ok so I know for most this is complex and not black or white... but I have noticed this with many "trans friendly" people or even trans people themselves...this whole "im attracted to women" (or men) but what this actually means is cis women or possibly an extremely passable post op if there "really open minded" :-\..... as someone whos always only liked guys, males, men, masculinity and never girls at all but who is perfectly open to dating a pre or post op ftm guy (that's if I wasn't with my current new bf of course lol) it just seems really shallow but even more so just plain transphobic...lets forget about the whole pre op post op issue for a sec and get back to that later but I just feel like its assuming one "all trans people are unattractive and not feminine or masculine looking enough for me to be attracted" two it assumes all trans people have a body that wouldn't be appealing to them for whatever reason and it reeks of "there not real men/women"...clearly number one is not true...just as some cis people wont be attractive to you many trans wont too but there are trans girls as gorgeous as kim Kardashian(Gigi gorgeous, Carmen Carrera, Jenna Talakova, and lots of those porn star girls too just to give a few examples) and ive seen some smoking ftm guys just on this site... same goes for the second as all cis peoples and trans peoples bodies are different...find fake boobs unattractive? well many trans women can have real ones too...like muscles? plenty of trans guys have them. So both number one and two are bogus and I wont even go in to number three as that shouldn't need an explanation here... the post op pre op discussion is more complex... obviously if someone is post op and you liked them until you found out they were trans rejecting them is very transphobic, but preop I think it is more complicated but I still think in most cases it is transphobic and shallow to reject someone who you would otherwise really like and be attracted to just based off a part...in general attraction and even sex are more about the whole person mentally and physically not just there parts down there...I do think how you prefer to have sex has a lot to do with whether its shallow and transphobic to reject a partner on that alone..if people want me to elaborate on what I meant on that last part I will but what are your thoughts on this issue?
takes one to know one ;)
I am close friends with a young trans woman (full time) who is pre-op with no HRT and has a cute-as-a-button cis female girlfriend. The amount that she (the trans girl) passes or not is not a part of their equation together in love. It's really no different than any other relationship. I don't even think twice about it.
There are just so many circumstances... Such as- the general open mindedness of the "pool" of people you surround yourself with. That can vary greatly by geography and culture within sects. Being openly trans is definitely harder in some places compared to others, but it also depends a lot on attitude- which plays heavily into the attractiveness (or unattractiveness) of a person. When I think about what makes a person attractive, it's usually a combination of a lot of factors- three of the big hitters being presentation, personality, and sexual compatibility based on what I am into.
Sexual compatibility is not limited to a trans issue either. Cis population gets plenty of its fair share of incompatibilities, too ;) It is a personal preference, and there is nothing wrong with knowing what you like. Surround yourself with people who you think might be a good match, and you will probably find that match eventually as long as you keep a good attitude. Cis folk have to do the same thing.
Quote from: Jennygirl on May 26, 2015, 04:47:49 AM
I am close friends with a young trans woman (full time) who is pre-op with no HRT and has a cute-as-a-button cis female girlfriend. The amount that she (the trans girl) passes or not is not a part of their equation together in love. It's really no different than any other relationship. I don't even think twice about it.
There are just so many circumstances... Such as- the general open mindedness of the "pool" of people you surround yourself with. That can vary greatly by geography and culture within sects. Being openly trans is definitely harder in some places compared to others, but it also depends a lot on attitude- which plays heavily into the attractiveness (or unattractiveness) of a person. When I think about what makes a person attractive, it's usually a combination of a lot of factors- three of the big hitters being presentation, personality, and sexual compatibility based on what I am into.
Sexual compatibility is not limited to a trans issue either. Cis population gets plenty of its fair share of incompatibilities, too ;) It is a personal preference, and there is nothing wrong with knowing what you like. Surround yourself with people who you think might be a good match, and you will probably find that match eventually as long as you keep a good attitude. Cis folk have to do the same thing.
well I'm not so much looking for any kind of advice just opinions on the attitude I described
There are plenty of trans people who have internalised transphobia, even after they've acknowlegded they are trans. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if a trans person had "issues" about being in a relationship with a trans person...They have a hard enough time being in relationship with themself. I think a lot of it boils down to self acceptance, respect and chemistry.
