This letter was introduced to us by Blanche, one of our newest members. I think that everyone considering transition should read this letter, for it is one of the most honest ones that I have ever read. Thanks very much Blanche. Also thanks to Kristi for the idea. :)
Quote from: Raven Caldera.org.ch
A Letter To Would-Be Transsexuals
It's not easy to be transsexual. If you're questioning whether or not sex reassignment is right for you, here's a test. Below we've listed all the worst-case scenarios, the awful things that might happen to you if you go down this path. It's not that there aren't good things about being transsexual; there are, but it's important to know what pitfalls may lie ahead.
Not all transsexuals will suffer from everything on this list. Some might be lucky enough to have only experienced a few of these hardships. We're willing to concede that there might actually be some transsexuals out there who have never been troubled by anything on this list, because we suppose that anything is possible, but it's not likely. More likely you will be meeting and battling at least some of these demons, although everyone's experience is different.
Being transsexual is not "fun". It's not "cool". It's not all that erotic, either. You do it because you could not do anything else and still be as happy. It's an incredible relief, and there are many joys associated with that relief from pain, but it is a hard and difficult road. Many - but not all - of the problems you will face are the result of a bigoted and unfair society. That isn't fair or just, but it is the reality of the situation.
Here's the test: If you can read everything on this list and say, "I don't care. I'd put up with every single thing, every day for the rest of my life, if I can only buy my body back, if I can only just make myself happier with my physical gender, it'll be worth all of it," then it's probably right for you. If all these worst-case scenarios are just buzzing flies compared with the real pain of your daily dealings with your body dysphoria, then go with our blessings.....but go prepared.
If You Get A Sex Change:
1. Educating people about transgender issues will be a part-time job for you, for the rest of your life. It's worthy work, but it can be boring and wearing and exhausting. Start putting together your spiel now - it will have to cover things like why you did this, when you knew, what your feelings were, etc. Start practicing it now, on supportive friends and family, if you have any. Get used to it.
2. You will be discriminated against. Not everywhere, not by everyone, but you will run into a lot of discrimination. It will be worse if you don't pass and you don't stay in the closet. If you do pass, you may worry about your cover being blown. If you don't pass, you may be ridiculed or assaulted. If you stay in the closet, you have to constantly fear being outed, and this restricts your pool of friends and acquaintances. If you are out, you might as well not pass.
3. Passing itself can be hard on your spirit. People that you meet for the first time don't really know who you are and what kind of experiences you come from. Imagine knowing that every new person you meet has to have their assumptions about you not only shattered but completely trashed if they are to really know you at all. Depending on how genetically lucky you are, passing may be a constant drain on your energy from the endless worry about whether you're moving or speaking or dressing right.
4. You may have difficulty finding employment. It's not unusual to be fired from most jobs where you transition, unless you're in a really liberal environment. If you don't pass, or you're out, you will find it hard to find work. Social mobility among transsexuals is mostly downward. Your resume has someone else's work history on it, and you may have to choose between leaving on the prior experience that may out you in the interview, or leaving it off and maybe not getting the job. The best option, of course, is to find a job that will be fine with your transition first, before you do it, but not everyone is that lucky.
5. If you found cross-dressing erotic before transition, that will probably go away when it's not cross-dressing any more, it's just normalcy. It's not erotic when it's what's for breakfast for the rest of your life. You'll have to find a new fetish.
6. You won't ever have a normal body of a member of the opposite sex. You may have a decent replication, depending on your genetics, surgery and hormone results, and luck, but it won't be "normal". Hopefully it will be "good enough" for complete psychological well-being, but it might not be.
7. There's no guarantee that your body dysphoria will ever go away entirely. It will certainly improve as you take hormones and change your appearance, but it may not ever go away completely. If you choose not to get genital surgery - it may cost too much, or you may not be satisfied with the results - you may still get attacks of dysphoria, especially when you try to have sex.
8. If you do get surgery, it may be less than ideal. It will hurt. It will certainly cost a lot. Although surgical techniques are better than they were, there's still no guarantee that it won't cost you your nerve endings. This goes for MTF and FTMs are well. We know some of both who had genital surgery within the last year and lost the ability to orgasm with the moved-around tissue. It may develop complications. It may leave huge scars. In the case of phalloplasties, it may rot off. No surgeon has a perfect rate; it may have more to do with good genetics and pure luck than anything else. If you have bad results, it can painfully remind you of your trans status every time you look at it.
9. If you enjoyed being naked in front of people before (we're assuming that it was in appropriate places), that will change once your anatomy is gender-mixed. It will be hard to be naked in front of strangers without it becoming an Education Campaign. Even if you educate them, they may not see you as anything but a freak show.
10. Your dating pool will shrink drastically. This is especially true if you are FTM. That doesn't mean that you can't ever find someone - we did - but it means that you'll have to look a whole lot harder, put up with a lot of rejection on the grounds of your anatomy, and deal with Educating nearly everyone you date. The vast majority of people will not want you sexually. When you do get in bed with a new person, you'll probably have to go through a long explanation of what works and what doesn't, what you want touched and what you want left alone, what you want things called and what sex acts you can't stand. This will, of course, vary with the dysphoria level of each individual person, but with even a medium amount of dysphoria, explaining your sexual habits and functioning bears more resemblance to what disabled people have to do when explaining about their bodies and sexual difficulties.
11. You may lose your family. The majority of the transfolk we know do not have good relationships with their blood kin. It takes very special people to accept their child's sex change, and not everyone is up to it.
12. You may lose many or even all of your friends. You can, of course, make new ones, but losing friends over a sex change is not a fun thing.
13. You may lose your children. Older, grown ones may refuse to speak to you because you've robbed them of having a normal mom or dad. Younger ones can be taken away from you with comparative ease. This varies from state to state, but in general, being transsexual can be a near-fatal strike against you in a custody battle. After complete sex reassignment, you are sterile, and being trans will also be a strike against any attempts to adopt.
14. You may lose your religious community. This depends strongly on your faith of choice - some are fine with us, some think that we are dangerous and evil. Since religion is one of those subjects where people become extremely irrational at times, it will be exceptionally difficult for you to win acceptance in the latter sort of spiritual structure.
15. People will ask you rude questions about your genitalia.....for the rest of your life.
16. Statistically, you will be much more likely to be assaulted and/or killed by hatemongers. This is more likely to happen if you don't pass or are out of the closet, but remember that you can always be outed. Remember Brandon Teena. You will be more vulnerable to assault, rape, and murder, and the authorities will be less likely to believe your story, come to your aid, investigate your murder, or jail your murderer.
17. If you do go to jail, you have a higher likelihood of being killed while in prison. If you do not have genital surgery, you will be placed in a prison with people of your birth gender, unless your state is one of the rare ones with a separate wing for transgendered people. Regardless, you will be denied your hormones while in prison. No state is currently required to provide them, and so far all court cases by ->-bleeped-<-s to get hormones while in prison have not been successful.
