Hi I'm going to throw out the obvious... I'm new here and I had some questions if anyone here is willing to lend me their voice for a second. Like many others I'm struggling to address this issue of mine that I've been dealing with since I was very small, which is what gender do I fit in? Sometimes I feel as though there are two inside me and forgive me if I'm getting the terminology wrong between gender and sex, I'm 21 so still kinda new. I tend to find myself each and every day feeling comfortable as living male or female, and its hard to come to a conclusion because I'm a very insecure individual who's trying to understand which gender is the one that I am happy with or the one that I feel society will accept me as and obviously being happy needs to come first. I know that most of it I'll have to find out for myself through sheer confidence in myself as told by my psychologist, but I was hoping maybe people such as yourselves who have more experience in the issue than he, can help me. I also have an issue with where my sexual orientation is leading me because I tend to have gay thoughts here and there in which I've dived deep mentally; I know for a fact that I'm not gay because these thoughts tend to be a desperation for intimacy in which I lack because out of my fantasy and into reality these thoughts go nowhere, I have no desire to pursue them and it's not denial just no interest with the real thing. However when I picture myself female I picture myself with guys, like in my dreams and such. I'm skeptical because my male self is very attracted to females and I have explored that in reality, except while I'm experiencing it, I feel out of place, as though I'm in the wrong role. Another obstacle is that I like to exercise but I'm afraid I'll get too big and wont look good if I ever make the transition, so I've been not exercising as of late. I'd like to stop making unrealistic wishes to the sky every night eventually lol ;( and if you've read up until this point I appreciate you taking an interest in my story, if there is anything you can do to help I welcome it. And sorry if this is the wrong forum, please let me know, Thank you so very much. -TooScaredToGiveName
Hi Honey and Welcome to Susan's.
No reason to be scared here, we have all been through the same sort of issues! Is your therapist a gender therapist? If so they should be able to guide you on this incredible journey of fun, tears, excitement and finally contentment.
I could never accept myself as being Gay, because I wasn't, I'm a heterosexual woman. And remember gender and sexuality are totally separate.
So settle in and read away and post your questions.
I will move your post to introductions so you can meet more people.
Nice to have you here!
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Thank you, I knew somehow I'd post it on the wrong forum haha I'm sorry! And no my therapist was just there to help me solve my Major Depression and Anxiety issues and I kind of told him about my other issues to an extent. I just moved recently so I'm nowhere near him anymore and I'm trying to find a Gender therapist to help me get through these tough times but it's hard at the moment due to financial troubles until I find a new job.
Nothing to be sorry about!
Where abouts are you we may be able to find a therapist close to you. I'm in Australia so may not be of much use but we have lots of members in all regions of Earth. I suspect we have a few intergalactic transaliens as well :laugh:
You could have a look here and the link there:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,188309.msg1674885.html#msg1674885
gayteens.about.com/od/transgenderteenissues/f/am_i_trans.htm
I'd say don't get puzzled by others answers... its your answer that counts.
And usually people kind of know some answers... its kind of an inner knowing...
and it can show that you are not the only one...
and concerning gender identity and sexual orientation you could have a look here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,185369.msg1650025.html#msg1650025
The genderbread person explains that gender identity, gender expression, and sexual orientation are different things...
hugs
Hi and Welcome to Susan's. Believe it or not a far larger number than you think wish off to the sky or pray off to someone to that. I can remember doing the same when I was young. As Cindy mentioned, you have nothing to be sorry about. We all learned along the way just as you are now. A therapist could help you sort this out. We have been there too so your among friends now. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah
Hello Roguetourist, We have a Rogue River here in Oregon and it attracts a lot of tourist for fishing and such. Anyway, gender can be very complex but the personal expression of gender and your intrinsic sense of self require the freedom to simply be yourself.
Many of us have or continue to repress any notion contrary to being a heterosexual cisgender person. It takes some personal courage to risk exploring freely and honestly and this is a safe place for doing just that.
Our dreams and behavior are clues but You are the one that ultimately validates or rejects your identity. I think a lot of people get hung up on binary thinking---there is only male and female, good and bad, black and white....well of course not. Some try and find their "fit" in terms of a label but, as a great poet notes; a rose smells as sweet by any name.
There are female body builders with ripped muscles and men as soft as silk. Diversity is something to enjoy, celebrate and needed for human survival! have fun exploring yourself.
Thank you all so much for your support, it's never been easy for me to accept who I am but I am making an effort since I'm the only one who who can, but it's hard since I've spent my entire life hating myself. I live in Northern California by Sacramento and a city called Folsom. It has been hard to find a therapist that meets my health insurance and one that deals with these issues, plus I'm still on my parents insurance and I'm trying not to let them see what it's being used for. Like many of you I'm sure it's hard to put yourself out there in this situation since many don't accept it, so I'm trying to find out for dead certain this is not only what I want, but need in order to be happy and keep living.
