This is a post mainly for those of us, male, female and fluid who have transitioned and now live as ourselves.
Say what country you are in and say what was the greatest issues you had to deal with and how you overcame them, or if they became irrelevant to you.
For example I'm in Australia.
My greatest issues were, if I would not be accepted - I was, it became irrelevant.
No access to public health care - still dealing with it.
Local legal issues - I'm dealing with them and have a Government enquiry and review in place looking at them.
I would never find a man (I'm straight) to love me - I did.
Family would reject me - they didn't.
Fear - I overcame it, with the help of the community.
Other things may be work issues, discrimination etc.
I'd like feed back as I'm starting conversation with the Federal Government here and I would like to know the real issues we face. I'd like feedback from people in all countries to get a perspective.
Employment discrimination seems to be the main one for me. Most of my pre-transition worries never really panned out as realities. Now, some of it could be in my head.. But comments like, "I/we don't feel you'd be a suitable fit with our/their company culture." do make me wonder.
Oklahoma here!
Greatest issue-By far the very anti GLBT environment. Political and religious.
Health care-Very poor. Therapist's, ok. Endo's, non existent.
Local legal issue's-Fought 18 (record) very anti GLBT bills in the Legislature. Defeated all. Still dealing with total lack of protections for work, housing, etc.
Found a great girl (Tommilynn Travis) OMG! WOW!
Family-disowned me cut out of will. Lost about $290,000.
Fear-Being a Paramedic/Firefighter and Deputy Sheriff Transition was the scariest thing I had ever done. Once you live free as yourself though it all falls into place. Confidence builds you go on stronger than before.
BIGGEST LIE: Medicare covering SRS! They still do not, period.
I'm in Australia, rural victoria
The biggest problems for me were getting hormones. Almost every GP, gyno, psych wanted nothing to do with me. I even got refused treatment and banned from one clinic. Ended up having to travel very long distances to Melbourne to get a reliable source.
Long distance travel to get help. I spent every dollar I had on medical bills, electrolysis, petrol, hotels, car repairs to travel to and from Melbourne all while attempting to save for SRS.
Family never accepting me.
Over the years I've seen some of the medical professionals incorporate using skype for long distance patients like me which is helpful but some things you have to do in person and it is far more difficult and far more expensive for those us who don't or can't live Melbourne.
Centrelink put me on disability because they feared for my safety around their own people and services.
I'm in Washington State
My biggest issues were Lack of local trans care - It wasn't an issue in the end. Turns out that traveling for my care hasn't been an issue. I ended up being able to see my primary therapist online, and primary doctor is trans friendly.
My health getting in the way of transitioning to the degree I wanted too. It's true I have one piece left, but it's a go, but needless to say this fear turned out to be nothing else well. I have been able to do everything I set my mind too.
Conservativeness of the area I live in - Turns out to be a plus. The neighbors keep to themselves as do I.
Insurance covering my trans care- It's not been an issue and they are even going to pay for my SRS. Everything they have been asked to cover has been covered.
Loss of friends and certain key family members- It hasn't been an issue the people who I'm closest to have been behind me all along.
Fear- I overcame with the support of those around me whether it be friends, family, or the trans community.
Mariah
From the U.S.
My greatest problem was hair. Too much of it where I don't want it and not enough of it where I need more. I've spent far more money trying to deal with hair issues than I spent on my SRS.
And I'm someone who likes to be coupled. The fact that I apparently have no value as a romantic partner to anyone is very frustrating.
Dear people,
I will collate the responses for a paper to present at the ANZPATH clinical conference. It is important the providers know what is important.
California here.
I experienced fear in general, plus many, many specific fears. I'm still coping with a lot of that.
Once I finally faced the full truth after a couple of decades of not transitioning, I was overwhelmed and desperate and scared and depressed all at once. The emotional fallout was huge. In addition, T magnified some of my feelings, and I spent quite some time learning how to rein myself in.
For a long time, I suffered from something like ADHD. I was all over the place. Couldn't read or watch a movie or sit still for any length of time. It took a few years to get a good handle on that; the effect on my job was significant. Fortunately (?), I was unemployed for much of that time.
