Hello i present myself, i am 23 years old male . As far as i can remember i am living with a gender dysphoria since i am 12. I remember myself wearing mom's clothes when she was gone to grocery or wherever. I did this until my back got to big because of muscular training i would say around age of 18. I also remember myself reading on the subject and reading transgender fictions comics and such every night. I was watching porn of female masturbating(never with man). I was praying before falling asleep that some magical power or whatever would turn me into a girl when i would wake up. I was very dissapointed everytime that i didnt work (lol) . I remember myself (and still is) very jaleous, envying pretty womens of my age that i was seeing at school,work, wherever. It was making me antisocial with girls, i was getting stressed when talking to them at school.
Now older i am convinced that i was retaining my dysphoria by getting myself into "projects" for exemple i did team sport during school when this was over i started bodybuilding . I kind of liked doing bodybuilding , started from a skinny 5.8''' 128 lbs at 13% bodyfat to 180 lbs at 4.7% bodyfat . Ended with 17.75 '' biceps and muscular frame over the course of 6 years. I lifted 315 lbs bench, 405 lbs squat and 495 lbs deadlift. I also played A LOT of video games, was kind of addicted to virtual worlds and such . Later on i got bored of games then started to play guitar ... However my problem with those projects is that at the moment i have no more challenge or i feel self-accomplished i completly stop and get demotivated and i am in hurry to get myself into a new project.
A few months ago i met my very first girlfriend (yes i was still virgin and i never kissed a girl until this age). It was not because i was ugly (i am actually cute, being pretentious sorry ) i could have been with so many girls in my life but each time i refused . I always told my parents and to myself that i wont have many relationship in my life, i will have only one and this will be the mother of my childs. So i have never been in hurry and i never felt the need of having a girlfriend.
So what happened next is i met this person and i knew this was the person i was waiting for. It was so natural with her. I suddently stopped thinking of my dysphoria and even stopped masturbating at all. I moved to her place, we are living together since 3 month allready and we were talking about having a baby.
Ok.. so you must think i am happy right now but sadly i am not even if i have a situation many mens would dream of. My dysphoria reappeared 2 month after when i figured that i was ALWAYS in need of hug. I actually prefered hug to sex , i always hated my genitals anyway.(not that we dont have sex together). You will say that it is normal everyone likes getting hugs but what scared me and did restart my dysphoria is that when i was doing hug to her, i was holding a part of her body , for exemple her legs and i was thinking they were mine. The psychological arousing to this is so high for me. So.. we had up and down like in every relationship then each time we were in small conflict i was begining having thoughts like i used to.(about transitionning etc.) A couple week after that i couldnt hold those thoughts any longer and i told my mother about how i felt, who i truly was. She was very surprised ( she never had any doubt since i always showed myself very manly) but supportive. She recommended me to consult in a sexotherapy clinic wich i did. A few days after that i had a big conflict with my girlfriend and i started packing my things to get back to my parent's house. At this point i told myself.. ok this is time to start transition. So she helped me packing then after it was half-done she looked at me and said "do you really believe it is impossible together". At the moment she said this i started crying and i hold her and told her that i think it is. There was no other choice at this time for me then telling her the truth about how i felt inside, who i truly was. We had a discussion about this and with astonishment she didnt quit me but took care of me instead. She was very clear however that i must decide and be sure on whatever i want to do because she wont be able to live with a girl. She loves me but as a man.
so... we are still together but my disphoria is kicking so often. It is much harder to hold now since i came out. The only moment i am not thinking of it is when i am with her and when our relationship is healthly. However the more our relationship is healthly the less i think of it. When i say "thinking" it is a very big mess in my head in fast forward . I am covering the whole subject in matter of a few minutes (from transitionning thoughts to thinking about my girlfriend telling myself that i am good with her) then once the subject is covered it simply repeat in my head. It is very hard to live with those thoughts and i feel more and more depressed.
I am now at my fifth appointment with my sexologist, it helps me a lot but i understand that she cant take the decision for me. She confirmed my GID today and told me that she could refer me to proper ressource if this is what i want to. She however told me that she can help me to find a way to feel more relaxed, less anxious and to gradually put away those thoughts. She however said i will honestly never stop completly thinking of it.