Quote from: RogueTourist on August 04, 2015, 05:38:37 AM
Thank you all so much for your support, it's never been easy for me to accept who I am but I am making an effort since I'm the only one who who can, but it's hard since I've spent my entire life hating myself. I live in Northern California by Sacramento and a city called Folsom. It has been hard to find a therapist that meets my health insurance and one that deals with these issues, plus I'm still on my parents insurance and I'm trying not to let them see what it's being used for. Like many of you I'm sure it's hard to put yourself out there in this situation since many don't accept it, so I'm trying to find out for dead certain this is not only what I want, but need in order to be happy and keep living.
Certainty can be elusive and it is reasonable to have doubts and reconsider your goals, if any, along the way. So good to hear you are looking for some pro help. Each step can further your confidence and growing strength.
Welcome to Susan's Place. From your post I sense a good deal of confusion. That is pretty much normal at the stage you are at. Seeking a therapist will help but here is a little exploring on the web that might also help. Youtube has a series of videos called "The transition channel" that may give you a little more understanding about your condition. I viewed them when they were suggested to somebody else and found the series to be very well done and they provide much food for thought. If I can provide you with any more help, let me know.
Hi Rogue :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
A big warm welcome to Susan's Rogue
QuoteLike many others I'm struggling to address this issue of mine that I've been dealing with since I was very small, which is what gender do I fit in? Sometimes I feel as though there are two inside me and forgive me if I'm getting the terminology wrong between gender and sex, I'm 21 so still kinda new.
Many of us have been there, I properly knew I wanted to be female around age 4, and around age 5 I saw the differences and that started many years of Dysphoria, I recall asking the family Dr with either my mother or grandmother in attendance why can't I be a girl... etc... word back, to my family member, don't worry many children are like this and they grow out of it... end of story... of course my parents never let me act out who I really was... I tried to cut my male bits off, but never actually did it because to scared of dying! But guess what after over 40 years later and now over fifty years on, how wrong was the Dr!
QuoteI tend to find myself each and every day feeling comfortable as living male or female, and its hard to come to a conclusion because I'm a very insecure individual who's trying to understand which gender is the one that I am happy with or the one that I feel society will accept me as and obviously being happy needs to come first. I know that most of it I'll have to find out for myself through sheer confidence in myself as told by my psychologist, but I was hoping maybe people such as yourselves who have more experience in the issue than he, can help me.
I cried secretly and suffered horribly for many years into my teens, prayed and solicited the devil, fairy godmother etc.. you name it! nightly well into adulthood... no changes! I took the path of conforming to the male role, married had lovely kids and no grandkids, kept my dark secret in a dual mode till today, however in my mid to late forties I discovered I was not the only person in the world managing this situation... wow what a self revelation... So all those years of secretly being me when alone half male half female, but desperately wanting to be female fully. I am still not out fully, because of me and my inner turmoil of perhaps causing my family undue stress and grief? BTW I still weep on many occasions, although as I get closer to me its less and less!
QuoteI also have an issue with where my sexual orientation is leading me because I tend to have gay thoughts here and there in which I've dived deep mentally; I know for a fact that I'm not gay because these thoughts tend to be a desperation for intimacy in which I lack because out of my fantasy and into reality these thoughts go nowhere, I have no desire to pursue them and it's not denial just no interest with the real thing. However when I picture myself female I picture myself with guys, like in my dreams and such.
I can only say I wish that over the years I could have been female in a normal marital role... but it was never to be... today I intend to right the wrongs I have inflicted upon myself... but what you saying is not uncommon I guess... and the last Sentence is definitely how I could have seen myself.
QuoteI'm skeptical because my male self is very attracted to females and I have explored that in reality, except while I'm experiencing it, I feel out of place, as though I'm in the wrong role. Another obstacle is that I like to exercise but I'm afraid I'll get too big and wont look good if I ever make the transition, so I've been not exercising as of late. I'd like to stop making unrealistic wishes to the sky every night eventually lol ;( and if you've read up until this point I appreciate you taking an interest in my story, if there is anything you can do to help I welcome it. And sorry if this is the wrong forum, please let me know, Thank you so very much. -TooScaredToGiveName
You are as I was for many, many years, too scared to cross the line for fear of reprisal or being shunned, the only advice I can give you is to put aside your fears, fully confirm where your mind and soul is at and don't deny who you really are. You will find once you have answered and settled your mind, your daily regimes, how you view yourself will change, its all about acceptance. Being confused about yourself will gradually grind away at you, give you pain and at the end of the day, you cannot avert or ignore your true self... as I have said I tried, oh did I try!
I kinda hope that my brief life experiences may help you... and as I opened with, welcome and look forward to seeing you about the forum's
L Katy :-*