If you had asked me two years ago (about a month before I started HRT) whether I would date a trans woman I probably would have said no, but I feel very differently now. If I found a person who I was attracted to (body, heart, mind) and we had the chemistry then I wouldn't hesitate.
Quote from: Annabolton on May 26, 2015, 04:51:49 AM
well I'm not so much looking for any kind of advice just opinions on the attitude I described
Sorry if it seemed like my comment was directed at you, it wasn't at all- I was speaking to the audience :)
You seem to know your way around just fine!
Quote from: Annabolton on May 26, 2015, 04:52:39 AM
im confused??
Just trying to be succinct. Who might better understand and appreciate the charms and special nature of a trans partner than a another trans person? Who might better understand our needs and challenges? I would guess trans people are even more capable of being great partners for a trans person. But lets hope we hear from the trans couples......
We know that some trans people don't even want to be around others of our kind as we might out them. We know people who won't date someone shorter, taller, or fatter than them too but labelling something as transphobia, in this case, might suggest I know what they think and I'm not clairvoyant. I try to assume less and understand more :D
Creativity and desire count more than, well, you fill in the blanks. Knowing exactly what we want and finding fulfillment may be harder as we narrow the options? I am all for the big tent approach.
No, the same way it's not racist to prefer dating a certain race or it's not homophobic to swing one way or you're not a bigot because you don't want to date someone because of their religious or political views.
Like I said elsewhere, at least among the younger crowd in California that I've run into, the story that cis lesbians are transphobic doesn't seem to be the case, but what I've been discovering is that trans lesbians are not uncommonly transphobic.
Well I've decided to be pan-flexible.
Just in case, you know.
I am personally not interested in dating other transfolks any longer. I've dated four now (over the course of the last 6 years - three FTMs and one MTF, all in varying stages of transition). But my reasoning leans less towards the physical and more toward the mental aspects of the relationship.
It isn't a matter of not being attracted for me. They were all very attractive people physically and had great personalities to match. For me it's more the constant dealing with one person's or both people's dysphoria. Everyone seems to treat theirs a little differently and has different coping mechanisms. And despite the fact that at least two of the people I've dated were well along in their transitions and would have described themselves as very happy with their bodies, the underlying dysphoria was a constant issue emotionally and mentally for them.
That, coupled with my own dysphoria, is incredibly draining. It is so much easier in my experience to date a knowledgeable, affirming cis person. I don't think it's inherently transphobic to feel this way. It's just that experience has shown that I am much more likely to experience depression and anxiety when I've dated other transpeople. No relationship, no matter how much they might understand and get what I'm going through, is worth that mental hardship.
I am open minded, I will date the right person when I am ready, based on whether I like them and the ability to stimulate each other (conversation etc...) and we would enjoy similar pastimes (like Skiing ::))
I don't think I would show any bias based on gender, CIS or trans...
Just my thoughts on it...
L Katy :-*
Maybe if I hired male-only manservants, that would be a problem.
nah who am I kidding!
ftmax — you make a really interesting point; it would seem like dating a transperson would not infrequently come with a bunch of additional baggage that one wouldn't get if one were to date a cisperson, and that line of reasoning makes sense.
Hmm... that's really too bad that that makes sense with what it says about the predicament many trans people find themselves in compared to non-trans people...
I have to second what ftmax has said here, I think I may have noticed that myself. Since transitioning I have only really "dated" or "been with" two other trans women until three days ago when I went on a date with a cis girl. I am a monogamous type, and it's not like I am flippant with my interests at all when it comes to intimacy. Usually when I become interested in someone, it is because I can see a future with them and has very little to do with sex. Anyway, I ran into some tough emotional situations with one of the trans girls due to the conflicting dysphoria theory ftmax mentioned. It seemed great at first- almost perfect! ...because as trans people we inherently share so much in common and face a lot of the same issues. However, ftmax is right... We all cope with the issues differently, have different timelines, different triggers, the list goes on.
Lately, I've been feeling more attracted to the idea of trying to date a cis female again, and I wasn't sure quite why. The aforementioned does kinda click in my head. As if I was already thinking it, but hadn't been able to put it to words.
Thanks for helping me possibly make some sense out of it!
The reasons ftmax mentioned are why I would shy away from dating a trans person.
In the end I just want to live and forget about being trans. Being with a trans person kind of makes that not very possible. That said it is still possible just not preferable.
