Are you ashamed of your emotions especially when cis women try to compare them with you and yours don't match theirs? Does testosterone make you less emotional?
No, not ashamed of anything. And I wouldn't say it makes you less emotional. Just differently emotive.
I have always been very low key emotionally, so that hasn't changed. I tend to stay right around a 3. I've found that I can't cry on T. It just hasn't happened, though there have been a few times that I would've liked to. I do get angry faster, and I am much more prone to fight back or argue than I was before.
T has made it harder for me to cry, almost to the point that I can't do it. It just requires A LOT for the waterworks to break open these days and I'm cool with that.
I think I was kinda ashamed of my emotions pre-T since crying was harder to control. I didn't like it at all because for some reason I had grown to think crying in front of other people is bad. Could be due to my childhood with my mom's pretty bad depression seasons etc but anyhow I avoided crying till I just couldn't hold it in anymore.
In contrast I'm more prone to express other emotions more easily, namely annoyance and anger but they also die down much faster.
Thank you, FTMAX.
Tossu-sama, that is the kind of answer I would have liked to hear and I'm glad it's harder to cry on testosterone. I have depression and am frequently embarrassed about crying in public in the past.
sometimes, but i try not to be. i'm someone with an anxiety disorder - at one point, i just had to accept that i may be more fragile and emotional than a lot of people, regardless of gender. and that's ok.
Quote from: synesthetic on June 01, 2015, 08:20:51 PM
sometimes, but i try not to be. i'm someone with an anxiety disorder - at one point, i just had to accept that i may be more fragile and emotional than a lot of people, regardless of gender. and that's ok.
Yes, I am sort of a nervous person myself and have trouble accepting myself that way. I was hoping the T would make it go away some.
Testosterone made me much less emotional, but I'm still more feely and sensitive than most cisguys. I don't experience any shame about my feelings, though I do at times make social mistakes by forgetting to be rocksolid and macho or whatever.
Gosh, I hope I'm not overstepping anything here, not being a guy and all.
Generally speaking, I think it's easier for trans guys to be free with their emotions, because they typically haven't been inundated with a lifetime of stupid, macho, boys-don't-cry indoctrination. Yes, testosterone makes it harder to cry, but crying doesn't make you any less masculine. It makes you a vulnerable, authentic human being.
In Beowulf, when the... (oh man, my memory of this is rusty...) Swedes(?) prepare to fight off the Vikings(?), don't they gather at the mead hall and cry their eyes out? Nobody's going to call out Beowulf on his masculinity.
Quote from: Felix on June 02, 2015, 01:04:40 AM
Testosterone made me much less emotional, but I'm still more feely and sensitive than most cisguys. I don't experience any shame about my feelings, though I do at times make social mistakes by forgetting to be rocksolid and macho or whatever.
I wouldn't worry about that. There are many cismen who don't have it emotionally together at all times.
Quote from: MugwortPsychonaut on June 02, 2015, 03:14:05 PM
Gosh, I hope I'm not overstepping anything here, not being a guy and all.
Generally speaking, I think it's easier for trans guys to be free with their emotions, because they typically haven't been inundated with a lifetime of stupid, macho, boys-don't-cry indoctrination. Yes, testosterone makes it harder to cry, but crying doesn't make you any less masculine. It makes you a vulnerable, authentic human being.
In Beowulf, when the... (oh man, my memory of this is rusty...) Swedes(?) prepare to fight off the Vikings(?), don't they gather at the mead hall and cry their eyes out? Nobody's going to call out Beowulf on his masculinity.
Even living as a female from birth I've believed that crying is ok if it's not shown to anyone. I've cried in front of people before but was very embarrassed, because I believe it's wrong to show weakness. I believe weakness should be covered up at all times. I don't expect others to live up to this because I know the modern approach to feelings is to let it out.
Not fully a guy myself, but if you didn't want us gals to chime in, you'd have posted in the FtM area, right?