Insurance did not cover surgeries, so I had top surgery (out of pocket) and stopped there. I was insured for a very long period of my unemployment; I could have taken care of bottom surgery during that time if my insurance had covered it. Now I have good insurance, but time is the big issue.
Losing my partner was the worst because so many hard times sprang from our breakup. After twenty years with him, I was pretty badly hurt that he had given me up so quickly. We lived together for months after the breakup while I tried to get my ducks in a row; that blew up in my face. He promised to help me move, but he didn't follow through. When I did move into my own place, I didn't know how to be alone. Money was a huge issue; the recession was just hitting public colleges and unis while I was starting my transition, so I was suddenly an unemployable single wage-earner. More terror and depression. I did get spousal support for a little while, but I was petrified that it would run out before the recession ended or before I could make myself sufficiently employable.
I'm legally male and living as myself, but I still have a long way to go because I've had only the one surgery. Hysto is an absolute necessity, of course, but I wish I could live without bottom surgery. I don't see how I can, though. I'm so disgusted by my body that I struggle with self-loathing to some degree almost every day.
Feelings in general have been my biggest issue, but mainly fear.
Arch,
Thank you. I want to hear from men in particular, your surgeries, can I say, are brutal. The support for men, in all aspects seem to be ignored.
I will be following this through.
Thank you
Cindy
Petawawa Ontario Canada
Biggest issue is people being nice to your face then back stabbing you right after... Happened quite a bit. Also, it is also a little crappy knowing Cheryl Gallant in my MP. She is like the James Inhofe of Canada... Extremely homophobic. I got fired from a job and I can garuntee it was because I was mtf... Tho moat places have been accommodating. I am the only trans person in this town that I know of and all my friends are cis and a large majority are hetero too but they are fine with me which is great. Tho it can feel a lil lonely being the only trans person (that I am aware of) at times. My family doctor is awesome and has gone leaps and bounds to help my journey!
• Family acceptance, more-or-less resolved
• Homelessness, that one sucked
• Harassment, threats of violence
• I would say employment, but not only did I always have trouble with that before my transition, I actually have a job now that I like.
• I was afraid HRT would make skateboarding harder for me. I might have had to readjust a little, but it's pretty much the same.
• I lied. I get winded so easily now. But I can still ollie!
• Dating. In the few years before transitioning, I became quite the ladies, uh... boy. Now I'm pretty much friends with just about every girl and woman I meet, but dating is sparse!
The problems within the UK are mostly long waiting times due to the NHS being unprepared for the recent influx of new transitioners overwhelming the capacity of the gender clinics.
Another problem is that the NHS doesn't make allowances for people wanting ffs, whilst I'd have GRS tomorrow given the chance I'd happily sign away my rights to GRS in exchange for ffs, no-one needs to know what's down there but the whole world gets to see my face. Being read as male every time I go out has caused such anxiety that I rarely leave my flat, even typing this problem has triggered my depression and caused the crying to start up
Going into transition, my two biggest problems that I was afraid of were that my family was going to reject me, and that I was going to end up unpassable and ridiculed by everyone.
It took 2 years to actually happen, but my fear about family rejection actually did unfortunately come true. My dad isn't talking to me anymore. The thing is, though, having it happen so far into transition rather than immediately has allowed me to be able to deal with it, because by the time he decided to reject me, I'd already reached a point where I couldn't even imagine going back. Going out into the world and being accepted by people as I really was gave me the self-confidence to be okay with one of the most important people in my life rejecting me, because by that time my female self wasn't even up for debate anymore as far as I was concerned, it was just who I was. Whereas pre-transition I needed all sorts of help and respect and support just to convince myself that I wasn't a horrible person for transitioning.
Surprisingly, the being-unpassable thing ended up happening too. (Although, again, it wasn't until about 8 months into being full-time at my new job that I discovered it.) And, well, again, the fact that I did experience what it felt like to just be myself unquestionably gave me the drive to get through it. I'm still working on it, because I'm still dealing with a lot of body dysphoria in regards to my appearance, but again, it's not the big deal I made it out to be pre-transition. My biggest complaint isn't that people are treating me like a freak, it's that they're being too nice to me, giving me this special-snowflake treatment.