So... I know that some people here had a girlfriend before or still have one even after transitionning, am i right to think that there is a possibility that i can be happy with her without transitionning .. Does it worth it to lose precious time on a possibility that it may work. I am worried of taking the wrong decision and to waste "prime time" for taking hormones.
here are my measurements
-height: 5.7 ft (for some reason i lost 1 inch)
-weight: 153 lbs (i allready lost 20-25 lbs since a couple months, i was 8% bodyfat on february so this is muscle loss and i am more fat too about 11-12% i would say)
-chest : 37.5 inch
-waist: 30 inch
-hips : 37 inch
-bicep : 14.75 (flex) 12.5 inch (rest)
-neck: 14.3 inch
-calve : 13.5 inch
-forearm : 11 inch
-thigh : 22 inch
-butt : 38.5 inch.
-men shoes size : 8.5-9
I am a little worried of my upper body muscle mass, should i expect a drastic reduction if i decide to take hormones and expect a "womanly" shape. Some people says it happens some other say you keep your muscles. I used to follow Jesslyngirl87 when i was younger and i was impressed by the change.. wish this would happen to me.
Thank you, i hope some can help me taking the right decision.
Hi Archlord, welcome to Susan's. Your size doesn't look like an issue with those number's. Once you let it loose it really is hard to hold back at least it was that way for me. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah
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Welcome to Susan's Place. Only you can define which life path will make you happy. My roommate had a very male existence up until age 50 when she chucked the male life and became a female. People have been able to push the transsexualism into the background but you need to understand there is a difference in your brain from before birth that creates this drive. It is different from person to person but the only way to contain it is coping skills.
I coped with my feelings poorly between ages 13 and 23 when the emotions exploded to the point they could no longer be contained so I started therapy. How well you can contain these feeling, I don't know but suspect they will be a pretty constant companion for the rest of your life.
Only one person can advise you if you should transition or not and that you. GD covers a broad spectrum and thus methods to deal with, or manage it, also cover a broad spectrum. As you've already seen for yourself with diversions and distractions. Which is a classic coping mechanism. Followed by copious amounts of adult beverages. Then comes I got a g/f, that will cure me. Followed by we'll get married, that will cure me. Followed by I'll be a parent, hopefully a girl, and that will cure me. But as I said, the BEST you can do is manage it, or treat it.
I tried the 3D route (Diversions, Distractions, Denial) for a good 40 years. Fifty if you count the 10 between my first wanting to be a girl at age 4 untill adolescence. My wishing dreaming, praying to wake up as a girl phase was over by the time I was 10 or so. I was totally resigned to my fate. In many ways it worked. In many ways it turned my life into a total mess by stunting my emotional and spiritual growth.
As far as advice on what to do... Well my experience says to come clean with your g/f on your feelings, especially the part about the confusion. A partnership is made up with two or more people making decisions together. It is not fair to her and and any potential child to drop this on them at some future date, knowing how you feel now.
By the time my first wife and I got serious my transition experiment was behind me. I knew I wasn't like other guys and never will be. Yet I could be mostly like a guy and the occasional cross-dressing helped. Unfortunately she never knew any of this and the "discovery" did not go well. THe follow on fiance eventually was told, she was cool about it, even a bit supportive. But as wedding date pressure mounted, she broke. I wasn't "A real man". My current wife knew of my gender issues from day, the transitioning experiments, the need to cross-dress. She was supportive to a point. Dropping the T-Bomb on her 6 years ago was not well recieved. With a lot of work by us both, we are still together. The future is still unknown
I found with most life decisions one simple question yields the answers you need; "Which Pain is Worse?" The answer to it is allowed to, even expected to, change thoughout life
Every girl I know and myself included that went through transition will tell you we did it because we had no other choice.........
Katie : Well, honestly, I did have a choice. (There are a number of other women who have told similar stories when this comes up, btw.) I might have become more desperate if I'd tried to suppress things for too long, but I was neither suicidal nor miserable. I'm saying this mostly because the narrative of "no choice" convinced me I was not really trans and SHOULD try to ignore it until I was suicidal or something... I chose to transition because I would be happier, not because I was suffering .
