My guy name was fairly common - there were at least four others sharing my name in the same year at high school. Made things confusing that's for sure.
I was at a work function this morning - also in attendance a guy with my former dude name. There was some chatting and networking afterwards and he happened to be standing in close proximity to me as I talked to another colleague. Someone called out his name... and what did I do? I looked towards the person who had called out. It was totally reflex, didn't even think. Fortunately I was able to recover without it seeming I was directly reacting (as if anyone would realise!) at least I didn't reply to "how are you, 'Grace's-former-dude-name'?" that would have been a bit embarrassing!!
Have you found yourself unintentionally responding/reacting to your former name, even when it was being used to address someone else?
My dead name is pretty common and rhymes with about a half dozen other names. I find myself doing that once every few months. I've learned to tell myself that no one knows why I'm turning toward the name and that I'm not outing myself. But, like you, it's a bit unnerving.
I have the same reaction sometimes but because I'm not full time yet it can get even more confusing. Sometimes I react to my female name at work where I'm not out yet and sometimes I turn my head when I hear my birth name on the street when I'm out as female.
I have done that a few times, but I don't verbally respond to it anymore. My male name is super popular. So popular that I went to school with a girl in the same class with it.
Mariah
At the center where I work, ther is a customer with my old name, And the first few times I heard it the hais on the back of my neck would stand on end, i would also become annoyed slightly.
But I resolved this issue by talking to this guy called by my old name, and I got used to using and hearing the word reffering to him. Basically now i think of trevor when I hear trevor, not my former self :)
Luckily for me it's a very uncommon name, I only ever met one other person with it (it was the first time for him too).
It's sort version, however, is also short for a relatively common feminine name, so the few times I've heard that and unintentionally turned my head the looks I got were more like "wtf, that's not your name!".
But my case is different anyway, you don't need me responding to any name to out me. I just think it's unnecessary for people to know what name I used to go by.
Kind of related: a very dear friend of mine was slightly upset when I told her my new name because it wasn't that name with the same short form as my dead name. She wanted to be able to call me the same as she used to, and suggested if I wanted to be called Promethea I should make it my middle name.
My name is used either male or female so I turn a lot. Its more common for someone to say steph , but you can say Stevie ak Stevie Nicks. or even Steve . There is an old sci-fi film about colossal sized tarantulas that this scientist was experimenting with and he referred to his female assistant named Stephanie as Steve . Sorry I always thought about that because of wanting so bad to be female and when he called her Steve my brain kind of went crazy. It wasn't the greatest sci-fi movie, but when you 12 years old and watching Saturday afternoon movies on the TV it wasn't bad.
I kept my unisex first name because I liked it, but changed my masculine middle name to Anne. Most people I know call me Anne, but at 'official' appointments I will be called by my first name which I don't mind. If I haven't heard someone say it for a while though it does sound a little strange.
There's some random kid in his car that yelled our my old name while I was walking out of a convenient mart into my car.
I had a gut feeling he was the type that was trying to publicly out me. I have a no tolerance policy with creeps, so I just keep strutting proudly...
Like nails on a chalkboard, It still sends a shiver down my spine when I hear it.
By age 12 I was pretty much deaf to hearing 'John' and it getting my attention. Especially from a voice not very close to me. Like Grace said I think every third male was named John when I was growing up.
The guy that sits next to me at work has the same name as my old name. It is really hard to not react to it. Thankfully I've not reacted so much that it *looks* like I am reacting to it (yet anyway!).
Funny thing about my male name it that it's well known but not very common. In real life I have never been around somebody else with the name. One exception to that is my mom continued to use it for a long time after I switched to the new name and every time she did, it grated on my nerves.
I'm kind of hoping hearing this guy called by name a few times will help me to completely disassociate from my dude name. That way I hope I can hear it and not react to it.
Just as an aside on this. I changed my name to Peta Cindy, from Peter. I was asked so often by people if they could use my middle name as they rembered Peta (in sound) as a man they use to know, but Cindy was the woman I now am and they preferred it, so did I.
I remember hearing the radio news here in Oz being read by a woman called "Peta....." And being bemused. I heard "Peter" and had never come across Peta as a woman's name. I suppose Robin and Robyn are in a similar category.
Yes, I still react when people use my old name around me. After using and responding to it for 50 years its a hard habit to break.
Names are funny - the first time I was out in public as myself some friends of mine were calling out to me using "Eva" and it took me a minute to realize that they were calling out to me :laugh:
I was that first time or so as well. It takes a moment for it to click that it's you they are calling, but a wonderful feeling that is even though it took a moment for the brain to click they are calling me.
Quote from: Eva Marie on July 29, 2015, 08:42:46 AM
Yes, I still react when people use my old name around me. After using and responding to it for 50 years its a hard habit to break.
Names are funny - the first time I was out in public as myself some friends of mine were calling out to me using "Eva" and it took me a minute to realize that they were calling out to me :laugh:
I'm keeping my old name cleverly disguised as my first two initials. I like the name Casey, but opted to drop it for K.C. to have a clean break from my old identity. I figure, the friends that I keep can call me whichever and new people will call me Katie. I keep slipping at Starbucks when they ask though... But the truly liberating thing about being full-time, I never have to respond to 'sir' anymore. [emoji6]
Hugs,
- Katie
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Quote from: Obfuskatie on July 29, 2015, 09:08:11 AM
I'm keeping my old name cleverly disguised as my first two initials. I like the name Casey, but opted to drop it for K.C. to have a clean break from my old identity. I figure, the friends that I keep can call me whichever and new people will call me Katie. I keep slipping at Starbucks when they ask though... But the truly liberating thing about being full-time, I never have to respond to 'sir' anymore. [emoji6]
I did that too early on at Starbucks - they asked for my name and without thinking I blurted out <male name>. Mortified at what I'd just done I then had to stand there wait for them to call out <male name> again and do the walk of shame to the counter to get my drink before I could make a fast departure :laugh:
Quote from: Eva Marie on July 29, 2015, 09:47:56 AM
I did that too early on at Starbucks - they asked for my name and without thinking I blurted out <male name>. Mortified at what I'd just done I then had to stand there wait for them to call out <male name> again and do the walk of shame to the counter to get my drink before I could make a fast departure :laugh:
Lol, I don't worry about it in the moment usually. Even when I've been misgendered in public I respond by rolling my eyes, sighing and thinning my lips. Later I can have the mini-panic-attack and inventory what I did or didn't do, realize it's probably because I got lazy with my voice and kick myself internally for a while. But in the moment, since it truly is their mistake, an offended icy response usually causes them to bend over backwards to apologize.
Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I live in a small community and many people tell me cause they knew me for so long they have the right to say "he" and use my old name. I've taken up practice to ignore the name entirely as if it doesn't even exist its my defense mechanism. however when I hear the name in my mind my attention focuses to the source but my body action is to block it out. I guess for me it helps that there are a lot of people around me with the same name, So Ive been conditioned to not quickly react to it for a long time.