Hi, everyone. I'm a 29-year-old genderqueer Bostonian, pining for a masculinized body and my homeland west of the Rocky Mtns. I'm married to a brilliant man (who I'll call Dear Husband around these parts) who's very cisgender and very straight. I'm sure you can see how this is causing some awkwardness between us. I'm trying, he's trying, and we'll both muddle through one way or another. I thought I'd drop in and see what there is to be seen.
Welcome Jszar! There is wealth of information here, and a wonderful community willing to help!
Kim
Welcome to Susan's Place. Your issue isn't my area of expertise but it sound like you are working on it and you will have to figure it out between the two of you. If there is anything I can help you with, let me know.
Hi Jszar, welcome to Susan's. It will happen before you know it. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah
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Thank you all for the warm welcome!
Hi Jszar :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Quote from: Jszar on June 07, 2015, 10:22:38 PM
Hi, everyone. I'm a 29-year-old genderqueer Bostonian, pining for a masculinized body and my homeland west of the Rocky Mtns. I'm married to a brilliant man (who I'll call Dear Husband around these parts) who's very cisgender and very straight. I'm sure you can see how this is causing some awkwardness between us. I'm trying, he's trying, and we'll both muddle through one way or another. I thought I'd drop in and see what there is to be seen.
Where you out about this when you married or did you realize it afterward?
Hi Jszar
Welcome to Susan's... Love the topic title :P
Good luck with your journey and look forward to seeing you around the forums...
L Katy :-*
Quote from: Jake25 on June 08, 2015, 02:09:30 AMWhere you out about this when you married or did you realize it afterward?
Afterwards, worse luck. I had it buried deep for ages because I couldn't acknowledge it to myself.
Welcome to Susan's.
Hi Jszar, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm in Weymouth. I consider myself non-binary. I'm pining for a feminized body, and getting there. See you around the site, or town!
Hugs, Devlyn
That's a tough situation to be in. Unfortunately, many people fall into your category just trying to be "normal". Its important for humans to fit in, to belong. For someone who is a transgender, sometimes that pushes them into marriages that they really don't want. Later, when they decide they want to transition and be open to their spouse, it can be frightening and hurt your self esteem.
In your case, since you are gay as well as a transgender, part of the marriage must have worked for you, most likely without your spouse knowing about it. Straight guys who are cis may have a difficult time with the fact that they didn't catch your gender and sexual orientation. Sitting down and having an honest talk with your husband will save a lot of hurt feelings in the long run. Its bound to be difficult for both of you, but you have a community here who will support you in anyway we can.
sam1234
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on June 08, 2015, 07:34:20 PM
Hi Jszar, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm in Weymouth. I consider myself non-binary. I'm pining for a feminized body, and getting there. See you around the site, or town!
Hi Devlyn! - If your icon is anything to go by, things are going well for you in the appearance department. Rock on. :)
Charmer! :-*
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: sam1234 on June 08, 2015, 09:09:05 PM
That's a tough situation to be in. Unfortunately, many people fall into your category just trying to be "normal". Its important for humans to fit in, to belong. For someone who is a transgender, sometimes that pushes them into marriages that they really don't want. Later, when they decide they want to transition and be open to their spouse, it can be frightening and hurt your self esteem.
In your case, since you are gay as well as a transgender, part of the marriage must have worked for you, most likely without your spouse knowing about it. Straight guys who are cis may have a difficult time with the fact that they didn't catch your gender and sexual orientation. Sitting down and having an honest talk with your husband will save a lot of hurt feelings in the long run. Its bound to be difficult for both of you, but you have a community here who will support you in anyway we can.
Hi sam1234. I appreciate your welcome.
My situation isn't quite so clear-cut, and the details make it even easier for DH to have overlooked my not being "normal". I introduced myself as genderqueer, above, which in this case means both that my assigned gender doesn't match how I want to appear or live, and that my brain reports that my physical features should be of the both/and variety rather than one or the other. (So while I'll be happy to have my breasts dramatically reduced, I don't think I want to be completely rid of them. And it will be many years at best until I consider bottom surgery, since both the state of the art needs to improve and the law would need to change in order for a surgeon to construct male plumbing for me without simultaneously removing all of my female equipment.) As a result, my body dysphoria is about what's missing far more than what's already there. Easy to overlook because unlike more binary-inclined transmen, there aren't parts of my body that I can't bear for DH to touch. Where it gets tricky is that while DH isn't bothered by masculine women, and that's how I generally appear at present... I'm not a woman, nor do I want to be seen as one. And now I'm allowing myself to know it.
Nor did I say anything about my sexual orientation. ;) But in case it matters, I'm attracted to people - certain constellations of personality traits do it for me. Others don't. I don't know of a name for that as the main criterion of attraction, so I've just been calling myself "queer" as an umbrella term. (For example, DH and I first bonded while geeking out about science, in that particular way that 'I found something really cool' can turn into showing off for one another.) We've had a few of those honest conversations, now, and while he doesn't seem weirded out by my being not-a-woman, I'm unsure if that's because he can't imagine me as anything else. I suppose we'll find out as time goes on, and I gradually move my appearance closer to the male range.
We're not really big on people requiring labels, but here, try this one on for size! :laugh:
https://www.susans.org/wiki/Pansexual
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on June 09, 2015, 08:22:00 PM
We're not really big on people requiring labels, but here, try this one on for size! :laugh: https://www.susans.org/wiki/Pansexual
It fits. Thanks!
[adjusts shiny new label]
Welcome :)