Hi
I am a mum to a FtoM 11 year old.
He has lived as a boy since age 4, started puberty at 7, is about to start hormone blockers and is suffering with severe depression that CAHMS have suggested hospitalizing him.
My sons main issue is his bust, I would say he is around a B cup. My son also has a few autistic traits, once of which is sensitivity issues so I think a binder would be too difficult for him to cope with. Any ideas on a good sports bra he could wear.
Will the hormone blockers stop any further breast growth? and will his breast size reduce a little once on the blockers?
I feel so sad for him, he has not been to school for a year and I have been homeschooling. He goes into secondary school in September and cant wait as I have just legally changed his name to his chosen male name and he will enter secondary school as a boy hence why reducing his chest is a must.
Thanks
The blockers will stop additional breast growth and I hope you have been talking to his doctors about this because 7 is a bit early for breast development to start. It is possible the hormones blockers may reduce the breast size a bit if the size is due to swelling as in a woman who has given birth but some size will be there until surgery.
You are an amazing mother charing and understand your child so well. Your child may also find it desirable to communicate with others like himself locally or on the board here. We have a real feeling of being alone in this world and contact with others like ourself often helps. As I went the other there way, I really don't know much about hiding breast but testing a few sports bras might give you an idea how they would work. I suspected the normal FTM uses binding to get the most reduction possible.
Firstly I must also, like Dena I commend you on your care for your son and the fact you have signed up here to seek information and guidance etc.
I am not really familiar in FTM, but I would think the blockers will help I am sure, have you spoken with an endocrinologist that perhaps handles pre-teens?
Unfortunately I can't help with the other questions.
(Thanks Dena x)
Once again its wonderful to meet you Jason's mum
Katy xx
Yes I have talked to doctors, he is currently finishing off tests to get the blockers on the NHS
His puberty started early at 7 despite doctors telling me it was not happening. I was right and since puberty began his life has been hell, moody, depressed, aggressive, not wanting to talk to anyone and he really suffers.
He refuses to join support groups even our local one as in a way he is in denial and embarrassed about being trans and just want to get to age 18 so he can have surgery.
Well you could contact the mermaids, its a group specifically for transgender youth:
mermaidsuk.org.uk
"We offer information, support, friendship and shared experiences."
They can be contacted via mail or phone...
you could ask there for more information and support.
Here is a link to a NHS brochure that might help him with self acceptance and explaining:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,180045.msg1658077.html#msg1658077
It states that being trans has biological connections, to do with development before birth which influences the sense of self.
So its not a light hearted decision but how they feel, and there are many feeling this way.
It explains some of the feelings transgender people have.
hugs
Can you explain what you mean by "he is in denial and embarrassed about being trans"?
As for sports bras, so far all of the ones I've used have given me back/neck aches when I wear them the whole day. I've only been wearing generic brand ones because sports brand bras cost as much as or more than binders. gc2b binders have gotten rave reviews about being comfortable and effective, maybe you could compare one of those with a Nike high-impact sports bra (what was recommended to me) and see which one causes less sensory issues.
It takes time. When your son is ready you will be able to get him too, but in the meantime patience is the best policy. The blockers should help with a bunch of things hopefully for your son. Patience and time once you get him on the blockers in addition to the therapist and doctor care he is receiving are the best medicine at this point. Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: jasonsmum on July 05, 2015, 08:25:59 AM
Yes I have talked to doctors, he is currently finishing off tests to get the blockers on the NHS
His puberty started early at 7 despite doctors telling me it was not happening. I was right and since puberty began his life has been hell, moody, depressed, aggressive, not wanting to talk to anyone and he really suffers.
He refuses to join support groups even our local one as in a way he is in denial and embarrassed about being trans and just want to get to age 18 so he can have surgery.
Your child is undergoing some emotional damage with what is happening in his life and at some point he is going to need to deal with it. For me 35 years ago, the best place to deal with it was a therapy group of others like me. Surgery will not help this so we need to find a way he can talk about it and get it out of his system. Possible a FTM will join this thread that your child may feel more comfortable with but we do need to get him talking some how.
