well i told my mom. not the reaction is was expecting from a supportive mother. though she didnt react negatively, she didnt react positively. i just dont get why they keep thinking this has to do with my sexuality. sometimes i wonder why i keep getting stuck between a rock and a hard place
Big hug! It takes a while to process that kind of information, how long have you been working on it? Give it a chance to soak in. I'm proud of you for making this big step!
Hugs, Devlyn
I'd recommend having a follow up chat, she probably has lots of concerns and questions - let her air them without getting defensive. If she can see you are clear about your needs and how this is going to benefit your sense of yourself she will hopefully come around but it may take time.
should i bring her to my next therapy appointment? my therapist doesnt know that i was given a script by my doctor but he does know that i was medicating. do you think my therapist would be able to get through to her? i've tried for several years and she said she was supportive but know that i told her i started, she just out left field. pretty sure my sister, who is a medical professional, would influence her into trying to take my pills away from me
Quote from: Echo Alcestis on May 17, 2015, 08:40:22 PM
should i bring her to my next therapy appointment? my therapist doesnt know that i was given a script by my doctor but he does know that i was medicating. do you think my therapist would be able to get through to her? i've tried for several years and she said she was supportive but know that i told her i started, she just out left field. pretty sure my sister, who is a medical professional, would influence her into trying to take my pills away from me
I don't think much of your sister's professional ethics then.
Quote from: Lady Smith on May 17, 2015, 09:07:47 PM
I don't think much of your sister's professional ethics then.
its unfortunate really. she thinks someone planted this idea in my head. clearly she is wrong because she's seen how i've changed, even if its just a placebo affect from spiro. i just get dont her or anyone else. i just dont know what to do anymore
When I was still working for the adult mental health service a constant problem was uninformed family members interfering with clients' medication 'for their own good'.
Sometimes Echo you just have to give family time to think after coming out to them. In the meantime I suggest you either hide your meds really well or carry them with you at all times.
I do since I take my pill at work since I take them in the morning and I work mornings. as far as hiding them, my mother is an excellent tracker for she goes threw everything. I went downstairs a few minutes ago and it seems like everything is OK but idk. my family is just....no matter how much I try to teach them, they always come up with the excuse "your being brainwashed or someone is telling you this and your believing them." they purposely reject and say only if I get put on anti psych meds and start schooling over again will I be a "complete"person. I love them dearly but I just think they say supportive just to pretend and than reject what makes me complete over the notion of I'm being mislead. overprotective to the worse possible extreme is the word I'm looking for
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Heading back to talking with your Mother, I think give her some space, let her get used to the idea... It is hard for Families to come to realisation.
I wouldn't put her or yourself on the spot with the therapist, but post a note on the fridge or somewhere where everyone stickers notes about your next appointment, perhaps as it gets real close just mention that your appointment is, whenever it is, if your interested.... just a casual comment.
The fact that she has accepted, although not open armed, your have a great baseline at the moment. Just give her some time :-*
L Katy
thank all. I'll see how it goes tomorrow and I'll update if anything changes.
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Quote from: Echo Alcestis on May 17, 2015, 09:51:43 PM
... as far as hiding them [=pills], my mother is an excellent tracker for she goes through everything.
One possibility is to find a trusted friend you can leave most of them with. It may sound like you're not trusting her, but if you can't be confident that she (or your sister) won't steal them, then they're the ones who are breaking trust. Actually, if your mother is "going through everything," she's already demonstrated that she can't be trusted.
she's just beyond overprotective and its smothering me. I have constantly told her to cool her jets down (a more endearing way though) and she's like " you've been hurt enough and I just want to make sure your safe." I know that but seriously, she goes overboard. I just keep my pills on me at all times so she can't really steal them unless she goes into my pockets
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Quote from: Echo Alcestis on May 17, 2015, 08:05:30 PM
well i told my mom. not the reaction is was expecting from a supportive mother. though she didnt react negatively, she didnt react positively. i just dont get why they keep thinking this has to do with my sexuality. sometimes i wonder why i keep getting stuck between a rock and a hard place
unfortunately some people, actually most people don't understand that gender and sexuality are two totally different things. my boyfriend, who is an extremely open minded person and accepts me as is, didn't understand that until he read an article about gender last night. i looked at him and said "yes babe, i identify with both male and female that's my gender, but my sexuality is pansexual, two totally different things." - then i went on to explain the article i had read about a bigendered girl who only liked girls when she identified female and only liked males when she identified male. now that had nothing to do with her gender it was just her sexual preference as those two genders. it can get a bit confusing with all of the "term" out there, especially to someone who doesn't understand them. give your mom time i bet she comes around more. my boyfriend is still learning to cope. he was dating a girl for two years then i started identifying male imagine the confusion when he's not gay or bisexual in the least. still, he loves me and is working it out. love is a very powerful thing, and hopefully your mother will work through this with you. <3
-Ry
well my mom said yesterday I'm on the path to losing everything. she told me I must stop taking my pills. she even said she doesn't believe me because I never had the desire to dress up like a women. I mean like seriously, is that what people look for? I kept telling her its not the clothing at all, plus i'm a tomboy. only time I'd wear a skirt is with leggings other than that its boots, tight skinny jeans, some type of shirt with death on it and a skateboard. of it wasn't for the placebo affect of my pills that give me my mellow, chilled out and calmed down minded, I'd end up cutting up my arms again. ugh! my mother is just so freaking stubborn. I even told her she isn't being supportive though she said she was and she said that hurt her because she's been nothing bit support. tell me how what she said to me yesterday was supportive. I even said I didn't even have to tell her about my meds but k did out of respect and because I trust her enough. it hurts a lot but its typical for me. I'll end up having to do this alone of I have to because that's the way I've done things since my conception
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Congratulations on hitting such a major milestone even if your family isn't totally accepting. Sometimes it takes time.