I did live as a male for 50 years. I learned at a young age that it's not OK to cry. Sometime in my childhood, I lost the ability to cry when I'm upset. I get teary at happy endings but I don't seem to be able to make any of it happen when I'm sad. Now that I'm theoretically a girl and on estrogen, I thought it would be easier, but nope. Still not happening.
Now I envy women and their ability to let their emotions out that way.
But I think the lack of crying actually makes for stronger emotions, since the release isn't there. Can anyone relate?
Quote from: suzifrommd on June 02, 2015, 06:13:07 PM
Not fully a guy myself, but if you didn't want us gals to chime in, you'd have posted in the FtM area, right?
I did live as a male for 50 years. I learned at a young age that it's not OK to cry. Sometime in my childhood, I lost the ability to cry when I'm upset. I get teary at happy endings but I don't seem to be able to make any of it happen when I'm sad. Now that I'm theoretically a girl and on estrogen, I thought it would be easier, but nope. Still not happening.
Now I envy women and their ability to let their emotions out that way.
But I think the lack of crying actually makes for stronger emotions, since the release isn't there. Can anyone relate?
Yes.
Quote from: MugwortPsychonaut on June 02, 2015, 03:14:05 PM
Gosh, I hope I'm not overstepping anything here, not being a guy and all.
Generally speaking, I think it's easier for trans guys to be free with their emotions, because they typically haven't been inundated with a lifetime of stupid, macho, boys-don't-cry indoctrination. Yes, testosterone makes it harder to cry, but crying doesn't make you any less masculine. It makes you a vulnerable, authentic human being.
In Beowulf, when the... (oh man, my memory of this is rusty...) Swedes(?) prepare to fight off the Vikings(?), don't they gather at the mead hall and cry their eyes out? Nobody's going to call out Beowulf on his masculinity.
I was raised as female but I think that made me want to hide my emotions that much more because when I was younger I felt I had to in order to prove I wasn't actually a girl. So I, and I suspect a lot of trans guys, still got that "boys don't cry" indoctrination, just in a different form.
My family generally sees the show of emotions as some sort of weakness so I do still struggle with that perception but it's nothing to do with being male. Coming out and accepting myself as a man has actually helped me be more open to my emotions because it's like I don't have to prove anything anymore. A lot of guys seem to do the opposite and act like they have to
start proving themselves by showing no emotion once they come out which is unfortunate because it just keeps perpetuating the stupid stereotype. I'm not sure how I'll be on T but I doubt it'll suddenly make it impossible for me to cry. It's frustrating to have a difficult time opening up emotionally when it's called for, I'm not sure why anyone would want to regress back to such a thing.
I wish people wouldn't expect us to explain our emotions.
Quote from: Jake25 on June 02, 2015, 09:18:51 PM
I wish people wouldn't expect us to explain our emotions.
I don't understand. How could you feel this way?
No, I'm kidding! I totally agree with you! :)
Quote from: Jake25 on June 02, 2015, 09:18:51 PM
I wish people wouldn't expect us to explain our emotions.
I'm not sure what the context of this one is. It is a thread about explaining emotions after all.
I was talking about mine are different than cis women's in general. I didn't want to have to explain anything to them.
Quote from: Jake25 on June 05, 2015, 08:26:10 AM
I was talking about mine are different than cis women's in general. I didn't want to have to explain anything to them.
Oh, I see what you mean. My group of friends in high school were mainly all girls so it was tough being able to relate to them emotionally a lot of times. Even now I haven't come out to a few of them so it's hard to relate. Two are getting all excited over planning their weddings and picking out dresses. When they talk to me about it I don't share their excitement for those things so I just try to keep the focus on them, it kind of helps in situations like that.
My family is very old school and emotions are frowned on no matter what sex you are, so I've always been ashamed of my emotions. Luckily I'm not an emotional type of person by nature. Testosterone hasn't made me less emotional, but it has made me less susceptible to depression. I can still be sad or feel down, but it doesn't spiral into a depressive episode the way it might without T.