With that said, it sounds like the bigger issue here is the question of suppressing things for the sake of someone else, which is generally not a good idea - it's heartbreaking to think of losing someone over transition, but much of the time trying to repress everything results in losing the relationship anyway, just later on and with more heartache.
For certain, everyone does have a choice to transition or not.
Personally, I believe what your sexologist said to be true- that you will likely never be able to stop thinking about it completely. Beginning to transition is perhaps one of the biggest and most mind scrambling judgement calls we must make of ourselves in life. It is not only uncomfortable due to the "what-ifs", but also incredibly exciting at the thought of ringing true to ourselves from the inside out.
This decision isn't something you can base on the experience of others, it must come from within.
GID is perhaps very related to body dysmorphia. As Joanne pointed out, there is a wide spectrum of dysphoria that one can feel. Perhaps you are looking for a slow/partial transition- maybe that will be enough to satiate your gender dysphoria. Then later you might find that you want the whole shebang, or maybe you want to return to full masculinity. Luckily, there are several options available to tailor this to whatever you need. That is what it's all about.
That part where you mentioned hugging your girlfriend's legs, my god. That is exactly how I felt in every single one of my relationships pre-transition. You brought tears to my eyes! I wish you the best and hope you find the right path. Keep ruminating on this, and know that you will always be accepted with open arms here no matter what your decision.
Hugs
Quote from: Katie on July 04, 2015, 09:36:48 AM
Every girl I know and myself included that went through transition will tell you we did it because we had no other choice.........
Yasss.
And to OP, I don't want to play the, 'I'm more woman than you' game. There is not a single day, that I don't look in the mirror, and imagine myself as a female. I look at my features, trying to imagine it, and some days I can just live life without being sad about it. Other days are harder.
Even though, I haven't remotely gone all the way yet, I don't consider myself a gay man, and I don't consider myself a man in general. It's like when I kiss a gay guy, in the back of my mind, I think... how can he be attractive to me? By luck, most of the guys I date are bisexuals, and yes I dated straight guys (who wanted just the sex; besides the point, it's about the pleasure; not the erotic) in my past. Gay guys generally don't like me much, and if they do, it's because of the sex or huge age difference (him being older).
I am a woman disguise (cursed/disabled) as a man. Not a man becoming a woman. I never can become what I already am. The brain is permanent, more or less, than the body is, there's a female brain stuck in my skull. I can change my hormone levels, my bone structures, and all that... but to get therapy to become a man? There's no such thing... I can be surrounded by men all day, but I am still feminine in my heart... their masculinity doesn't rub off me. I love men. And I love females for platonic friendships.
When I am with females, most of the time, I think to myself, "they are more masculine than I am at heart and soul? How?" They don't like the hard parts about being female at times, but it's part of the package, a package I gladly want. The attention, the assumption of inferiority of knowledge, the protection of men, yes, yes... gender rules from the 50s.
I feel like I am a woman of the mid-late 60s though, very feminine at heart, educated, strong, but will let a man tell her what to do, and cook him a meal if he brings in the bread. That's my thinking, though. I won't put up with total rudeness though, that's why 60s, and not 50s. Damn not 40s.
I put feminism back 50 yrs.
All women are different though, but I am just saying... if someone like me can tolerate my suffering, and it's a lot of suffering believe me, then HOW CAN YOU BE CLOSE TO THE POINT OF SUICIDE TO CHANGE?
At least, that's my guess, we change because of suicidal thoughts are too much.
If I had my true love with me, like you seem to have, than it would be tough to choose one over the other. But, even with the misery of my life, if he truly love me, then I wouldn't transistion all the way. I would accept a limbo stage for him to be with me (low estrogen/feminine behaviors/something), since I live for love. And true love is hard to find. And even then, IF HE DOES NOT ACCEPT ME AS FEMININE, he is not worth my love. I can only love a man, who sees me as a feminine being, and not as a real man. If he sees me as a man, even mentally, he is not for me.
He needs to open doors for me, do chivalry acts, and yes men done it for me; so it's possible.
----------------------
My advice, try to live as a female for a while, take spiro under a doctor's care (not estrogen quite yet), and if it makes you happier; work on it.
I'm not a therapist though'.
