I have a ton of questions and lot of it entails things that are centered around being and operating stealth, refining your stealthy presentation, dating, beauty issues, and other more further-along-in-your-transition trans stuff.
But I feel these more "advanced" issues are perhaps too triggering for casual topic discussion and sidelined.
So an open question to all - is it preferred that these topics be discussed in a different venue and not here?
Where would a stealthy transwoman go if she's looking for more discussion with others?
the only thing I can think of is an LGBT community center or transgender bars. In Chicago we have nearly half the distance from downtown to the north side border filled with LGBT bars. We also have a large community center where people socialize. You'd find everything you ever wanted to know about trans in Boys Town Chicago.
(devil's advocate) - what kinda questions? :~]
Quote from: stephaniec on June 21, 2015, 02:23:26 AM
the only thing I can think of is an LGBT community center or transgender bars......
As a woman living for 30+ years contentedly and 'privately' {some might use the word 'stealthily', but not I}.....the last places that I would identify to go to, would be those.
No offence intended, and others may feel differently; but in not being gay, bisexual, no-longer being in transition, nor having 'trans-political' leanings; the notion of a unified LGBT umbrella 'community', is something an anathema to me.
I can see how it would be difficult to make personal contact with others, to discuss such matters relating to living in long-term privacy......I do sympathise, Evelyn.
Quote from: Zoetrope on June 21, 2015, 04:11:52 AM
(devil's advocate) - what kinda questions? :~]
I can't post them.
But here's the crux of the issue, transwomen who are not effected by trans related triggers/insecurities might want to mingle freely and more objectivity about being trans without spoiling it for beginners and others. Sort of looking at the trans bubble from the outside instead of being 'inside'. Some topics wouldn't be the most amiable to the uninitiated because they might touch upon trans truths that effect them, much more than the stealthy transwoman.
For instance, a stealthy transwoman might want to bring up a topic about being outed by another transwoman because of a certain presentation 'circumstance' and how to handle it or avoid it, in depth.
I wonder if an addendum to the forum can be opened with the stealthy transwoman in mind? A place where more open-minded discussion for "graduates" can enter with the implicit consent that what's spoken there stays there.
Quote from: CollieLass on June 21, 2015, 04:17:49 AM
As a woman living for 30+ years contentedly and 'privately' {some might use the word 'stealthily', but not I}.....the last places that I would identify to go to, would be those.
No offence intended, and others may feel differently; but in not being gay, bisexual, no-longer being in transition, nor having 'trans-political' leanings; the notion of a unified LGBT umbrella 'community', is something an anathema to me.
I can see how it would be difficult to make personal contact with others, to discuss such matters relating to living in long-term privacy......I do sympathise, Evelyn.
I really want to rock it with other stealthy transwomen heck even in real life, it would be so freaking cool. I want to mingle and walk amongst my people goddarnit.
Many might find "stealth" to be a no-no term. "Blending as cis", "post transition", or even "nondisclosure" are much better ways of talking about this. So, let's (as a community) veer away from calling it stealth. That should help garnish a better reaction!
Bottom line is (minus the semi-problematic verbiage), I think you bring up a great point Evelyn.
It might be good to have a subforum titled something like "Post Transition" (underneath "Transitioning") and/or "Blended Living" (underneath "Just for us") for giving a comfy place to those needing support from the more specific [said] audience. It is the whole reason we have subforums in the first place.
I can bring this up to Susan and Cindy if y'all want. Shout out if you think you would find this useful!
I think it's a good idea :)
The site is surely supposed to support all groups and post transition people should be able to talk about issues that concern them.
Quote from: Jennygirl on June 21, 2015, 05:47:43 AM
Many might find "stealth" to be a no-no term. "Blending as cis", "post transition", or even "nondisclosure" are much better ways of talking about this. So, let's (as a community) veer away from calling it stealth. That should help garnish a better reaction!
Bottom line is (minus the semi-problematic verbiage), I think you bring up a great point Evelyn.
It might be good to have a subforum titled something like "Post Transition" (underneath "Transitioning") and/or "Blended Living" (underneath "Just for us") for giving a comfy place to those needing support from the more specific [said] audience. It is the whole reason we have subforums in the first place.
I can bring this up to Susan and Cindy if y'all want. Shout out if you think you would find this useful!
The thing is, I see a parade of members who believe they fit the aformentioned discription joining in. It's hard to be an exclusive "blending as cis" place without a big dose of honesty and some way to have a vetting process without violating the TOS.
