So looking for some advise... not sure if this is the right place for it, but I had recently found out the my girlfriend of 5 years cheated on me when we first stated dating, I felt she did a long time ago I even asked her about it she lied to my face for years till I went on her Facebook to see who she was spending all her time talking to... well long story short it was a convo about that night with the dude she messed around with and many other men some photos of private parts and deep conversations. When u brought this up she denied everything... well today she gave me a letter saying that she's not cheating on me and that the reason she doesn't wanna have sex with me is because she doesn't like to go down on me... I'm an ftm and I feel so horrible about myself right now I feel disgusting and used and I'm not sure if these are just excuses she wants to keep the relationship but if I'm not going to be sexually active with her I feel we will just end up cheating on each other well not me... but probably her... I'm just so lost right now...
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Hi crzysftballgrl3, welcome to Susan's. I look forward to seeing your around the site. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah
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Have a big *hug*
Please be aware this is not yout fault... you are completely ok as you are.
*hug*
Do you have a therapist you could talk with about this ?
Well you could really talk about this with each other... not getting agressive but stating facts and needs... just talking, also about restraints and fears...
have you talked about strapons, there are some where also the wearer is stimulated...
a lot of guys have given this some thought...
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,189327.msg1684866.html#msg1684866
hugs
I have in the past she's stubborn and only want me to do oral for her it's was fine for 5 years now after I found out she has cheated on me now she doesn't want to do it anymore I feel like it's a cover up for her past cheating and an excuse to continue so random idk...
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Lets recapture:
-she doesn't want to leave you
-she gives you a letter so she might be shy to talk directly
-she says she does not want to go down on you
-she says she is not cheating on you
Well imo you could talk about it... about both of your feelings... without getting upset, talking about your motivations....
she might give her opinion...
and, well, there might be a few ways... a strapon where also the wearer is stimulated... so she would not need to go down on you...
there are powerful vibrators, some people use them with a partner...
there is tribbing, which is rubbing on each other, which can be very pleasurable...
well you might try this, and she might stop advances in other directions...
and as said imo a counselor could help...
*hugs*
I'm normally one of those people who tells others to 'talk it out! It'll all be fine!' super positive yada ya.
But my personal opinion is that unless you have a physical or monetary investment with this woman (I.E. An apartment, car, children, etc) you should move along. It seems like a harsh verdict, but from my personal experience there is no one time deal when it comes to things like this. Especially considering you caught her and she still lied about it and was having all kinds of vicarious conversations with multiple people online, and exposing herself to them? Nope.
Sounds to me like she is not only unfaithful, but extremely selfish.
If I ever caught my girlfriend doing anything like that her life would become a Tech N9ne song. @- @
And yeah, 5 years is a long time to just essentially toss away, but I don't think you should waste any more time on someone who doesn't respect you. :/
There is never any excuse to cheat. Ever. Period.
im gonna be blunt here, dump her....at least that's what i would do...between the cheating and not even wanting to make love to u? find someone better who deserves u and kick her sorry ass to the curb
im confused...if u are ftm why does part of your username say "grl"
Welcome to Susan't Place. I normally do what I can to keep couples together but the word "USED" in your introductions spells out what this relations ship is about. I suspect you are the big money earner and are supporting your "friend". Your "friend" has been using you for free room and board while she roams around enjoying herself. I see very little you are getting you out of this deal. If you want to save this relationship, both of you must get into consoling now to discover if it's possible to salvage something so badly damaged. If your "friend" refuses, the healthiest thing for you is to separate as soon as possible. You are a good person and have done nothing wrong. I think you can do better and you deserve it.
Personally, I'd much rather have a girlfriend tell me that she no longer loved me or couldn't accept that I was a guy and leave than have one cheat on me and lie about it. Cheating is a betrayal of trust.
I went through something very similar with me now ex wife. After I had the bottom surgery, she told me I smelled like a dirty sock. (this was while the site was still draining some. Although she never cheated on me, she told me that if she had never been with a guy that had a real penis, should would cheat on me to see what she was missing. There was always a derogatory comment when we made love until near the end, I wouldn't let her touch me.
It just got worse from there, and I should have asked for a divorce long before I did, but I came from a family in which there had only been one divorce. My aunt, and she was being abused.
