bye
I decided that I'm going to kill myself. I'm sorry for wasting everyones time. I'm just so ugly and worthless, there's no reason for me to live.
Please don't.
Please call a hot line or get help. Suicide is a permanent solution for what can be a temporary problem. There have been many who weathered a dark time in their life who survived and found happiness they were seeking.
Hazel please get help! You still have a long life ahead of you and so many new things to experience! You can make it through this please get help!
Hugs you so tightly Please don't
Please don't. It's not worth it. Believe me, I was there last night. I reached out and talked to someone. Please call a suicide hotline. Any of them. There's even one for trans people. Please. You are worthy of love. Love yourself and don't do it.
Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk
After reading some of your posts I do think that life can get better for you. Bullies are cruel and find self justification in bringing others down, there will be a time when you can get away from the people tormenting you now. You can find people who will accept you, you just need to be around to find them.
Life may be rough right now but stay around and see the wonders that can happen for you.
I know things may seem desperate, but suicide is never the answer. Please contact one of the help lines. Hugs
Mariah
Please don't
I've been through this dark phase and I assure you it does get better.
I don't know which country you are in but every country has suicide helplines.
If you don't feel able to speak to someone then feel free to pm either me or any of the staff on the site that you feel comfortable with.
Years ago I wanted to kill myself and decided that if I was willing to lose my life then I had nothing to lose by transitioning, it was the best decision I've ever made.
Every life is precious
Hazel Hon,
Please call a help line. I know you are in despair, but life has a wonderful way of turning around. Even on the darkest day we just have to hold onto the gift of life.
One day this will be in the past and you will be the lovely girl you are.
You have lots of friends here.
Please don't leave us.
Call a help line Hon
Hazel, you are not hopeless! Get help now!
:)
Nothing in this world should make you want to kill yourself. I am sure thar you have things that you have done that you didn't mess up like school, you must have made it through high school or you would not be in college. There is a start. You have been to one counseling appointment and have acknowledge that you are transgender, those are big steps that you took.
There are so many of us here that will talk with you and try to help you see that you are a great person. Many have been where you are now and it is just not worth it. Also there are many threads on here for self help, like make up, hair, nails, and such, so we are trying to help you as well as ourselves by sharing our experiences, good and bad.
Please call a hotline as I am sure that you are worthy of living, and will be able to help others as you progress.
Love and hugs
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HUGS Hazel tightly.
Bullies are the losers and are the ones who are messed up - you are wonderful and have everything going for you. Someone mentioned that you are in college - that is a tremendous achievement! Please come back to Susan's and type anything to tell us that you're okay. I'm worried about you. Just type a little bit each day on here and vent if you'd like. Suicide is not the answer! It is a permanent solution for such an issue that takes a short time to resolve itself.
Hugs,
Alexander
Please don't! Please call somebody ASAP.
We all have felt like that at one time or another.
When life is at it's lowest though that just means it will only get better.
We are all worried for you. Your life matters!
Hey hazel I have been there. I have felt hopeless and attempted suicide. I was fortunate that I failed. I feel so much better now then I did back then. I haven't attempted suicide in over 15 months. Is life perfect for me? No. It is way better then it was.
I don't know all the details of your life, but I guaranty that there will be better days just hang in there. It may seem hopeless, but it's not.
Big hug! We need you around, Hazel. You're going to do something important in your life, I guarantee it.
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on July 07, 2015, 05:19:12 PM
Big hug! We need you around, Hazel. You're going to do something important in your life, I guarantee it.
Hugs, Devlyn
ditto
You only live once. If you are at a point where you have nothing left to lose, use it as an opportunity to move your life in a different direction. Move to somewhere you want to live. Take a risk and challenge yourself to be as authentic as possible and to not give in to the haters.
One thing is for sure, you've got nothing to lose. Start by finding a new place to live.
It's funny, many of us have thought about or attempted suicide. This is a turning point where you have an opportunity to not give a $#!+ what other people think. You only live once, make it count for yourself. We're a family here on Susan's, whether you are new or have been here for years. Many of us do care and want to help. That's why this place exists.