18. You will have trouble finding medical care. Every doctor must be educated, and many will turn you away on the grounds of being transsexual. You may have to endure someone giving you an exam with a revolted look on their face. The emergency room can become a nightmare. Even well-meaning doctors may not know how to deal with your different anatomy and endocrinology well enough to effectively help you. Even surgically constructed genitals need different medical care from ones grown at birth, so there's no way to pretend that you're just like everyone else medically. If you are in an accident and unconscious, your nonstandard body may well affect the quality of the medical care that you get from emergency personnel.
19. Being on hormones usually means being dependent on a substance created by large, corrupt pharmaceutical companies for the rest of your life, especially if you've had your reproductive organs removed. It's expensive, and if you stop your body will suffer. It means having to deal with occasional shortages, price fluctuations, insurance plans that don't always cover it, and (for those on testosterone, which is a controlled substance) pharmacies that sometimes treat you like some steroid abusing bodybuilder.
20. There are certain parts of the globe that you can absolutely never visit because of the very real possibility of being jailed or worse at customs. In certain countries, our very existence is illegal. It's harder for us to get passports, especially if we have not had genital surgery.
If you're reading this list and you're thinking, "Well, maybe this isn't quite worth it," then don't do it. If all this is no more than annoying mosquito bites to the very real and present pain of daily dysphoria, then go ahead, but you'd better learn quickly how to survive.
tink :icon_chick:
Quote from: regina on September 03, 2007, 07:41:18 PM
I've run across this letter quite a while ago and, while I think it has some valuable cautions in it, it's also the kind of thing that can scare people sh*tless who might actually have better lives if they would transition. The majority of people who transition don't have the worst case scenario or the 'easy-peasy' scenario... it's somewhere in the vast middle ground. I know that for someone like myself, who spent a lot of my life feeling as if transitioning would be impossible, reading a list like this would not have helped me. It would have driven me deeper into my hole and made me feel even more hopeless. What I found far more valuable is hearing stories from people who have transition histories that are somewhat similar to your own. Trying to intuitively feel what seems similar between your stories and what's different. Seeing how they solved problems, how they got through the tough times, what traps they might have gotten themselves into.
I don't think there are too many people who would read some of those doom and gloom situations in the list and think, "oh, this is a mosquito bite compared to gender dysphoria." What I know I heard myself say was, "I can't go on the way I am, that's not possible, the people who love me will lose me unless I get out of this hole. I need to transition and I need to know that I can deal with whatever comes up and make the best of a terribly tough 'rock and a hard place' situation. And that even if I don't get to a perfect place, I can go way farther than I think I can and I might surprise myself with what I find."
It's very important to know that so many of the issues this person mentions can be solved and you can get past them. And when you get past them, you can have an immeasurably richer life than if you read the list and went nowhere. So, what I'm saying is, I would like to see an annotated version of the list where you can click a link or two for each of the listings, and read an account of how someone dealt with the issues that came up and what they learned by going through it. I would have learned a lot more that way.
ciao,
Gina M.
Aha! good point Gina. Perhaps I should provide the link of the thread where Blanche introduced this letter so that everyone has an idea of what this is all
about: ;)
Reference Thread:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18601.msg144753/boardseen.html#new
I agree with you Gina, this letter is not a step by step process of what every TS person could experience. Indeed, the author of this letter says so very clearly:
Quote from: letterBelow we've listed all the worst-case scenarios, the awful things that might happen to you if you go down this path. It's not that there aren't good things about being transsexual; there are, but it's important to know what pitfalls may lie ahead.
Not all transsexuals will suffer from everything on this list. Some might be lucky enough to have only experienced a few of these hardships. We're willing to concede that there might actually be some transsexuals out there who have never been troubled by anything on this list, because we suppose that anything is possible, but it's not likely. More likely you will be meeting and battling at least some of these demons, although everyone's experience is different.
Yes indeed, this letter is as scary as the following statements:
Quote from: Renee RichardsIt's not something for somebody in their 40s to do, someone who's had a life as a man, - - - If you're 18 or 20 and never had the kind of (advantages) I had, and you're oriented in that direction, sure, go ahead and make right what nature didn't. But if you're a 45-year-old man and you're an airline pilot and you have an ex-wife and three adolescent kids, you better get on Thorazine or Zoloft or Prozac or get locked up or do whatever it takes to keep you from being allowed to do something like this. I wish that there could have been an alternative way, but there wasn't in 1975. If there was a drug that I could have taken that would have reduced the pressure, I would have been better off staying the way I was -- a totally intact person. I know deep down that I'm a second-class woman. I get a lot of inquiries from would-be transsexuals, but I don't want anyone to hold me out as an example to follow. Today there are better choices, including medication, for dealing with the compulsion to crossdress and the depression that comes from gender confusion. As far as being fulfilled as a woman, I'm not as fulfilled as I dreamed of being. I get a lot of letters from people who are considering having this operation...and I discourage them all."
or:
Quote from: Danielle BerryDon't do it! That's my advice. This is the most awful, most expensive, most painful, most disruptive thing you could ever do. Don't do it unless there is no other alternative. You may think your life is tough but unless it's a choice between suicide and a sex-change it will only get worse. And the costs keep coming. You lose control over most aspects of your life, become a second class citizen and all so you can wear women's clothes and feel cuter than you do now. Don't do it is all I've got to say.
That's advice I wish someone had given me. I had the sex change, I "pass" fine, my career is good but you can't imagine the number of times I've wished I could go back and see if there was another way. Despite following the rules and being as honest as I could with the medical folks at each stage, nobody stopped me and said "Are you honest to God absolutely sure this is the ONLY path for you?!" To the contrary, the voices were all cheerfully supportive of my decision. I was fortunate that the web didn't exist then - there are too damn many cheerleaders ready to reassure themselves of their own decision by parading their "successful" surgeries and encouraging others.
Or many of the other frightening statements found here:
http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/Warning.html#ReneeThis letter seems to be intended for those people who are questioning whether or not they are transsexual. Especially for those who think that transsexuality is "fun", "cool", or an "erotic" experience:
Quote from: letterBeing transsexual is not "fun". It's not "cool". It's not all that erotic
Obviously for someone who is sure about their gender identity or transsexual status, going through the worst scenarios of this letter WILL NOT be a matter of "choice". As you well stated Gina, if someone is TS, they will hear what you did at one point in time:
Quote from: Gina
What I know I heard myself say was, "I can't go on the way I am, that's not possible, the people who love me will lose me unless I get out of this hole. I need to transition and I need to know that I can deal with whatever comes up and make the best of a terribly tough 'rock and a hard place' situation. And that even if I don't get to a perfect place, I can go way farther than I think I can and I might surprise myself with what I find."
This letter seems to discourage transition as do the rest of the statements I have quoted; however, they can only discourage those people who are NOT really TS. At least that is the way I see it.
Additionally, yes, it would be nice to have links as you suggested but there aren't. But I have an idea, why not use this letter and compare it with what we have experienced. I believe we can answer to each of these 20 potential situations. I know that some of you may not have completed SRS yet, but still, you can aswer, at least part of those situations, can't you?