Quote from: SarahBoo on May 26, 2015, 06:38:15 AM
Maybe if I hired male-only manservants, that would be a problem.
nah who am I kidding!
:laugh:
Ftmax really mentioned something that reminded me that when we take on the other persons problems in our own relationships it can be to much for us sometimes. I forgot about that fact until he pointed out clear example of why sometimes, despite the idea that they will understand us better, dating another trans person might be to much. Thanks for pointing that.
Mariah
My preferences are related to the excellent points that ftmax and Jennygirl have brought up. I don't really have any dysphoria anymore so it's not really a conflicting dysphoria thing with me. What does bother me is that with someone who still has a lot of dysphoria, I would by default be put in a near full time mentor/guide role and that is not a dynamic I particularly want. I like being a mentor and guide, but I also have to be able to walk away from it at times, and I don't like being in a dominant position in a relationship on a near constant basis. I would have to really "fall" for someone for me to want to do that again. I have no issues dating someone who is far enough into transition that bouts of dysphoria are fairly rare. The sex aspect of a trans/trans relationship is also generally not a determining factor for me.
IMO, unless the issue is specifically to do with genital preference for your partners, it is transphobic to discount trans men/women as partners.
I mean, it's completely ignoring everything about an individual person, and saying that because they are trans they won't even be considered. Some trans people carry baggage, yes, but so does a large fraction of the cis population. If you don't want to deal with someone else's baggage, that's fine, but it's not reasonable to conclude that every trans person is unacceptable and meanwhile claim that you're not making a phobic overgeneralization.
Not to say someone is a bad person for feeling this way. No one should force themselves into a relationship for any reason, but one ought to be self-aware.
Quote from: jeni on May 26, 2015, 09:34:18 AM
IMO, unless the issue is specifically to do with genital preference for your partners, it is transphobic to discount trans men/women as partners.
Yeah, I agree with this, but there's some scenarios that I see as grey areas. For instance, I am not attracted to men physically. If I where to meet a trans woman who did not pass, who then asked me out on a date, would it be transphobic of me to turn her down because I didn't find her attractive, for fairly trans-specific reasons (eg masculine physical traits)?
If I find someone attractive, it doesn't matter if they are cis or trans, I'd still date them (or at least ask!). Baggage is a seperate matter I suppose but it's a perfectly valid reason for not wanting to date someone. The thing not to do is to right off all trans people for this reason without considering the individual but I understand that if someone has dated 3/4/5 trans people and found the same issues that they might look elsewhere, and I wouldn't put that down to transphobia. I'll be honest, if I met someone with as much baggage as me, I'd struggle to deal with that on top of my own.
Not finding someone attractive isn't a phobic thing, it's just attraction (or lack thereof). The phobia/discrimination comes in when one refuses to consider the particular traits of an individual.
Jeni, I do agree that you can't generalize when it comes to baggage. And FWIW, all of my cis partners have come with their own. For me, it boils down to how much more, and what kind of baggage I can help carry that won't make my own share worse. If I've already got my own backpack and rolly bag filled up to the brim, can I spare a shoulder for a duffel bag sized serving of another person's dysphoria? What if it's a whole trunk full? And how long can I carry it before I need to stop and put it down?
Doubling down on dysphoria and the related experiences and quirks quickly turns me into a bad partner. Perhaps if I was completely done with my transition and had no lingering anxiety or body image issues, it would be something to consider. Since I'm not able to afford lower surgery for the forseeable future, it seems best for my mental well being to not consider other trans partners. I'm sure I could have a great relationship with another trans person. But not anytime soon.
well, personally I'm a equal opportunity type of person. I try to not got over to the FTM side of Susan's too often because it gets pretty hot over there.
I think it is transphobic. It's saying in my mind that they don't think trans people are as attractive then cis women/ men. When seriously they probably have checked out a trans women/man at least once in their life with out even realizing it. Even though genitals don't mean much to me, I know it is important to some people. And if someone won't date someone because their genitals aren't the kind that they like even if the rest of them is attractive to them, then I don't think that is transphobic. You can't help what u are our aren't attracted too. The people that won't date post op trans women/men, it is clear they are transphobic. Unless if their reason was because they didn't find that individual attractive and them being trans had nothing to do with it.
