Susan's Place Transgender Resources

It varies. I have a stab of jealousy when I hear binary trans women talk about how they always knew their gender. I really wish I knew what it felt like to be 100% in line with my gender.

I colored my nails today for the first time ever. I'm thrilled at the color and it's kind of fun, but every time they catch my eye I think "what the heck is a guy like me doing with colored nails."

OTOH, there are times when I feel like being a guy living as a woman is an exciting adventure, something most people never experience.

How do you feel about being non-binary?

I'll vote when you include an option for someone like myself who truly embraces who I am. Obviously, this is a statement of your feelings rather than a search for statistics. Everything OK, or do you want to talk?

Hugs, Devlyn

I'd say I'm okay with it, though I will admit I am afraid of how people might react when I'm more publicly out and start dressing more masculine at times and binding regularly. I don't wish that I fit in the gender binary; instead, I wish that society would be more aware of and accepting of us nonbinary people.

It does sometimes annoy me a little how my boyfriend always refers to me as his girlfriend and "she" instead of his partner and "they", though I think that's at least partially because he doesn't expect other people to understand. He does at least sometimes refer to me in a gender-neutral way when we're alone, so I think he's trying to get in the habit of being supportive of his "girlfriend" not actually being a girl.

I'm with Devlyn in that I feel I can't vote because there isn't an option that is a fit for me.  I don't feel in any way that I'm a man and while I have many femme qualities which I like I don't want to be put into the 'F' pigeon hole either.  If I want to I can scrub up and dress posh for a special occasion, but most of the time I'm happy to dress unisex without makeup or jewelry.
It made me feel good inside to read about the Swedish official adoption of the pronoun 'hen'.  I look forward to the day when English has officially sanctioned gender neutral pronouns too.

I voted to see the results. I've been cursed since birth in feeling of being a woman. the more I look back on my life the more I know I should of been given the opportunity to be me from kindergarten onward. Maybe the revolution will come in future generations where people won't need to suffer because the box doesn't fit.

It's good in a sense that there's more freedom mentally in not having to fit in one set of standards or the other, but on  the other hand, there are the drawbacks of not being recognized in the anything (media, public knowledge, legal system).  I voted mostly ok, since my main emotion is "thank god there's a word for it".

I vote for "I wish..." because I feel like I'll never live fully as nonbinary, it's also a bit hard to explain to people. I agree with Transparentgingersnap, nonbinary aren't really recognized, and it's hard to not being recognized by society.

I have a tough time understanding what my experience is but I'm doing the best I can to try and accept it. I bounce back and forth between confident and unsure constantly. Its very frustrating.

So many relateable feelings. That problem with the guy with colored nails? Get that a lot. Look at my pictures and "->-bleeped-<-, I'm a man, why do I have make-up here" and then I remember my pre-transition sadness of not being able to express any femininity. In the end, the feeling is that I'll never feel truly... tranquil. With it.

In one sense; I love being non-binary. I have found a part of myself that has been missing for many many years and connecting with that has brought me a lot of joy and allowed me to really be in my body and develop a sense of sexuality and sensuality; also it gives me a unique view of society and I believe it makes me more empathic and understanding of human nature. 

On the other hand finding courage to express and live as non-binary is so so difficult; it is the source of so much anxiety and tears and fear for me.  I think when it really clicked a few years back that I was non-binary I saw that actually this is a path of real spiritual and personal development for me; if I can work through this and live it in an authentic way then the lessons I learn in doing that are exactly what I feel it is I have to learn from life this time around.

I voted "I wish I could just be one or the other" because in some ways I'm more troubled by being genderfluid than if I were just a MTF. There are some things that might be easier, but the fact that there is not a clear path is what troubles me. Am I really just supposed to wing it/make it up as I go along? 

Quote from: VeronicaLynn on June 04, 2015, 12:06:01 AM
I voted "I wish I could just be one or the other" because in some ways I'm more troubled by being genderfluid than if I were just a MTF. There are some things that might be easier, but the fact that there is not a clear path is what troubles me. Am I really just supposed to wing it/make it up as I go along?

Having no clear path can be scary sometimes, but it's never boring.  You really can be whatever you want to be and not be pigeonholed by gender expectations.

It's Thursday, so I went with "mostly OK."

FWIW, this morning at the Philadelphia Trans Health Conference, there was a non-binary session called "let's make friends", i.e., to just talk about what it's like to be non-binary (I'd put it "to not be binary," but it wasn't my session.)  Something like 100 people came, and the 80 minutes were hardly enough for everyone who wanted to to say something, but it was nice to hear other people's experiences and to know that if my way of not being binary means I'm unhinged (as I sometimes feel when I wake up at 4:00 a.m.), at least I've got lots of company.

Quote from: Lady Smith on June 04, 2015, 05:01:54 AM
Having no clear path can be scary sometimes, but it's never boring.  You really can be whatever you want to be and not be pigeonholed by gender expectations.

I agree it's not boring. While I don't want to be pigeonholed by gender expectations, I'm not sure I even know what I'm doing sometimes. Or that whatever I'm doing is not something negative.