If you want to give it a go and be the first member to enlighten us with your experiences, please be my guest. I will also be posting my own experiences.
tink :icon_chick:
I have read all these statements before. It is kind of a catch 22 in that they are very true but most of us don't go through a lot of these statements. If someone were to read this and they were very unstable they will think no way can I pass or I don't want to lose all my rights or friends, etc. They may just think what is the use and then suicide is the best method. I think that they should know all about what they are going to go through but need to be talking with their therapist so they can talk them through all of this and rationalize it so that maybe one or two thing might happen but not all of them. This is fodder for the patient and therapist. To pile it all in one internet post can just over whelm someone.
Sheila
I've seen this before as well. While I feel most points are relevant and should be considered by all who would transition, it's important to note that this is one man's perspective. Just as the cisgendered don't lead the same lives, we have all different experiences and consequences of transition.
Outcomes depend on so many factors - one's area, one's passability, one's personality, etc.
Quote from: Tink on September 03, 2007, 04:36:00 PM
10. Your dating pool will shrink drastically. This is especially true if you are FTM. That doesn't mean that you can't ever find someone - we did - but it means that you'll have to look a whole lot harder, put up with a lot of rejection on the grounds of your anatomy, and deal with Educating nearly everyone you date. The vast majority of people will not want you sexually. When you do get in bed with a new person, you'll probably have to go through a long explanation of what works and what doesn't, what you want touched and what you want left alone, what you want things called and what sex acts you can't stand. This will, of course, vary with the dysphoria level of each individual person, but with even a medium amount of dysphoria, explaining your sexual habits and functioning bears more resemblance to what disabled people have to do when explaining about their bodies and sexual difficulties.
I'm as pessimistic as you can get, but this dude takes the cake. He's projecting his own failures unto other transmen. Plenty of transmen have straight female partners. Of course we face challenges natal men don't have, but just because no one wants HIM, doesn't mean all transmen are destined to be alone. Maybe the dude just doesn't know what the hell he's doing when it comes to women? I'm sure that never crossed his mind. Everybody's got to be a victim. ::)
Quote from: Nero on September 03, 2007, 09:04:25 PM
Everybody's got to be a victim. ::)
LOL ;D the
victim...umm...what should we call it? .......syndrome? ;)
tink :icon_chick:
P.S. Based on what I have heard from a few FTM's, their dating pool actually increases...I don't know how accurate this is, but it does seem so.
Quote
A Letter To Would-Be Transsexuals
hmm - this is refering to me. I thought you where either TS or you where not - are you saying I have a choice?
Would-be sounds like I choose to be TS - can I run from this place as far as possibe.
Transistion or die - Hmm I do not choose transistion at this stage
I have always said I want a choice in this decision - in the end if I find I am TS then the details would be irrelavent. I do what I have to do to survive and be happy.
For the moment the decision as to when I stop resisting and go down the path layed out for me is more important then any details.
Alice
Good catch, Alice. No one "becomes" transsexual; you either are or aren't. :)
tink :icon_chick:
1. Educating people about transgender issues will be a part-time job for you.
I'm a hermit.
2. You will be discriminated against.
See above.
3. Passing itself can be hard on your spirit.
I find it fulfilling and wonderful. You lie.
4. You may have difficulty finding employment.
Umm.. ever heard of escorting?
5. If you found cross-dressing erotic before transition, that will probably go away when it's not cross-dressing any more.
Finally, now males clothes will be a turn on!
6. You won't ever have a normal body of a member of the opposite sex.
Since the opposite sex is now technically FTM in my case, I never won't boo-hoo.
7. There's no guarantee that your body dysphoria will ever go away entirely.
There's no guarantee you'll ever find happiness either... what's the point again?
8. If you do get surgery, it may be less than ideal. It will hurt.
Can't be worse than Michael's.
9. If you enjoyed being naked in front of people before.
Dang, my streakin' days are over.
10. Your dating pool will shrink drastically.
Actually, the dating pool has INCREASED, the one-night fling is the one that's reduced.
11. You may lose your family.
I gain me. Ouch that's good.
12. You may lose many or even all of your friends.
Got no friends. Backstabbing' bastards.
13. You may lose your children.
I'll be infertile soon.
14. You may lose your religious community.
Praise Jebus.
15. People will ask you rude questions about your genitalia.
$20 to touch, $100 to play.
17. If you do go to jail, you have a higher likelihood of being killed while in prison.
I stay at home a lot.
19. Being on hormones usually means being dependent on a substance
umm.. like the food i don't grow?
20. There are certain parts of the globe that you can absolutely never visit
i ain't leavin' the states
well.. i guess i get a green light for SRS!
OMG Candi, I'm choking on my dinner. LOL ;D :D
tink :icon_chick:
P.S. I guess I should change my mood icon to "happy" now. :P
The thing is, most transsexuals are deeply troubled people already and I have never met a transsexual that enjoyed being naked. That is absurd. This is more elitist crap. I had the fortitude to do it, and look at all this horror I had to do through, certainly you could never do it. And why is that? (All together now) "because you're not a true transsexual".
I started my transition because there was nothing else to do. It was that or kill myself. I already tried being the forty-something year old man, it didn't work out. No one really knew who I was, so I didn't have any real friends. Everyone I knew only knew "him". The truth is, I was not real crushed by the relationships I lost because they were not with me anyway. They were all based on pretense. Guess what? I hate fishing and I hate working on cars and I hate going to bars and drinking beer and I hate all the things I did as a male to have friends.
If anyone was ever swayed by such a letter, I would like to know who they are? No transsexuals I know would consider any of those things to be any harsher than what they have already been through. And if you luck out and have supportive friends and family, and don't get fired and your wife don't leave you? More power to you. Personally I don't feel these letters serve any purpose other than to say "whoa is me, look how rough I had it, no one had it as bad as me".
Love always,
Elizabeth
I see it mostly as transphobic propaganda in the guise of "helpful warnings."
My only problem with transitioning... the only REAL challenge... has been overcoming my own internalized shame and transphobia. Shame and fears I unfairly and naively projected upon Everyone Else. Fears which are constantly reinforced by a particular segment of the trans community... or maybe I should say THE "trans community." Fear mongering seems to be the glue which defines the "community" and binds it together.
I'll keep saying it until I can't anymore, but FOR ALL YOU LURKERS AND NEWBIES: Do NOT give up hope just because you read stuff like this. PLEASE understand that GID really makes a mess of people's insides, and the horror "warnings" you constantly read about on TS forums might be more projections of people's unresolved issues than actual realities you'll have to face. Ask yourself WHY people might want to constantly make transition sound like some death sentence that only strong people/victims like themselves could handle. If you need to transition, than just bloody DO IT. Get over yourself, work through your shame, and stop making your gender issue into some all-consuming issue, or it WILL consume you.