For me I would date a trans Man.. I am attracted to me.. It has more to do with who they are.. their personality.. Do I like being with them.. do they make me laugh and feel good about myself..
Also, I think a trans man might know how to please me and I would know how to please him.. I think.
Anyway, for me I am ok with it totally..
Dodie
Quote from: Annabolton on May 26, 2015, 03:36:14 AM
ok so I know for most this is complex and not black or white... but I have noticed this with many "trans friendly" people or even trans people themselves...this whole "im attracted to women" (or men) but what this actually means is cis women or possibly an extremely passable post op if there "really open minded" :-\..... as someone whos always only liked guys, males, men, masculinity and never girls at all but who is perfectly open to dating a pre or post op ftm guy (that's if I wasn't with my current new bf of course lol) it just seems really shallow but even more so just plain transphobic...lets forget about the whole pre op post op issue for a sec and get back to that later but I just feel like its assuming one "all trans people are unattractive and not feminine or masculine looking enough for me to be attracted" two it assumes all trans people have a body that wouldn't be appealing to them for whatever reason and it reeks of "there not real men/women"...clearly number one is not true...just as some cis people wont be attractive to you many trans wont too but there are trans girls as gorgeous as kim Kardashian(Gigi gorgeous, Carmen Carrera, Jenna Talakova, and lots of those porn star girls too just to give a few examples) and ive seen some smoking ftm guys just on this site... same goes for the second as all cis peoples and trans peoples bodies are different...find fake boobs unattractive? well many trans women can have real ones too...like muscles? plenty of trans guys have them. So both number one and two are bogus and I wont even go in to number three as that shouldn't need an explanation here... the post op pre op discussion is more complex... obviously if someone is post op and you liked them until you found out they were trans rejecting them is very transphobic, but preop I think it is more complicated but I still think in most cases it is transphobic and shallow to reject someone who you would otherwise really like and be attracted to just based off a part...in general attraction and even sex are more about the whole person mentally and physically not just there parts down there...I do think how you prefer to have sex has a lot to do with whether its shallow and transphobic to reject a partner on that alone..if people want me to elaborate on what I meant on that last part I will but what are your thoughts on this issue?
I don't think it's transphobic so much as it is just being worried what others might think of you if they found out. Of course, by the same token, I'm pretty amazed by how many guys are attracted to me, even in knowing that I'm pre-op trans MtF. I think there will be a day where few people seriously will not care, to be honest, lol. Like, "Oh, you date an MtF? My last girlfriend was MtF!" Stuff like that lol.
-Ally
Of course not! Now it would be totally be Transphobic if you dumped someone if you found out.
You could find out any one thing about somebody, and if you disagree with it, it can make that person less attractive to you.
It could be something serious, or something quite trivial. But either way, what we find attractive is influenced by how we feel about things.
Does it make someone a 'phobe', if they have a different point of view? Of course not.
Indeed, to deny people the liberty of difference is the flip side of the same coin.
Quote from: ftmax on May 26, 2015, 03:21:42 PM
For me, it boils down to how much more, and what kind of baggage I can help carry that won't make my own share worse.
I do understand this.
For me it comes from a mental health point of view. Old-me had pretty nasty anxiety, and so I wasn't in a position to take on outside stress.
I guess, in the middle of something big, its not unreasonable for an unattached person to look for stability in a partner.
In fact that sums up my ideal choice of partner. Somebody who in general has a stable and under-control life. That makes me feel safe :~)
I find a number of trans girls attractive, but I would have the post-op requirement. I can barely deal with my own. In general I prefer cis-girls, but I'm not against the idea of a trans girl.
Quote from: Annabolton on May 26, 2015, 03:36:14 AM
obviously if someone is post op and you liked them until you found out they were trans rejecting them is very transphobic, but preop I think it is more complicated but I still think in most cases it is transphobic and shallow to reject someone who you would otherwise really like and be attracted to just based off a part
I've actually run into this many times. Its actually put me off dating for some time now as I don't want that sort of rejection again.
To elaborate I am very stealth, only telling people after i've gotten to know them and have an idea on how they will react (don't want some major hate going on if i can tell they aren't ok with that sort of stuff).
