My dad has been supportive of me and hasn't done anything to stop my transition, but I should be starting estrogen in August and he's been saying that he won't let me take estrogen. His reason is that I'm to young and this "choice" is to big to making at my age (18) and he wouldn't be doing his job as a parent letting me make a decision that will permanently change my body.
So I'm wondering if anyone could give me some advice that would help change his mind or maybe a video explaining the importance of hormones for transgender people.
I am also seeing my therapist on Wednesday i was wondering if it would beneficial to have come and talk about this with her.
Is there a local support group you can take him to? Maybe meeting some trans people will own his eyes
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At 18, in most parts of the world, you are legally an adult, and therfore no medical practicioner worthy of the name would even consider your father's opinion as relevant. Simply put any attempt from him to interfere would be ignored and a doctor taking his views into consideration would be in danger of facing a lawsuit for malpractice. Here in the UK, we can sometimes assess a person as "Gillick" competant much earlier in their teens and once a person is assessed as competent what happens between them and their doctor is bound by confidentiality.
What happens in treatment is between you and your doctor. Where it gets more complex is in those parts of the world where you depend on your parents for health insurance. This could be an issue, but even then, as hormones are usually not that expensive it should be possbile to get around.
I agree that what your father wants isn't important and if you want, bringing him to therapy might help. As for the reason doctors want you to have hormones as part of the transition is because some people become uncomfortable with the changes that take place in their body. These people need some other form of treatment. If a person enjoys the changes, it's a good indication this is the right treatment for them.
You could look here for a few thoughts that might help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,180045.msg1658077.html#msg1658077
There is a biological explanation for being tg.
Usually people report a feeling of relief if they get the hormones that they feel are right for them.
You might start out with a low dose and see how it makes you feel, and continue if you prefer it.
You might talk it through with your therapist, and maybe your parents even can come along.
One advantage of giving hormones in a young age is often a bit better feminization/masculinization.
A social integration would be a bit easier then.
If you do this step by step, and together with a therapist, and make steps you are comfortable with, a regret is less likely.
hugs
This situation is difficult, but it might help to show your father this post and tell him that the second part of your first sentence contradicts the first part. Your father IS doing something to hinder your transition. For most of us transitioning, hormones are the key element that allows social and physical transition to take place. If he'd go to your therapist, that would be great. Or your therapist could write a letter approving you for hormone treatment. A letter from your therapist might be just the thing to assure him that you have been evaluated by a medical professional and are ready to start. In this case, therapeutic principle could take the place of he vague idea of good parenting. If that doesn't work, and you are a legal adult physically and mentally capable of holding a job, I would say that you should feel empowered to take this step without the support that your father isn't giving you anyway.
this is very hard position to be placed into in my opinion if he can get an idea what you are facing every day by a visit with your therapist it may help him understand how much relief you will get and the advantage socially of starting early in life, there are also options to preserve some of your sperm cells which may help him feel some comfort in (knowing that the his legacy is an option) "my guess of the issue", not knowing what his issue is it is hard to guess what his concern would be if he is supporting you. understanding of each others position and concerns is all you can do if you do not want him to feel the way he does, I would have to do that with a therapist if it were me, otherwise my emotions would likely get in my way
best wishes to work this out
thanks for the advice everyone. But the reason his opinion matters is because he's my finical support and threaten to remove said support if I start estrogen
There is a great book called "The Transgender Child". Although you are not a child, the book does go into detail of why transgender people do HRT (and why children take blockers).
The simple reason is improve mental well being, and to change the body to towards your gender.
Is your father also against any surgeries, or hair removal? I find the general population is unaware that HRT is the biggest and most common change, and surgery is secondary and optional for many.
Quote from: jessical on June 22, 2015, 03:34:05 PM
Is your father also against any surgeries, or hair removal? I find the general population is unaware that HRT is the biggest and most common change, and surgery is secondary and optional for many.
I have removed almost all my body hair and he hasn't said a word about it as for surgeries we haven't really talked about them but at this point I don't really plan on having any.
Well... one resource that might help understand is
acceptingdad dot com/2013/08/05/to-the-unicorns-dad/
TW this is really emotional stuff... if you feel like it call one of the helplines...
its a letter from a dad of a transgender child ...
and, well, some of the comments are not really constructive...
he explains some of the restraints from the view of another parent...
hugs
I'll try to put it simple ...
HRT resets and changes how your body builds itself. That in turn changes how you feel, what you think, and who you are.
What is his attitude towards anti androgen medication such as spironolactone? If he will not permit you to take estrogen, maybe he would make a compromise with just the AA. An AA would be better than nothing, and extremely beneficial as it would prevent your body from further masculinization due to the effects of Testosterone, and then when you are financially independent and on your own you can add the estrogen.
Hi Hailey
I fully understand where you are coming from...
Its hard totally confronting and going against your parents, as they are your family and blood ties, and especially in your situation financially. Also your father is probably coming from the position of "well if you change your body and you suddenly decide to not go through with your transition then its hard to revert" but honestly, its very unlikely that would happen, as you know in your soul who you really are.
However speaking from the heart, by being constrained it would more likely be you that suffers most... As stated by Rejennyrated you are 18 and as such have control on your life and health, therefore you can go and just do it, excepting financials.
I think Jerri's comment is also a good idea, invite your father to a therapist session with you, at least he can start to understand what you are feeling and hurting about. Another thought, what about building an income stream for yourself?
I have had a long and tiring journey to get to today, not quite there yet, but for the first time in my long life i am happier now than ever before, even knowing the fall out from years of doing the right thing for the sake of others is still to come, being transgendered never goes away.
I hope you can find a way to resolve the situation... best wishes to you :-*
Hugs Katy
Like others have said, your legally an adult.
Quote from: kittenpower on June 22, 2015, 07:21:18 PM
What is his attitude towards anti androgen medication such as spironolactone? If he will not permit you to take estrogen, maybe he would make a compromise with just the AA.
I started taking Spironolactone about a month ago (my doctor said if everything counties to go well I should be on estrogen by mid-August). My dad hasn't said anything or put up any kind fight about me taking Sprio.
I got my dad to agree to come to my session with my therapist tomorrow, hopefully with her help we can convince him.
It's a step hopefully the first of many to help him understand. I hope it helps. Good luck and Hugs.
Mariah
Quote from: Hailey zy on June 23, 2015, 06:59:38 PM
I got my dad to agree to come to my session with my therapist tomorrow, hopefully with her help we can convince him.
good luck
Quote from: Hailey zy on June 23, 2015, 06:58:05 PM
I started taking Spironolactone about a month ago (my doctor said if everything counties to go well I should be on estrogen by mid-August). My dad hasn't said anything or put up any kind fight about me taking Sprio.
This and your Dad agreeing to meet with your therapist are both good signs. Good luck!
The session with my father and therapist didn't go very well. My therapist mostly agreed with my dad so we can to conclusion that I should continue my transition thru this next school year and then start estrogen at the end of the spring semester.