his wallet and doing his best not to touch me. (I'm fine with that. I don't want strangers brushing against me but an accident is an accident, no big deal) He's making me nervous. Then he looks around, gets up and stands up to the side of the seat for the rest of the trip, leaving an empty seat.
What the heck happened here? I am thinking I got clocked, the "ick" went off in his mind and he didn't want to sit next to me. He was acting really weird and truth be told I like having two seats to myself but a crowded bus is a crowded bus. The idea of someone avoiding me is discomforting.
No one else on the bus even looked at me, did not say a word.
This is the very first time something like this has happened to me. Even other times (months ago) boarding the bus obviously male looking with makeup and femme clothing before nobody seems to care.
Weird.
Clocked or not?
there are people who will do things like that having nothing to do with you.
you might have been clocked but I don't think so... he could have stood up for any reason (pain in the leg, something in his pocket was poking him, he thought he should stand up incase another woman came on the bus and needed a seat, etc.)
Maybe I'm really overthinking this. Could have been a leg cramp or similar. He really didn't look at me.
Yeah could have been anything. I wondered about some person who once stood for a whole trip when there was a seat free next to me... I decided they must have had haemorrhoids!!
its a good story but not enough detail for me to make a conclusion based on his behavior it coulda been like I am. I just don't list sitting next to someone, and when im near strangers my anxiety and ADHD drives me through the roof and I jst gotta stand up and be able to wiggle around or I freak out. I'll stand on the bus if it has standing rails even if its empty simply cause I cant sit still. its really hard to say if you got clocked.
It doesn't sound like his standing had anything to do with you. The fact that he was wriggling around from the beginning sounds like he was physically uncomfortable. Had he been uncomfortable with you, I don't think he would have sat down in the first place. If I see someone on a bus who makes me nervous or I just have a bad feeling about, I don't set down in.
If there is something about yourself, and this goes for everyone, there is a tendency to over read people's reactions. we think they are doing something because of us, but the majority of the time, its something else. So relax. Try not to take things personally unless someone actually says something, points at you etc. In that case, you just ignore them too, but you would know that you were the cause of the action.
sam1234
A couple months ago I was on the subway in St Louis, and an older guy sat down next to me. 5 minutes later he starts puking all over the place. Then he sat there for 4 more stops acting as though nothing had happened.
And that wasn't even my weirdest experience on public transportation. Strange people always seem to want to sit by me.
So, I doubt it was about you. You said the bus was mostly empty, so he would have taken another seat if it was about getting away from you.
I'm amazed you stayed in the carriage. I was on a train once where a guy puked up just as it got to the station... never seen a carriage empty so quickly!!
You meet the oddest folk on public transport. I think it's most likely that he had some reason for standing that had nothing to do with you. It's actually the person sat directly next to you that you often have the least knowledge about, because to look at you he would have had to make a really obvious move.
Plus if he was fidgeting around in his pockets that just adds weight to the idea that he had some, perhaps very personal, health complaint.
We often tend to jump to the worst conclusion, I was stood in tesco car park next to my motorbike this morning when I became aware that a guy was shouting at me. He seemed quite stern. I immediately though 'oh no, transphobic attack!' until I realised he was saying 'nice bike!'. I said thanks and he smiled and inspected the bike a bit before going in the store. :D
It might even have been the other way around - he sat down unsure of your gender, decided you were a woman, and didn't want to sit next to one (or be seen as a creep by touching you?). :) I just spent quite a lot of time on public transportation this month, and I noticed that sometimes men DO choose to stand rather than take an empty seat by a woman.
Maybe you smelled funny to him or something. ;D
When out and about in male mode or in fem I tend to keep distance between me and any gender because of an introverted personality. I get uncomfortable if I'm too close to anyone. Sounds to me that this guy is a little like me and just needs the extra space regardless of the person around him. I'm sure it wasn't you at this rate :).
iKate,
You may be able to overcome the fear of getting clocked in the near future. Enjoying your gender expression does matter. It does not so much matter whether you pass or not, or whether you get clocked or not.
Yesterday morning, I hiked to a small mountain here with my wife and little daughter.
All strange people definitely recognized me as a woman.
Then my daughter shouts and shouts "Dad! Dad!" (in Korean).
My wife also shouts a similar pronoun denoting a dad.
There were many hikers around us. Also, a team of people were preparing for shooting a film there.
Of course, it is embarrassing to me, but what can I do? Should I ask my family not to call me dad?
Probably not.
Yesterday, me. To the left is my daughter.
(https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5443/17718554396_8bf69f2602_b.jpg)
barbie~~
I was a bus driver for 10 years,public transport attracts weirdos
Quote from: marsh monster on May 16, 2015, 10:39:54 AM
Maybe you smelled funny to him or something. ;D
That crossed my mind too. I only wear secret deodorant and no perfume.
Quote from: barbie on May 16, 2015, 04:00:17 PM
iKate,
You may be able to overcome the fear of getting clocked in the near future. Enjoying your gender expression does matter. It does not so much matter whether you pass or not, or whether you get clocked or not.
Yesterday morning, I hiked to a small mountain here with my wife and little daughter.
All strange people definitely recognized me as a woman.
Then my daughter shouts and shouts "Dad! Dad!" (in Korean).
My wife also shouts a similar pronoun denoting a dad.
There were many hikers around us. Also, a team of people were preparing for shooting a film there.
Of course, it is embarrassing to me, but what can I do? Should I ask my family not to call me dad?
Probably not.