Its just my opinion, but cheating is very disrepectful of your feelings, and lying about it later would leave me wondering how many times it had happened. Bottom line, you can't trust her. You will have to make your own decision, but don't stay just because you are afraid you might never find anyone else. You don't deserve to be treated like that.
sam1234
Find someone that is attracted to you and likes your personality, try a pansexual or bisexual.
You don't need to be with anyone. You need to learn to love yourself first before you try and love another. I haven't had a real girlfriend in about 4 years (I'm 30 years old) lol. I'm just learning to love who I am, loving my new body, loving the small amount of facial hair that's growing. Work on yourself and you will feel 100% better.
I can tell you from my own experience, once a cheater, always a cheater... not worth to try and work things out... :-\
Quote from: AleksiJason on June 19, 2015, 03:25:49 PM
im confused...if u are ftm why does part of your username say "grl"
I used my old email and set it as that and I don't know how to change it... my names jake..
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Quote from: Dena on June 19, 2015, 03:46:21 PM
Welcome to Susan't Place. I normally do what I can to keep couples together but the word "USED" in your introductions spells out what this relations ship is about. I suspect you are the big money earner and are supporting your "friend". Your "friend" has been using you for free room and board while she roams around enjoying herself. I see very little you are getting you out of this deal. If you want to save this relationship, both of you must get into consoling now to discover if it's possible to salvage something so badly damaged. If your "friend" refuses, the healthiest thing for you is to separate as soon as possible. You are a good person and have done nothing wrong. I think you can do better and you deserve it.
Thank you
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Quote from: Laura_7 on June 17, 2015, 08:03:15 PM
Lets recapture:
-she doesn't want to leave you
-she gives you a letter so she might be shy to talk directly
-she says she does not want to go down on you
-she says she is not cheating on you
Well imo you could talk about it... about both of your feelings... without getting upset, talking about your motivations....
she might give her opinion...
and, well, there might be a few ways... a strapon where also the wearer is stimulated... so she would not need to go down on you...
there are powerful vibrators, some people use them with a partner...
there is tribbing, which is rubbing on each other, which can be very pleasurable...
well you might try this, and she might stop advances in other directions...
and as said imo a counselor could help...
*hugs*
Thank you
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Quote from: BioS on June 19, 2015, 03:19:42 PM
I'm normally one of those people who tells others to 'talk it out! It'll all be fine!' super positive yada ya.
But my personal opinion is that unless you have a physical or monetary investment with this woman (I.E. An apartment, car, children, etc) you should move along. It seems like a harsh verdict, but from my personal experience there is no one time deal when it comes to things like this. Especially considering you caught her and she still lied about it and was having all kinds of vicarious conversations with multiple people online, and exposing herself to them? Nope.
Sounds to me like she is not only unfaithful, but extremely selfish.
If I ever caught my girlfriend doing anything like that her life would become a Tech N9ne song. @- @
And yeah, 5 years is a long time to just essentially toss away, but I don't think you should waste any more time on someone who doesn't respect you. :/
There is never any excuse to cheat. Ever. Period.
Thank you very much
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Quote from: AleksiJason on June 19, 2015, 03:24:52 PM
im gonna be blunt here, dump her....at least that's what i would do...between the cheating and not even wanting to make love to u? find someone better who deserves u and kick her sorry ass to the curb
That seems to be the way I'm leaning
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Quote from: tjack77 on June 20, 2015, 01:19:54 AM
I can tell you from my own experience, once a cheater, always a cheater... not worth to try and work things out... :-\
Yeah and I seem to always be the one getting cheated on...
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Quote from: crzysftballgrl3 on June 20, 2015, 06:47:29 PM
Yeah and I seem to always be the one getting cheated on...
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Don't think that way... this leads to a pattern...
just know you can have a fulfilling partnership... its possible... talk to your partners, and have some confidence...
from your postings you are a nice person...
*hugs*
I try to be... thank you very much I truly appreciate all the posts... I'm like a broken record with my friends I don't want to drive them anymore nuts with this they hear it 247 and I was worried maybe they are biased but yeah... thank you again
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Quote from: Jake25 on June 19, 2015, 06:48:11 PM
Find someone that is attracted to you and likes your personality, try a pansexual or bisexual.
