Hi everyone!
I went full-time around a month-and-a-half ago, and have since started a new job so that no one -- with exception to the management -- knows that I'm trans. It has been a huge success in that I'm perceived as female by seemingly everyone, which is a huge relief since I actually work among a lot of blue collar, conservative men.
In general, these men -- and there are hundreds of them in total -- seem to all know that I'm new there, and thus I've experienced many instances in which guys are very nice to me. I've had everything already -- from men I've never seen in my life volunteering to walk beside me to wherever I seem to be walking -- to some man, who seemed really important judging by his suit and tie, stopping me to brag in passing about his salary. It really is pretty insane.
But not everything is so wonderful in my workplace; a surprising number of men treat me like dirt or like one of them, and I'm not sure if it's because they're picking up on me being trans or what. It's really confusing me, and I think I need opinions since I can't really sort it out on my own.
As an example (I work in a gigantic factory, btw), I was driving this little vehicle around the facility to run some errands in the middle of overtime traffic, and the stupid thing randomly died on me and wouldn't start back up. I blocked a lot of traffic and had no idea what to do, so I walked over to this young guy who saw the whole thing happen so as to ask what I should do. He was very smiley, and thus it was pretty evident that I passed; he said that he could push my vehicle out of traffic for me, which was really nice. I started to help him out, but suddenly I heard a lot of men behind me, and one of them yelled, "Hey, YOU!!! Get behind the wheel and steer, and let US push." So, here's one thing I'm really confused about: A lot of men are calling me things that I wouldn't normally hear them call women, such as "Hey, you" or just "HEY".
Moreover, I had a bunch of dirt all over my face at work yesterday, and this higher-up worker came over to me after we got my vehicle moved to ask how everything was. Before asking about the vehicle, he goes, "Hey, you have grease and dirt all over your face, underneath your eyes." I gave him an embarrassed look, and he gave me this odd pat on the side of my shoulder, like a man would give his son or something. It also really confused me, and is just another instance of being treated like a man, even though I'm clearly not one.
Lastly, I'm noticing a few men just being flat-out ass holes to me by yelling at me instead of asking me to do things, and it's really making me even more self-conscious about my appearance. Do men just treat women like ->-bleeped-<- in a factory setting, or in any other setting dominated by men? One of the men who yells at me a lot has also called me "she" while I was around, so that gives me some reassurance. But, at the same time, for every few guys who stop by me to help me get my work done (even if it's not needed) during their off-time or whatever, there's also a guy who seems to just hate that I'm in his vicinity for some reason. Are women just not treated with respect in all work settings? Thoughts?
Ally
Well if everyone truly views you as a woman, you could just be facing plain old sexism. Nothing you can do other than hold your head up high and deal with any illegal discrimination or anything that goes against company policy with HR.
If they secretly know you are trans (office rumors spread fast as I've found out) then that isn't really much different in how you handle it.
From the looks of it though it may be that they aren't sure sometimes. It happens, and don't worry about it. I am at the point now that when I have men's clothing on (I'm not really out at work fully) and approach people, despite their strongly gendering men and women with, "can I help you sir" or "can I help you miss" they just greet me with, "can I help you?" or "yes?" Almost without fail now because with men's clothing my look is very gender ambiguous. But again, you know who you are, and if they aren't calling you "sir" then don't worry too much about it. If you do worry that can be a tip off that something is not "right" and can warrant further scrutiny. You know what they say, "passing is primarily confidence." It may sound like a tired cliché but it's actually quite true. I get no stares or anything because I'm confident and I just really don't worry about people. However when I used to act nervous, people tend to stare. Yesterday though I did see a couple of girls at a table in a restaurant peering over, I stared back at them with a nasty glare and they quickly turned away. This will happen now and again, even if you believe that you pass well.
Work wise, I would just really keep a cool head and not worry too much. You said your employer protects you with policy so you won't be fired or anything. I'm not sure what the laws are in Indiana but I would imagine they aren't as good as New Jersey or NYC.
I've had men at work (one of them a director/EP) try to touch my breasts and play with my hair. I told them next time it goes to HR, don't you dare. They got the message.
I'm sorry they are treating you like they are. You deserve to be treated better. I manage a restaurant and can honestly tell you from my experience with dealing with all types of people, your experiencing sexism. There are a some men who are just flat out jerks to most women they see. I'm not full time and not out at work but I always have to help my servers every once and a while with guys that are just mean people. Hopefully they lighten up a bit, and some eventually do.
ditto on all of above. Some men still believe woman's only purpose is to bear children.
Hey you is pretty generic. I hear it all the time and even did as a kid.
The pat on the back isn't unheard of in a work place as any further contact would be seen very quickly as harassment. It likely meant nothing else.
The rest is the normal BS women receive all over the place.
Quote from: stephaniec on June 06, 2015, 03:10:40 PM
ditto on all of above. Some men still believe woman's only purpose is to bear children.
You forgot iron my shirt and make a sammich.
Lol thanks for the input, everyone. I'm chalking it down to just sexism nonsense.
Ally
Some guys will never pass up an opportunity to belittle a woman, treat her like she's an idiot or inferior. Ignore them. A few men actively hate women. Avoid them. Many, many guys are awesome though, they're the ones you pay attention to - they'll treat you with respect and as an equal.
I'm actually not ugly; I'm considered to be very attractive in pretty much all contexts. I'm chalking it down to sexism. Thanks for your input.
You know you pass when ... (insert miscellaneous chauvinistic encounter) ...
Well what I have to say is congrats Ally :~D I think you're a real hottie.