~Kate~
According to what I have read on this very site, there are those TS's who are not (and never have been) troubled by their nudity (so it isn't as unheard of as it may seem, apparently); I don't know if this has changed over time but this is what I have read. If you search the site, under the sexuality forums or the personal blogs, or under the transsexual talk, you will find those posts.
tink :icon_chick:
Quote from: Tink on September 03, 2007, 10:26:12 PM
According to what I have read on this very site, there are those TS's who are not (and never have been) troubled by their nudity (so it isn't as unheard of as it may seem, apparently); I don't know if this has changed over time but this is what I have read. If you search the site, under the sexuality forums or some of the personal blogs, or under the MTF talk, you will find those posts.
tink :icon_chick:
I believe you. It's surprising to me, though. I guess I just assumed everyone hated being nude because I do. My bad.
Love always,
Elizabeth
Just keep the dragons coming kitty cats; that's why this thread is here, to agree and disagree with it.
tink :icon_chick:
P.S. Elizabeth, I hated it too. :(
Quote from: Kate on September 03, 2007, 10:23:15 PM
I'll keep saying it until I can't anymore, but FOR ALL YOU LURKERS AND NEWBIES: Do NOT give up hope just because you read stuff like this. PLEASE understand that GID really makes a mess of people's insides, and the horror "warnings" you constantly read about on TS forums might be more projections of people's unresolved issues than actual realities you'll have to face. Ask yourself WHY people might want to constantly make transition sound like some death sentence that only strong people/victims like themselves could handle. If you need to transition, than just bloody DO IT. Get over yourself, work through your shame, and stop making your gender issue into some all-consuming issue, or it WILL consume you.
~Kate~
Ohh Kate - When will you understand I just not want to bloody do it. Remember the amount of whining you did before you did it - everyone needs to go throught that. It is the human experience to not want to go into the unknown - be safe with what they know. They only just do it when they relise the there own death is a distinct possibility if they do not wish to go through the pain.
I know I am getting closer to doing it then I think about what is best - transistion or suicide. I am still looking for a third option where I can be happy.
Alice
Quote from: Tink on September 03, 2007, 10:26:12 PM
According to what I have read on this very site, there are those TS's who are not (and never have been) troubled by their nudity (so it isn't as unheard of as it may seem, apparently); I don't know if this has changed over time but this is what I have read. If you search the site, under the sexuality forums or the personal blogs, or under the transsexual talk, you will find those posts.
tink :icon_chick:
Indeed some do, Tink. I won't name anyone like that and I take the 5th. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi44.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff8%2Flittleblue71%2Fsmilies%2Fthblushing.gif&hash=c0a2385cdc6ce5a1e69006824af9041d77f837ac)
And I do agree with Kate that nobody should ever give up hope. Thanks, wonderful lady, for that reminder and for your inspirational example.
I do hope some of the attitudes are changing, and that many of these points are getting better. But let's face it, there's scarcely anyone who has transitioned that will not face at least some of these. The point is not to scare anyone away from following her heart. Rather, it is a reality check. It is a big cruel world out there, at least the one I live in. I'd rather know the challenges ahead of time so I can prepare myself to face them. If I can talk someone out of transitioning I doubt they really needed to in the first place. But to those who know the challenges and say: Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead, these points will serve as a valuable warning.
Despite knowing the obstacles in my path, my journey to this point has been a fulfilling one of awe and wonder and joy. I would not trade it for the world.
Peace,
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi
Quote from: Tink on September 03, 2007, 10:26:12 PM
According to what I have read on this very site, there are those TS's who are not (and never have been) troubled by their nudity (so it isn't as unheard of as it may seem, apparently); I don't know if this has changed over time but this is what I have read. If you search the site, under the sexuality forums or the personal blogs, or under the transsexual talk, you will find those posts.
tink :icon_chick:
I understand that some people with various degrees of gender dysphoria, may feel the need to dress or present as the opposite gender. Maybe even full-time. Maybe even seek bodily alterations (as evidenced by androgynes who also seek this).
Some transsexuals are more bothered by certain physical features more than others. But I don't believe any female-born man or male-born woman is comfortable nude prior to SRS.
There is no way being a man with female parts, or a woman with male parts is not extremely painful. I've worn bathing suits or shirts in the shower, and dressed in the dark since age 11.
This is a severe body/soul mismatch. Not a game. Not a fantasy. You don't wake up one morning and say 'Hey, I always thought it'd be cool to be the opposite gender.'
Sorry, I just don't believe anyone without body dysphoria - translation: anyone perfectly comfortable buck naked prior to transition, is transsexual.
We all know what we risks we face going into this. I shaped my education and career choices around this. My friends are highly progressive and accepting. One can seek out good friends and choose career paths they are less likely to face discrimination.
But one cannot pick ones family, that is my loss.
I knew the risks, but its not like I had much of a choice to begin with, and I was born this way.
I have enough physical scaring from choices not my own made shortly after my childbirth, THAT was a mutilation. What I am doing now is a correction.
1. Educating people about transgender issues will be a part-time job for you.
... and the pay is lousy.
2. You will be discriminated against.
So what else is new?
3. Passing itself can be hard on your spirit.
You know, I was really really sick last night. I thought that I had passed everything. I'll have to watch for an itself in the toilet
4. You may have difficulty finding employment.
Finding it has never been a problem. Getting the job can be tough though.
5. If you found cross-dressing erotic before transition, that will probably go away when it's not cross-dressing any more.
Hmm... lessee... I can imagine how cutting off your erotica can diminish any feelings for it!
6. You won't ever have a normal body of a member of the opposite sex.
Opposite whom?
7. There's no guarantee that your body dysphoria will ever go away entirely.
And you don't have any guarantees in the first place. Who is born with guarantees?
8. If you do get surgery, it may be less than ideal. It will hurt.
Oh please, make it stop! It did hurt. Big freakin deal.
9. If you enjoyed being naked in front of people before.
Huh? Never did I enjoy being naked in front of anyone. Duh?
10. Your dating pool will shrink drastically.
That's only if you don't add water to it occassionally. Follow the directions carefully.
11. You may lose your family.
Regardless what they think, I know exactly where they are.
12. You may lose many or even all of your friends.
Yes, that was a deliberate choice. Good ridance!
13. You may lose your children.
Sad but true.
14. You may lose your religious community.
I really wish that they would lose me! I still know where they are.
15. People will ask you rude questions about your genitalia.
Huh? Never! But I don't frequent the bath houses. I really wonder where this writer hangs out during his off time hours where they sit around talking about genitalia.
17. If you do go to jail, you have a higher likelihood of being killed while in prison.
And if you don't go to jail you can write warning letters like these
18. Being on hormones usually means being dependent on a substance
Oh ye of little faith. Don't get sick.
19. There are certain parts of the globe that you can absolutely never visit
That's why there's the internet and HD TV.
Listen folks, the intent here is to be sure about what you are doing. Don't be scared by these people who are trying to make you think..... just think. Don't do this because someone tells you do do it. By the same token, don't rely too much on passionate religious figures to help you figure out your life. They'll do more harm than good.