Anyway every single person i've got out with, as soon as I have let them know (after a couple of dates) I get that rejection over a message or whatever. Never have I told them whether I am Pre or Post-op. Its just as soon as they hear I'm trans, it all flies out the window so yeah i would have to agree that it is transphobic as they are only going off the fact that I am trans and nothing else.
honestly im sorta disappointed by some of these responses...some one for example said "its not transphobic just like its not racist to prefer dating a certain race" >:( im sorry but that is racist...being more attracted to a certain race is not necessarily consciously racist but it is unconsciously so as much of our attraction and desire is strongly colored by upbringing, society, and our prejudices, fears, and what were "supposed" to like...saying your more attracted to one race is not consciously racist but it is reflective of societies prejudices and unconscious prejudices same thing goes for trans people... as I said many perhaps most of peoples attraction preferences vary throughout history and culture...it used to be the paler the better, and men in many places actually prefer heavier women...many people argue that heterosexual men naturally are not that attracted to breasts if they are brought up in societies where there not hidden and overly sexualized...it creates almost like a breast fetish what we do in the west with boobs the same way a man in the middle east may find even very mundane parts of women extremely exciting do to them being hidden all the time under fabric ...anyways im not arguing that having a preference for certain anatomy or genitals is not valid...not saying that at all but some of these replies are a bit surprising to me...obviously im not at all directing this at everyone or any one person...but how can you expect others to love and wanna be with you if you want nothing to do with being with someone with a similar issue?
Quote from: Annabolton on May 27, 2015, 12:48:38 PM
honestly im sorta disappointed by some of these responses...some one for example said "its not transphobic just like its not racist to prefer dating a certain race" >:( im sorry but that is racist...being more attracted to a certain race is not necessarily consciously racist but it is unconsciously so as much of our attraction and desire is strongly colored by upbringing, society, and our prejudices, fears, and what were "supposed" to like...saying your more attracted to one race is not consciously racist but it is reflective of societies prejudices and unconscious prejudices same thing goes for trans people... as I said many perhaps most of peoples attraction preferences vary throughout history and culture...it used to be the paler the better, and men in many places actually prefer heavier women...many people argue that heterosexual men naturally are not that attracted to breasts if they are brought up in societies where there not hidden and overly sexualized...it creates almost like a breast fetish what we do in the west with boobs the same way a man in the middle east may find even very mundane parts of women extremely exciting do to them being hidden all the time under fabric ...anyways im not arguing that having a preference for certain anatomy or genitals is not valid...not saying that at all but some of these replies are a bit surprising to me...obviously im not at all directing this at everyone or any one person...but how can you expect others to love and wanna be with you if you want nothing to do with being with someone with a similar issue?
I was too. I agree with you 100%.
yeah, what does it mean to be prejudiced anyway? isn't it to make a pre-judgment about, in this case, your compatibility with someone else on the basis of some non-essential feature?
there's some implicit bias being expressed in some of these replies. there's assumptions about how someone will be simply because of whether or not they are trans.
I guess not everyone here is gay or lesbian, but if you are, one thought experiment might be: would you date yourself? and if you wouldn't, should that preference change or not change your thoughts on whether you would date another trans person?
I'll place here as a disclaimer that I'm pretty much strictly attracted to men, cis or trans. I think my aversion comes not from the possible reasons mentioned by the OP but somewhat from ftmax's reasoning (though I didn't realise it until he pointed it out) plus a little bit of my own preferences. I have long since dissociated genitalia with gender/sex, so that part doesn't really bother me, if I'm considering a guy at face-value. That being said, I am attracted to the overall 'image' of a man, so there might be some people that disagree with me, but to me if a guy, cis or trans, doesn't fit my image of an attractive manly man, I'd probably be less likely to date him; it's one of the reasons I'm not generally interested in non-binary/gender-fluid peeps, because I'd only be physically attracted to their more masculine side, and that's definitely not fair to them.
I'm also horrible at helping people with their baggage, esp. when it's due to mental illness; my best friend has depression and anxiety and I know just trying to help her during her lows drains me enough, let alone if I was dating someone in a similar situation. I can handle general baggage, bad days, etc., but I have a hard enough time dealing with my own issues with being trans; I'm going about as stealth as I can, and plan to continue that through college (and thereafter) so dating someone that might try to bring me out of my little stealth world, mentally or socially, would be a deal breaker.