Quote from: Wild Flower on July 04, 2015, 12:25:43 PM
I put feminism back 50 yrs.
No, just 10. Those traditional gender roles for women? They're fine, as long as they're how you want to live.
The bad thing about what you've said is that you're treating domesticity, femininity, beauty, etc., as worthless traits.
Modern feminist theory says "Yes, some... even most women like living like that. Those women are still women. Respect their choices, and celebrate their contribution to society."
Feminist theory 30-40 years ago was very demeaning, and alienating to lots of women. It accepted the patriarchal value system, and said that women should strive to beat men at their own ->-bleeped-<-ty games. (note: there were definitely good things that happened in that era... I'm just listing the bad, because that's what people associate with the movement)
Quote from: sparrow on July 04, 2015, 12:48:18 PM
No, just 10. Those traditional gender roles for women? They're fine, as long as they're how you want to live.
The bad thing about what you've said is that you're treating domesticity, femininity, beauty, etc., as worthless traits.
Modern feminist theory says "Yes, some... even most women like living like that. Those women are still women. Respect their choices, and celebrate their contribution to society."
Feminist theory 30-40 years ago was very demeaning, and alienating to lots of women. It accepted the patriarchal value system, and said that women should strive to beat men at their own ->-bleeped-<-ty games. (note: there were definitely good things that happened in that era... I'm just listing the bad, because that's what people associate with the movement)
I am an anti-feminist (almost).
But I appreciate femininity, beauty, and such....
I don't know any easy answers, I waited 60 years to find the path to transition. Have I wasted my life , not quite sure, but I'm happy now.
Your story sounds very much like mine even down to the bodybuilding and girlfriend situation. I am still on the fence on transitioning, but coming ever closer to a decision. If you are worried about muscle mass just eat a very low protein diet and do tons of cardio and all the muscle will disappear. Only you can decide whether or not to transition.
Welcome to Susan's Archlord
So good to have you with us here.
A few things, I have wasted 57 years trying to achieve who I knew I was at 4... had awful body part Dysphoria at 5 till well into teens, managed to control it, done the appropriate male thing, got married had kids etc. Struggled all life with the waves of emotions... never got to desperation. Then at late forties learnt about what was wrong with me, couldn't do much about it, so at Fifty went on HRT after 12 years have achieved a not too bad feminisation, included reductions in shoulder and body mass, still not got a big butt... rest is more than acceptable.
Anyway, just saying that I did not know how or even how to do this stuff back in my childhood, teens and adulthood! So all I can say is, echoing others, the emotions and waves keep returning, stronger on each and every wave, then you have no more options left. So if you are sure don't waste your years thinking about it, else it becomes an "I wish I'd have" Oh and one of my delays has been to scared to tell my family, did not want my "issues" to rock the family life so I "suffered in silence".
Many partners are very accepting and understanding, other are not, hard to pick.
Good luck on your journey and look forward to seeing you around here.
L Katy :-*
I don't have any easy answers for you. I tried to keep it all under wraps. I failed. And my marriage of 30+ years failed because of it. One son no longer speaks to me. I've not seen my grandchildren by him in 3 years.
If I could go back and transition when I was younger, I would, without even one second's hesitation.
My advice, and you don't have to take it, is don't try to be a hero. Be yourself. If you try to be that hero, it almost certainly will come crashing down around you later anyway and then how will you feel?
If I were in your shoes right now, I know what I'd do, because I've been on the other end of that decision, and it was a mistake. I'd transition. Because you're never going to escape your dysphoria. At best, you'll cope with it, and for me that turned out to be no way to live after all.
For clarification when I said we had NO CHOICE. I intentionally left the interpretation of that vague.
I did not suggest that this means someone is suffering. For example I was not miserable when I began transition I simply came to the point where I DONT GIVE A CRAP WHAT ANYONE THINKS and it is NOW MY TIME...................
When I came to that mindset there was no choice anymore it was move forward with a goal and that's how I did it.
Ha this thread makes me feel really young. I am 19 and am considering transition. I probably came to the whole "I am a girl" because I have had it my whole life and am a little of an anti-conformist.