Cindi
Quote from: Elizabeth on September 03, 2007, 10:19:16 PM
The thing is, most transsexuals are deeply troubled people already and I have never met a transsexual that enjoyed being naked. That is absurd.
For me personally, the only time i'm relatively happy with my body is staring at the curvy waistline i work so incredibly hard to maintain. Sometimes I feel it's sick, since i'm slightly underweight, but it looks right.
edit: The thighs/rear/stomach, when shaven, have the right look too. Sometimes when I have to go a few weeks from not having time to pamper myself I forget what it looks like til I get the chance to break out the razor.
Quote from: Alice on September 03, 2007, 09:19:15 PM
Quote
A Letter To Would-Be Transsexuals
hmm - this is refering to me. I thought you where either TS or you where not - are you saying I have a choice?
That depends, and -- as you know -- there have been a few fights over this issue on these forums. Anyhow, some have quite a bit of freedom of choice in this, and some have none: the severity of the GID has a sliding scale, and if one is somewhere towards the middle of that scale it
is possible to either take the TS route or to deal with it with only a partial or even no transition. As I see it, the point here is that
if your GID is in the range where you aren't sure you have to transition, you really should consider all the implications, both positive and negative. Still, that's a big 'if', quite possibly the biggest one in your life.
Nfr
We have done this one before, look at Reply #35 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2600.msg21846.html#msg21846) in (A U-Turn In Transitioning Could Save Some Lives (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2600.0.html)). An as I said (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2600.msg21976.html#msg21976) about the letter then, *shrug* I can't say I am worried. An from where I am now almost 2years HRT; I am even less worried. I do not think fear is a valid reason to not transition, unless of course fear hurts you LESS than not being true to yourself does.
By the by, Perhaps not the original but it looks like what I would call the official version is located at: http://www.cauldronfarm.com/writing/wouldbeletter.html which would seem to be Raven Kaldera's site.
Just sand in the wind...
Quote from: Cindi Jones on September 04, 2007, 01:34:36 AM
1. Educating people about transgender issues will be a part-time job for you.
... and the pay is lousy.
2. You will be discriminated against.
So what else is new?
3. Passing itself can be hard on your spirit.
You know, I was really really sick last night. I thought that I had passed everything. I'll have to watch for an itself in the toilet
4. You may have difficulty finding employment.
Finding it has never been a problem. Getting the job can be tough though.
5. If you found cross-dressing erotic before transition, that will probably go away when it's not cross-dressing any more.
Hmm... lessee... I can imagine how cutting off your erotica can diminish any feelings for it!
6. You won't ever have a normal body of a member of the opposite sex.
Opposite whom?
7. There's no guarantee that your body dysphoria will ever go away entirely.
And you don't have any guarantees in the first place. Who is born with guarantees?
8. If you do get surgery, it may be less than ideal. It will hurt.
Oh please, make it stop! It did hurt. Big freakin deal.
9. If you enjoyed being naked in front of people before.
Huh? Never did I enjoy being naked in front of anyone. Duh?
10. Your dating pool will shrink drastically.
That's only if you don't add water to it occassionally. Follow the directions carefully.
11. You may lose your family.
Regardless what they think, I know exactly where they are.
12. You may lose many or even all of your friends.
Yes, that was a deliberate choice. Good ridance!
13. You may lose your children.
Sad but true.
14. You may lose your religious community.
I really wish that they would lose me! I still know where they are.
15. People will ask you rude questions about your genitalia.
Huh? Never! But I don't frequent the bath houses. I really wonder where this writer hangs out during his off time hours where they sit around talking about genitalia.
17. If you do go to jail, you have a higher likelihood of being killed while in prison.
And if you don't go to jail you can write warning letters like these
18. Being on hormones usually means being dependent on a substance
Oh ye of little faith. Don't get sick.
19. There are certain parts of the globe that you can absolutely never visit
That's why there's the internet and HD TV.
Listen folks, the intent here is to be sure about what you are doing. Don't be scared by these people who are trying to make you think..... just think. Don't do this because someone tells you do do it. By the same token, don't rely too much on passionate religious figures to help you figure out your life. They'll do more harm than good.
Cindi
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Felizabeth-alive.com%2Fiagree.gif&hash=7bccc6beac4a083510e8c17bb2a43b39480ed59e)
Love always,
Elizabeth
Quote from: Kate on September 03, 2007, 10:23:15 PM
My only problem with transitioning... the only REAL challenge... has been overcoming my own internalized shame and transphobia. Shame and fears I unfairly and naively projected upon Everyone Else. Fears which are constantly reinforced by a particular segment of the trans community... or maybe I should say THE "trans community." Fear mongering seems to be the glue which defines the "community" and binds it together.
Right on Kate! I believe internalized transphobia is among the biggest issues that needs to be faced and dealt with in the trans community. Every time I read threads about who passes and who doesn't, who is a "real ts", etc., I see the evidence of how we internalize and perpetuate transphobic attitudes against ourselves, and each other, and how that shame about who we are controls our lives.
Zythyra
Quote from: Alice on September 03, 2007, 10:56:35 PM
Remember the amount of whining you did before you did it - everyone needs to go throught that.
No, they don't. Or at least I'd hope maybe I can make it *easier* for people starting out by sharing what I learned since I joined here... and maybe they can avoid MY mistakes of obsessing on my fears and insecurities - both of which tend to be constantly reinforced by the "transsexual community" itself.... becaaaaaause... the "community" is comprised of people going through this same thing of working through (or not) their internalized fears and shame. It's kinda like walking into a room of alcoholics and asking what they think you should do about your drinking problem, lol.
Not everyone does that of course. There are many "individuals" here who don't identify as being part of a community, and who just focus on their needs and living a happy life. Without their support, encouragement and advice, I would have been truly lost.
But it's SO tempting to give in to our unfounded fears, especially when reading warning lists like these. Heck, I'm STILL stuck on
"Depending on how genetically lucky you are, passing may be a constant drain on your energy from the endless worry about whether you're moving or speaking or dressing right" even though I have absolutely no experiences to support that fear. I routinely deal with family, friends, coworkers and total strangers, and have never, EVER been ridiculed or demeaned - and in fact, I normally hear encouragement and congratulations (from those who know or find out). And yet STILL I fear that I've just been lucky, that the last 1,000 encounters were a fluke, and the NEXT one will be the horror everyone warns about.
But I just keep thinking: my god, what if I didn't transition because everyone told me I'd be fired on the spot? Or because I'd lose my family and friends? Or because I'd be ridiculed daily? Because it just never happened. None of it. Maybe I live in an isolated pocket of liberalism, I dunno, but NO ONE around me cares anywhere near as much about me being TS as *I* do.
But I'm slowly getting over myself ;)
~Kate~
My warning letter would read like this:
"If you feel like you want to change your gender, do the real life test, visit a therapist on a regular basis, and take the hormone regimen. If, after all that, you still feel you need to do it, then you are likely on track. You will have experienced many of the problems you are likely to face first hand."
