I received this from Lorraine, Nero's Mum.
For those who do not know, Nero was the previous Forum Administrator who tragically died last July.
I and many others loved him deeply. I have kept contact with Lorraine, and, on behalf of Susan's, I helped pay for his Memorial Stone.
Please do not read any further if you feel you may get triggered.
I am happy to pass on your thoughts to Lorraine at this sad anniversary of her son's death, if you so wish.
Cindy
Dear Cindy,
I hope you are well. The transgender community has gotten a lot of recognition recently. I think it's mostly for the good. I wanted to post on Susan's. But I guess my computer doesn't have the proper plug ins. Will you post this message for me, please? You may give my email out if anyone is interested in contacting me. If it is against the rules to offer the posters; just edit that part out.
Thank you for your kindness in the past months.
Lorraine
It is almost a year since we lost Nero. The anniversary will be extremely difficult for me. I live in the same home I shared with my beloved son. It's mostly a peaceful place. The littlest things can trigger happy memories. Things shared; favorite foods, a laugh or a special moment.
Little things can also grab me with a powerful force. It's a force that threatens to spin me into turmoil. It has wicked fingers that wag at me. A condemning voice that screams; you're guilty! The fingers point to a door; open it commands the voice. It's the healing process you must go in; everyone says so. Listen to your doctor; medication, psychotherapy. I have cracked open the door; I have peeked inside. I do not want to go in; it is a hell I will not return from. This powerful force of grief played a part in my son's pain.
I will not medicate or psychotherapate. I choose to think on whatsoever is true and lovely and of good report. I lean on my God and I listen to Nero. Have I gone mad; maybe? I know he is with me; he tells me so. I recognize his voice when he says; I'm still here mommy. He doesn't want me to be overtaken by the force. To honor him I will be strong.
In his honor I would also like to make his artwork available to you. I have created a poster from one of his compositions. It speaks to me; I have a huge one displayed in my home. If it speaks to you contact me via email. I will print one for you at cost with a certificate of authenticity.
I talk a good game but when July 13th rolls around; pray I don't crack open the door.
If anyone needs a friend; I have time.
Nero's mom
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1240.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fgg499%2F8295%2FNeros%2520Art.jpg&hash=a2228b300cdc2a33c28e693ff0036383b2e3ae2b)][URL] (http://[url=http://s1240.photobucket.com/user/8295/media/Neros%20Art.jpg.html)
Miss you, Nero..
And no, Nero's mum is not insane.. Alison, my late GF, is still with me. I can still hear her and smell the coffee she made me in the morning..
Quote from: kelly_aus on July 01, 2015, 03:53:24 AM
Miss you, Nero..
And no, Nero's mum is not insane.. Alison, my late GF, is still with me. I can still hear her and smell the coffee she made me in the morning..
Snap - although my Alison (yes she was called that) never made coffee... Tea was her thing.
I was thinking about this as I read Lorraine's moving piece of writing. I knew Nero of course, and we used to correspond about writing from time to time, because I have an MA in creative writing, and he was keen to become a better writer, although in truth I think he was pretty good already.
One of the things that has most upset me about my Alison's death in Nov 2013 (afer 25 years together) is that in the last two years I have never really felt her presence, which is unusual for me when someone dies.
Well no sooner had that thought popped into my head than a familiar little voice said "Thats because you need to be concentrating on your studies and not wallowing in grief and nostalgia - Now come on Jenny stop murdering time and get on with what you need to be doing." Then I recalled the old thing about the footsteps on the beach - and the man talking to God, looking back on his life and seeing two footsteps in the sand most of the time, and then sometimes just one set.
He turns to God and says why did you leave me in those difficult times, and God says "My friend those were the times when I carried you on my back," and suddenly it hit me that I've always said that Alison would have made a better medical student than I ever will. So perhaps she is carrying me even now.
There is comfort in knowing that others share the same thought processes and experience around the death of a loved one. So I shall certainly think of Lorraine and Nero on 13th July, and perhaps someone may think of me on 8th July - which would have been Alisons 67th Birthday.
Thanks you for sharing this Cindy, and please pass my best wishes on to Lorraine.
I replied, privately, to Lorraine that I would stand with her on the 13th. I also told her that hundreds of Nero's friend would wrap thei arms around her.
I also told her that I wanted his picture, I would pay for it and would treasurer it and publicly display it.
Jenny you know where I will be on the 8th, smelling scones and looking over your shoulder to a woman I also loved and respected as a friend.
