Hello all,
I'm starting this thread cause it would be great to hear some inspiration stories from other transpeople that originally didn't beleieve it would get better. I think sharing some positive stories would be very encouraging to those of us who may feel hopeless, afraid, depressed, alone etc.. Stories that show it's possible to get through a difficult time and find yourself happier and healthier on the other side of it. So, for those who once felt hopless about the future prior to or during your transition, please share your story here. Knowing that it can and did get better for some of us can really be helpful and inspiring for those of us stuck in a rut.
And if it's not too personal, can you explain how you did it and what changed for the better? Like how you overcame all the emotional, social and financial issues of it. And anyone who found themselves with a cripplingly low self esteem and perception of themselves, how did you come to feel comfortable with yourself and feel able to live the life you want without fear and hesitation. Also, did you assume the worse about how the world was going to see and treat you and was the reality much better than the fearful images you conjured in your mind? Like instead of being seen a weirdo, did people accept and be cool with everything as you progressed in your transition? And did any of that extended to dating(especially would like to hear from straight women with positive dating interactions with men)? Did you ever find an accepting partner who could like you for you? I guess what I'm asking is was it possible to assimilate into the world and live as a normal and happy woman at the end of your transition?
Anyone that could partipate, it would mean a lot to hear your personal story and maybe learn from others about how they overcame their own challenges and broke bad patterns. Thanks everyone who is able to contribute and help bring your positive stories.
for me personally it turned out quite simple. I wanted death more than life. The end was standing there in front of me. I got help from a hospital at the psyche department. they gave me therapy , I got on HRT and death took a vacation.
"Crippling", forget "Low self esteem", Negative self worth. A lifetime of what see now was depression. All that in spite of making a boatload of money, breaking the image of some techno-geek engineer to give lectures on on international scale as well as being called upon to do sales calls throughout the world. Designing award wining life-saving medical devices. Being involved with some pretty cool leading edge physics. Enabling the next generation of high tech computers with the stuff I helped design and manufacture.
It all meant NOTHING. I was NOTHING. I was just a THING. A mere cog. Doing what was expected. Only one aspect of which was really Me. That was my curiosity and love of electronics. The one and only innate ability I had I felt good about. That brought be some level of joy. So I spent decades "Doing What Was Expected"
Oh sure, twice, when I was young and idealistic, I "experimented" with transitioning. Well, with negative self esteem and a history of being being a big fat four eyed stuttering balding knuckle dragging can't talk target you can imagine how well those turned out. Haunted by ghosts of the past. Haunted by my fear. I spent my life mostly till then as a target. Now I had a choice. Blend in or stick out as a 6ft tall stuttering big everything deep voiced four eyed, unemployable four eyed woman. No brainer... I opted for "Normal"
Irony, the star that rules my life. One of my favorite movies of all time is "Harvey". In it is one memorial line
Elwood P. Dowd: Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, "In this world, Elwood, you must be" - she always called me Elwood - "In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant." Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me.
Well, I tried "smart" for decades. In the eyes of any outsider it worked. But to me I slowly turned into a lifeless soulless "Thing". When the excrement once again hit the air handler I FINALLY figured out it was how I was Not Handling being trans was the root cause.
I recommend "oh so pleasant". As well as my wife. I found joy. Discovered passion. Learned that I can have hopes, wishes and dreams. But... BEST of all I discovered I am a worthy person. I truly deserve the accolades others tried to bestow upon me. It was ME that achieved and rightly earned all that I have. THe good and the bad.
Oh my gosh, it's been so many years ago to remember everything in detail. As a guy I was a angry and depressed all the time, had such a short fuse and would let anyone have it if they needed it. I had met my therapist during my divorce, a divorce from a woman who convinced me to transistion, which I am thankful for of that, but not thankful for trying to use my transgender issues against me in court for custody of my son, but I degress.
After the divorce I decided to see said therapist since my issues came out to her. And thru a couple of years of therapy and learning why I was so angry and depressed we decided I need to transistion. She knew I was to the point I needed to transistion or I was going to be dead from self harm or stress. I have been on hormones off and on for more than five years before meeting her and it was taking quite the toll with the emotional roller coaster. But being me, bound and determined not to let this get the best of me I decided to transistion. So on June 4th of 2009 Kayla was born. I remember my hair stylus asking me how I wanted my hair done. I simply said feminine, let's do it all and let the chips fall where they may. I figured if I can spend 40 years living my life for everyone else and pleasing them, making my self measurabable let them deal with it, I'm making myself happy for once.
Sure it hasn't been easy, anything I had that was male was either burned or tossed out or given away. I figured if I did that there wouldn't be any possibility of going back, going back to pure hell, no way. Sure I lost friends of a number of years. But I soon realized they weren't true friends, they were only friends who wanted things. I did lose family, yes my sisters and brothers and their families have pretty much turned their backs. But you know what I found out I don't need them in my life to be happy. I found out I didn't need all the toys or material things in my life. I found out I'm happy just being alive, as long as there is food on a table, a bed to sleep in and my husband next to me I'm good.