Cindi
I think that this letter is good -- it might be scary, but they are things to consider. Most trans people I know have had something on that list happen to them, including myself. I'm "lucky" in a few cases, but I end up always having to educate people about my condition. I've lost family members, but I've also gained a lot of friends (my friends are the same from before I transitioned, since we are all pretty liberal). Passing doesn't seem to be my biggest issue, but I still have times when I feel down about myself and wondering if I look/speak like a guy, no matter how much positive feedback I get and that I haven't been clocked in ages. Being outed has happened to me. Trouble finding doctors has also happened to me.
As for relationships, it hasn't been that bad but sexual encounters are confusing and uncomfortable (I also have to watch and make sure that girlfriends/boyfriends/flings/sex/etc that people know, since I haven't had surgery... it's a risk if people don't know and find out and freak out. People who I include sexually or romantically need to be okay with it, and they are people I know and trust. And still, it can be awkward with people you know and trust, since my parts don't match who I am I don't fully enjoy it.
My ID still says M on it, and I need to bring that to my 2nd interview for a job at a phone company... that's not fun explaining to your future employer. I've done it with three other jobs, and got the jobs, but it's not something I'd say I'm comfortable with. This job also pays a lot more than my retail jobs... $18/h goes a long way to pay for debt and other expenses I've gained with transitioning.
There are, however, a lot of good things that have come out of my transition. I've gotten to know myself more and I'm more confident about who I am. I know that I'm going the right direction, despite setbacks and hard times. The good times keep me going.
--natalie
Okay, now it is my turn. I will be more thorough though. (and again, this is MY EXPERIENCE, so no drama please, thanks.
1. Educating people about transgender issues will be a part-time job for you.
Initially, it can become rather tiresome, but eventually people will not care. Also if you happen to live in stealth, there's no reason for people to question you birth gender, is there?
2. You will be discriminated against.
This is true. I remember being riduculed in public during my first months on HRT. No one is actually exempt from discrimination.
3. Passing itself can be hard on your spirit.
This is indeed true. You are constantly worrying about this and afraid to be "discovered"
4. You may have difficulty finding employment.
In my particular case, it hasn't since I moved to a new area and started a completely different life with a new job, a new circle of friends, etc.
5. If you found cross-dressing erotic before transition, that will probably go away when it's not cross-dressing any more.
I never found "cross-dressing" erotic ::), in my case wearing the attire of my true gender was not considered "cross-dressing", but of course everyone is different.
6. You won't ever have a normal body of a member of the opposite sex.
True, My surgery is not perfect, my breast implants are not perfect, my estrogen induced body is not perfect, but again, no one is perfect. :P If you can live past these issues, you will live a happier life.
7. There's no guarantee that your body dysphoria will ever go away entirely.
Personally, I have been post-op since January and so far I have not had any attacks of gender dysphoria like the ones I used to have pre-operatively. I know it is still soon to tell, but in my case, I honestly think that SRS was the last step to get rid of my dysphoria.
8. If you do get surgery, it may be less than ideal. It will hurt.
It does hurt and a lot. I have no complaints about its appearance though. "everything" looks normal, and this is not only my opinion by the way >:D
9. If you enjoyed being naked in front of people before.
Pre-operatively, it was traumatic, but now I can see myself naked without problems. I am not disgusted at my body anymore.
10. Your dating pool will shrink drastically.
Not so ;D; there is always someone.....LOL
11. You may lose your family.
No, I didn't. Everyone supports me.
12. You may lose many or even all of your friends.
I lost a few "friends", but eventually I came to realize that they were NOT my friends to start with.
13. You may lose your children.
I don't have children.
14. You may lose your religious community.
I was pretty much accepted by my parish.
15. People will ask you rude questions about your genitalia.
No they don't. But again my situation is different. I don't bear the TS label on my forehead. ;)
17. If you do go to jail, you have a higher likelihood of being killed while in prison.
Hmmm....I have never had problems with the law, but if this were to happen, I'd think I'd be sent to a prison for women since I am now post-op.
18. Being on hormones usually means being dependent on a substance
Oh, I am dependent on lots of medication, so one more is no big deal really.
19. There are certain parts of the globe that you can absolutely never visit
Something tells me that I will not be traveling to those certain parts of the globe.
So yeah, it is not soooooooooo bad really..
tink :icon_chick:
'K... my experience...
1. Educating people about transgender issues will be a part-time job for you.
I don't bother. They don't care. "I'm changing my sex and going by 'Kate' now" is as much as I explain, although I generally don't explain myself anymore anyway.
2. You will be discriminated against.
Never. Hasn't happened, even during less-passable days. The vast majority of strangers whom I've told find it inspiring and genuinely congratulate me.
3. Passing itself can be hard on your spirit.
Yes. But it's my own unfounded insecurity issues. Society has never given me a reason to be worried or fear ridicule even if I didn't pass.
4. You may have difficulty finding employment.
My employer and coworkers have been some of my biggest supporters, providing a safe and nurturing micro-environment to get used to all this within.
5. If you found cross-dressing erotic before transition, that will probably go away when it's not cross-dressing any more.
Not applicable. Geez, I don't even own a dress, skirt, high heels, lingerie...
6. You won't ever have a normal body of a member of the opposite sex.
Close enough, in time.
7. There's no guarantee that your body dysphoria will ever go away entirely.
It's pretty much gone now. It doesn't feel like GID anymore - more like a girl somewhat unhappy with her body and life situation (to some extent).
8. If you do get surgery, it may be less than ideal. It will hurt.
Close enough. Pretty darn miraculous in fact if you ask me.
9. If you enjoyed being naked in front of people before.
I don't understand the question? I'm not naked around anyone except myself and my wife, so...?
10. Your dating pool will shrink drastically.
What dating pool?
11. You may lose your family.
They're coming to visit soon.
12. You may lose many or even all of your friends.
My existing friendships deepened. I gained new friends. I'm far better off NOW socially than BEFORE transitioning.
13. You may lose your children.
Not applicable. And my kitties don't seem to care as long as they get Purina, pillow forts and patio time.
14. You may lose your religious community.
Not religious.
15. People will ask you rude questions about your genitalia.
Only one person has, in the very beginning of my transition. I put a stop to it. It hasn't happened again.
17. If you do go to jail, you have a higher likelihood of being killed while in prison.
What the...? I'm not planning on going to jail. Is this related to the "enjoy being naked around people" thing?
18. Being on hormones usually means being dependent on a substance
What else is new?
19. There are certain parts of the globe that you can absolutely never visit
I'm a homebody
Seriously, I don't know why, but transitioning not only helped the GID, but it improved my entire LIFE in soooo many ways. My job is better and more enjoyable. I go out with people now. I ENJOY being me, and people seem to appreciate that.
The ONLY heartbreak has been with the effects on my marriage... but we're still together and working on it. And the problems were already there anyway - transitioning just put a note of finality on the futility of forcing ourselves into roles that weren't working.
