Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I was just pondering at what point I could feel totally woman. I started down this path at 4 years old as far as I'm aware of it , It could of started unconsciously a lot sooner. My life has been an unending search to complete this feeling in my soul that yes that's what is is , I am a woman. The feeing of fulfillment is taking hold of me the longer the estrogen flows through my anatomy giving me such a beautiful feeling I've been searching for for so long. I can finally say unequivocally I am a woman even though the rest of my life I'll be putting the icing on the cake so to say.

So far what has happened to me is like uncorking the bottle of a cold pepsi, I know that I am still a pepsi (with some lime for my guy side lol) but since having hormones...the pepsi is entering my mouth all cool and girly!

Its like night and day really. I knew I was a woman and a two spirit before, but now I feel so so wonderfully girly

Whilst I still have not yet gone FT/transitioned, I would say categorically, for me it once on Hormones, before that from somewhere around 4 I knew I should have been born female, but did not really feel a woman till HRT started.

L Katy

For me, it was the moment I found self-acceptance. Which pre-dated hormones by a long shot and even pre-dated therapy by a few months.

With that self-acceptance came the realisation that I'd always been a woman..

I never will. I am not a woman. I am a trans-woman.

And I will never tell anybody else that I am a woman.

I've always felt female, and I felt like I was becoming a woman during the first three years of HRT, and then I felt close to being a woman after my first round of FFS (scalp advancement, type 3 forehead reconstruction, and a cheek lift to enhance my cheekbones), but I didn't feel fully like a woman until I had my breast augmentation. 

Quote from: SarahBoo on June 16, 2015, 09:40:38 PM
I never will. I am not a woman. I am a trans-woman.

And I will never tell anybody else that I am a woman.

I can understand SarahBoo. But to me, being trans-woman is a physical state. How do you feel inside?
I know the expression doesn't always come with that inner knowledge. And it doesn't have to. One of my best friends is very happy considering herself a trans-woman. I am at ease with my male body, but do feel very feminine inside.
It may be that I will consider myself similarly. I plan to document with postings here and in a blog when I begin HRT. These perceptions of myself will be something I will talk about.

It was the homones that truly broke me out from the confusing and cruel oppression of having 'T' poison circulating in my blood.  Fortunately I was able to get hormones withing a week or two of self realisation because I had a sensible doctor who believed in informed consent and didn't have a gatekeeper thought in his head over my intense need to be myself, - praise be to all that is divine.

Starting HRT was like coming home.  My male shaped body, facial hair, genitals didn't identify me anymore I was ME!

SarahBoo I know what you mean, I see myself as being an intersex human who expresses herself as femme.  I'm not a cis woman and can never be one, but I'm not imprisoned by the curse of a male label anymore either which is just plain gloriously wonderful.

Quote from: Marly on June 16, 2015, 10:06:30 PM
I can understand SarahBoo. But to me, being trans-woman is a physical state. How do you feel inside?

I identify androgynously, fluidly female at the most. So it has always felt somewhat disingenuous to say 'I am a woman'.

Sometimes people who know I am trans, will tell me I am a woman. I correct them.

I think what's happened to me is that all my life I was twisted like a rubber band that you twist to let go to move the propeller on a toy airplane. The HRT  let the rubber band relax and go to it's natural state. My whole life I wanted to be female and did everything I could to release that rubber band, but the only thing that worked was the estrogen and wow, I have moments that are really beautiful mentally from the estrogen Where unquestionable female is what fits perfectly.

Quote from: SarahBoo on June 16, 2015, 10:18:02 PM
I identify androgynously, fluidly female at the most. So it has always felt somewhat disingenuous to say 'I am a woman'.

Sometimes people who know I am trans, will tell me I am a woman. I correct them.

I embrace  the fact that I'm trans myself

Quote from: SarahBoo on June 16, 2015, 10:18:02 PM
I identify androgynously, fluidly female at the most. So it has always felt somewhat disingenuous to say 'I am a woman'.

Sometimes people who know I am trans, will tell me I am a woman. I correct them.

I get this kinda....I am a Two Spirit and Intersex, but I have alot more woman days than manish days in the way I feel and think. But for the most part I tell people up front I am two spirit and about a 80%-20% mix

Quote from: stephaniec on June 16, 2015, 10:20:08 PM
I embrace  the fact that I'm trans myself

Yeah, for me it is mostly to do with the fact that I have embraced being trans.

To say 'I am a woman' feels like I am lying to myself, and everyone else. It caused me a lot of internal conflict.

So, I won't do that :~o

I always new that I was female but I won't feel complete until I have had SRS.

Hi.

From birth and being an intersexed female  who ...HAS... grown into being a woman ..

To be a woman in the context of what a woman is you have to grow and become who you are
So at what point do I become a woman after I have... grown... into being one  .

Did I have to think about how am I to become a woman ...NO... because I knew with out any doubts  that I would become a woman at the right time in my life .

Its like a trade you learn and it takes years to grow into what you are to become  say a chippy or painter or some other detail. so is it different  except when your female to start with you carry on growing  and like most females they grow as well ,  and we learn from our Mothers , for many of us .

...noeleena...

Stephanie, I couldn't choose any of the choices. I've been full time for more than two years, and I still can't say unquestionably that I'm a woman. I know I'm not a cisgender man, but beyond that, I honestly can't say I know enough about what exactly what it means to accept the label "woman".

Since I was 4.

Mid to late 20's for me. Until then I was just confused and f#$king my way through it while trying to ignore the daily panic attacks caused by PTSD.

Another interesting philosophical question from the Stephaniec factory.

