More than ever, I noticed men are primarily looking for sex, as a guy. I dont see guys ever looking for dating or relationships... true love. Even when I tell a guy "why bother me if youre looking sex???" If i wanted sex... i can find it in less than 15 mins... top. Within 30-60 with a hot guy...
And you know what. 4 yrs ago that help my self esteem.
Today me is like.... sex is easy, love is a needle in a haystack.
Only 1-3 guys in my life love me.. only 1 saw me as a female in some voodoo hoodoo way that I cant explain (wasnt even out... and he wasnt gay:)
Needle in haystack. Do transgender passable females deal with just sex lusted guys.
Well you might simply look for someone you can click with...
and build some kind of friendship first...
and then take it from there...
hugs
It's true they are a needle in a haystack and the wrong ones seem to draw to me like a moth does a flame. So many of them that I have shot down more them then I can count or care to anymore. The nice thing was early on I found one that wasn't just interest in sex which is great. He isn't rushing me for it either and I appreciate that. He loves me for me and that has only attracted me to him more. His kind and considerate heart is what has one me over from day one and I wasn't searching for anyone. I'm not sure if your actively searching or if they are coming to you. If they are coming to you take a stand and tell them your not interested. If it's a result of your searching sometimes fine tuning how we do that and where we do that can help. Drawing the right crowd towards you instead of the wrong ones. If they truly care they will be interested in being friends first and then something more that grows from there. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah
I wouldn't know. I'm not passable yet.
WF, the guys who find you - the ones who aggressively and cockily come up to you at parties, in bars, on the street, or wherever, they're looking for something from you.
The other guys, the ones who want to form a relationship, those are harder to find. You need to go looking for them.
Quote from: Sabrina on May 24, 2015, 11:58:51 AM
I wouldn't know. I'm not passable yet.
You aren't? ???
Having previously lived so long in a testosterone fueled body with a voracious libido I understand how much stimulus there is for men. Men are still responsible for their appetite and how they express themselves and obviously many will be up front about looking to score. I heard enough of that male conquest and boasting BS to last a life time. Nothing wrong with wanting love but when we get treated as objects the game is over for me. I am passable as a transgender person who enjoys being attractive but not looking for more at this time. Typically it is our "looks" that start the motors running but we have ultimate control about where this vehicle is headed and who gets on board. That seems both the joy and tedium of dating with plenty of frogs to kiss before your prince is revealed?
Quote from: Tessa James on May 24, 2015, 01:52:01 PM
Typically it is our "looks" that start the motors running...
It's funny to me that you'd say it that way. I remember a long time ago my dad said a man's motor is running all the time.
-AshleyP
LOL too true for the majority I'd guess. Hmmm, do women have wet dreams??
Heck, cis women have to deal with it all the time, and that's without the added potential fetish attraction for another subset of guys.
I second what Suzi says about how the guys who just want cheap sex are the ones who are most likely to "cold contact" a potential target, too.
(Yes, women also have orgasms in their sleep, though they're not usually "wet dreams." :) )
I'm of the notion that Love in it's purest form....doesn't exist. I had a loving and intimate relationship for 5 strong years. No backstabbing, real talking to one another when things upset each other, had good sex without it being the center point. We did things for each other and were there when we need it to count...and poof...gone. I was told that for months my Boyfriend had questioned our relationship and if it was going to go anywhere.... I WAS LIED TO...from the person I devoted my time, effort, money and heart for...just upped and gone like it was soured milk. No, this was the most serious I had ever been in a relationship and it felt so damn genuine. People are fake, they're as real as they can be...but once it involves a relationship, commitment, it falls apart majority of the time. So, I'm of the mind that majority of people don't know what love is, or what it really means to be in a relationship. People want a flesh bag to hug as if it's stuff animal that they can pick up whenever they need it, they want somebody to tell them what they want to hear...they want someone they can have access to for sex.
For me, true love is a fairy tale that we want to believe in...then reality ends up saying hello.