Message me please, I can find a way to help.
Hazel please stay strong. I know things can seem so bleak sometimes but i promise things will always get better.. I myself was not nearly here.. and i thought i knew back then that it was the best thing. But now i am who i have always been.. and the same can and will happen for you... but you need to stay strong.. you havnt wasted anyones time.. No ones you are you and that is the most important thing.. beauty us not just exterior, inner beauty is worth so much more and i dont know you, but i bet you are such an attractive person with a heart to match... please message me if you ever want to talk xxxx
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Hi Hazel,
Call a help line now.
You are young and HRT can do wonders. You have an excellent opportunity. I know how hard it is and you can get through this.
Get help now and give transition a chance.
If you haven't gotten help yet please reach out for it now. You are a wonderful person who deserves to live. We all need you alive! You are in my thoughts tonight.
Hazel, please post on here to let us know you are going to get help, as you can see there are alot of people on here who care about your wellbeing
By the gods, I was just looking through the newest threads, and I was so not prepared for this.
Hazel, people here care about you. And change, change for the better is always possible. But you need to be alive for it. Please, if you're still there, give us a message that you're OK.
Please let us know you are still with us. We're sending our love to you, our beautiful sister!
Oh Hazel let is know please! I've been worrying about you since yesterday morning.
i hope she's alright.
i feel awful.. i haven't slept in a few days now idk..
i really want to go through with suicide but it's hard and scary..
Please call a helpline. I know it's hard, but they can help. Trust me your young and HRT can and will do wonders for you. Hugs
Mariah
QuoteIf you call one of the numbers and it does not work, please get the help you need from another hotline or your country's emergency number in the U.K., call 999 or 112;
United Kingdom and Ireland
Samaritans
UK: 08457 90 90 90
ROI: 116 123
For anyone who is suicidal.
There may be a toll for these numbers, but if you call the ROI number from inside Ireland, the call is free. These hotlines are available 24/7.
International and Internet
Go to http://www.befrienders.org/ (http://www.befrienders.org/) and enter your country in the search box. Your country should appear in a drop-down menu allows you to choose your country and find a helpline. In the United States, you get yet another search box in which you will enter the state.
Or go to http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html (http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html) and scroll down until you find your country's link.
Your Life Counts has a comprehensive international list that includes Canada and surrounding areas, China, Japan, India, Sri Lanka, several European countries (including Ireland and the UK), Australia, and New Zealand.
List: http://www.yourlifecounts.org/need-help/crisis-lines (http://www.yourlifecounts.org/need-help/crisis-lines)
For an online crisis network with chat, try https://www.imalive.org/ (https://www.imalive.org/).
Some people here offered to PM you if you wanted to.
Please call a hotline that has been listed or something positive, anything. I'm sure with your fear of suicide, you know deep inside that suicide is not the answer and it is not worth it at all!
Please focus on the positives right now, you will have a wonderful life.
Alexander
Please call a help line. It isn't worth killing yourself, things will get better, trust me.
Oh, thank all that is good, you're still with us!
I got so worried about you. As everybody is saying, a help line will.....well, help. And we're always here to support you.
I'm scared of talking on the phone... also if my parents heard they might be mad at me...
If they love you they will be happy your calling a helpline instead of taking other drastic measures. They are trained and are the easiest people to talk to. They understand some will have a hard time talking to anyone including them. They are trained to handle this. Trust me. It's worth the call. Secondly some of the options I listed in my pot are online if your concerned about talking out load and feel more comfortable talking via typing online. Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: Hazel.A on July 08, 2015, 01:17:28 PM
I'm scared of talking on the phone... also if my parents heard they might be mad at me...
Hazel, please trust me when I say things do get better, i've dealt with suicidal depression throughout my life & all you need to do is ask for help & it will appear as shown by the huge amount of support & love being directed at you from the members of this forum.
You have a family here so please take the advice of your new family & phone a helpline or use the online service that Mariah suggested.