Quote from: Mosaic dude on June 06, 2015, 06:04:40 AM
My family is very old school and emotions are frowned on no matter what sex you are, so I've always been ashamed of my emotions. Luckily I'm not an emotional type of person by nature. Testosterone hasn't made me less emotional, but it has made me less susceptible to depression. I can still be sad or feel down, but it doesn't spiral into a depressive episode the way it might without T.
That's good to know that testosterone can do that.
QuoteThat's good to know that testosterone can do that.
I'm sure it's different for different people, but for me it seems that depression is almost entirely related to hormones. I took SSRIs for most of my 20s and they did work very well for me, but once I started T I found I no longer needed them.
I'm not ashamed of them, but I don't tend to discuss them publicly.
Quote from: GnomeKid on June 06, 2015, 09:33:51 PM
I'm not ashamed of them, but I don't tend to discuss them publicly.
Yes, sharing them with others was partially what I meant. I do it online only.
Quote from: Jake25 on June 07, 2015, 01:39:19 PM
Yes, sharing them with others was partially what I meant. I do it online only.
I should say though, that I have that my best friend is the MOST emotional (cis)man (... really person at all) I think on the face of the planet. I don't necessarily associate my emotions with femininity. Rather, its a desire to stay in any way out of the spotlight. I also just don't like to make a big thing of myself. I deal with things better on my own for the most part. When things get really rough I don't hesitate to say, but I also don't let it effect my exterior actions in any way that would be noticeable to the majority of people.
The only time I'm ashamed of my emotions is when they cause me to do something which makes others unhappy or uncomfortable: if I'm cranky at the end of the day and I get grumpy with my partner, for instance. However, I've learned that it's a lot better to share those feelings than to sit on them. If I come right out and say "I'm tired and crabby and this isn't a good time for us to talk," all is well: she gets it, knows it's not about her, and that I'm on the way to getting over it. (Sharing emotions is also good for that, by the way -- acknowledging what you're feeling is more than half the battle of getting past it.)
I have no reason to compare my emotions to those of cis women, since I'm not one. I've never identified as a woman (despite years of denial about being transsexual), nor have I ever really understood some of the ways they do emotion.
T, therapy, and doing some mindfulness practice have all done wonders for how I experience emotions: I'm calmer and more in sync with the world and myself since starting T, my therapist is a bit of a whiz, and learning to notice how my body is feeling at a given moment makes me much more aware of my emotional states, and better able to handle them. Sometimes, not always, that involves expressing them to other people -- that can still be scary, but I'm getting over it.
Quote from: GnomeKid on June 08, 2015, 09:09:30 AM
I should say though, that I have that my best friend is the MOST emotional (cis)man (... really person at all) I think on the face of the planet. I don't necessarily associate my emotions with femininity. Rather, its a desire to stay in any way out of the spotlight. I also just don't like to make a big thing of myself. I deal with things better on my own for the most part. When things get really rough I don't hesitate to say, but I also don't let it effect my exterior actions in any way that would be noticeable to the majority of people.
I'm similar to that.
Quote from: Tysilio on June 08, 2015, 09:54:12 AM
The only time I'm ashamed of my emotions is when they cause me to do something which makes others unhappy or uncomfortable: if I'm cranky at the end of the day and I get grumpy with my partner, for instance. However, I've learned that it's a lot better to share those feelings than to sit on them. If I come right out and say "I'm tired and crabby and this isn't a good time for us to talk," all is well: she gets it, knows it's not about her, and that I'm on the way to getting over it. (Sharing emotions is also good for that, by the way -- acknowledging what you're feeling is more than half the battle of getting past it.)
I have no reason to compare my emotions to those of cis women, since I'm not one. I've never identified as a woman (despite years of denial about being transsexual), nor have I ever really understood some of the ways they do emotion.