As a last note, I also get a lot of guilt when I experience certain things that other trans guys I know have not, such as HRT and its developmental milestones—such as facial hair—or surgery approval, or even legal milestones like name and gender change. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I feel like I have to set my elation aside, even if it's only me that feels that I have to.
it really brings up the topic how trans people are so often completely asexualized, made to look undesirable in a sexual way, and made to feel guilt and shame about there own bodies and sexuality... I see this a lot from cis people but honestly even more so from a lot of trans people (especially mtf) people themselves...I realize some trans women may truly be asexual, celibate for whatever reason, or so dysphoric that they choose to reject sexuality because it makes them uncomfortable about there body etc...and those are all valid reasons and choices for yourself (and yes I know one and three aren't usually choices) but I see so many trans women complaining on the fact that trans women are supposedly "over sexualized" and "sexually objectified" and I see very often trans women shame other trans women for being at all sexual whether in how they dress, there job, or even if they choose to have any kinda sex before surgery they are some how looked at as less trans... and giving everyone a bad reputation...at least, this is what ive noticed and the way it seems to be in the community. The thing is everyone is "over sexualized" women are, lesbians, gay men over sexualize men, blondes, red heads, fat women, petite skinny women, body builders....any "type" of person you can find tons of people overly sexualizing and objectifying them whether in porn or movies or whatever...the reality is probably at least 98 percent of people are sexual beings to some degree and it in general for most people is not a bad thing to be looked at as sexy or desirable but its like in the trans community if your preop and sexual your either not a "true transsexual" or your contributing to stereotypes and giving everyone a bad name...this may all sound slightly off topic but it really is very relevant as how can we expect people to want to be with us in a romantic way if we all constantly insist on being so conservative and extremely politically correct in regards to anything related to sexuality and our bodies...I just think no wonder even other mtf lesbians don't want to date another mtf lesbian...because we've all convinced everyone how, well....excuse me but..prudish, we usually are...anyways that's just something I've noticed that I think is somewhat relevant in this discussion and I think I explained it decent perhaps slightly too blunt and overly outspoken but I'm sure I made the point
Locked. :police:
well, I think one of the problems in our perception of each other as trans is that for a very long time until very recently the public was only aware of trans people through the nightly news or the exploitive tv shows. I grew up starting in 1951. The first time I knew of another lifestyle for transgender was 19 months ago when I joined Susan's. For all those years the only perception of transgender was the girls that worked the clubs as impersonators or the ones you saw on tv or on the street corners making a living through the sex trade and through porn video's. My perception of transgender was exclusively shaped by a limited view. I started to transition and looked for some help on the internet and came across Susan's. It was like the original Wizard of OZ where the movie goes from black and white to color. I was truly amazed at the diversity. I had worked with a transgender person before my own transition so I knew there was a different world than the media creation. I just never knew the extent of the diversity. One of the things that stopped me from transitioning 20 years earlier was the thought that the only way to support myself if I did was through prostitution. As far as being racist for preferring another race. It's a combination of things why you end up with a date . It's mostly opportunity from being at the right place and time to meet someone. I live in a college community where the percentage of Chinese woman and males of different race comingling is quite high. I wouldn't say these students are racist for dating outside of their own race, there's a multitude of factors why you date someone. I like Rutabaga does that make me a hater of beets. So I think are perceptions of each other have a historical hill to climb in understanding why you will or will not date someone like yourself plus all the other factors discussed. Personally as I said before I'm an equal opportunity dater. If the revolution ever gets moving faster mankind might finally find it beneficial for everyone to treat each other as they would treat themselves.
:police:
I'm reopening this thread. If anyone accuses anyone else of being a racist, misogynist, homophobic, transphobic or anything - or implies it - because of their stated sexual preferences that person will be put on moderation. Just so we're clear, OK?
I'm in a relationship with another MTF trans girl, but I wouldn't toss around phrases like transphobic towards any person. One's attractions need not be justified. It's as silly as saying someone is sexist for only dating a certain gender.
Nah, transphobia implies and alludes to discrimination towards transgender people. People say all the time, I only date men or women, or both, and/or trans people, all completely accepted in the liberal parts of the world. Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Pansexual/Trans only, all completely accepted, sans culture and environment, which is half of the acceptance, depending culture and environment(ie.most conversative parts of the world).