My blood family are fairly conservative and I found that what helped the most was defining everything in very very simple terms and being stubborn. Like I made it clear that I've always been a man and this is a well-understood and treatable condition and no preferences or opinions had any bearing on my identity or what I needed to do.
Hugs, Echo.
Your mother is not being supportive. She is sabotaging you. Is it time to put some distance between you while she gets used to the idea?
idk. she said she be willing to come to therapy with me so I'll have my therapist explain to her. my doctor can to once I got in for my monthly work up. I just don't understand why she thinks its because I'm gay or since I've never dressed up like a girl its just all in my head. where the hell did that stigma come from anyways? like geez, its the 21st century. anything is possible now a days
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Quote from: Echo Alcestis on May 20, 2015, 12:58:58 PM
I just don't understand why she thinks its because I'm gay or since I've never dressed up like a girl its just all in my head.
In my experience, people believe what they want to believe, and their "reasons" are mostly rationalizations. Your mother starts out with the goal of not believing you're trans, and collects excuses that help her reach that goal. (Whether you find them believable or ridiculous doesn't matter, since it is
her belief she needs to support, not yours.)
If your mother (and your sister) want badly enough to believe you aren't trans, nothing will convince them otherwise. Attempts to prove them wrong will, if anything, make them more entrenched and more likely to take matters into their own hands. This can be a real problem if you aren't in a position to cut them out of your life.
This is just me, but when I run up against stuff like that (my ex was like that a lot), I don't bother to argue. My goal isn't to convince them or to get them to "understand" me. My goal is to get where I want to go. So I just smile and find some way that doesn't require their cooperation (and, ideally, doesn't require them to know about it) and get where I want to go without involving them. Or, as Tina Fey wrote in her book, "over, under, around and through."
Quote from: Asche on May 20, 2015, 06:28:31 PM
In my experience, people believe what they want to believe, and their "reasons" are mostly rationalizations. Your mother starts out with the goal of not believing you're trans, and collects excuses that help her reach that goal. (Whether you find them believable or ridiculous doesn't matter, since it is her belief she needs to support, not yours.)
If your mother (and your sister) want badly enough to believe you aren't trans, nothing will convince them otherwise. Attempts to prove them wrong will, if anything, make them more entrenched and more likely to take matters into their own hands. This can be a real problem if you aren't in a position to cut them out of your life.
This is just me, but when I run up against stuff like that (my ex was like that a lot), I don't bother to argue. My goal isn't to convince them or to get them to "understand" me. My goal is to get where I want to go. So I just smile and find some way that doesn't require their cooperation (and, ideally, doesn't require them to know about it) and get where I want to go without involving them. Or, as Tina Fey wrote in her book, "over, under, around and through."
your absolutely right. unfortunately I can't right now as my mother does control my finances (SSI) so I can't do anything right now and if o tried, she count that as betrayal. I hate conflict, all I want is to stay neutral and live my life but I'm always forced to choose sides. I tell her this everyday but she keeps going on about "I loved you and supported you when no one else wanted you so you should be on my side through thick and thin." ugh! its frustrating and I've said the other night that T is poison to my body and because its going away I'm so much better and she could see the change in me. my memory and my actions but yet she still in denial. I can hide it from her if I so chose to. I just need something that could teach her because frankly I give up with the excuses and the constant explanations. I'm not an advocate nor am I voice so it should t be my job but yet I find myself trying to explain .-.
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Quote from: Echo Alcestis on May 17, 2015, 08:40:22 PM
should i bring her to my next therapy appointment? my therapist doesnt know that i was given a script by my doctor but he does know that i was medicating. do you think my therapist would be able to get through to her? i've tried for several years and she said she was supportive but know that i told her i started, she just out left field. pretty sure my sister, who is a medical professional, would influence her into trying to take my pills away from me
You might look up a leaflet called doh-transgender-experiences.pdf .
It specifically states for trans people, their families and healthcare staff.
It states being tg has biological reasons. It is not a phase, picked up from the internet or something else.
The NHS is a very reputable source. Every medical professional should consider their info.
Another resource is
acceptingdad dot com/2013/08/05/to-the-unicorns-dad/
This is emotional stuff... if you feel like it call one of the helplines...
and I don't like the comments.
They talk about hurdles instead of the relief and that many people have made a successful transition and simply feel better.
And many people say especially the younger generation is more accepting.
You might ask your therapist for assistance, and have them help explain to your relatives.
You might talk it through with your counselor...
and if you want to talk to someone in person, you could call here for example:
glbthotline dot org/hotline.html
they also have a chat
translifeline dot org
have a few *hugs*
derailing the theme for a sec. have i told anything about who am i and what my situation is in my intro? if i havent, i'll write a brief up. i guess i dont really have to be a mystery anymore but i need to know if i gave a brief or not.