Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: Laurie K on July 12, 2015, 12:03:27 AM

Title: not the first... wont be the last
Post by: Laurie K on July 12, 2015, 12:03:27 AM
I had a really good day topped off with a girl date to see magic mike. While in a busy move theatre, i never got clocked once, When for an Ice cream after  and got SIRRED by some 16 year old girl.  I get it that things like that will happen. but is it too much to ask for alil common courtesy to not misgender me. A least make an attempt to be polite. A friend suggested  i politly say "exuse me I m a lady"  what do yu girls think
Title: Re: not the first... wont be the last
Post by: jaynemonroe79 on July 12, 2015, 12:04:51 AM
I hate people sometimes. How was the movie?

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Title: Re: not the first... wont be the last
Post by: Ms Grace on July 12, 2015, 12:38:36 AM
It takes a high level of jerkiness for someone to think "there's a person who I think doesn't look like the gender they seem to be presenting as so I will deliberately screw with them by using the opposite gender pronouns and titles". And yes, those people exist. Then there's a large slab of people who misgender because they have genuinely (to them) identified us as the gender opposite to the one we are presenting as. This may be for any number of reasons - they may not have seen us properly and make deductive assumptions based on height, hair style, clothes, voice, whatever - and so the wrong pronoun comes out. They made a mistake, we all make mistakes. The only way they'll learn is if you politely correct them. If they do it again that's when you report them.
Title: Re: not the first... wont be the last
Post by: Laurie K on July 12, 2015, 01:18:55 AM
movie had lota boy candie
Title: Re: not the first... wont be the last
Post by: leacobb on July 12, 2015, 05:33:04 AM
People are idiots sometimes, and it can make you feel like a third person.. it has happened to me at the beginning of my transition.. i guess it can make you more thick skinned so the words dont bother you as much.. but your right it shouldnt be that way at the beginning and people should be polite and curtious, we dont say nothing to them so why do they feel the need to do it to us... makes me angry sometimes....

Magic mike is a great film.. channen tatum has got to be the hottest guy ever...

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Title: Re: not the first... wont be the last
Post by: Promethea on July 12, 2015, 07:06:08 AM
Quote from: Ms Grace on July 12, 2015, 12:38:36 AM
Then there's a large slab of people who misgender because they have genuinely (to them) identified us as the gender opposite to the one we are presenting as. This may be for any number of reasons - they may not have seen us properly and make deductive assumptions based on height, hair style, clothes, voice, whatever - and so the wrong pronoun comes out. They made a mistake, we all make mistakes.

I blame the emos.

What I'd do in that case is look behind me, confused, look back at her and say "No, no "sir", I am first".

Usually when I handle it like that they get it. Now, sometimes I run into someone particularly ignorant, who doesn't seem to have a grasp of the existence of trans people. In those cases I push it further and explain and insist I'm a woman, with no reference to my trans status,  until I convince them. That can be really funny, because I'm visibly trans as you can see on my profile picture.
Title: Re: not the first... wont be the last
Post by: Ofelia on July 12, 2015, 07:10:04 AM
I agree with some of the comments made so far that for all of our efforts, sometimes people are just daft. It is too difficult for them to comprehend that the effort we have gone to requires acknowledgement. My feeling is that if most people don't clock you, then you are succeeding. If a small handful of people do, well be aware that that might just happen and move on. Ultimately it is our internal definition of ourselves that truly matters and if we can keep that in perspective, then we'll be okay.

[hugs] xoxo
Title: Re: not the first... wont be the last
Post by: Hannah.Emma on July 13, 2015, 12:51:33 AM
Sorry that happened to you.  I got a call my new Endo and the poor girl couldn't even get my name out.  I guess she doesn't run in to many trans folks

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