My 2 cents
Yeah, and we did not mention option of dating intersex people - so are we discriminating them too? Also, I would prefer to date a man, but not a homosexual man (because in my experience we just dont click in some important aspects), so most probably I would hesitate to date a gay guy (which is totally not the case with bi, bicurious). Am I discriminationg gay dudes then? Of course not.
Speaking about dating transpeople (who are extremely rare here), I would not date an MtF, because I am not really into them, and the numbers of FtMs are even less. If he was hot, sure, why not? But this is again not about someone's trans-ness, but other qualities, like attraction, chemistry and all those deeply hidden, yet very important criteria which everyone of us has inside and which facilities our decision "hot or not...".
I am attracted to people who are stepping into their power, loving who they are and living the fullest in the moment. They are actively engaged in building the future they seek while grounded in the present. --This describes many trans people.
I am turned off however, by people stuck in a low-vibrational, victim mindset. Where they have stories they constantly live in about how terrible their life has been up to this point. It's okay to feel down every now and then. Everybody does. But when a person constantly lives in the past about all the awful things that have happened to them then they are missing out on living in the present. I like to reach out and help these people, but I can't be around them 24/7, it is draining to do so because they suck in all energy around them with their low vibrations. -- This also describes many trans people.
But guess what? These descriptions apply to many cis people too. And even if I found there to be a tendency towards trans people being the latter type, I still would not limit myself to only having relationships with cis people. I prefer to leave myself open to anything and see what happens. If the attraction I first spoke of is there then I will run with it.
I'm sorry, I must admit to a fault of mine , I'm kind of partial either to slender women or well developed softly muscular brutally handsome men.
Quote from: Alaia on May 28, 2015, 02:55:42 AM
I am turned off however, by people stuck in a low-vibrational, victim mindset. Where they have stories they constantly live in about how terrible their life has been up to this point. It's okay to feel down every now and then. Everybody does. But when a person constantly lives in the past about all the awful things that have happened to them then they are missing out on living in the present. I like to reach out and help these people, but I can't be around them 24/7, it is draining to do so because they suck in all energy around them with their low vibrations. -- This also describes many trans people.
God, I hate those "oh, woe as me" people.....and yes, a lot of trans people are like that. I will not bother with any of them. Life is far too short. Everyone has had their own struggles and misfortunes. Dwelling on them prevents a person from living their life.
While I do like to be pursued more than I like to pursue - I will never complain of unequal opportunity in being considered girlfriend-material, because I am transsexual.
Because that's nonsense. I have found that if I assert who I am and what I want, then people react to that confidence - boys especially :~]
Yes - not being a victim is a big thing. Turn that on its head. Here I am, what are you gonna do about it?
I keep all my relationships on a just friends basis and don't really have much interest in dating anyone, that of course could change, never know when that special someone may rise above all others but I'm not going to hold breath
I think I'm more attracted to the reality of a strong friendship and true companion rather than many of the common aesthetics often associated with relationships
Quote from: V M on May 28, 2015, 06:10:07 AM
I keep all my relationships on a just friends basis and don't really have much interest in dating anyone, that of course could change, never know when that special someone may rise above all others but I'm not going to hold breath
I think I'm more attracted to the reality of a strong friendship and true companion rather than many of the common aesthetics often associated with relationships
sex, drugs and rock and roll, I'm still burnt out being a Hippi. Just give me a kitchen and an all night conversation about the universe and I'm a happy camper.
Is it transphobic want to date just cis people? I dont think that this is a black or white kinda question.
For instance: I like women. Cis or trans, thats what turns me on. I dont like guys on general, kinda got into two or three, but, as a rule, I cant say I like guys. So, I would date a trans woman. Already did, in fact. But, if you ask me if I would openly date a trans woman, my answer would problably be "no". But thats because i'm not open about my own transexuality. So, am I transphobic or just a coward?
But lets for a moment forget my coward ways and say: yes, I would openly date a trans woman. Would I date a trans guy? Thats a no for certain! I'm not attracted to guys. I could date a cis guy, if I really really got into him, but not a trans guy. Why? I dunno. Is that transphobic? I dont think so. The same why a straigh guy not dating a gay guy is not homophobic. Nobody have to be attracted for anybody. They just are or aren't.
I simply dont think things are black or white. The fact that someone doesnt want to date a trans person may be tranphobic, but doesnt mean that is always transphobic.