Making mistakes or sometimes getting things wrong is part of being human Veronica.  I know I've got plenty of things wrong at times on my own life journey, but I try to learn from my mistakes and carry on with the mysterious process of being me.  Being non-binary is difficult because there are no established 'right ways' to do it, but the most important thing is to always be true to yourself.

being non-binary, i feel screwed because it takes a lot more for me to justify my actions. i never went through the girly phase nor dress up phase. everyone thinks because i'm not binary, i'm just gay. its hard and i wish i wasnt but this is who i am and its kind of frustrating

 I needed the hormones and transition but have found myself to be too guyish for gay girls and too girly for straight girls and too traumatised for those ok with me the way i am. (My ex was emotionally abusive then ripped my life to shredds, told family and friends I was abusing her and my kids) So I be alone, hang alone, see movies by myself, go resteraunt myself.

I'm pretty okay with it, once I learned and accepted it.

It used to be I'd only go as a guy on my guy days on MUDs/MUCKs in my early teens, nearly a decade and a half ago, but eventually I'd be found out thanks to some friends who I ditched a long time ago.  I remember feeling so ashamed whenever they outted me, and people would get pissed that I'd lie over such a thing.  So I kind of grew scared of being genderfluid for a while.

Same friends made up a lady friend who I had a huge crush on, and I'd talk to online.  Yeah, ouch, they outted me again.

Only very recently have I started looking into it again.  It started a couple years ago, with a suggestion from my SO of awesome.  We've been keeping track of days I'm female or male, though sometimes I switch halfway through.  I find it easier to bring the guy me to work, though, since I do so much physical labor, so I've been learning to control it recently.

Also, on the occasion I have dysphoria because I don't want my boobs to be there.  Thankfully, said SO let me order a binder, and it'll be here next Saturday, I hope.  I plan to take pictures, I'm so excited.

...Sorry, this post went a little long. :)

I'm pretty OK with being genderfluid. It helps that I seem to be a "long switcher" - I seem to go several weeks or months at a time as one gender before it switches. Or at least I spend a lot of time in "neutral," as it were, with swings toward the masculine or feminine end of my personal gender sphere.

Oddly enough, I've become more interested/accepting of using makeup since I came out as genderfluid. I'm DFAB and have more or less hated makeup for most of my life - I can count the number of times I wore the stuff pre-coming out on my fingers, and have fingers left over. Now that I've fully realised my non-binary nature, I feel more comfortable experimenting with these things. I've got a home-made binder and I plan on ordering a commercial one soon, my wardrobe is slowly being revamped to cope with "boy days", "girl days" and "in-between days", I own mascara and eyebrow pencils for the first time in about 14 years... In short, my life has become much more fulfilling.

Don't get me wrong, I still experience dysphoria and days where I wake up going "what am I today?". But in many ways, knowing I have a label for my gender identity has been very beneficial. Now I just have to get used to the neverending pronoun battle...

Unlike my so called transgender condition that I keep hating and so embarrassed about, I love the fact that I am non binary and even proud of it.

I don't feel non-binary, I feel double-binary, like there is literally one man and one woman in this same body, and both want to live separate lives. I hate it. I can be something in between, but I can't be two opposing things at once.

Even as someone in between, there is no place for me in society. Sure, you can say all the happy, flowery things about being yourself and finding your place, but I mean. Rationally speaking. Where is my bathroom? I have to pick a gender to pee in public. When I go shopping, where is the men's department for female-proportioned bodies? When I'm in ritual with my Wiccan coven, do I speak the part of the Goddess or the God? When someone asks for "the guys" or "the ladies", do I go by my apparent gender or my biological gender?

Sometimes I like being me, but sometimes I wish I could just be one or the other. There have been times when I accepted that I might be a trans man, fully FTM, and then got envious at how pretty MTFs look years after transitioning. If I could just flip a switch and be a pretty woman sometimes, and a proud tough guy other times, that would be great.

I very much like being non-binary. I wish I could have figured to out sooner. Once in a while I run into someone that is uncomfortable with me being nonbinary but I understand that discomfort. All of my friends accept me complete for who I am. I'm working on helping my wife accept me for who I am. A little tricky since she is a lesbian and we met a few years before I figured out the nonbinary thing as much as I have. I'm still not sure completely because I am more connected to my "masculine" side. But in grateful that I can accept myself while I'm figuring it all out.


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I have a love hate relationship with being non-binary. I may be non-binary, but I express myself in a very binary way. No one ever mistakes me as male when I choose to be male and no one  mistakes me as female when I choose to be female. However, there are some days I seem to make the "wrong" choice. Days when I put on a dress and all I can think about is "oh gosh, I just want to go home and tear it down" and vice versa.

However, I feel sort of stuck in the middle when I try to relate to one gender or the other. I don't quite feel right being around a group of guys and when I'm with a group of girls they sort of brush off my opinions and experiences as a woman because it's "different". So while internally I feel euphoric, socially I feel like a ping pong ball  that keeps getting shot off the table.