:7
Quote from: Nickywhat on May 24, 2015, 03:56:02 PM
I'm of the notion that Love in it's purest form....doesn't exist. I had a loving and intimate relationship for 5 strong years. No backstabbing, real talking to one another when things upset each other, had good sex without it being the center point. We did things for each other and were there when we need it to count...and poof...gone. I was told that for months my Boyfriend had questioned our relationship and if it was going to go anywhere.... I WAS LIED TO...from the person I devoted my time, effort, money and heart for...just upped and gone like it was soured milk. No, this was the most serious I had ever been in a relationship and it felt so damn genuine. People are fake, they're as real as they can be...but once it involves a relationship, commitment, it falls apart majority of the time. So, I'm of the mind that majority of people don't know what love is, or what it really means to be in a relationship. People want a flesh bag to hug as if it's stuff animal that they can pick up whenever they need it, they want somebody to tell them what they want to hear...they want someone they can have access to for sex.
For me, true love is a fairy tale that we want to believe in...then reality ends up saying hello.
:7
Well a partnership needs some kind of work... I'd say ideally from both sides... with communication, appropriate compromises, shared things...
different from tv stories many people are shown as examples, but something that simply can be learned...
and sometimes people simply evolve in different directions...
keep on keeping on, nice people are out there :)
*hugs*
Nicky, I'm very sorry that happened to you, and it's no wonder you're having trust issues now.
I believe in "true love" mostly because I believe I've found it, so I'm hardly going to discount someone who uses their own experiences to draw conclusons the same way I have. (My wife stuck with me through transition and we've been together since we were teenagers, so I know I'm super lucky.)
Guys are just interested in sex and like you said it doesn't take long to find one willing to have sex and while I have never been one to go out actively looking I know several that do and they have sex regularly... most women have been living with this to some extent since they were in their teens and had to learn to deal with the constant non-stop offers and interest shown towards them... with advice their mothers, grandmothers and moral support from friends they also learned to keep their knees together because the guys interested in them for sex will be gone the second they have had what they want from them.
I'm sure the more you pass the more you will have to learn to deal with this.
I know that my brother used to look for sex and fun, that kind of girlfriend type- it changes when you find someone that you simply enjoy talking to. With her faith, sex is prohibited, and he enjoys her person rather than something else he often focused on.
While I think my brother is fantastic, I can't say that quality itself is rare. There are men out there that I've gotten to know that are warm about relationships. Sex can be numbing when that's what someone focuses on most in a relationship, but not all men focus on it.
I just can't help feeling amused by find all the 'man' talk on here.
I mean, if we *were* biologically female, and had never been socialised as male - then we would be able to say men are a mystery, and feel shocked by the way men behave.
But we really don't have that excuse, do we? :~D
Because everyone is different I avoid generalizations, not all guys are 'hose monsters', there are also guys out there who are looking for a genuine loving relationship
Possibly it is time to consider and re-examine where and whom you hang out with
Women friends would sometimes ask me questions about why men acted the way they did and I'd reply, 'I don't know, it's no use asking me'. Despite having suffered male socialisation men still remain a mystery to me.
I've always found both men and women to be a mystery. I've found that male behavior is more disturbing though. I feel like I'm just starting to understand female behavior.
Quote from: SarahBoo on May 24, 2015, 11:02:49 PM
I just can't help feeling amused by find all the 'man' talk on here.
I mean, if we *were* biologically female, and had never been socialised as male - then we would be able to say men are a mystery, and feel shocked by the way men behave.
But we really don't have that excuse, do we? :~D
I guess I've had many and varied interactions.
I have two or three close male friends.
Sometimes when they do something 'very male', and are feeling down about it, I comfort them.
---
''There, there - I actually *do* understand, you know?''
*man-sobs onto my shoulder*
Quote from: Jenna Marie on May 24, 2015, 04:09:14 PM
Nicky, I'm very sorry that happened to you, and it's no wonder you're having trust issues now.
I believe in "true love" mostly because I believe I've found it, so I'm hardly going to discount someone who uses their own experiences to draw conclusons the same way I have. (My wife stuck with me through transition and we've been together since we were teenagers, so I know I'm super lucky.)
