Okayy so i just hit 20 and 2 years since i started transitioning and almost as long since I've been living as a girl and I thought I would share some of my thoughts.
Number one, transition is hard. It's soo hard. I know for me when I first started transitioning i would watch timelines on yt and it seemed like a breeze lol! You just take some pills and a available year or two later bam. But thats not the case. You have to learn a whole new life. And that takes time. At first your makeup is gonna be ratchet you are gonna come off as forced and unnatural, people are probably going to stare, scowl and maybe worse.
And i got extremely lucky in terms of being a very femme gay boy pre transition who already wore a little makeup with a 110% accepting family. But it was still difficult getting through the awkward phases til itbecame real/natural. You have to fake it till you make it. It starts as an act and slowly transitions into reality.
Number two, you don't know everything. In fact you probably barely know anything lol. Maybe you have spent hours and hours and reading about ->-bleeped-<- and know a buncha terms and scientific facts but thats all informational. Transition is a lived experience. Its a road you walk not a concept you read about. So don't constantly educate others esp not more advanced transitioners about what it means to be transgender because if you aren't out and haven't spent one second as your identified gender you don't really know yet.
Number three. Passing is complex. There's no other word for it! It doesn't have to be paramount but its not unimportant. Its not easy or impossible and its obviously more difficult for some than others. Its also not concrete. Everyone sees the world through different eyes. One person might look at you and have no clue snd the person stsnding next to them might figure you out in a second. You also may have tells that are more obvious at some times than others and you may pass in some contexts and not others.
Just remember almost NO transgirl passes 10/10 times. Neither do a lot of cisgirls! Youre doing you and anyone who cares can seriously suck a big one.
Number four..be realistic and manage your expectations. Do you need to pass? Do you needa be a babe? Are these goals pragmatic or idealistic? Look in the mirror, take measurements and be brutally honest. Seriously consider if transition will make you happier and think about the affect it will have on your loved ones. Transition is expensive, way more than the cost of hormones. I've spent thousands and thousands in the last two years. Are you financially prepared?
Lastly, never try to predict your future and remember this is a marathon not a sprint. You may think your family will never accept it. I didnt think mind would 2 years ago, now im a daddy's girl. You might get 6 months in and think you won't pass or look the way you want but chill. It takes time a LOT more than 6 months. Things change. Just keep your focus and live your life. Transition is incremental. You grow a little every day and before you know it you're a whole new person.
Anyway those are some of my thoughts. My life isn't perfect but transition made it good. Better than i ever thought it could be. I'm so happy sometimes it isn't even funny. I get to know what it feels like to be my father and mothers daughter, to be a sister, to fall in love as a girl, to have random people tell me im beautiful and to be seen and appreciated for who i really am. Its a really great gift and i am so blessed and so grateful to have made it here.
Anyway i hope this gives y all some food for thought!
Hi Yayo, welcome to Susan's. Thank you for sharing your insight and knowledge from your transition. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) |
Welcome to Susan's Yayo...
good insight into transitioning... and so good that your folks are fully behind you now...
Look forward to seeing you about the forum's
L Katy :-*
Quote from: katrinaw on June 02, 2015, 01:55:30 AM
Welcome to Susan's Yayo...
good insight into transitioning... and so good that your folks are fully behind you now...
Look forward to seeing you about the forum's
L Katy :-*
Thanks to both of you! And yeah i couldnt ask for abetter family :)
Hi yayo, Welcome to Susan's. I'm very glad you found us and decided to join in. Thank you for your words of wisdom from your personal experience.
A few lines resonated with me. As I've mentioned to others here, yes it is a marathon, not a sprint, and it is expensive, as I joked with my therapist, I wish I could have been satisfied with a Corvette - it would be cheaper.
Welcome aboard and hope to see you around.
Traci
Thanks Yayo for the insight! This is just the kind of stuff I need to read/hear.
Quote from: yayo on June 02, 2015, 12:49:46 AM
I would share some of my thoughts.
Number one, transition is hard. It's soo hard.
Number two, you don't know everything.
Number three. Passing is complex. ... You're doing you and anyone who cares can seriously suck a big one.
Number four..be realistic and manage your expectations.
Lastly, never try to predict your future and remember this is a marathon not a sprint.
Hey
Yayo this is great stuff! Seen from the perspective of someone who, thanks to ahead of their time parents, grew up openly trans, and is now over thirty years post op, I'd say you've come a long way in your thinking a very short time.
I don't entirely agree at all about point one because for me it was as easy as falling off a log - but then I was rather unusually lucky (particularly for someone who grew up in the 1960's).
Number two is certainly an important lesson and one which I am happy to say is now taught in my medical school. So in future we should also get less doctors who think they know it all. Hopefully I will soon be one of them!
Number three I agree with in the form I edited it above - that is, I just don't ever consider the concept, I'm me and people take me as they find me. I'd prefer they saw me as female, but I make no particular effort, and while it would surprise me if someone didnt after all this time, it wouldn't really bother me either.
Number four - just yes! This is really just a powerful extension of being yourself and being "real".
And the final point - JUST WOW! - I Totally agree, and in truth that's 100% of why I bother to take part in this place at all. I think some people maybe don't always understand that. I know one or two people have got a bit irritated with some things I've posted, which to them seem to jar with their experience and they perhaps wonder if I'm just here to gloat. Well no not at all.
I've had the most awesome life. I've been involved in many historic events, and I've rubbed shoulders on equal terms with the great and the good. I've never concealed who and what I am, but by the same token I dont stand out. The real thing that brings me here is the desire to counter some of the negative experience that I perceive others in this community are often unlucky enough to experience.
I know I've been extremely fortunate, and in some ways more fortunate than anyone deserves to be, so my whole motivation for being here is in the hope that I, and others like me (I suspect you are one), can hold out the hope to people who are having a tough time that it doesn't have to be that way. Being trans does NOT have to be a curse, a sentence to struggle and fail. You can succeed beyond your wildest dreams, and sometimes all it needs is a little bit of luck.
The thing that most hurts me is when I hear people who are literally just starting out and already they "know" that "nobody will ever accept me, I'll always be a freak, I'll lose my job..." etc etc. I hate the fact that the standard narrative has effectively convinced so many that they have all but resigned themselves to failure before they even start.
Yes it can be scary. Yes you probably are going to face a few hurdles and obstacles, but you CAN succeed. The trans victim story is NOT the definitive. It never really was.
So welcome to the forum. Nice to have you here.