But also because i have very little to lose. I have no friends or qualifications and no practical plan to get either. The only risk really is the stupid comments I might get from people, but I get those anyways! lol
Quote from: highlight on July 05, 2015, 09:55:00 PM
Ha this thread makes me feel really young. I am 19 and am considering transition. I probably came to the whole "I am a girl" because I have had it my whole life and am a little of an anti-conformist.
But also because i have very little to lose. I have no friends or qualifications and no practical plan to get either. The only risk really is the stupid comments I might get from people, but I get those anyways! lol
Most of the time people are pretty nice even when you aren't passing. Having few ties can make transitioning easy but sometimes the support of others also helps in the transitioning process. It more or less depends on what you come up against.
Any age is a good age to transition at but the younger you are the better and the more life you get to enjoy in the new role.
Thanks everyone for those awnsers.
As i am making progress with my decision, i decided to try a wig for the first time today.
I also went to see esthetician for eyebrows job ( but still as man)
Here is the result without makeup and pre-anything
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs3.postimg.org%2Fq65tin3kz%2FIMG_0318.jpg&hash=2ca42b361e0dc4460ce4b16b1b0a9aa5e7ae22df)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs28.postimg.org%2F424endtwt%2F20150724_221920.jpg&hash=7cd1229d502ca9a01d947ca9aea288e45ceddcbe)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs30.postimg.org%2F3ye4jbr9t%2F20150724_220751.jpg&hash=3555892787f814b7965fb4af406157ab33702576)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs4.postimg.org%2Fmrqxzib71%2F20150724_221233.jpg&hash=6614fade6006dbf58dc42d0b27ba83d585b67dfa)
Good place to start but next wig should be a shorter cut, possibly to the bottom of your ear and should also cover about half you forehead. We need to round out your face and that will help. You don't have a real male forehead so exposing some of it is fine. The eyebrows will need to be shaped but wait until you are ready to start moving in public. Makeup will help as well. Over all I think your face can be made to work without surgery.
I think I looked far worst when I started so you have an advantage over me.
Thanks Dena . You were right i am not really used to this so... i took new pictures with the wig lower in forehead.
I didn't get my right the first or second time either. GG's spend their teen year playing around with their image so it looks so easy to us. GG's go through the same things we go through. I am also not sure where you got that wig. I had a Tans friendly shop that allowed me to come in after hours for a wig fitting. It was a good thing because I have an extra fat head and they had to stretch the wig to make it fit. If you need to go with a wig for a long time, the better quality ones are worth the money. If it's just short term while you grow your hair out, the quality of the wig isn't as important.
Your story about coming out mimics mine very closely. Met what appeared to be my soulmate, wiped out my dysphoria, after awhile it comes back and I end up in a yo-yo relationship where I'm fighting between keeping her and dealing with the dysphoria. Eventually I came clean and it was the best decision of my life.
It's only been about 3 months since I told her, but she's been the best support I could have asked for. We had some initial communication issues, so it's important to not get angry because she doesn't say something the way you think she should be saying it. Taking her with me to counseling really helped a lot to get past the communication issues.
In just this short time, my confidence has shot up through the roof. Things about myself that I thought were too masculine are things she doesn't think are that big of a deal. That was one issue that caused some arguments because I thought she was trying to block my transition. It turns out she was right. I was the only one obsessing over those features. Nobody else noticed. She's helped to identify some mannerisms that are masculine that I didn't notice. She's helped me to pinpoint where my voice should be and to cultivate it. It's basically the same pitch as my natural voice, just spoken differently, something I never would have found without her. She's taught me how to do makeup and has taken me shopping for clothes and jewelry. I used to grab stuff off the rack and hope it's the right size so nobody would notice. She's gotten me to a point where I'm willing to try stuff on right there. She's also helped to remove the little bit of shame I had left by not being critical of me when I present as myself at home. It used to feel like I was doing something wrong putting on those clothes. Now they're just clothes.
So yes, I believe that it can work out, but you both have to be patient with each other. And don't sugar coat what you're feeling. This is as hard for her as it is for you, even if she repeatedly tells you it's not. I found it took a therapist to get her to open up about some things. When people find out about this, they hit the Internet for research, and they always find the suicide rate while they're reading about it. That leads them to hold some things back to avoid causing you depression. They mean well, but bottling things up just makes it worse in the long run.
