So, im female. I identify as a female boy. But.. Not as a trans male. I do have some dysphoria, but I dont think id be comfortable living as male and being read that way by society consistently, so a full transition is not something im interested in. I dont consider myself to be like cis males and I enjoy womens' company, a full transition would change a lot of my social interactions and that would make me uncomfortable. I just like to be called a boy, to "act as a boy" (whatever that means), to have he/him/his pronouns used. But if I were in a relationship with a girl, id consider it a lesbian relationship, and that wouldnt be uncomfortable to me. I am still very much attached to female upbringing, I guess. I just want a different role in my life now. I like being a boy.
Does any of this make sense? I hope none of it was offensive. Im just wondering if how I see myself and identify is at all common?
This may not help but here is my two cents. Forget labels, just live and do what makes you happy :)
Yeah I'll admit I'm a little confused but to me that just seems gender-fluid.
Hi systemacct. Welcome to Susan's. :icon_wave:
Here are some links to site policies and other helpful information:
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
I've heard transgender people describe their experience as exactly yours. Only you know whether you are transgender, but what you're talking about is certainly within the realm.
Not everyone who identifies as male feels they have to transition. Some are happy living as a female, but adopting some male features of their life.
There are also non-binary folks who don't identify completely with either binary gender. There's a whole non-binary section on this site.
Whatever label you decide or don't decide, you're definitely welcome here, to learn what you need to learn.
Hi systemacct, welcome to Susan's It makes complete sense and many others on here feel very similarly to how you do. You did just fine. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah
Welcome to Susan's place. I am going to take a shot at this and I don't know if I am going to get this right. Lets define a new life style for you. You are free to alter anything in this list to make it more comfortable to you as this list is a starting point. Suppose we did the following.
1. Taught you how to bind your breast.
2. Taught you how to use a lower voice register making your voice sound more boyish
3. Gave you a short haircut
4. Switched you to a gender neutral or male wardrobe.
Would you be happy if we change only these thing in your life or would you like to add or subtract from the list? You sound like you might be gender fluid and as such everything in the list is easy and low cost to do and would not change the remainder of your life.
Quote from: Dena on July 01, 2015, 08:45:46 PM
Welcome to Susan's place. I am going to take a shot at this and I don't know if I am going to get this right. Lets define a new life style for you. You are free to alter anything in this list to make it more comfortable to you as this list is a starting point. Suppose we did the following.
1. Taught you how to bind your breast.
2. Taught you how to use a lower voice register making your voice sound more boyish
3. Gave you a short haircut
4. Switched you to a gender neutral or male wardrobe.
Would you be happy if we change only these thing in your life or would you like to add or subtract from the list? You sound like you might be gender fluid and as such everything in the list is easy and low cost to do and would not change the remainder of your life.
Ive already done those things. In a perfect world i could get a breast reduction (not top surgery) and some more muscle tone, and I think id be all set. Id be happy with that.
I dont think genderfluid fits for me because i dont experience it like my gender or expression changes or shifts, which I thought was what genderfluid is if im understanding correctly? I just see myself as both female (and also with some of the mannerisms, expectations, and language being a woman in society entails) and boy (same thing), at the same time, consistently. Like if there were this hypothetical society where. Instead of a rigid binary, there were genders and roles like male boy and female boy, and they each have their own thing going on and are different from each other... As if female boy were its own thing, not transitioning to or emulating a male boy. Its kind of like that?? Gosh, this is so hard to explain.
I knew I shouldn't have opened my mouth. This is really hard ;D
Try this out for size, I spent the first 28 years of my life as a man and the remainder as a woman. I haven't deleted any of those memories and all are there ready when needed. Daily I may call on the male in me do do a repair job he was so good with. On the other hand, posting on this board the female emotional side steps out to help me understand what is happening in the minds of the people needing help. They are blended into me so it isn't two personalities but yet I separate them as the old me and the new me. I don't consider it a problem because both live in harmony. For me, they didn't get along very well before the transition because the female side wasn't allowed to express herself. By becoming female, I have found a way both sides can be happy.
In your case, you have found a mix that works for you without transitioning. I don't think there is a name for it but as long as it works for you, I am glad you found happiness.
Its normal :)
I like to think of gender as a spectrum when I think about conventional genders.
female ____________ male
Some people just don't fit into the conventional genders, and that's entirely fine.
At the same time I also agree that we shouldn't get too caught up in labels. It can get very confusing, especially if you can't find a label that resonates with how you identify. Just be you.
Rose
Hi systemacct and Welcome to Susan's. Transgender is a word used to cover a broad spectrum of gender non-conforming identities. I too see gender as a spectrum male and female at the poles with non-binary, gender fluid or some other term for those not at the poles. As Suzi mentioned, check out the non-binary section. You may find some things that resonate with you. The point is you don't have to conform to one pole or the other if that's not you - that's okay. Find what works for you and be free to be YOU.
Hugs and Welcome.
Hi systemacct welcome to Susan's. If you found your way here looking for answers then I would say you fall somewhat under the trans umbrella. There is no right or wrong way to be trans. The best way I heard things put is gender is a sliding scale where on one end you have totally Cis people (people who do not question their gender identity) and on the other extreme you have full blown trans individuals who need to have surgeries and full transition, where referring to them as their birth gender can be devastating to them and harmful.
I would suspect that you are much closer to the Cis end of the scale then the Trans end but I also think that you are closer to the trans end then a majority of people in the world.
I think that perhaps a discussion with a gender therapist would be helpful for you. It might seem extreme but they can help you find your right path, obviously surgeries are out but possibly hormone therapy might be an option or even just finding someone who you can share your feelings with will be all that you need. A therapist is there to help you discover what is right for you but the decision is yours and yours alone.