Quote from: Hazel.A on July 08, 2015, 01:17:28 PM
I'm scared of talking on the phone... also if my parents heard they might be mad at me...
If they lost you, they'd be absolutely devastated. My parents came around and are now 100% glad they have a happy daughter instead of a dead son. Please make the call. You really have nothing to lose and potentially everything to gain by doing so.
Hugs,
Jill
Quote from: Hazel.A on July 08, 2015, 12:43:36 PM
i feel awful.. i haven't slept in a few days now idk..
i really want to go through with suicide but it's hard and scary..
A lot of things in life can be difficult but if you stay I promise that one day you're going to experience something in your life that makes you stop and think "I'm so glad I decided to live and got to see this."
I had wanted to go through with suicide last spring and was close to it until I was invited on a trip to go abroad with some of my friends. I scrounged up enough money and we visited Paris. The whole time I was there I kept thinking "If I had killed myself I never would have gotten to experience this, I'm so glad I decided to live." Now if I ever think of suicide I also think of that trip and how I would rather have more moments like that in my life rather than taking it.
Oh I am so glad you are still with us. I hate phones too but when life gets scary it is time to reach past those little fears. You have all of us thinking about you, hoping for you. Use our strength! The fact that you have restrained your hand despite the pain you're in means you DO want to LIVE! I have been there too. Please stay with us, please get help!
Hazel please call help
I know it can be scary, but it is definitely worth it please know that there is a whole community here with nothing but love for you.
I have personally been in tears since reading this I'm sure I'm not the only one, you are a beautiful person.
This beast we all deal with is hard to cope with please look to the future where you see yourself as the gorgeous girl that will eventually emerge from these hard trials. Please stay in touch so we know you're okay.
We love you hazel stay strong and know we are thinking of you.
Kaylee
You really need to get sleep. When you do your outlook will improve.
You really do not want to choose suicide but change is difficult, especially this change.
You need help to get better. It will not change itself and you need to reach out get the help you deserve.
You are young and could have a fantastic potential for transition. Give yourself the opportunity to be happy. It is scary but anything in life worth doing is difficult.
Suicide really isn't the issue; it is the need to transition and your difficulty in getting help to transition. Sweetie, only you can get help and only you can say the words. There are many thousands who have successfully done this and you are not alone. We all have been scared and we all have had difficulty seeking help. You are no different.
So instead of contemplating a choice that has no option to be happy why not get several goals. Call a help line and explain your feeling. Set goals such as calling a LGBTI center and find out where there is a local trans group or trans help location.
Harness the negative energy you have into positive action. Turn the feelings of despair and hopelessness into action and help.
there's no point, I can't do anything right. i'm stupid ugly and worthless and i should just die
You are beautiful, awesome, capable of anything you put your mind to and need to call for help now. Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. I know firsthand what you're going through. Trust me, you have NOTHING to lose and everything to gain. Please make the call now. It's the best thing I ever did and all of my friends and family are grateful that I survived. This is depression talking, and it's absolutely curable.
Quote from: Hazel.A on July 08, 2015, 05:41:14 PM
there's no point, I can't do anything right. i'm stupid ugly and worthless and i should just die
Your not
Quotethere's no point, I can't do anything right. i'm stupid ugly and worthless and i should just die
Fake it till you make it. You can do it :)
We all make a lot of mistakes, sometimes feel ugly and sometimes feel worthless, it is part of the road to success. The excuses are road blocks to addressing the real issue. You are trans and need help.
Hi Hazel,
Please do not do it today, take a little break and try to do something you enjoy. It could be something very simple like taking a walk or even a hot bath. Please do not kill yourself today PROMISE. See how you feel tomorrow and let us know. You have a lot of love and support here, talk with us.
Dao
I want to be cute.. I want to wear cute clothes and have a cute hairstyles and have friends who care about me and go places without feeling as though everyone thinks i'm a freak and that the world hates me... I just want to feel happy for once in my life but it's impossible...
why am I so ugly.. why aren't I allowed to wear female clothing.. why does everyone hate me.. why am I alone... I can't take it..