You won't know if you need to transition until you try it out a little. I don't mean tell the world and start living life as a woman tomorrow. I mean try some isolated outings as your true self and see how it feels. For me, it was like suddenly opening my eyes. It felt amazing. Over time, the more I had to revert back to male mode, the more depressed I became. Was it a do or die moment? Not really, but it was bad enough to make me think I can't continue without doing the transition, so it probably would have gotten to that point eventually.
If she's comfortable with going out with you, I would highly recommend taking her. She'll be a natural confidence booster and people will be less likely be jerks with her at your side. Aside from dresses, the only people that seem to notice the difference between mens and womens clothing, are women. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but I've been living about 90% as a woman for around 3 weeks now and have yet to encounter any snive remarks, strange glances, or anything else. The worst I've encountered is people gendering me female when I think I'm presenting male, making me not know how to behave. I live in the country where we have more churches than bars, which should be tougher for me than living near a city, but it's not.
I would also look up "Kristin's Trans Life" on youtube (it's a person, not a video title). I don't know who she is, but she compiled a list of questions, from other locations, that sound like a therapist would ask them. It really helped me decide whether I should transition or not.
Here is an update after a couple months.
Me and my girlfriend broke because i couldnt fight it anymore. After 10 days i thought i made a mistake and all i had in my mind was : i want her back . She was very closed to the idea but with perseverance she gave me a chance but she decided that it was over and it wont be possible since she doesn't love me anymore. I however have to say that my dysphoria that went away for 2 weeks got back while we were together as i wasn't able to think of anything else then : i want her back.
So here i am now, i see a new therapist specialised in GID and i have an appointment with endocrinologist on oct 8th.
I allready have recommendation letter from family doctor and i will have one from my therapist by the time. I am doing the bloodwork this week.
Here is recent picture of me, the first time i came out in girl mode to my sister and my mother.( they allready knew)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs3.postimg.org%2Fc9t5fvyc3%2F20150909_213428_crop.jpg&hash=a33e0bd2a087282cce79b434c58ae7d8d3894283)
and those are a little older
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs4.postimg.org%2Fafx230c5p%2F20150905_183740.jpg&hash=b3cf91bb0e7d24e55d11a155204fc19bab1daf21)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs17.postimg.org%2F6p5yyali7%2F20150827_112029.jpg&hash=98c376b491d5fbea30cfca56c92783db6f0dd37a)
i keep losing weight and muscle ( down to 149 lbs now ) and i am at 32b(due to pectoral muscle) - 27 -36 measurements
Moderator learning is keeping me busy but i finally got to this thread and the bottom picture looks great. I think you may have the facial look worked out. Don't stop experimenting with your look but I think you would pass with what you have.
Hi -
The array of answers here is great. The short version from my view
- Knew at 3-4 years old
- Put if off, buried it, got married (39 yrs and struggled quietly), 2 daughters, grandchildren, great career, national athlete
- 58 yrs old and nearly ended it
- Started gender therapy, HRT, SRS, . . . life ended and started anew (lost all of my former family)
- Have a great new life - wasn't easy but wouldn't go back for anything
Sooo, I simply offer that as perspective. The underlying feelings and emotions only have one successful treatment regimen and that's transitioning. That's a call only you and a well informed and intended professional can make. However, from everyone I every talked to the dissonance will not go away, except for possibly short periods . . . can you live with it (I don't know and you may not either).
Best of luck and love to you and yours,
Rachel
Well, you were cute as man and look awesome as woman even before HRT, so if your choice is to transition, at least you won't have to worry about passing.
It's funny how your school and your life overloaded with projects was like mine. Sports, bodybuilding, video games ( the virtual addiction too, it was my way to stop thinking about myself in the real world as I was), the jaleousy of others girls. I was very unsure of transitioning at start too, afraid of various things as peoples around me, the lack of model and well a pretty big list.
Well if you happen to decide that transition is for you and need to chat you can send me a message. I'm 23 too but my transition has achieved recently. (Well that's my feeling as I'm not concern about my own transition details anymore)
I agree. You're not going to have any trouble passing.