I didn't return to my therapist to get a letter for surgery, and the whole time visiting with her she was in just utter amazement on how different I am. Different not only in physical seance but emotionally stable and happy. Happy be sitting there carrying a conversation and being relaxed and more out going. She throughly enjoyed meeting my husband and seeing how he reminds her of my dad. Omg I married a man like my dad, who would have that. I sure wouldn't have.
So for me I had to find my happiness. What made Kayla happy? What did she like to do? See during my marriages to a female, I felt like I was in a gay relationship. I couldn't look at my wives as a husband should. I wanted to, but it just wasn't there for me, and they both knew I wasn't happy. I guess supporting them and buying houses and cars boats campers and quads, and providing for the children just was enough. It all had to change.
I have dated quite a few men, ok about 50 of them, so I'm a slut I'm sorry, had to make up for lost time I guess. I was starting to feel worthless and like that's all men wanted me for was sex. I had always thought of myself as a virtuous woman, but I wasn't living as one that's for sure. So one day I just had enough and told men that if they are going to treat me like a whore I would charge like one. That pretty much weeded out the rift raft. I had gottin to the point that the men I was dating didn't want a relationship, just to have fun. I mean there is only so much a girl can take, the constant flirting and being hit on got old. So I just stopped dating and wore a wedding band. Yeah the wedding band does work for a guy who is a gentlemen.
About two years into my transition a gal a few years my junior that grew up next to me became friends, then sisters. The best adice she gave me when I transistioned is " walk in there like you own the joint, like you belong there" when the bathroom issues came up or when someone would question me. Which thank god I never have been questioned, oh sorry only once when I was about to enter the men's rooms by mistake and a guy stopped me, lol, funny story there.
So here we are about five years into my transistion not dating, just working and having fun with the girls, when my husband came into my life. I knew he was special when he did t try and get into my pants. Special when he opens the doors for me, or but my flowers when I had a bad day. We do have our moments when I want to strangle him, when I'm thinking why men are the way they are. I thought I used to know how they thought, but comes to find out I never knew how men think. That's the reason my relationships with women never worked out, thought too much alike, I guess. Yes men can be pouty and clinical, but we can be moody and bitchy. Which he lets me know and puts up with anyways. He knows when I am having my time of the month thing going on. Which I find quite strange, since I can't find any info on the net about periods of transgender women. I remember I had cramps so bad it had me doubled over and crying, or the bloating, and the only thing my sister can say is "welcome to womanhood"
My best advice for you sweety is you got a second chance at life. Life as a female, life as a new person, leave the old crap behind. If we never stand a little rain we will never see a rainbow. Live life to the fullest and with out regrets. Depression is a killer and you are not alone, seek out friends and family and talk to them. I have made so many new friends, and old ones are starting to come around. Many people are scared of the unknown, I pride myself on educating others on our issues and how we feel. Many people are quite intrigued by the process of transistioning and very supportive. Hell complete strangers are more supportive than most of my family.
Best wishes Kayla
Well, I'm not consider a success person, still got a long way to go but may be what I have been thorugh might help. When I was going through the first few years of transition, it was hard time within myself. I use to get more respect from people and then boom! they see me as a freak. Friends and family all made me feel soooo guilt. I spend sometime adapting myself to get use to it. Then I find fews supportive friends and try to stay away from one that's not cool. I use to be so depress and then I think to myself that why should I care other more than I care myself. Then I start concentrate more on myself than other. I could call that I put myself as the self center at that time.
I was stop looking at the world for sometime and I keep develop myself, and be as happy as possible, I think it's the most important part of the transition, try to look stuff on the bright side and be happy, that will make your trasition turn out nice. And after sometime I find myself really confident, I have a cool circle of friends. And when I meet the hater look from people I even turn to them and talk to them. I use to ask a girl who give me a weird look like "Is there any things you want to talk to me?" "Are you the hater" That's what I ask her.
For the job, I am lucky to get the job that they care of what I can do rather than what I look likes. Even though personally my co-workers are not cool with trans but they are professional enough to work with me. So transition doesn't effect my job, just some weird look from people in my workplace. But after sometime they are cool.
So I am not consider reach my career goal, but I reach my goal of lifestyle. It's all within yourself. Remember you can not change other, the only one in this world that you can change is you.
Everyone have their own path, we are in different place and time, but one thing is you got to have strong mind to go through this. Widh you a good transition.
Ps: one more thing, just wanna let you know that there are accepting partner out there.
I had to over come a couple of huge hurdles in order to get where I am today. One was about 3 years ago where I nearly died and to be honest at that point I wasn't sure things were not going to worse. I was easily staring down the possibility of being put on dialysis and doing so until I have a kidney replaced. Lucky function improved overtime which has allowed me things like HRT. Secondly shortly before my transition this time around I lost a dear friend to suicide. Her loss sent me into a bit of a spiral I wasn't sure I knew how to pull out of either. Thing is simply dealing with my issues is how I did pull out of it and in my cause it meant transition. At both of those points I did believe things could be better considering how painful those times where, but her I am proof nearly 11 months full time that things do improve. I'm doing well and couldn't be happier with my transition since I can be my true authentic self and not worry about what others may think. Facing my issues and dealing with them is what allowed me to reach better times. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah