Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I am wondering if anyone feels pressure to get or feel the need srs in order to "fit in" as transgender it seems like it's what comes to mind when someone thinks of gender variance
I don't want it and it scares me to even think about it but at the same time it seems to go hand in hand even though I know that's not the case

does anyone else feel this way?

what advice would you give someone
worried about some thing they don't want ?

Any thing elce you could say that would put my mind at ease?

Hi Kissxofxbeth, welcome to Susan's. Even though I'm going through with it and I can tell you know one is pressuring me to do it. No one should pressure you into something just to make you believe it's a requirement to be something because it's not. Never do something that you don't want to do. Anyway who would pressure you to do something that you don't want to do is no friend or ally of yours. Stay true to yourself and who you are. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)	Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)	News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)

Whether or not to have surgery is a personal decision. Make the decision *you* feel most comfortable with. If that is choosing SRS, and you are sure, great! If you don't want it, or if you do want it but are having doubts, then *don't* get it! This is not something you can un-do!

I don't know the statistics, but I would guess that many more transgender people DON'T have surgery than do.  If you chose to not have surgery I would think that you'd be in good company.

Kim :)

Welcome to Susan's. That is a very important questions to understand. For a long time I felt a drive to get the surgery because I saw it as the solution to my problem. I then located the proper treatment program and started living full time For the first year that drive was still pretty strong. Because of money issues I took a second year of full time. By the end of the second year the money issues were solved and it was time to make a decision. My feeling were I am very happy living as a woman and if I had to, I could survive in this half way state. Under no conditions would I want to return to my past life. I was no longer driven to have the surgery but I wanted it to complete my transition to a woman. The only thing the surgery changed in my life was my paperwork because I already had the new life before surgery and that is the goal of the treatment program. To give you a life that will make you happy. I never regretted my decision because I made it for the right reason.

If you have any more questions I can help you with, let me know.

I'm happily non-op and whilst I had some pressure to have SRS early in my transition, it only came from within the trans community. I have no pressing need for it and, frankly, can think of better things I could do with the money.

It's really quite simple, if you don't need or want it, don't have it.

Quote from: Dena on June 03, 2015, 10:23:22 PM
My feeling were I am very happy living as a woman and if I had to, I could survive in this half way state. Under no conditions would I want to return to my past life. I was no longer driven to have the surgery but I wanted it to complete my transition to a woman. 

Half way state? Really? Some might consider that a back-handed form of pressure to comply.. Me, I just think it's kind of offensive - I'm all woman regardless of whether I've had my genitals surgically altered or not..

I had an orchi done after four years of living fully as myself and after that I realised that I wasn't all that bothered about GRS anymore.  Just recently I met someone I knew from when I was still working as a social worker.  I suppose it had been eight years since I'd last seen them and I was asked the, 'Have you had surgery yet?' question.  I did my best  not to roll my eyes and sigh.  These days I neither confirm or deny when casually asked and that was basically what I said.  Unless it's highly likely that someone will become my lover in the near future nobody else needs to know.

I am going to back up what has been already said though, - only have GRS if you're completely sure that's what you want because once done there is no going back.

I don't do srs too and going to stay non-op. All my trans friend did srs, and we are all cool we never use srs or non-srs as the issue of being a woman. My partner suggest me to not do it, he said "it's not going to make you more or less woman to me"

Only thing that bother me about being non-op is when cis people know that I'm transgender, they always ask me like "do your get your sex change?" I really annoy when people ask me that, I think it's rude. You meet someone and you are not suppose to ask them about their sex-organ. Anyway I never really answer those question and I always told the person who ask me that they are not suppose to ask that.

I will reiterate what others have said. Never ever have SRS because of pressure, because it seems the 'next step' whatever. ONLY have SRS if YOU want it. It isn't for everyone.

As for 'the question', my response is what is between my legs is only of interest to me, my gynae, my boyfriend and my surgeon. No one else has any opinion or concern in the matter.

Have I had SRS/GRS? That's my business ::)

I would like to strongly support what Cindy said.

In many respects I'm the exact opposite of you, and indeed probably many people on the forum, in that SRS was literally the ONLY thing I really wanted. I was happy to have HRT because there is a medical logic to that, but the whole social transition and adjustment of social gender thing was something I felt slightly pressured into, because thanks to a rather easy going childhood I was already in a place of fluidity where I felt comfortable. However back in the day (I started seeing doctors in the 70's) it really wasnt that easy to get SRS without jumping through all the hoops. However I was adamant that I was going to do it my way or not at all... and I am glad to say I held out and eventually won.

The fact that I then went on to become rather more traditionally female than I originally expected is irrelevant, because the point is I did it of my own choice and in my own way.

I think the whole purpose of this is to be authentically yourself. I don't hold with the idea that you have to be x or y. It has no value if it does not let you be comfortable in your own skin, and therefore while your aim would be a living nightmare to me, if its what YOU want then that is sufficient. You may go to your grave happy with your choice, job well done. Or you may later decide you want other things. That too is ok. Either way it should be entirely your choice,

Naeree : Might I sugets a response for when people ask about your surgery? Put a big smile on your face and tell them you are a woman in all ways that count. This will be telling them the truth and it will politely be telling them none of their business.

Hi kissxofxbeth welcome to Susan's. Never let anyone tell you that you "need" to get srs. There are many different people under the trans umbrella and not all of them go with full srs. The purpose of transitioning is so that you feel comfortable, not to fit into any rigid definitions others have for you.

In the end be who you were meant to be not what others tell you to be.

Quote from: kissxofxbeth on June 03, 2015, 09:50:09 PM
I am wondering if anyone feels pressure to get or feel the need srs in order to "fit in" as transgender it seems like it's what comes to mind when someone thinks of gender variance
I don't want it and it scares me to even think about it but at the same time it seems to go hand in hand even though I know that's not the case

does anyone else feel this way?

I sometimes feel the pressure.  One friend in particular (She had her surgery in 2004) keeps asking how long before I have my surgery.  It's like, whoa, back up, I'm just about to start hormones.  Another support group I go to, most the woman are post-surgical, so there's a lot of surgery talk.  So I definitely feel the pressure.

I decided that if I have GRS, it'll be because I'm ready and I want to, not because it defines me.  It's not easy in a society that groups trans women as pre-op and post-op, but it can be done.  You define yourself.  I like to think that if anybody asks about my genitals, I'll say they need to tell me about theirs first. [emoji1]

All that being said.  I'm not opposed to surgery.  My order of preference for surgery is something like this:
Hair Transplants (necessary)
Orchi (want to get rid of that nasty T!)
Nose job
Lipo/tummy tuck
Jaw work
Then, maybe GRS.

Good luck and hugs!  Remember you are not alone! 

Do not, under any circumstances, have SRS, if you do not want it.

What Kitten said. [emoji4] [emoji106]

I'm having GRS because I want to complete the package. No pressure from anyone. Entirely my choice.

I would say that I considered my transition finished and my life as a woman 100% complete without GRS. (I didn't consider myself only halfway done or my transition incomplete or whatever; what was in my panties was relevant only to me [and my wife].)

The fact that I went on to have surgery years later was to fix my body because of something *I* wanted, and to anyone who doesn't want it, I only say : Don't do it!! Don't let people pressure you to change your body for *their* sake, because you'll regret it.

No pressure.   Life has too much of that.

When I first transitioned, I really didn't think that surgery was necessary.   After around six months, however, it became apparent that surgery was needed for me.   It's been two years since surgery now, no regrets at all.

Keep your mind open, decide for yourself.

Only ever have SRS if you feel it is the right thing for you. Don't ever let anyone talk you into it just to fit in. Your life is yours to take control of.

I put GCS in the same bucket as FFS, BA, Trachial Shave, and all of the other possible surgeries one can have that WAY too many say to insist you MUST have.

Doing something, anything, about feeling and being trans is all about something for yourself rather than doing "what was/is expected"

I personally never had such a sense of genital dysphoria as others. Sure, I wish I never was born with them but.... The last thing I am worried about, or ever was, is a Crocodile Dundee panty check.

If you don't want it, you shouldn't get it. I feel that I NEED it. Yes HRT has greatly helped, but its not enough. Don't ever let anyone pressure you into making such a decision. Its a major operation. Its very expensive. It puts you mostly in bed for a month with potentially missing work up to 3 months depending on what you do. It doesn't sound like fun, but it doesn't change the fact that for me I NEED it.

Take a good amount of time deciding. Speaking from my own experience, at first I wasn't sure. At around 1.5 years full time I though I really did, then at 2 years I realized I really didn't need it (yet, at least). I just don't have that much genital dysphoria to warrant such a change.

Your feelings may change over time as you go through transition, so there's no sense in rushing into it!

  Only do what YOU feel is right.  I've never experienced major dysphoria about my genitals, and ever since HRT calmed things down for the most part in terms of spontaneous erections (full or partial) I've finally been able to ignore that 'region' throughout my day.  My penis also plays no part in effective sexual arousal and I have to intentionally leave it alone to get anywhere.  I have two distinct arousal-response paths and the male one is unrewarding, short-lived and useless to me.  My female arousal-response path can often keep going for hours and is rather like a relentless series of earthquakes!

  The only thing that might make me change my mind about SRS would be compatibility with potential partners.  I am lesbian but I've yet to re-enter the dating world because I don't feel ready.  I have no idea if my penis is going to be a consistent deal-breaker with purely-gay women.  At the same time I don't have enough experience to know if my penis could still be of some value in a relationship with female-bodied queer women or non-binaries.  I realize, in a way, this is like saying that someone else's preferences will decide my SRS fate, but it won't be because of someone else's mindset about whether or not I'm 'trans-enough'.  In the end, I'm not interested in being limited to having to seek out a 'one-in-a-trillion' accepting partner just because people who were otherwise great could not accept my penis.  A partner's preferences are important in a functional and loving relationship, so if I find the dating pool far too shallow then I may re-consider SRS.

  The only other observation I'd make about having my male parts is that I'm absolutely terrified by the prospect of using a women's locker room.  This won't decide it for me either though - it's just something I'll have to learn to be comfortable with or just simply avoid.

Quote from: kissxofxbeth on June 03, 2015, 09:50:09 PM
I am wondering if anyone feels pressure to get or feel the need srs in order to "fit in" as transgender it seems like it's what comes to mind when someone thinks of gender variance
I don't want it and it scares me to even think about it but at the same time it seems to go hand in hand even though I know that's not the case

does anyone else feel this way?

what advice would you give someone
worried about some thing they don't want ?

Any thing elce you could say that would put my mind at ease?

Easy one.

In the past I let the pressure lead me to act "like a male", engage in "typical male activities" and try to fit as much as possible as "just another one of the dudes". Now, after my epiphany, transition, and embracement of my own reality (yeah, my "transness") I feel rather pointless to let the pressure lead me to any kind of surgery, beauty standard or procedure to just "fit in".

You know, when I overcame all the fears I had and transitioned, and embraced who I was, I just took the pressure out of the equation. I'm not allowing "social pressure" to influence so much my decisions anymore.

If I do something (this applies for everything), it's because I like it, because feels right to me. Period.

For me this is all so new into realizing that there are so many others that struggle with the same feelings and desires about being a woman that I really don't feel pressure to have SRS, I think that if its meant to be in my life that I will gradually get to that point and if its not meant to be then it won't happen and I am sure I will be okay with that. I would be happy to just have breasts and that is it because then at least I know that I am half of a woman.

I am gay and not attracted to breasts on females but I would love to have my own, I know that sounds so strange.

I am not attracted to women breast but i like mine as small as they are. You may find your self where I was. Able to survive without surgery but wanting to put everything behind you. The surgery is a graduation and not a goal and you are taking the right approach of exploring your options before deciding on surgery. In short not strange at all but it is a healthy attitude.

If I'm not mistaken, from a health perspective, the question isn't so much if you want SRS but rather a choice between an orchie or SRS?  If you choose neither, you are by default accepting the higher risks of long-term use of T-blockers and/or large Estrogen doses?

And what about tucking, can you tuck for years without consequences?  Or do you give up on tucking (..and passing)?

So I think there is pressure to choose a surgery from a health perspective, but of course it is your body and your choice, no one should pressure you.

Well speaking about health risk. Being trans both op or non-op are facing more health risk. Not that getting op and you will have lower risk. The common things that both op and non-op should do is taking estrogen forever, especially post-op where the body do not produce hormone.

Non-op
Taking T-Blocker of non-op on long term, you should take lesser dose. What can it posibly damage is liver. You can take lesser after time, and keep checking on your body health. Most girl take too much T-Blocker for long time that's the risk. But after few years on HRT, you don't need a lot of T-Blocker like when you start.

Post-op
If you go through many study of long term post-op there are many risk which not many people talk about it like low on self immune, body doesn't recover well when you get sick, high blood pressure (this happen to most older, bit higher on one who constantly take estrogen) and it can lead to liver disfunction and more. You know the blood flow system is everything.

So I don't think health issue is the pressure to make you get sex change decision... Both op and non-op have its health issue. What you got to do is stay healthy living, exercise, which is very important for us. Most trans avoid exercise cause they do not want muscle, which is no good. At least do cardiovascular regularly. And get your body check up every years.

I am MtF, and very visually transitioned in my workplace and amongst my family within the past two years.

The only person who was a 'Jerk' to me was my father, asked me if I still had my balls... my response was, 'it does not matter', and I left it at that.

As for my Trans*peers in my community, I only dealt with one person in a support group that created a divide between those who went /aspired for SRS and those who did not.  I took my time after that discussion and approached the others with the same message that I will give you here.

Medical transition is not a necessity.  Accepting yourself, and your own gender identity is what matters most.

I never knew how deep my anxieties for acceptance were until I decided to socially transition.  My personal acceptance was the most difficult thing I have ever had to fight for in my life... and now I truely LIVE!

We all look different on both the inside and the outside.  A person living their life to LIVE is beautiful no matter how far they choose to transition.