Yesterday, me. To the left is my daughter.
(https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5443/17718554396_8bf69f2602_b.jpg)
barbie~~
The "dad" issue is one I have. It has been suggested that they call me something else in public. I'm not too keen on that idea. Nobody has hassled me though but I wish my son wasn't so loud about it. He's extremely loud about it like 90dB loud.
Quote from: big kim on May 16, 2015, 05:03:34 PM
I was a bus driver for 10 years,public transport attracts weirdos
Don't you know it.
Quote from: Squircle on May 16, 2015, 08:13:53 AM
We often tend to jump to the worst conclusion, I was stood in tesco car park next to my motorbike this morning when I became aware that a guy was shouting at me. He seemed quite stern. I immediately though 'oh no, transphobic attack!' until I realised he was saying 'nice bike!'. I said thanks and he smiled and inspected the bike a bit before going in the store. :D
What kind of bike do you have?
Quote from: iKate on May 16, 2015, 06:44:15 PM
The "dad" issue is one I have. It has been suggested that they call me something else in public. I'm not too keen on that idea. Nobody has hassled me though but I wish my son wasn't so loud about it. He's extremely loud about it like 90dB loud.
I've decided that, at least for now, I'm fine with my kids calling me dad. It's not really triggering for me like it is for a lot of MTF's. I will always be their dad, and at this point I think it's reassuring to them to know that their dad isn't abandoning them.
Quote from: katiej on May 16, 2015, 11:09:29 PM
What kind of bike do you have?
I've decided that, at least for now, I'm fine with my kids calling me dad. It's not really triggering for me like it is for a lot of MTF's. I will always be their dad, and at this point I think it's reassuring to them to know that their dad isn't abandoning them.
It's not triggering I'm worried about it's reaction especially when I need to take them to the restroom.
Quote from: iKate on May 15, 2015, 08:53:53 PM
So I board the bus after work. I actually am dressed kinda femme. I had a jacket on but I took it off.
This guy comes in and in a nearly empty bus sits next to me. Okay, all fine and good. Says not a word.
Then midway during the trip as I'm watching TV on my phone, he fidgets around his pockets, as if he's looking for his wallet and doing his best not to touch me. (I'm fine with that. I don't want strangers brushing against me but an accident is an accident, no big deal) He's making me nervous. Then he looks around, gets up and stands up to the side of the seat for the rest of the trip, leaving an empty seat.
What the heck happened here? I am thinking I got clocked, the "ick" went off in his mind and he didn't want to sit next to me. He was acting really weird and truth be told I like having two seats to myself but a crowded bus is a crowded bus. The idea of someone avoiding me is discomforting.
No one else on the bus even looked at me, did not say a word.
This is the very first time something like this has happened to me. Even other times (months ago) boarding the bus obviously male looking with makeup and femme clothing before nobody seems to care.
Weird.
Clocked or not?
Oooh! Oooh! I had something like this happen last year! :)
I was on the subway, and it came to one of its stops. I was sitting in a set that faces the opening doors. The train stopped, the doors opened, and the guy looked at me and walked down to the next car to get on.
Guess he was just
so heterosexual, that he couldn't be seen sitting in the same subway car as me!
Sorry for making this about me. Did the guy continue fidgeting with his technologies? Maybe he moved to another seat, so he could have more room.
Quote from: MugwortPsychonaut on May 17, 2015, 04:14:54 PM
Oooh! Oooh! I had something like this happen last year! :)
I was on the subway, and it came to one of its stops. I was sitting in a set that faces the opening doors. The train stopped, the doors opened, and the guy looked at me and walked down to the next car to get on.
Guess he was just so heterosexual, that he couldn't be seen sitting in the same subway car as me!
Sorry for making this about me. Did the guy continue fidgeting with his technologies? Maybe he moved to another seat, so he could have more room.
He didn't move to another seat.
This is an express bus, think like what a greyhound coach is or similar. They have two seats on either side of the aisle. You can stand in the aisle anywhere up to the white line.
He just got up and stood right next to the seat. Didn't even move to another seat and he could have as there were some open ones.
I'm beginning to think not clocked because he didn't look at me even when we got off the bus. If I was clocked I may have gotten "the look" but I didn't.
I guess I am too paranoid about getting clocked now. The last incident was a while ago. Now I have no problems at all and people tend to give me the benefit of the doubt (I.e. I'm treated as a woman even though my voice may be a bit deep or I have no makeup on). But I still have it in the back of my mind.
Quote from: katiej on May 16, 2015, 11:09:29 PM
What kind of bike do you have?
A Triumph Street Triple 675. :)
Quote from: iKate on May 17, 2015, 04:17:59 PM
He didn't move to another seat.
This is an express bus, think like what a greyhound coach is or similar. They have two seats on either side of the aisle. You can stand in the aisle anywhere up to the white line.
He just got up and stood right next to the seat. Didn't even move to another seat and he could have as there were some open ones.
I'm beginning to think not clocked because he didn't look at me even when we got off the bus. If I was clocked I may have gotten "the look" but I didn't.
I guess I am too paranoid about getting clocked now. The last incident was a while ago. Now I have no problems at all and people tend to give me the benefit of the doubt (I.e. I'm treated as a woman even though my voice may be a bit deep or I have no makeup on). But I still have it in the back of my mind.
A lot of us have that, I know I certainly do. I remember a very attractive older trans woman telling me that it never leaves you completely. Even Paris Lees recently said she still has a paranoia about being clocked or abused.