~Kate~
Quote from: Kate on September 04, 2007, 10:15:35 AM
I have absolutely no experiences to support that fear. I routinely deal with family, friends, coworkers and total strangers, and have never, EVER been ridiculed or demeaned - and in fact, I normally hear encouragement and congratulations
~Kate~
yeah, about that...i got screamed at, threatened and verbally abused
the very first time i wore even pseudo feminine clothes in public, and got called "What a ->-bleeped-<-!!!!"
the very first time i wore my tight jeans. also, my mom thinks i'm insane.
you're great, Kate, i mean, really. but, you know, i hate you...
Quote from: Ell on September 04, 2007, 10:51:38 PM
yeah, about that...i got screamed at, threatened and verbally abused the very first time i wore even pseudo feminine clothes in public, and got called "What a ->-bleeped-<-!!!!" the very first time i wore my tight jeans.
you're great, Kate, i mean, really. but, you know, i hate you...
I hear ya. I do. I don't get it either. I feel like I'm walking on air, like when the Wiley Coyote would run off the cliffside when chasing the Roadrunner and just end up just hanging there in space, 300' above the riverbed below, nothing supporting him except belief and faith...
That's IT. I'm done questioning it. I'm never looking down again.
~Kate~
That list looks real negative, and wouldn't deter me 20 years ago, 5 years ago, and expecially now. Here's my thoughts:
1. Educating people about transgender issues will be a part-time job for you, for the rest of your life.
I would help any way I can, but I won't go out of my way and say "look, here I am".
2. You will be discriminated against.
Been there done that.
3. Passing itself can be hard on your spirit.
Probably not.
4. You may have difficulty finding employment.
I don't care if I have to waitress or do odd jobs if I can't find employment, and I'm through with transitioning. Chances are I won't once I find out how to transfer education documents into maybe a new name.
5. If you found cross-dressing erotic before transition, that will probably go away when it's not cross-dressing any more, it's just normalcy.
Kinky clothes will never be out of fashion for me. ;D
6. You won't ever have a normal body of a member of the opposite sex.
It'll be good enough in my mind.
7. There's no guarantee that your body dysphoria will ever go away entirely.
I think it might. It's a guarentee it won't if I do nothing.
8. If you do get surgery, it may be less than ideal. It will hurt. It will certainly cost a lot.
My mental and emotional pain are far greater than physical could ever be. When I got electrolysis, I couldn't believe it was actually painful to some people. I understand for surgery I will need to be cut, bruised, etc, but that will heal.
9. If you enjoyed being naked in front of people before (we're assuming that it was in appropriate places), that will change once your anatomy is gender-mixed.
I think I'll get by.
10. Your dating pool will shrink drastically.
Couldn't shrink even more than nothing. :(
11. You may lose your family.
If I lost the ones that held me back for so long, I have no problems with it.
12. You may lose many or even all of your friends.
One day, they might know, or maybe not.
13. You may lose your children.
Have none don't forsee a chance to have any anyways.
14. You may lose your religious community.
Zero problems here.
15. People will ask you rude questions about your genitalia.....for the rest of your life.
I'm not going to wear a shirt that says "sex changed".
16. Statistically, you will be much more likely to be assaulted and/or killed by hatemongers.
I am more than capable of protecting myself at any time.
17. If you do go to jail, you have a higher likelihood of being killed while in prison.
Too smart for that.
18. You will have trouble finding medical care.
I am still wondering about this one.
19. Being on hormones usually means being dependent on a substance created by large, corrupt pharmaceutical companies for the rest of your life, especially if you've had your reproductive organs removed.
No more dependant than anything else, like food.
20. There are certain parts of the globe that you can absolutely never visit because of the very real possibility of being jailed or worse at customs.
If it's that bad, there's no benifit of being there in the first place, unless there's some kind of apacalypse. In that case I'd find away around it.
Kate, count yourself lucky.
I'm afraid from your past posts
(one where you freaked out just because the waitress remembered you from before and misgendered you) that your setting yourself
up for one mighty shock if something not so nice happens one day.
You seem to believe that the world is all peaches and roses
just because that's what you've had till now.
That kind of thinking makes you a prime candidate for desillusionnement.
You are a sensible soul.
My world aint so nice, with jerks lining my street, but
outside these ones, its been pretty good, so its not like I think
the world is evil or something, I'm just realistic that one must
always keep some hint of leather to protect our sensible soul
from the possible hit that can come at any time.
1. Educating people about transgender issues will be a part-time job for you.
Not really, people are too shy to ask questions around here even if they know about me being trans.
2. You will be discriminated against.
Actually less than pretransition, a somewhat conforming female vs a non-conforming "wtf is that"
3. Passing itself can be hard on your spirit.
Imperfect passing is much better than being seen as a male.
4. You may have difficulty finding employment.
It has not gotten much more difficult, and should it become impossible there is social security. Non-issue.
5. If you found cross-dressing erotic before transition, that will probably go away when it's not cross-dressing any more.
Since it was not erotic before... Anyways cute clothes are even better when one fits well into them :)
6. You won't ever have a normal body of a member of the opposite sex.
Why would I want the body of a FTM?
7. There's no guarantee that your body dysphoria will ever go away entirely.
Yes, but most of it is gone with the transition :)
8. If you do get surgery, it may be less than ideal. It will hurt.
The world is imperfect and lots of things hurt. Not an issue.
9. If you enjoyed being naked in front of people before.
not really.
10. Your dating pool will shrink drastically.
Actually it increases.
11. You may lose your family.
Did that before transitioning.
12. You may lose many or even all of your friends.
Haven't lost a single one due to transition and they tend to be even more close nowadays.
13. You may lose your children.
What children?
14. You may lose your religious community.
You mean Cthulhu won't eat me as eagerly? :(
15. People will ask you rude questions about your genitalia.
Not usually. And if someone asks it is quite easy to counter with a rude question they were not expecting.
17. If you do go to jail, you have a higher likelihood of being killed while in prison.
I'm not planning on going to jail.
18. Being on hormones usually means being dependent on a substance
How is this different from my other meds?
19. There are certain parts of the globe that you can absolutely never visit
Not true. And being visibly non-het limits things a lot more.
I think the list may apply somewhat to older people in a very conservative area. But it is FUD when talking about younger people in more liberal areas.
I noticed that this letter did not touch on sex and orgasms. Can anyone tell me the truth about these topics after one fully transitions?
Quote from: Deja on September 05, 2007, 02:08:24 AM
I noticed that this letter did not touch on sex and orgasms. Can anyone tell me the truth about these topics after one fully transitions?
Perhaps because sex and orgasms are not usually associated with gender. They are entirely different issues. You can check the sexuality forums or the "post-operative life boards" for more explicit threads about sexual issues before and after SRS.
tink :icon_chick:
Walking the road of transition is not for "sissies". Yes we are regarded as 3rd class citizens but should that stop us from having fun fun fun? We create our own prisons and if a ripple moves through the community of discrimination or someone gets assaulted, we rush out to get more bricks, cement and barb wire to make the walls higher as the reports just confirm our fears.