In relationship to the girl, I'm sorry to hear that, but one thing to consider in all this is what would you do if she wasn't there? And I think you've already answered that question. What would you have done if you had to bury it to be with her and suddenly found yourself alone at 60, 70, 80 years old? How would you feel about having never done a transition? Sometimes we just need that boost to force us to do a little self evaluation.
BTW: Very cute verging on beautiful . . . lots of potential to become very glam! Give it time and let the process work.
I transitioned at 58 and it took nearly 3 years for HRT to fully work and 10 years later I was a full sized B tending to C. I hope the growth is over as another cup size will bring sleeping and other physicality aspects into to my feme life I'd be OK not having. ::)
Love your body art too, exotic and fashionable.
TTFN,
Rachel
Quote from: Jennygirl on July 04, 2015, 12:17:32 PM
For certain, everyone does have a choice to transition or not.
this is not true. i certainly didnt have a choice. it was sincerely a "transition or suicide" thing for me.
not everyones experiences are the same though, and you dont have to be like that to be "real trans"
You are stunning! :icon_bunch: HRT will be very kind to you, especially at your age. It should whittle your muscles away. I've been watching videos of me from 12-20 years ago and it's shocking how different I look and how much bulk/muscle I've dropped. I didn't realize how big my shoulders, neck, arms, etc were.
Wow!!! I just looked up your very first post - this one - and you've come a very long way. You should post one of those male pictures from this post next to your new self from today. It could be very encouraging for girls just starting out.
Big hugs
Jessica
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Yes! You should really do that archlord.
You are my inspiration.
Hugs and kisses
-Saira
Eww what a nightmare :-X :-\
This is where you see that nothing should refrain you from becomming yourself . I was not even close to passing 14 month ago when i made this thread.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FMowKm69.jpg&hash=7ac1d968ee4a17e1ef314a389605629cd0c677b7)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FUqL1ciR.jpg&hash=7b18cb8489d703d2697b55c353c6c60225029b37)
Before picture :
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FlJYBUps.jpg&hash=ed6c3614dfae969459e8020ef469b9024987f0d4)
Oh my goodness... it is really astonishing to see your results... and it is really bad as well, because you are just convincing even more people like me (that are thinking whether to transition or not) that it really pays off to move forward with transition :laugh: :laugh:
Enjoy it cause now you can!
Quote from: archlord on December 16, 2016, 08:37:38 AM
Eww what a nightmare :-X :-\
This is where you see that nothing should refrain you from becomming yourself . I was not even close to passing 14 month ago when i made this thread.
that's not a nightmare, that's a fairy tale ;-)
Quote from: archlord on December 16, 2016, 08:37:38 AM
Eww what a nightmare :-X :-\
This is where you see that nothing should refrain you from becomming yourself . I was not even close to passing 14 month ago when i made this thread.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FMowKm69.jpg&hash=7ac1d968ee4a17e1ef314a389605629cd0c677b7)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FUqL1ciR.jpg&hash=7b18cb8489d703d2697b55c353c6c60225029b37)
Before picture :
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FlJYBUps.jpg&hash=ed6c3614dfae969459e8020ef469b9024987f0d4)
See, thats some inspirational stuff right there!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFNEgdwjEhs
Yeah this is one of the most amazing things I've ever seen in my entire life.
Bet you're glad you were natty in your bodybuilding days!
Quote from: JMJW on December 16, 2016, 11:51:07 AM
Bet you're glad you were natty in your bodybuilding days!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FAxbeldN.png&hash=63566828c208e349748db0218ce54ddc0422e71d)
For those curious about what happened to my measurements
5.7 ft height
May 2015: 177lbs 5-6% bodyfat
39.5 chest ( inverted triangle shape)
29 waist
37 inch hips
15 inch neck
14.5 inch calves
17.75 inch bicep
July 3rd 2015 : 150lbs
37-37.5 chest
32 underbust
30.5-31 waist
37 inch hips
14.75 bicep(flex)
12.75 bicep(rest)
14.3 neck
13.5 calve
11 forearm
22 thigh
6 oct 2015 147 lbs 5-6% bodyfat ( starting hormones at this point) 34/28/36.5
34 chest
30.5 underbust
28 waist
36.5 inch hips
14 bicep ( flex)
11.5 bicep (rest)
14 inch neck
14 inch calve
11 inch forearm
21 thigh
Today: 39/28/40 ( Hourglass! :) ) approx 167 lbs at 27% body fat
39 chest ( 36DD)
28 waist
40 inch hips
13 bicep ( flex)
11 bicep (rest)
13 inch neck
14 inch calve
10.5 inch forearm
21.5 thigh
Omg amazing results!