Issues that I initially wasn't worried about which ended up happening anyway... getting fired from two jobs due to dysphoria. I NEVER expected that to happen.
Basically, if I had told my pre-transition self that I was going to get rejected by my dad, fired from two jobs due to being trans, and all to end up in a body that's still unpassable and still not female to my own judgment on a fundamental level, I NEVER would have had the courage to transition at all. But all things considered, it was more manageable than I expected. Despite some lingering personal issues with self-confidence, and lingering body dysphoria, things turned out okay in the end. Being able to experience the social freedom to be myself, and having a body that finally feels right even if it still doesn't look right, was worth it all. I realized that it's not my problem for doing what makes me happy, it's their problem for having issues with that. I had none of that attitude pre-transition. I only developed it through facing my fears and realizing that even my worst fears weren't as bad as I thought they were going to be.
In terms of other issues... I'm currently uninsured because I can't afford it, I'm using that money to save up for SRS because here in the good old US of A, you have no choice but to pay for it out of pocket, I was fired for being trans from a job in New Jersey despite there being trans-inclusive anti-discrimination laws in place because they just picked another bulls*** reason out of the blue that I couldn't challenge, so yeah, where I'm living is not a trans-friendly place. I've had to pay for EVERYTHING out of pocket, I've gotten no assistance whatsoever from our healthcare industry to deal with this medical condition, and I've lost so much because of transition that it's not even fair. America, especially the Midwest, is a s***ty place to be trans.
my biggest problem, my own doubts, fears, and self hatred. There is more detail to it than that but really, I am my biggest problem, now and likely forever.
Serena
I don't want to negatively skew results because my experience has been different from others. My age has a lot to do with the difference though. I have only one that I lost because I lost those family and friends before I transitioned. No problems finding jobs or keeping them because I'm retired and on disability. I've been incredibly fortunate with the health care system. I can get what I need through Medicare. I was given charity status by the hospital I go to for the time it took to get on Medicare. I did lose a niece who reached out to me before she found out about my true self. I've been quite fortunate with the help I've received. I live in Evanston, Il. USA. Of course I'm talking basic existence here , not an extravagant life style although that would be cool.
I'm from the Pacific Northwest of the US. My greatest struggle transitioning was my family. Beginning at age 4, my father's father told me that I needed a man in my life to teach me to become a real woman, because even then I was very adamant that I am a male. He raped me from then until I was twelve years old, and the entire time I got a severe about of emotional, physical, and metal abuse. Dissociation and PTSD stemmed from this and caused my ability to feel any emotions to be hindered due to the bodies natural coping mechanism that shuts down the ability to feel the source of trauma: emotion. I am now 17, moved out, going to college, and in the process of becoming a United States Marine. While living as a woman in the service, I hope to learn how to cope with being misgendered in a healthy way rather than shutting down, and I'm hopeful the ban will be lifted before I'm out of CMT. For those of you still in a tough spot with your transition: Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's simply not the end. -Audri James Parker
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Thank you all for such honest and heart wrenching responses.
You are incredibly brave, wonderful people.
As a community we deserve better. And I will try my best to achieve that.
Fear of the unknown held me back in many ways.
One thing I learned from my transition is that worrying about everything is like paying interest on a debt that you may never owe.
My mother, my family in general, religion, and money.
ontario, canada
before hormones/name change:
they still had that "real life experience" thing when i was first transitioning so i felt like i was holding myself back because i wasn't in school, or had a job, nothing. eventually i over came it, told my family, started living full time, got hormones. my family doctor at the time couldn't prescribe me hormones/didn't know how to administer it so he sent me to a trans friendly endo in toronto. my endo is great and i found a trans friendly clinic 10 mins from me that give me my shots, monitor me, etc. it took awhile (3 months) for it all to be processed because i had to be taken in as a patient but it worked out great.