Thanks Jenna & Laura_7. It's been scaring with what I've gone through in my years of relationships... I've been abandoned, abused, tricked/lied to, given false hope/feeling of wanting & love. So I dunno if I've been completely turned off from seeking relationships for the long run or I just need something to get me off this. I'm wondering once I start HRT and get E into my system... if things may change that side of me.
I don't want to be a sourpuss about it all >3<!
Quote from: awilliams1701 on May 24, 2015, 11:42:02 PM
I've always found both men and women to be a mystery. I've found that male behavior is more disturbing though. I feel like I'm just starting to understand female behavior.
I think both men and women vary individually...
Men are more sexual than women.... or at least it seems.
Im a steriotypical woman...all I want is a man, food on the table, and a few good outlets..... BUT no!
Yes men are more sexual. I've been there and I get it. I'm grateful I'm no longer that way. However men are a lot more than just sex machines. There is the rude and obnoxious behavior. I don't nor have I ever understood.
Quote from: Wild Flower on May 25, 2015, 06:20:47 AM
I think both men and women vary individually...
Men are more sexual than women.... or at least it seems.
Im a steriotypical woman...all I want is a man, food on the table, and a few good outlets..... BUT no!
I can easily jump the fence and be 'one of the boys' when my mood suits.
Though with the things I can say, often I push *their* limits ... girls seem much less easily shocked :~D
Quote from: SarahBoo on May 25, 2015, 06:05:15 PM
I can easily jump the fence and be 'one of the boys' when my mood suits.
Though with the things I can say, often I push *their* limits ... girls seem much less easily shocked :~D
Lol, I like your style.
Got your point, I know how it was to be on T but... there are still limits. Somebody can be horny as hell but at the same time he may wish to bond with somebody (at least that was my case).
Moreover, he can be frank about his intentions and prevent others to build up empty hopes, and if it's needed, to go and pay for sex (damn, sex workers have to make a living too). So... meh, while understainable, many mens behaviours have no excuse.
Im not shock... but this is the 1st time I was in a conversation in which men were talking about sex graphically (something no guy does with me one on one conversation)...
I felt disgusted. It made it seem like women were objects for their disposal, objectified (hell... maybe women talk about this with guys). They were saying size doesnt matter, their size, dont get it... it doesnt matter.
Even a guy I respected as a gentleman talk like this... he has a wife and daughters (so why?) His wife is so sweet to me... but Im not sure if he married her for her money (shes 10 yrs older, overweight/unhealthy, not pretty)... and hes not handsome but hes a fitness guy....
He once refer to his wife, "ill knock that bi***ch if she hits me".... which i dont think hell ever do....
He may be a master manipulator with women.... since he said youll have to sweet talk....
I dont know. I need a female to male perspective... lol. Since i dont think like this.... i respect women.
But you know what that guy never talk to me about sex/women, and he once skim over a gay topic with me. He likes me as a person but l think hes homophobic a bit.... (he doesnt know im trans; so he thinks one of the guy who had a crush on me was gay;; when in reality he wasnt gay but fell for my personality).
Like nearly all straight guys like my personality so no one talks about me like that. I think I come across manly enough...
well I definitely know what your talking about is true but I will say those needle in hay stacks exist and there not that inconspicuous... I was with my ex for eight months and it was definitely a relationship and wasn't all based on sex...he had a lot of issues though...my new bf is like the most hell bent guy on having a long term relationship that ends in marriage and wants that with me eventually...I was very skeptical and really thought if I did anything sexual he would move on to the next or just try to make the relationship all about sex but nope far from that type...anyways ya been talking for exactly a month and official for three weeks so hasn't been long but we talk all day everyday in text and the chemisty is great in person too...so don't fall into that self fulfilling prophecy of thinking zero men want or are open to something serious and long term...ive definitely been there and thought that but ive had no problem finding guys even preop for relationships...one thing I have noticed is many trans girls are super picky about like everything...you cant expect a regular guy to be as trans educated as like Laverne cox or something and on top of that I see so many preop girls who try to hide being trans for a long time and others who are way to dysphoric to want to have any kind of sex at all...if your doing any of those or are that dysphoric than a relationship at that point may not help...