Again I suggest this board as a possible solution because he need not provide anything that identifies himself and he can release what he wants when he wants.
I don't know if you can do it but we had significant others night in our group. If you could find a group with FTMs in it and you and your son attend on a SO night, your son might be able to make an emotional connection with the group members.
Good luck as you have a major task on your hands.
Quote from: Gothic Dandy Luca on July 05, 2015, 08:45:42 AM
Can you explain what you mean by "he is in denial and embarrassed about being trans"?
As for sports bras, so far all of the ones I've used have given me back/neck aches when I wear them the whole day. I've only been wearing generic brand ones because sports brand bras cost as much as or more than binders. gc2b binders have gotten rave reviews about being comfortable and effective, maybe you could compare one of those with a Nike high-impact sports bra (what was recommended to me) and see which one causes less sensory issues.
He used to believe he was male just his proper parts had not grown yet, I have no idea why he is in denial, he see's himself as male and its as though he has killed off the female part of him.
If I suggest meeting other trans kids he refuses. Its very complicated but he does have a transexual support buddy from one of our local LGBT groups who supports him and comes to some CAHMS meetings etc and even he said he has seen this reaction in trans kids before but not very often where they are in denial of their birth sex.
Hope that makes sense.
Quote from: jasonsmum on July 05, 2015, 09:03:20 AM
He used to believe he was male just his proper parts had not grown yet, I have no idea why he is in denial, he see's himself as male and its as though he has killed off the female part of him.
If I suggest meeting other trans kids he refuses. Its very complicated but he does have a transexual support buddy from one of our local LGBT groups who supports him and comes to some CAHMS meetings etc and even he said he has seen this reaction in trans kids before but not very often where they are in denial of their birth sex.
Hope that makes sense.
I suspect the reason your son is in denial is because he figured it out so early. In his mind he never lived as his birth gender so that has to be wrong because all he ever knew was being a male. In my case because I was a puberty kid at age 13, I knew society expected me to male and in PE we all got naked together so there was no doubt what I was supposed to be. It just wasn't what I felt.
Well there is a chat on susans... maybe he could take part there and talk a bit...
hugs
I am not sure why you suspect that binders will be more difficult for his sensory issues over sports bras.
This is the most long standing, popular brand for many years:
http://www.f2mbinders.com/binding-tops
The "tri top" (first row) and the Ultimate Chest Binder (second row) have been the most popular purchased over the years. They have the most compression.
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Here is the most recently raved about binder (the last year or so). I read a lot of teens and younger FTMs liking these binders. They say they are more comfortable, yet just as binding as Underworks. If I were you, I would purchase one of these.
http://www.gc2b.co/
I wore the Underworks for 10 years and was satisfied. I never tried the above because by the time they came out, I had already had top surgery.
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Prior to binders, guys wore the "Frog Bra" from Title Nine sports. I wore this bra for 7-8 years and was pleased with it. My chest never moved. What made me less dysphoric than other sports bras is the full back. It seemed less feminine.
Looks like they are out of stock of them right now.
http://www.titlenine.com/product/320927.do
Since your son has a relatively small chest, the Frog Bra should do the job for flattening, but he may feel more like a "guy" if you get him a binder. Wearing something to flatten his chest may really help a lot, so I wouldn't delay in getting him something.
Good luck to him and your family.
As an aside, in the U.S., more and more surgeons are willing to do top surgery on kids at age 16.
There is also a "youth talk" in the community conversation section here for kids under 18 years old. I doubt there are any 11 year old there, but I bet the kids would be happy to give you advice for your son.
Dear Jasonsmum,
Welcome and obviously we are kern to help in any way.
Please members, some of the responses are getting a little too enthusiatic.
Jasonsmum needs support, love and acceptance.
I know many of us would have loved to have a supportive parent as we grew, as Jason has. But let us be helpful and supportive and maybe calm down a bit on some comments.
I know they are well meant but let us offer advice in a non demonstrative manner.
No criticism of anyone. Just a bit of concern that Jasonsmum doesn't get overwhelmed.