Fear is a soul and life destroyer. Remember that 1e public step you took your chosen gender. The thrill and adrenalin rushing through your veins? A lot of girl/boys take that 1e step which take a lot of guts and courage, only to later lock themselves away at the 1e hick up. We should not limit ourselves just because of a few homo/trans phobic people. They love to create fear by bulling people and if we stand up and take their power away from them, then they haven't got control over us and will go away.....
1. Educating people about transgender issues will be a part-time job for you.
That's fine, I have no problems with this, it comes with the territory.
2. You will be discriminated against.
Big deal, it's bound to happen. I'll get over it.
3. Passing itself can be hard on your spirit.
Also comes with the territory. There will be good days and bad days.
4. You may have difficulty finding employment.
Maybe, maybe not, depends on what you do for a living, how successful you were before transition, etc. There's a lot that goes into this.
5. If you found cross-dressing erotic before transition, that will probably go away when it's not cross-dressing any more.
Pfff, I still have a hard time believing that people who find crossdressing erotic would go through transition. That's a complete change to your life based on sexual fantasies, whoa.
6. You won't ever have a normal body of a member of the opposite sex.
Accepted that a long time ago.
7. There's no guarantee that your body dysphoria will ever go away entirely.
No guarantees on anything in life, we all have to do what we have to do to get to where we want to get in this life. At least if I get hit by a bus in transition, I'll know I was finally taking steps to be who I really was.
8. If you do get surgery, it may be less than ideal. It will hurt.
Can't hurt more than the pain of going through life every day pre transition. Physical pain doesn't compare to emotional pain in my opinion.
9. If you enjoyed being naked in front of people before.
Not really, that won't change I'm sure. Does anyone truly feel comfortable being naked in front of other people??
10. Your dating pool will shrink drastically.
That's funny, it can't get any smaller than it already is. I'm not doing this to develop a "dating pool." I'm hopeful that there will be people out there who accept me for who I am. We'll see.
11. You may lose your family.
Not going to happen, but I was prepared for it in case it did happen.
12. You may lose many or even all of your friends.
Can't accept me, then they weren't friends to begin with.
13. You may lose your children.
I don't have children and never wanted any of my own.
14. You may lose your religious community.
I don't have one of these.
15. People will ask you rude questions about your genitalia.
And I'll respond accordingly.
17. If you do go to jail, you have a higher likelihood of being killed while in prison.
Uh, if I go to jail, I have bigger problems than transition. What the %^$$# would I be doing that I'd go to prison???
19. Being on hormones usually means being dependent on a substance
So what? Diabetics are dependent on insulin...
20. There are certain parts of the globe that you can absolutely never visit
No big deal, comes with the territory.
So, that's a pretty comprehensive list of reasons not to transition. Hopefully it gives people a chance to think through things, but I think many people already think/thought through this stuff. Be nice to see a list of reasons why people who have transitioned successfully actually feel this was the RIGHT decision for them. They exist, they are out there, I've talked to them. There's always doubts, there's always feelings like 'what if...; but there's also a feeling deep down many times that tells you that you did the right thing and wouldn't change the decision for the world.
Quote from: Tink on September 03, 2007, 04:36:00 PM
Thanks very much Blanche.
You're quite welcome Tink. My pleasure. I will fill out the questionnaire next time. :)
1. Educating people about transgender issues will be a part-time job for you, for the rest of your life. It's worthy work, but it can be boring and wearing and exhausting.
I haven't done this since going fulltime with the exception of my parents, who refuse to learn. Other than that, nothing. It's one of the advantages of being stealth.
2. You will be discriminated against.
That's just part of being a woman. ::) I haven't had this experience yet though.
3. Passing itself can be hard on your spirit.
Sometimes, but it beats not passing.
4. You may have difficulty finding employment. It's not unusual to be fired from most jobs where you transition.
I was told to leave my last job while starting to transition. Then I found another job and got paid almost twice as much. I transitioned on that job and still have it.
5. If you found cross-dressing erotic before transition, that will probably go away when it's not cross-dressing any more, it's just normalcy.
Woohoo! :icon_woohoo:
6. You won't ever have a normal body of a member of the opposite sex.
I never had a normal body of my birth sex. My body is already much closer to that of a female, with the exception of my genitalia...for now.
7. There's no guarantee that your body dysphoria will ever go away entirely.
True, I experience this still from time to time, but having it drastically reduced is SO much better than how it was before.
8. If you do get surgery, it may be less than ideal. It will hurt. It will certainly cost a lot.
[...]
If you have bad results, it can painfully remind you of your trans status every time you look at it.
I'm aware of that. What I have now is already a much more prominent and painful reminder than any bad results could be.
9. If you enjoyed being naked in front of people before (we're assuming that it was in appropriate places), that will change once your anatomy is gender-mixed.
I never "enjoyed" it. I'm at least comfortable baring my chest now. After SRS, I probably will be much more comfortable than I ever was before. While being pre-op though, I have to agree with this in regards to my genitalia only.
10. Your dating pool will shrink drastically.
It's increased. I have been with 2-3 times as many people since transitioning as I ever had in my entire life before that. Ironically enough, most of those people were women.
11. You may lose your family.
Yes, sadly I did. I still have a tiny seedling of hope in the back of my mind though.
12. You may lose many or even all of your friends. You can, of course, make new ones, but losing friends over a sex change is not a fun thing.
I didn't lose even one friend over this, but have gained SO many more.
13. You may lose your children.
Nope, I still see my children regularly.
14. You may lose your religious community.
Initially yes, but since then, I have made a choice to not be religious.
15. People will ask you rude questions about your genitalia.
I can't think of anybody asking me this. Maybe this related to somebody who is either out or doesn't pass well.
16. Statistically, you will be much more likely to be assaulted and/or killed by hatemongers.
I don't think this is worse for me in general than any other women with the exception of if one of those people happened to rape me while I'm pre-op.
17. If you do go to jail, you have a higher likelihood of being killed while in prison.
Assuming you go pre-op AND are thrown in with men, yes. However, I avoid committing crimes and thus have no run-ins with the law.
18. You will have trouble finding medical care.
No problems yet.
19. Being on hormones usually means being dependent on a substance created by large, corrupt pharmaceutical companies for the rest of your life.
Possibly, but having ADD kind of gave me this anyhow. The main difference is that hormones are much easier to acquire than my ADD meds.
20. There are certain parts of the globe that you can absolutely never visit because of the very real possibility of being jailed or worse at customs.
Even if i did visit one of these countries, I more than likely would be treated like any other woman. Unless you are out of unpassable (or don't update documentation), this shouldn't be a problem.
I see most of these problems being a result of not passing or being "out and proud". Consequently, I haven't experienced most of these problems. I think the main purpose was to get people with unrealistic views of transition (or are not actually TS) to take a closer look at what they are getting into.