T, therapy, and doing some mindfulness practice have all done wonders for how I experience emotions: I'm calmer and more in sync with the world and myself since starting T, my therapist is a bit of a whiz, and learning to notice how my body is feeling at a given moment makes me much more aware of my emotional states, and better able to handle them. Sometimes, not always, that involves expressing them to other people -- that can still be scary, but I'm getting over it.
You're lucky to have such a good therapist and wife.
Ashamed? No. I'm a logical decision-maker who was raised by people who base their decisions first and foremost on value judgments - feelings. If anything, I keep my emotions to myself because I'm protective of my privacy after having been interrogated about them so often in the past.
Quote from: Jszar on June 13, 2015, 07:20:08 PM
Ashamed? No. I'm a logical decision-maker who was raised by people who base their decisions first and foremost on value judgments - feelings. If anything, I keep my emotions to myself because I'm protective of my privacy after having been interrogated about them so often in the past.
That's wonderful. I love Spock, are you kin to the Vulcans?
I'm not ashamed of my emotions. I embrace them. any form of self hatred was frowned upon in my family. We were taught to love ourselves completely and if we wanted to change or improve something then take the initiative and do it. If I want to cry I will cry and not care who thinks any different about it. being on T hasn't impacted my emotional expression, if anything it liberated me all the more to show what I feel when I want to and not care
Quote from: teddybear_zach on June 14, 2015, 12:23:24 PM
I'm not ashamed of my emotions. I embrace them. any form of self hatred was frowned upon in my family. We were taught to love ourselves completely and if we wanted to change or improve something then take the initiative and do it. If I want to cry I will cry and not care who thinks any different about it. being on T hasn't impacted my emotional expression, if anything it liberated me all the more to show what I feel when I want to and not care
I like your family philosophy. I agree and think everyone should live that way as well. Wouldn't the world be a better place?
Quote from: Jake25 on June 14, 2015, 06:01:04 PM
I like your family philosophy. I agree and think everyone should live that way as well. Wouldn't the world be a better place?
I like you Jake, you are a real down to earth open minded guy. Don't let anyone change that. Embrace the man inside you and not society's version of it and I swear you will be fine
Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk
Quote from: teddybear_zach on June 14, 2015, 06:04:42 PM
I like you Jake, you are a real down to earth open minded guy. Don't let anyone change that. Embrace the man inside you and not society's version of it and I swear you will be fine
Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk
Thank you very much for that, Zach. I like you too.
I've been naturally melancholic. Didn't change. I've also always been guarded with what emotions I show and when and adhered to a more typical masculine gender role in that regard before T and my transition, so that didn't change either.
The only thing T changed though I think it wasn't just T but just an overall personality change in me in general which occurred due to a natural spurt of self-development and growth that the transition was a part of, is that I nowadays got a much shorter fuse and when it goes it goes hard. I can see red very quickly and almost lose myself and what I'm doing when I do. Things just happen. I've never been violent or the like and I've always known I've had a very destructive side of my anger that if I let it out freely without inhibiting some of it, I don't know what I could potentially do (essentially, it's just that I choose to not give a ->-bleeped-<- anymore and ignore that I do have a consciousness), but I felt that this part got a little exacerbated post-T. In many ways I feel like my repressed teenage years are just catching up to me and that I'm now living the teenage life I would have led if all the ->-bleeped-<- that happened didn't happen and it made me bottle up all my feelings and shut them far, far away in a deep and corner of my psyche. I still have problems accessing my feelings and being emotionally vulnerable, but this isn't related to testosterone or my transition. I've always been that way.
I don't feel shame for my emotions. I do however feel some kind shame, though I wouldn't call it such because it's not per se a conscious feeling of shame, for feeling weak.
I used to be ashamed for crying. I was chastised for it by my dad and my then-boyfriend. Now, while i rather not cry in public i won't apologize for it. Things have been hard and fast. I lost a loved one, i fear i might lose more on top of a pet that may need to be euthanized. ->-bleeped-<- yes I'm going to cry because no one should hold in grief. It's unhealthy.