See that is the fun of being a woman. We dress how we like and have the hairstyle that suits us. Only you control what you wear and what hairstyle you go with. Hormones will do wonders for you. We all want to feel happy and be loved and cared about. Trust me, the world doesn't hate you and your among friends here and now. Being happy is in your reach, I just wish you could see that because it's totally possible. It's true it takes a bit of work to get to happy sometimes and a tone of hoops, but we do get there. Hugs
Mariah
Massive hugs Hazel
Honey, life is too precious, yes we all have obstacles and hurdles to get over, but we do get over them, this is not cliché, we are all here on earth for a reason, we may not know immediately what that reason is, but we will do, some have to wait many years, for others its clear up front.
When I am down and depressed I look at all the happy and exciting moments and then what I still need to do, plan and move towards it, I always have done, its amazing how positive you can become. I have always managed to return to positivity, and, I have been struggling for many years (too many years) always with "god how can I become a woman" "to ugly and no hair..." But do you know what, I am pushing ahead, I can hide bad features, wear a wig, there is no reason why I can't meet my dreams.
The first step is to get out and get some help, help lines or Dr's, yes surprisingly they do help and care, and, its all in confidentiality. So please call a help line, I am sure you can do it quietly, or head out to a phone booth and make the call. Also go and get those beautiful and cute clothes, wearing them with pride and feeling good about yourself.
All of us here love you, your are part of our family, so please keep talking with us and get some help.
Love Katy xxx
Quote from: Hazel.A on July 08, 2015, 07:45:01 PM
I want to be cute.. I want to wear cute clothes and have a cute hairstyles and have friends who care about me and go places without feeling as though everyone thinks i'm a freak and that the world hates me... I just want to feel happy for once in my life but it's impossible...
why am I so ugly.. why aren't I allowed to wear female clothing.. why does everyone hate me.. why am I alone... I can't take it..
You can do all of those things. You can where cute clothes. I feel you on being worried about what the world thinks, but I have run into far more people that are super friendly people then super mean people. I am not passing right now to so when I go out I know people know I am trans and people are mostly kind. Honestly some people will go out of their way to be nice when they see me.
An important part of being happy is understanding that not everyone is gonna like you. Some people are not gonna like you for whatever reason. This is a thing for everyone, not just trans people. You have to learn to not care so much about what other people think. No matter what happens you will have people that love you and people that don't.
Hazel, you want to have friends and in case you haven't noticed this you do have friends here.
Happiness is something we generate from within, look inside yourself for what makes you smile and focus on that when you feel low.
I've been through the lows that you speak of and when you get through this you'll be thankfull you didn't end your life.
You've taken the hardest step of seeking help by posting here, keep listening to the inner voice that prompted this courageous step as its sending you a clear message that you don't want to end things, you have many decades of happiness waiting for you, grab it with both hands as you deserve it
Hazel ten or so years ago I came really close to doing something irreversible also. One thing that helped me is a website I looked up. You are still young Hazel and look at it this way. You still have a really long life ahead of you and so much to experience. I mean you probably haven't seen your favorite movie yet, heard your favorite song, picked up your favorite book etc. You have so much to experience yet just try to make a goals for yourself. Try to plan a vacation to somewhere you've always wanted to visit. Or even just going somewhere interesting for a few days close to you and relax. Maybe even look at picking up a hobby that seems interesting.
I agree with Raven, set yourself goals. When I was in my early 20's (many decades ago) my excema went through one of its worst ever flare ups, I had no skin on around three quarters of my body, the pain was beyond words and this went on for months. I was close to killing myself and the main thing that got me through was the sci-fi show Babylon 5.
At the time it was in its first season and I set myself the goal of staying alive until the show ended its five year story arc, I know this may seem silly to some people but that show saved my life.
Find something you are passionate about, something that will take time to complete and vow to see it through to the end.
Maybe take up a hobby such as model making or painting, maybe you could set the goal of achieving a certain level of education to set you up in a good career in the future. The list of goals you could choose are infinite as is your potential as a unique and valued human being.