Thank you everyone for your help to Jason and his Mum.
Cindy
I think that all of the comments have been supportive and helpful so far and I am confused, Cindy, can you let us know which comments you feel are offensive so that we don't repeat them?
I missed the questions about hormone blockers earlier, but I think this is a relatively new procedure, so I don't know if anyone here has personal experience with them. It might be better to consult with a doctor on that one.
So you mean he's in denial about his birth sex, that makes much more sense! I was confused and worried.
Would it be helpful to your son if a bunch of us talked about our experiences growing up with gender dysphoria? "Us" being FTM/transmasculine guys.
On that note, when I'd just begun transitioning I found youtube videos to be extremely helpful. Your son could hear from other trans guys without having to show up anywhere or divulge his own feelings to anyone.
Gothic,
My post was not to any person.
I would rather answer your post in a pm.
There has been nothing but support, which is great.
Thank you
Blockers should definitely stop and future growth of his chest.
As for binders and sports bras, I must say sports bras may not do the job in warmer weather. Because of his sensory issues, I would not recommend Underworks binders, as they are very scratchy and not a very nice material. However, there are a lot of binders that are much softer, and I have heard that getting them in larger sizes has helped some autistic guys get the binding they need without being uncomfortable.
GC2B (as someone else here mentioned) are extremely soft and much more comfortable than underworks, but do have the same binding power. There are also some nice soft binders at LesLoveBoat, however, those can get very pricey and may not bind quite as well. If you are able, getting one or two different ones for him to try may be beneficial, especially since the stronger sports bras are a similar price to GC2B binders if I am not mistaken.
It may be helpful if you can allow him to join a website such as this. I believe we have a section just for members under 18, and several of our members do not consider themselves trans even if they meet the definition, simply men or women. I imagine people who identify that way may really help him a lot. Also, if there are organizations such as PFLAG near you (I'm afraid I do not know what the equivalent would be outside the US), groups for parents of LGBT children, you may be able to find some parents who have similar aged children, which could be beneficial to both you and him.
Also, thank you for being such a supportive mum for him. It's so great to hear about more and more younger kids who have supportive families.
I am FTM and also autistic. For me, binding is actually helpful because tight compression calms me in general. I've recently switched to GC2B binders and find them pretty comfortable and the material is more comfortable for me than underworks. The fabrics did take some time to get used to, but a proper fitting binder has been comfortable for me. Given your son's age, binder sizing may be trickier, since he may be very small still. Try measuring him and check the size charts to see if they will fit. You want to get one as soon as possible to give him time to adjust before the school year starts so that he can get through a full school day without getting distracted by it. Good luck to both of you and thank you for supporting him. You are giving him so much opportunity by doing this.
For comfortable binders that actually work, I would not recommend sports bras unless he's a very flat individual to begin with. I've tried sports bras and they never worked for me and I was B as well, at my biggest, though I suspect I may have been of a different size since I only realized very recently I didn't know how to wear bras properly, lol.
The most comfortable binders that I've tried and still work pretty well are from T-Kingdom. You want to especially look for those with stretch fabric as they will naturally adapt better to the body and will not pressure as much. It should be said though, that binders are initially uncomfortable to wear and can be somewhat painful at first. Should only be worn in small periods at a time, until you feel more comfortable. Once you get used to them, the binders from T-Kingdom can be worn forever, though. The stretch fabric aids breathing as well and you don't get the same problems as with other kinds of binders.
As for blockers, yes, it will prevent his breasts to grow more and it may also lead to fat reduction if he begins to lose weight. A lot of the breast mass is actually fat and water, so you can easily get a fairly flat chest from a good workout regime which leads to low body fat. If you haven't already, you should try to get him on a simpler workout regime. Knowing that his breasts will be smaller together with the blockers may be the motivation he needs.
I work with a lot of autistic children and I know compression usually calms them. Binding for me had that affect and really helped me self esteem. I'd try a few out and see if he likes them. I got one from lesloveboat and it is velco and easy to get on and incredibly soft but I originally got the medium and it was so big it did nothing and so they seem to not have small sizes so it would depend on his size but that might be a good brand. I've also heard GC2b has ones that are very soft.