Amazing transformation. Hugs
Mariah
My dysphoria reappeared 2 month after when i figured that i was ALWAYS in need of hug. I actually prefered hug to sex , i always hated my genitals anyway.(not that we don't have sex together).
Although we are almost half a century apart age wise. I know exactly what you went through. Luckily you made the decisions necessary to find peace of mind. I on the other hand due to the times I hid it as deep as I could for as long as I could. It was only after I could no longer keep it under wraps because of my bad behavior and angriness that I could be truthful to the therapist. We found I was transgender after all and that there is no way I could have kept that fact at bay any longer. The pressure put on myself became unbearable. Now after 4 months of HRT I am starting to feel normal. Like something I have been missing for a long, long time. I must say you look amazing. I am so happy for you. I am envious. I want to give you a big hug, sweetie and tell you everything is going to be alright. You inspire all of us.
<3 Dawn
Gosh you look so pretty, congratulations! Bleh here I sit at 4 days from 7 months, both levels well where they should be and I still struggle to find any difference T_T Patience really is a virtue that I haven't been gifted with or good at >_<
I am sorry archlord but I couldn't help it.
The earlier you soo resembled the actor Andrew Scott.
Here's an image.
Lol
Heres another one!
@Saira128 , if you want to compare my dead self to someone, at least compare "him" to someone that actually look like "him".
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FL6dJgJj.jpg&hash=bc39b5f1729b10f72b23f09cbd11ee98da45cc33) (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg2.closermag.fr%2Fvar%2Fclosermag%2Fstorage%2Fimages%2Fmedia%2Fimages-des-contenus%2Factu-people%2Fpeople-anglo-saxons%2F2013-04-30-jennifer-lawrence-et-nicholas-hoult-a-nouveau-ensemble%2Fnicholas-hoult-a-l-avant-premiere-de-jack-le-chasseur-de-geants-a-los-angeles-le-26-fevrier-2013%2F1127549-1-fre-FR%2FNicholas-Hoult-a-l-avant-premiere-de-Jack-le-chasseur-de-geants-a-Los-Angeles-le-26-fevrier-2013_exact1024x768_p.jpg&hash=aa754296431b755efe632d7d0499af0ababbb398)
Ooh!! Right on! And hey! I am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.
I am messed up. Sorry again.
Quote from: archlord on December 16, 2016, 11:52:11 AM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FAxbeldN.png&hash=63566828c208e349748db0218ce54ddc0422e71d)
For those curious about what happened to my measurements
5.7 ft height
May 2015: 177lbs 5-6% bodyfat
39.5 chest ( inverted triangle shape)
29 waist
37 inch hips
15 inch neck
14.5 inch calves
17.75 inch bicep
July 3rd 2015 : 150lbs
37-37.5 chest
32 underbust
30.5-31 waist
37 inch hips
14.75 bicep(flex)
12.75 bicep(rest)
14.3 neck
13.5 calve
11 forearm
22 thigh
6 oct 2015 147 lbs 5-6% bodyfat ( starting hormones at this point) 34/28/36.5
34 chest
30.5 underbust
28 waist
36.5 inch hips
14 bicep ( flex)
11.5 bicep (rest)
14 inch neck
14 inch calve
11 inch forearm
21 thigh
Today: 39/28/40 ( Hourglass! :) ) approx 167 lbs at 27% body fat
39 chest ( 36DD)
28 waist
40 inch hips
13 bicep ( flex)
11 bicep (rest)
13 inch neck
14 inch calve
10.5 inch forearm
21.5 thigh
Your post-HRT measurements nearly mirror my pre-HRT measurements and vise-versa (right down to the height and general weight). I know that's a pointless observation, but I couldn't help but looking at the numbers and having a 'holy ****' moment.
Hormones are an amazing thing.