I had a moment last week when I realized, hey, I really want to go through with this. I'm really going to go through with this. I made an appointment to see an endocrinologist (not available until November), and started looking into laser hair removal.
And then, tonight, I started feeling totally overwhelmed by this whole idea of transition.
I got a wig. I don't know how to wear the wig, or style the wig, and when I try to put it on, all I can see is the cleft chin and five-o-clock shadow.
I have no idea how to apply make-up, or even what sorts of products to buy. My therapist suggested getting a make-up consult at a local salon, but that's terrifying -- the place is only a couple of blocks from work, and I'll have to walk in and out of there, and I halfway think I'd like to leave any make-up on when I leave anyway, which would be my first time outside in any kind of feminine look. I'm kind of freaking myself out thinking about this. So anyway, I haven't made the appointment, but I think at some point I'll have to.
Shaving my legs went pretty well (man, it's so cool to have them smooth, almost a bigger difference than the wig) -- but I did get some bumps and nicks. I need to figure out how to deal with that.
Add to that voice, posture, manner of speaking, walk, all the different types of clothes, shoes, and so on. I mean, what's work-appropriate, what's age-appropriate? (At 46 I guess I'll have to pay *some* attention to that!) Trying it all out is super fun, but where am I going to get the time to learn all of this stuff?
Maybe that gives you the idea. I know I should just calm down, experiment, and have fun. But sometimes when I realize how far I have to go, it gets depressing.
Has anyone else gone through this feeling of being overwhelmed by it all? How do you deal with it?
I feel like this every now and then. I usually try to look at it like, "I want this more than anything else I've ever wanted in my life." Then, I do whatever I can to help myself realize the truth. This will get better. Others, often in positions worse than I am financially or otherwise, have become the person they were meant to be. If they can do it, so can I.
How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
Practice, Practice, Practice
An old joke but applicable to transitioning. We did not spend a lifetime learning tricks to look more attractive as women. We didn't spend a lifetime and thousands of dollars on makeup that just plain made you look horrid. We didn't spend a lifetime buying clothes that only looked good on you in the store. (I think clothing stores have special lights like the meat department in the grocery store). We didn't come home from the hairdresser only to break into tears when you see what happened to your hair. We didn't spend a lifetime developing a style that makes us feel and look our best.
It aint going to happen overnight for us.
Yes, it is overwhelming, in the beginning. Thrift stores are a great place to find clothes and figuring out what works for you. Makeup takes a lot of practice. Hair seems to go along the lines of what you like isn't what works. I had lots of wigs that were hardly worn because I looked horrible in that hair style
You could have a look here and the links there:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,190097.msg1693100.html#msg1693100
I'd say just take it step by step...
you might try some clothes from second hand stores...
you might try some nourishing products for your face, and carefully trim your eyebrows or have them trimmed...
it can be fun trying out new things... just take some time, and take it step by step :)
hugs