So maybe I created a nonstarter. :-\
I don't think so, Evelyn. I know I'm not ready for that, but I don't think so. There are private areas here already, one for subscribers, one for staff. This could be set up as a private area and Cindy or Susan or someone designated by them could talk to candidates for it and give them access. I personally wouldn't want those areas showing up in the new messages section with everything else.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on June 21, 2015, 06:23:30 AM
I don't think so, Evelyn. I know I'm not ready for that, but I don't think so. There are private areas here already, one for subscribers, one for staff. This could be set up as a private area and Cindy or Susan or someone designated by them could talk to candidates for it and give them access. I personally wouldn't want those areas showing up in the new messages section with everything else.
Yes. Agreed in bold!
Quote from: Squircle on June 21, 2015, 06:10:08 AM
The site is surely supposed to support all groups and post transition people should be able to talk about issues that concern them.
100% exact same wavelength ;)
Quote from: Evelyn K on June 21, 2015, 06:15:43 AM
The thing is, I see a parade of members who believe they fit the aformentioned discription joining in. It's hard to be an exclusive "blending as cis" place without a big dose of honesty and some way to have a vetting process without violating the TOS.
So maybe I created a nonstarter. :-\
I dunno, I wouldn't worry about it too much at first thought. Support is support, and everyone needs it sometimes! Plus, I think people steer themselves around here pretty well (or at least I like to think so). At the very least, topics would never get sidelined- it would be designated safe area to talk about these more specific matters.
Triggering topics are everywhere, i.e. the whole nature of transitioning MtF / FtM. Both sectors might want opposite things out of transition, but yet we don't let it trigger us and we don't keep one or the other off the site.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on June 21, 2015, 06:23:30 AM
I personally wouldn't want those areas showing up in the new messages section with everything else.
That is good input, thank you.
Quote from: Evelyn K on June 21, 2015, 05:07:12 AM
I can't post them.
But here's the crux of the issue, transwomen who are not effected by trans related triggers/insecurities might want to mingle freely and more objectivity about being trans without spoiling it for beginners and others. Sort of looking at the trans bubble from the outside instead of being 'inside'. Some topics wouldn't be the most amiable to the uninitiated because they might touch upon trans truths that effect them, much more than the stealthy transwoman.
For instance, a stealthy transwoman might want to bring up a topic about being outed by another transwoman because of a certain presentation 'circumstance' and how to handle it or avoid it, in depth.
I wonder if an addendum to the forum can be opened with the stealthy transwoman in mind? A place where more open-minded discussion for "graduates" can enter with the implicit consent that what's spoken there stays there.
Evelyn, when you use words like "beginner" and "uninitiated" to refer to someone who is not stealth and "graduates" and "advanced" for those who are, you're implying a progression, where stealth people are further along than those who are not. This can come off as a put-down of those who are not stealth.
Some people choose not to be stealth. It's impossible for others for any number of reasons. Being stealth doesn't imply you're further along that someone who is not.
I have no problem with discussions about stealth. I begin having concerns when they imply superiority of stealth people over those who are not.
Hi Suzi, I use stealth in the context of being able to blend as cis as stated by Jenny above.
I think those who meet this attribute deserve a support group meeting space that can talk about issues specific to them.
Quote from: suzifrommd on June 21, 2015, 06:36:04 AM
I have no problem with discussions about stealth. I begin having concerns when they imply superiority of stealth people over those who are not.
Yes, I agree 100%. When I read those words in bold it was a bit like a bee sting.
But still, I think the general idea of having an area for folks who are blending & needing support is an important note to bring up. If people are feeling silenced (regardless of their situation pre/during/post transition), perhaps there is a way we can help them to be heard and helped.
Wanted to add
...and that is why I am asking for people to shout out if they would find a new "Blended Living" style subforum useful
Perhaps I am misunderstanding the reasoning for this. It hit me as an idea for creating a bit of an exclusionary "club" where one would have to vetted in order to participate. I can see this for moderators and admin.
But here, what of the person who is planning to be living in a CIS mode? Are they to be denied the sharing of information that they want and need, just because they are not there yet?
^^ Hmmm I think planning and actually *being* are two different things.
Let me set a guide post for what I was originally thinking.
- Can you as a transwoman pass (at least externally in your presentation) unquestionably as a cis woman?
If yes, then this subforum is for you.
Locked.
Quote from: Evelyn K on June 21, 2015, 07:36:02 AM
^^ Hmmm I think planning and actually *being* are two different things.
Let me set a guide post for what I was originally thinking.
- Can you as a transwoman pass (at least externally in your presentation) unquestionably as a cis woman?
If yes, then this subforum is for you.
I think I understand what you are going for. However, a new subforum would be accessible to everyone- as every other part of the site is, too. Whether people would choose to participate (or not) would be at their own discretion. Sorry if that was unclear to you!
Quote from: Marlee on June 21, 2015, 07:28:22 AM
what of the person who is planning to be living in a CIS mode? Are they to be denied the sharing of information that they want and need, just because they are not there yet?
Exactly why all forums here are public to every member. Nailed it!
I shall be reviewing posts.