I think I'm gonna just get my shift together and be a lone wolf for a bit... if it happens it happens.. thank you very much also... my name is Jake too cyber high five
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Quote from: RaptorChops on June 19, 2015, 07:03:16 PM
You don't need to be with anyone. You need to learn to love yourself first before you try and love another. I haven't had a real girlfriend in about 4 years (I'm 30 years old) lol. I'm just learning to love who I am, loving my new body, loving the small amount of facial hair that's growing. Work on yourself and you will feel 100% better.
Yes I feel this is more along the lines of what I'm going to do... she doesn't care... we work together and Wednesday was my birthday and she didn't even say happy birthday or get me anything... I don't need that... thank you for the advise I appreciate it a lot
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Jake, don't be so down on yourself. I was cheated on by 2 of my 5 exs, (all straight girls). At the time, I thought I was gonna be alone for a long time, I happened to met my now wife who was self identified as a lesbian. She just happens to be attracted to the way I was. Although I wasn't transitioning then, I was pretty up front with her that how I feel about my gender. The right person will come at the most unexpected time, when you're not looking for one.
Jack
Jack,
I'm glad to see you are seeing some sense, but being alone for a little bit doesnt mean you'd be alone forever. You'll find someone who trully appreciates you and show you how presious you are. You need to stay away from destructive people like her. We already have enough issues in our heads with how confusing the transition and accepting it is.
Learn to be by yourself and find yourself and then you'll find the one that sees your worth
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So just an update... we talked... she told me pretty much me not having the correct parts after 5 years is what's wrong and that she wants a real man... so 5 years down the drain on something she knew about from the begining... this sucks... but I thought I'd fill in everyone who was trying to help... thank you all
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So sorry to hear that happened. Hugs
Mariah
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Quote from: crzysftballgrl3 on June 23, 2015, 12:21:21 PM
So just an update... we talked... she told me pretty much me not having the correct parts after 5 years is what's wrong and that she wants a real man... so 5 years down the drain on something she knew about from the begining... this sucks... but I thought I'd fill in everyone who was trying to help... thank you all
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Have a big *hug*
You are a man... just relax... there are people out there who like you as you are.
Well if you look around people have changed a lot the last years... I'd say many in general being more open...
so this should be in your favour...
just take the time you need...
you will find someone who likes you in time...
if you need it talk to a friend...
or call or chat on one of the helplines...
glnh.org/talkline for example
do a few things you like (within reason)...
and there are people out there who will really like you for who you are :)
hugs
Quote from: Laura_7 on June 23, 2015, 12:44:24 PM
Have a big *hug*
You are a man... just relax... there are people out there who like you as you are.
Well if you look around people have changed a lot the last years... I'd say many in general being more open...
so this should be in your favour...
just take the time you need...
you will find someone who likes you in time...
if you need it talk to a friend...
or call or chat on one of the helplines...
glnh.org/talkline for example
do a few things you like (within reason)...
and there are people out there who will really like you for who you are :)
hugs
Thank you very much
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Don't sweat it man, the right one will find u! ;)
Sorry to hear this is happening to you, man. It must be hard to hear that coming from your girlfriend. However, this part caught my eye.
Quoteso 5 years down the drain on something she knew about from the begining...
Down the drain? What? I never get it when people say that after a relationship ends. It is like all those good memories all of a sudden turn into bad ones or are wiped from existence. You had a good run, no? 5 whole years to enjoy your life with someone else and all the benefits that come with it. Treasure that instead of seeing it as wasted.
Quote from: Mr.X on June 24, 2015, 04:17:57 AM
Down the drain? What? I never get it when people say that after a relationship ends. It is like all those good memories all of a sudden turn into bad ones or are wiped from existence. You had a good run, no? 5 whole years to enjoy your life with someone else and all the benefits that come with it. Treasure that instead of seeing it as wasted.
Agreed! Each of my past relationships help shape the person I am today.
I'm sorry to hear about your experience Jake, that really sucks. You're much better off without her. You seem like a nice guy and you can do a lot better.
Getting it together and being a lone wolf is great. It's good for the soul - well it's good for my soul anyway. You get to focus on what you really want in life.