after hormones/before name change:
i was worried about employment and being trans and not having my name changed but it wasn't an issue. my current employer used my preferred (now legal) name. no issues with bathrooms, etc. completely stealth at work. i was in school at the time too and was worried about having to use my birth name, etc. but my school was the same. used preferred name on my school ID, no issue with bathrooms, etc.
after name change/top surgery:
i managed to get my health card changed and gender changed on it no problem. SIN card still has birth name because i don't have my gender changed on my birth certificate yet even though my name change is done on my birth certificate but they won't change SIN until the birth certificate gender is changed.
now my worry is with my drivers license and my school ID. drivers license i have to provide my birth certificate/health card as ID. both say different genders and i worry they will go off my birth certificate rather then my health card. i have a letter from my surgeon though saying about me being male so i hope that won't be an issue. with my school ID, i don't have my license so they want a grantor (no problem) but they also want a piece of ID (birth certificate can be one) but i'm hoping they'll accept my health card as a form of ID since it has my name, gender, and signature.
as for surgery:
i had no issues getting top surgery. i went through CAMH, got hormones and got surgery not even a year later. everything was taken care of and it was a good experience.
my experience i guess is different because things have been pretty easy and not generally an issue and something i can and have easily over come by explaining. people don't seem to mind. i think i live in a generally progressive part of ontario which even surprised me tbh.
My issues:
Voice. Taken care of!
Beard shadow. Being taken care of!
Friends who treat me like dirt. I'm removing those people from my life.
Wife who doesn't accept. Still ongoing but we will most likely split.
Family acceptance. Mom has been very accepting as have most of my relatives. My dad is the notable exception but he can't stay mad at me forever.
Kids and religious school. I don't know yet.
Finding a suitable partner. Haven't found him yet but others give me hope.
Arrogance and other negativity within the community. For example the girl here who called me Morgan Freeman and began harassing me in PM and taunting me because she transitioned young and I didnt. Or the one who preaches ->-bleeped-<- as if it's some sort of gospel and makes her "more trans" than others because she came out as a gay male before coming out as trans. Worse yet she claims that there should be more gatekeeping as a result. My solution? I know myself, I don't worry about people and I live my life. And the really bad harassment/hate within the community here is dealt with by the staff.
Work. Turned out to be a non issue and very accepting.
Looking like a man in a dress. I don't.
Having a "normal" family life. Can't. I guess self acceptance is the key here.
And finally, until such time as laws change in my country of birth, I will never be able to amend my birth certificate. This bothers me but I'm hoping there is a change of heart sooner or later.
Other than that my transition is going swimmingly.
The cost of top surgery. The cost of a hysto will eventually also be a big hurdle.
Looking way younger than my actual age causing social complications.
Being short. Can't help that one.
I guess family acceptance will be an issue if I ever bother to contact them and tell them about it. I haven't spoken to any of them in years, but I expect they would be ashamed and not understand.
Hormones were laughably easy to start once I was ready. I ended up keeping my decade-long relationship after an initial break-up.
I live in the Pacific NW.
1) My ex wife turning my daughters against me
2) My ex wife turning my daughters against me
3) My ex wife turning my daughters against me
4) State Government (Michigan, US) requiring a birth certificate change in order to change drivers license. And birth certificate change requires notarized affidavit from an SRS surgeon.
5) The state legislature refused to vote for an LGBT non-discrimination bill unless the "T" was removed.
99) Facial hair removal is extremely slow, time consuming and expensive.
Most other things have been easier than I expected. I am fortunate that I live in a city that is one of the most liberal in the US and my employer includes gender identity in its non-discrimination policy.
I am in Pennsylvania here. I had alot of issues with expressing my feelings of discomfort within the gender role of male, and then having the physical anatomy of a male.
Getting my family to understand my need to do the transition, and that it's not some aesthetic choice.
Finding a reliable Healthcare facility was a big one. Though I found Papillon, so that was very convenient :-)
Most of my problems stemmed from communication issues with my family, and then just the general lack of understanding on their part.
I had to break away from them and start building a community that is more understanding and open to what I feel.
The school system was also like a prison sentence for someone like me.