Kelly you know where I stand with your gorgeous Alison. Next to you.
I have loved and lost too many people.
Can't believe a year has rolled by since then. :(
Thank you Lorraine - I still miss Nero very much.
Peace and love.
I remember Nero and think fondly of him from time to time. He could be cantankerous, but was well worth knowing. Rest well, Nero!
Crying, sorry, will try to give a more eloquent reply later
It has been a year. We miss you Nero. Condolences and comfort, Lorraine.
Joelene
I'm sorry too, I was hoping for a friend and my friend became my memory.
I've known several people who lost a child and none of them ever really got over it. It's just not the way the world is supposed to work for us anymore and I respect the strength it takes to handle that.
I arrived too late to interact with Nero, but it's hard not to be struck by his legacy here. Even second-hand, it's clear his mother did good work.
(edit the typo)
*hugs*
:(
Whilst I did not know Nero, his legacy still survives today, the sense of love and loss that the Forum feels is tumultuous.
Please pass on my thoughts and condolences at this sad time of remembrance.
L Katy xx
The loss is great and rather heavy among many of us :'(
Hugs
I think it's been like a billion years since I logged into the forums and I was just looking through post and somehow saw rejennyrated from way back in the day (welcome back!) and saw this post about Nero. I miss him too. I knew him more in the like 2008-2010 time period but I was still affected by his death. What I wanted to say was that I was looking through the names of the people that posted in this thread and it gave me a warm feeling. I've communicated with many of you over the years and it's nice to see that people are still around and forming a community. So hello to you, it's been a while, stay strong :) Meghan
Missed you Meghan, how are you Hon!
Nero's is also a celebration for us who have survived, will continue to, and can face our demons.
Nero's Mum's post was so sad and touching.
He is missed.
I really miss Nero. Every couple weeks he'd send me a PM just asking how I was doing. I really liked knowing he cared enough to check up on me.
Quote from: Cindy on July 05, 2015, 11:01:22 AM
Missed you Meghan, how are you Hon!
Nero's is also a celebration for us who have survived, will continue to, and can face our demons.
I'm doing well :) I view Nero's passing the same way. He definitely provided me with some love when I first transitioned and I'll always be grateful to him for that.
I just graduated from grad school and I have a guy I've been seeing and another one who I spend time with but he's not as serious as the first one. I spend most of my time doing my internships and working and spending time with friends and doing things with my guy friend :) I hope you are doing well, Cindy, and I hope the rest of you are doing well as well.
I remember my sadness of logging in and hearing of Nero's passing exactly one year ago! I still miss him, and cherish my memories of our chat conversations and friendship. My thoughts are with Lorraine!
Shana
Quote from: MeghanAndrews on July 05, 2015, 10:03:43 PM
I'm doing well :) I view Nero's passing the same way. He definitely provided me with some love when I first transitioned and I'll always be grateful to him for that.
I just graduated from grad school and I have a guy I've been seeing and another one who I spend time with but he's not as serious as the first one. I spend most of my time doing my internships and working and spending time with friends and doing things with my guy friend :) I hope you are doing well, Cindy, and I hope the rest of you are doing well as well.
MEGHAN! :D - how lovely and unexpected to see you... hope you see this message - for some reason I missed that you had posted. Good to hear its going well - you deserve to succeed after all the hard work.
Yes I'm back from beyond the grave - last time I was here I was learning to be a writer, now I am learning to be a doctor, something I can honestly say I never expected to be doing... it was something I thought had been forever closed off as a possbility by transition and SRS in the early to mid 80's - however we've come a long way and apparently two years ago at least four medical schools in the UK were fighting to offer places to a a very old student who has a trans history. so here I am. Another Rejennyration - actually I've half been thinking of changing my user name to St-Georges-Dragon, those aware of Uk med-schools may understand the little Joke... although perhaps best not as people might think I was alluding to Drag :P
Anyway good to hear your news maid - and dont be a stranger, this place seems to go in cycles - a while back, from my POV, it went through a rough patch, but we seem to have a particularly nice bunch here at the moment.
I know I'm a bit late. I'm buried in work and I'm not well at the moment. But that's not what I want to talk to you about.
Nero was one of the first persons I met at the forum. He had a hand for everybody. He did a great work and I will always keep him in my mind. He's always welcome, whenever and whereever.
Last night I received a certified copy of Nero's picture 'I am what I am' from Lorainne. The man was so talented.
I miss him, many of us miss him. I took over from him, I now know what he carried. I'm in awe.
He definitely had talent