I thought about this for quite a while because of course I made such a strong declaration of this fact back when I was 4 or 5 that my parents took the (in the 1960's) almost unheard of step of allowing me to grow up expressing my female identity.

As I have often explained I hit an unexpected bump in the road in 1976 when the UK doctors refused me treatment until I was 21. However that brief sojourn as outwardly male if anything only reinforced the certainty that whatever else I was I wasn't male.

So in one sense I would say all of my life. However if I am honest my gender identity only really mattered to me when my body didn't match my expectations. While I had male dangly bits I was always trying to project my female identity. As soon as my lower half had been rearranged that almost seemed to cease to matter.  That might sound odd so let me try to explain.

I reached a point in my own head where there was no conflict between what I was physically and mentally, and at that point I was at perfect peace with myself so that everyone else's perceptions and opinions of me became instantly completely irrelevant and powerless to touch that.

30+ years on I can honestly say I really could not care less what I am. I'm just me, and I like being me. I'm comfortable being me, I can't imagine being anything else, so in a strange way I almost struggle now to understand what its like to have that need to be seen in a particular way. It just never occurs to me that I could ever be any different, and in some ways I wonder if this is in fact fairly close to a cis mentality. That's why in my head, at least, I now think of myself as having a trans history and a pseudo-cis present.

Maybe this is what happens when you become ultra longterm post everything. If so I wish you all the chance to experience it because it feels great.

I have known I was different since forever and only worked out that I was decidedly feminine at puberty. I have known that I wanted to transition since my late teens but I couldn't fully accept myself as trans until this year. And that's where my identity has kind of stayed, tomboyish transwoman. I have totally embraced the masculinity that either has always been a part of me or became a part of me because of the life I had to live. I see myself only as a transwoman but that is a subdivision of womanhood. So I guess, only recently have I felt like a woman in full.

Quote from: Lady Smith on June 16, 2015, 10:15:18 PM
It was the homones that truly broke me out from the confusing and cruel oppression of having 'T' poison circulating in my blood.  Fortunately I was able to get hormones withing a week or two of self realisation because I had a sensible doctor who believed in informed consent and didn't have a gatekeeper thought in his head over my intense need to be myself, - praise be to all that is divine.

Starting HRT was like coming home.  My male shaped body, facial hair, genitals didn't identify me anymore I was ME!

SarahBoo I know what you mean, I see myself as being an intersex human who expresses herself as femme.  I'm not a cis woman and can never be one, but I'm not imprisoned by the curse of a male label anymore either which is just plain gloriously wonderful.

I agree with all of this, especially the feeling of homecoming and the sheer joy of just plain not being forced into male roles anymore. I realized recently that even though I am still misgendered verbally on occasions I can see the misgenderer looking uncomfortable while they are doing it. They know its wrong. They can sense that I am a feminine energy. The best part is that no one treats me like a male person anymore. They may not treat me as a female either but in my book that is still a win. I always felt somewhere in between, now that is visible to the world and that makes me very happy! :)

Quote from: SarahBoo on June 16, 2015, 10:44:11 PM
Yeah, for me it is mostly to do with the fact that I have embraced being trans.

To say 'I am a woman' feels like I am lying to myself, and everyone else. It caused me a lot of internal conflict.

So, I won't do that :~o

SarahBoo, I'm with you on this.  As soon as I dropped the idea that I had to become a woman and became comfortable with the idea that it's okay to transition into being a transwoman, the whole process became so much less stressful!  And that's not to say that being a transwoman is a lesser form of woman; it's merely who I am.  I still look female, I still pass as female, but I don't have to deal with the whole idea that I wasn't born with the correct bits and pieces.

No shame in who I am.  And that alone has undoubtedly saved me a lifetime of therapy and dying an early death from drink/drugs/stress.

Nor have I found that I lose any respect from people who know me.  If anything, they respect me more for being proud of who I am, rather than whispering and giggling behind my back about how I'm trying to be something that I'm not.

Honestly, it was saying this to myself that triggered the realization that I had to transition, so I guess for me it was sort of step 0 on the path.

I'm with Jenna on this. It was from when I knew something was wrong with my gender in the first place. I never did feel like a guy.
Mariah

Quote from: StartingOver on June 17, 2015, 08:23:23 AM
SarahBoo, I'm with you on this.  As soon as I dropped the idea that I had to become a woman and became comfortable with the idea that it's okay to transition into being a transwoman, the whole process became so much less stressful!  And that's not to say that being a transwoman is a lesser form of woman; it's merely who I am.  I still look female, I still pass as female, but I don't have to deal with the whole idea that I wasn't born with the correct bits and pieces.

Are we twins? This would be my second metaversal event in one night!

I have a lot of work to do before I am "complete" but I will never be a "complete women" as I can not or will not ever be able to bear children. The closest I will come to that is with SRS to be able to have sex as a women or as close to it as I can cum  ::) in this life. Perhaps in my next life I will be 100% women in all the splendor and glory - one can only hope.

Quote from: angiegurl on June 17, 2015, 04:45:19 PM
I have a lot of work to do before I am "complete" but I will never be a "complete women" as I can not or will not ever be able to bear children. The closest I will come to that is with SRS to be able to have sex as a women or as close to it as I can cum  ::) in this life. Perhaps in my next life I will be 100% women in all the splendor and glory - one can only hope.

There are cis women who are unable to conceive, by your comments here you seem to be suggesting that they are somehow not 'complete women'.. I'm sure they'd argue that idea.

Yes plenty of cisgender women who for some developmental
Issues can't have children or don't have a womb or ovaries. They are still women. Even the Ones with CAIS and have xy chromosomes are women.