I'm tired, I'm tired of looking for all the flaws and that Mr. guy that I've lived with for so long.
I'm tired of the endless non stop searches in the mirror for that totally feminine look. Its so mind numbing to wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and repeat, repeat and repeat throughout the day endlessly. I just need to not care anymore whether those little kids looking at me are seeing that male that was me at one time. I'm to the point of totally not caring anymore about what I look like , I need some peace. No way this train is stopping, but I need the piece of mind that not caring brings.
I'm in sort of the same place. I still do care. I still need to convince myself I'm really female, and the rest of the world too. I'm trying to make my peace with it. It's euphorically wonderful when I do see myself as female, so I'm telling myself that caring is worth it because those feelings.
It's tough to explain how I stopped caring what others think. I suppose part of my strength comes from people who interact with on a daily basis (coworkers, friends, and family) either are accepting, tolerant, or don't care themselves. I used the "kill'em with kindness" strategy to get them on my side. Another part of my strength comes from emphasising my best feminine physical traits being my legs and lips. Hope I was helpful.
Have you ever seen the movie "meatballs" with Bill Murray? Summer camp-they are in a baseball game with the rich over indulged team from the camp across the lake. Murray's team is losing and he gives one of the best motivational speeches ever. Its' recurring theme is "it just doesn't matter." The point is to lighten up, there are really important things, not so important things, and things over which you have no control. For many things we perceive as important, the reality is that it just doesn't matter. The hard part is acceptance and letting go.
I need to just move forward and let go