I'm beginning to get fed up of waiting for things to happen. I went to my GP last week and got a reference to a specialist service, and I've been hoping for the letter in the mail every day (even the day after which was a tad optimistic ;)) but it's yet to come. In the meantime I feel like I'm going to explode. I've got all this energy and a constant feeling of butterflies in my stomach and nothing to do with it. I'm sitting at work having all of this running through my head, looking at what the woman in my office are wearing and imagining what I could look like, and I have to sit still and pretend like everything's normal.
I even ordered a women's T-shirt last night; I know it's stupidly early to do anything like that, but it was on one of those sites that only have designs up for a day and I really wanted it and didn't want to get a man's T-shirt when I might have limited use for it. Ordered a medium with grand designs of slimming down, which means there's a chance it won't fit me (I'm a large in male's clothing) but it at least feels like I've done something about this. I've had a look to see if there are any groups near me (I'm in Bristol, England), but there doesn't seem to be any kind of low-key meet up type thing. I just want something to happen, damnit.
Does anyone have any tips for keeping sane in these early stages whilst waiting for the ball to start rolling?
Well the tshirt is a good idea imo...
you might think about a second hand shop...
and you could have a look here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,135219.msg1082682.html
hugs
I used, this time to work on, establishing my support network. eg comming out to people.
I got a wig (i think i got that first at bought the outfit to go with it.)
I then purchessed some breast forms and bras (untill i found a comfatable size)
went shopping in person with one of that suppoert group. (it was a first for me),
And then when to places while presenting (with a member of the support network of course)
Its all about you and your personal situation. But their are things you can do while you wait.
Find a good doctor talk to them build some trust, You don't absolutely require to go the specialist rout as long as you have the support and trust of your GP. I walked into a clinic to see my doctor for one appointment prepared for battle and walked out with a prescription, lab requisitions and a referral to the leading gender specialists in Canada, I still ended up seeing the specialist to iron out the legal ends of the transition, but my HRT from beginning to end is managed by me and my GP, which was a good thing cause my referral took one whole year before I seen the specialists.
My experience with my GP and mental health issues is that they seem to prefer to refer you off to someone as soon as possible. Which is fair enough really; I'd rather wait and deal with someone who's trained to deal with that kind of thing rather than someone who's not as well equipped, and I generally have just enough momentum to get through the "ahhh, help me" part first time before my fight-or-flight response kicks in and I need to get the hell out of Dodge ;). I doubt they'd do anything more for me whilst I'm waiting for the letter at least.
Breast forms aren't such a bad idea. I'm not sure how I feel about the idea of dressing female right now; it feels a bit like I'd be a female pretending to be male pretending to be female. It's worth a shot though. Even if I just wear it around the house it might stop me from sitting here judging my body.
Dipping my toes into this forum is helping as well. I'm just an impatient sod; I want to get out there and get this sorted out right now, damnit ;).
I suppose, that one way me and you are different, Id allready been dressing in private years. What I needed was help getting to a point were I was strong enough to not fall in on myself just to leave my bedroom.
Getting tired of changing clothes just to leave my room was taking it toll on me. And was a great help to come out to the people I lived with. Going from recluse to shut in was good for my health too, I started interacting more with my dad. And if going from not being able to leave my room, to not being able to leave my house was such a small step and yet so good for my mood, I thought hey how much better will I feel when I can go see my sister without dressing in drab?
But yes, buying a wardrobe will also give you somthing to look forwards too :P, and you can work on your fashion, trying different styles, finding colour shades that go with you hair colour.
NOTE: The times that you buy somthing you cant wait to try on and it doesnt fit or is so low cut it reaveals falsies.
These times will feel like you have wasted your money and will be sevearly dissapointing, but remember its all learning exsperiences. I got so down when i took a look at how much of my wardrobe didnt fit or cant use yet. It sent me downward. But I realised I learned from it.
And what that ment is by the time I took my first outing, I had enough personal style of my own, to wear somthing that suited me :P And I was dressing not like other women but instead like me :)
I understand how you fell about the breast form though. I somtimes hated mine, I mean there not boobs their lies right? But, my sister said somthing that helped me, (she realy wishes she could just take hers off and only put them on to go out in :P) So I enjoy being able to take mine off to sleep. Soon I wont be able too :P. And Breast envy Is a thing, Fillets, padded bras and push ups, are all used for the same reason I have my forms.
Even the wig, OMG oh how I hated it wasnt my real hair, My friends mom got a wig when i got mine, was somthing we shared in, she never realy did anything with her hair, but allways wanted a wig, so she could try our different styles and find one she likes, we did this together, differens was, she had to cut her hair into it, I had to grow mine out :p.
But yes, that feeling of, "THIER NOT REAL :(" But guess what when I do eventually have real ones and I can wear that top that is too low cut at the, that is somthing Im looking forwards too, and the moment I rid myself of the wig I bought I did feel beter.