Quote from: phoenix633 on July 25, 2015, 01:18:20 AM
I work with a lot of autistic children and I know compression usually calms them. Binding for me had that affect and really helped me self esteem. I'd try a few out and see if he likes them. I got one from lesloveboat and it is velco and easy to get on and incredibly soft but I originally got the medium and it was so big it did nothing and so they seem to not have small sizes so it would depend on his size but that might be a good brand. I've also heard GC2b has ones that are very soft.
I tried the underworks tri-top which was super effective at binding but I found it was difficult and a hassle to put on and I found the material quite restrictive. I recently switched to one from lesloveboat with the velcro too and I've found this is so much better - it's way more comfortable and although a tiny little bit less effective than the underworks it still does the job and binds successfully - I'm a 34B and went for the medium which fits well at the tightest point of the velcro. I also bought one of their velcro tank tops (a bit more fiddly to put on but I think I just need to get used to it) which feels great, I think this one definitely makes me feel more natural like I'm just wearing a vest and that's it, not even aware of the binder inside it. So yeah my suggestion for comfort and overall good binding would be the lesloveboat.
Where are you located? I know many surgeons will do surgery at 16 or even younger with parental permission.
Also, sometimes, as mentioned above, binding can be comforting for those with autism spectrum disorder, as the compression is soothing. Some children with ASD actually wear compression vests for comfort! But I understand for others it is quite the opposite.
I am so sorry your son went through puberty so early, that's really unfortunate. While blockers and T won't remove the breast tissue he has already developed, they will prevent more from growing.
Have you discussed his situation with the school he will be going to? Maybe that would help ease his transition into high school.
It sounds like (from his lack of interest in support groups) that he doesn't want to be reminded of or deal with the fact that he is trans, and just wants to be a regular kid. Maybe playing boys sports or hanging out with cis gender boys may help him feel more at home than associating with other trans kids?
While we, as adults can see benefit in him meeting others like him, he may not be ready and may just wish to ignore his trans status for now. Not sure, everyone copes differently.
Best of luck, your son is lucky to have such a supportive and active mother.
It's really wonderful to see someone here in support of their child. You're an amazing mother and you are doing the right thing by supporting him and trying to learn everything you can about this.
Transwear sells packers (fake penises) and stand to pee devices (basically a device that allows your child the freedom to pee like a cis-male) for younger FTMs, so if he is having issues with down there maybe grab him one. I also recommend the GCB2 binders because they are a pretty good price and they do pretty well with the compression. They are also very comfortable and don't feel super restricting like a normal binder. I also believe there may be surgeons that will do the chest surgery at 16 years old with consent obviously from the parents and recommendation from a doctor (he may need recommendation from 2 doctors).
Best of luck!
As others have said, I think trying a GC2B binder and seeing if it works for him would be a good idea. Blockers would also be great - they would stop further breast growth - and hopefully could ease his dysphoria a bit.
If he's comfortable with it of course, he's always welcome on here if he needs to talk with other trans guys. Or as Gothic suggested, Youtube videos from other trans people can be helpful during transition as well.
Best of luck and all the love to you and Jason!
In addition to a binder I have found that black t shirts and button down collared shirts with a binder will pretty much totally camouflage my chest and I am about the same size as your son. This may make him feel more confident when going out and socializing. I'd say if he isn't into talking to trans people yet, just take the lead from him. Give him time and maybe in a few years he will want to. Finding some cis gendered boys his age he can be friends with may make him feel better. Also, I have heard of this summer camp for trans and gender variant youth. It says that they don't ever talk about gender, just let the kids do normal camp things. Maybe he would be interested in something like that? It is called camp aranu'tiq but it is in the US so I'm not sure if that is where you are. You sound like an amazing mother to support your son like this. I hope we have been able to help you in some way. And as someone else had said, I have seen some people on youtube get chest surgery at 16. Maybe if you found someone who is willing to do that, it would help your son to know it could be sooner than 18.