Hello, people!:) my name is ellie (or sofi) and I'm 20 years old. I'm psychologically female, but biologically male. Does anyone else have problems with being too self conscious to do things? Such as: going outside, meeting new people, ANYthing romantic or sexual, dressing as desired gender, etc, etc ?
I'm new here, but any input would be very appreciated, if anyone can relate to this.
Sorry for the grammar, I'm too tired to really care right now.
Love, sofi <3
I'm seeing a therapist right now and dealing with self-consciousness issues. Of course we are also talking about transition. But the obsession with caring too much what other people think is the biggest hurdle.
That's true. I have a lot of other mental illness though, including an eating disorder. It's just a slow process. But if baby steps are all you can manage, it's good enough. I guess everyone has to go at their own pace.?
Have you tried dressing up at home, in private? That's a great way to get your feet wet. Also, just going out to buy women's things is a nice confidence builder. Most checkout clerks and store patrons won't pay you any mind. Though I've had some make small-talk about what I'd picked out before, complimenting my choices, etc... /blush
You might try and see if you can find some support group meetings you can attend at your local LGBT Center. You don't have to dress up on your first night out, but but going out to meet others who are like-minded and talk about your situation in person can be a big confidence booster too.
Best of luck on your journey. Take it at your own pace, slow if need be. Stay safe and enjoy!
Quote from: Tristan on June 25, 2015, 10:36:07 AM
Have you tried dressing up at home, in private? That's a great way to get your feet wet. Also, just going out to buy women's things is a nice confidence builder. Most checkout clerks and store patrons won't pay you any mind. Though I've had some make small-talk about what I'd picked out before, complimenting my choices, etc... /blush
You might try and see if you can find some support group meetings you can attend at your local LGBT Center. You don't have to dress up on your first night out, but but going out to meet others who are like-minded and talk about your situation in person can be a big confidence booster too.
Best of luck on your journey. Take it at your own pace, slow if need be. Stay safe and enjoy!
Hi! Thanks for the advice:) yes, I dress how I like sometimes when I am at my apartment (I live by myself, so it's not uncomfortable). I would be teaching myself how to use makeup properly, only I don't own any. I would definitely buy some, but I recently moved out of a homeless shelter so I don't have extra money.
I would go to an lgbt support group, only we don't have one here. I think there is one about 55 miles out, but I drive a small motorbike so that's not really an option. :P so I guess it goes without saying, a lot of this is circumstancial. I'm trying to save enough money to move to the city. and as much as a hate it, the pace for me is slow.. like, SLOW slow. But at least it's progress..? Thank you for the encouragement:)
If you need to take it slow, then do so. My motto last year was baby steps. This did mean that I should take it slow, but it also meant that I should continue to take steps. Over that year I felt like a failure. I would set myself a goal ( say, go out and by a skirt), then fail to do so over and over, until I finally would take that step. It wa maddening and left me feeling awful about myself. But at the end of the year I had an opportunity to look back over that time and found I had come a long way. It may seem maddening slow. But just keep stepping forward and eventually you will become yourself.
I have been very self-conscious at each step of the way. The first time I want out fully femme I walked about for about 5 minutes, just waiting for someone to say something or give me a funny look. I remember being so confused when I got back to my car and absolutely no one noticed. My mind couldn't grasp the idea that I had 'passed.' So it can be bad taking some of those steps - but if you continue to face your fears there will come the day you can quit playing the guy role and become yourself.
It does get better.
Sofi, it's best to move at what speed works for you best. Baby steps are great way to go so as to not overwhelm yourself and being able to get comfortable where your at before moving on. So move as slow or fast as you need. Eveyone moves at different rates. I moved fast but many have and do go slowly. Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: Kaydee on June 25, 2015, 07:22:55 PM
If you need to take it slow, then do so. My motto last year was baby steps. This did mean that I should take it slow, but it also meant that I should continue to take steps. Over that year I felt like a failure. I would set myself a goal ( say, go out and by a skirt), then fail to do so over and over, until I finally would take that step. It wa maddening and left me feeling awful about myself. But at the end of the year I had an opportunity to look back over that time and found I had come a long way. It may seem maddening slow. But just keep stepping forward and eventually you will become yourself.
I have been very self-conscious at each step of the way. The first time I want out fully femme I walked about for about 5 minutes, just waiting for someone to say something or give me a funny look. I remember being so confused when I got back to my car and absolutely no one noticed. My mind couldn't grasp the idea that I had 'passed.' So it can be bad taking some of those steps - but if you continue to face your fears there will come the day you can quit playing the guy role and become yourself.
It does get better.
I think I know what you mean. I feel like I've made no progress, and then i say out loud the things I've done in the last year and it's impressive.
that's so cool! I went out as a girl for the first time last night, but I don't think people even realized that's what I was going for. Oh well, I'll get there eventually I guess. That is so cool that you passed the first time you tried!! Congratulations:)
@mariah
I have learned that I progress faster when I let myself be slow, instead of forcing it and then falling back. You know? *hugs you back* lol
It has taken a long and slow journey to get to were I am now. I used to be really anxious about social outings to the point of changing clothes / jewelry ect. like 3 times before leaving the house. And then there was the toileting issue in public.... Which one do I use?!? Being slow let my family and I ease our way through my transition. Like everyone else is saying. Take it at your own pace and if the dominos are falling too quickly, slow it down to what suites you.
That is how it worked for me I started as well. It also works that way now. Despite being full time some things are still improving and much of that is do to not forcing like my voice. So, Yes I know all to well how that works. I hadn't placed any time frames or limits as to when to accomplish things and before I knew It I was full time. You get to a point where certain things feel right and others that never did feel so wrong that you can't do them no matter hard you force yourself too. Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: elliesofia:) on June 26, 2015, 01:19:32 AM
@mariah
I have learned that I progress faster when I let myself be slow, instead of forcing it and then falling back. You know? *hugs you back* lol
Ive been transitioning about 10 months now (3 months HRT), and it wasn't really until last month that i really just stopped caring.
HRT played a major step in validating who I am, and giving me the self confidence i needed. Although in terms of dressing the way I want, and interacting with people now as Michelle, it was definitely baby steps. You will eventually get to this point as well. Its a slow process to transform one's identity and it takes time for it to feel right.
now that I'm full time (as of this week) the next obstacles will be probably be dating and just being more comfortable in social settings etc. I won't lie I still get mini anxiety attacks during social situations. My mind sometimes races a mile a minute of course. But yeah just take things slow!
Being self conscious is kind of normal. We have all been there and i see it as an anavoidable lesson we all have to learn. Knowing that you have to accept yourself and being determined to do so gives the mind a strong signal to do it. The mind is such a powerful tool that once it accepts that signal it finds ways to take you to a state of total self acceptance. I believe that we create our own reality with our mind state. The others see you exactly the way you see yourself. Their believes about you are just a mirroring process of your own state of mind. So knowing this if you believe that you are a perfect creation people will see you that way. They will mirror your state of mind and will see you as a perfection. That is how i overcome my self consciousness. Once i realized that it all comes from my own state of mind i convinced myself that I'm nothing but a perfection and subsequently people see me that way. I hope this helps.
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