I led a very sheltered life. I grew up in Forest Hills, Queens. I had a very pretty cousin who I noticed was being treated better by men, while I am gay. The more I saw this cousin, the more I desired to have her lifestyle - to be treated, by her, to be a woman. I ended up getting an orchiectomy after a huge verbal altercation with this cousin over her conceited behavior, despite the fact that I was the one who attacked her first. Her rejection of me drove me to it. After years of contemplating suicide, I realized that it was all about the *treatment*. They weren't treating me the same way as her. Just because someone treats someone else better doesn't mean that you have to become a woman. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I adivse that you don't do it unless you really feel like it. Unless you must to stay alive. I simply wanted men to be attracted to me. To look at me the way they look at her. If you feel this way, it doesn't necessarily mean you are a woman. The television can easily brainwash an innocent teenage boy who is simply gay. Be careful before you make any rash decisions. You may make a decision you regret for the rest of your life.
???
Sorry, but it seems if anyone was brainwashing you, you were doing it to yourself. Your cousin never told you to do any of those things. You need to accept that you chose that path for yourself and take responsibility for it.
Standards of care for trans people exist to stop these sorts of things from happening. I'm sorry they didn't seem to stop you from doing something that ultimately wasn't right for you.
There is a thread suggesting that RLE is a civil rights violation; this is an example of why the standards of care are important and exist for our protection.
The OP has posted in other threads claiming to be MtF and asking for advice on how to pass. I'm confused; that seems to be at odds with this post. This post makes it sound like the OP may have transitioned for inappropriate reasons and now regrets that decision. If that's the case, there's a 'Non-transitioning and Detransitioning' board here that might be helpful.
This sort of situation is the exact reason why we advocate going to a qualified, experienced Gender Therapist to work through your issues before you undergo any medical treatment. Because there have been mistakes in the past, where people who have not been correctly diagnosed have rushed into unnecessary hormonal treatment & surgery for all the wrong reasons. Many of those people have later come to regret their decision, and some have detransitioned. If this has happened to you, I'm sorry you've been put in this situation; it must be very difficult.
And you may not be aware, but a large number of trans people are actually gay or bisexual, including myself. I for one certainly didn't transition to make my sex life easier; rather, it's become much more difficult. Because before transition I had a huge pool of heterosexual men to choose from, but now I have a much smaller pool of homosexual men to choose from. The problem was that heterosexual men were treating me like a woman, and I couldn't stand that. So now I have to hunt for a new partner in a much smaller field, with the disadvantage of not having standard-issue equipment and having to explain myself to every potential partner. And you know what? Compared to what I experienced before transition, I wouldn't change it for the world.
It is a mistake to project ones own experience, whether good or bad, onto anyone else.
For many of us this was lifesaving treatment - for some it isnt right, either way please get over it and move on.
If I have one wish it would be that we all realise that we are all different, and moreover that being a doctor (or indeed medical student) is sometimes a very thankless task because we cant see into other people's heads. So whatever we do somebody tends to shout at us and complain. Give someone RLE and it turns out they were very genuine and resented the delay, skip the RLE and it turns out they made a mistake and are now sueing you and trying to get you struck off, and the lawyers just love it!
I am the author of My life's story. For I am the controller of the pen that writes the book.
I'm sorry that the path you've walked hasn't turned out how you'd hoped! I truly am. :(
You speak some good words of caution, but these types of issues can usually be (should be) worked out through therapy before any surgical intervention occurs. I'm sorry that you weren't able to get that help before making changes to your body. That's why we push the idea of seeing a Gender Therapist as hard as we do. Gender Dysphoria is a real thing and it affects so many people, but you can't use it as an excuse to run away from your other problems, and those need to be identified properly by a therapist and worked through as separate issues.
With that said, I've never "wanted other guys to look at me." I personally am transitioning because I am more comfortable being able to express myself and my feelings as a woman. It is easier for me to form interpersonal relationships this way. People thought I was gay my whole life, WRONG. Close maybe, but no cigar. Sure, I find some guys attractive, and in some ways, sex is sex. However, it's those intimate emotional connections that matter most, not somebody's gender. (wow, i'm definitely turning more feminine if those are the words coming out of my mouth, hahahahah)
Quote from: Sydney Blair on August 07, 2015, 09:47:37 AM
The television can easily brainwash an innocent teenage boy who is simply gay. Be careful before you make any rash decisions.
Um... I read your story a bunch of times and I can't seem to find the part where your TV brainwashes you.
For me it was 8 years of therapy, 5 years on hormones, 2 years of cross living and many nights attempting to find where I might be making a mistake. I spend at the time massive amounts of money preparing myself for reassignment surgery and didn't do anything that wasn't reversible or that would prevent me from returning to the male role. The reassignment surgery was the first action that wasn't reversible and would prevent a return to the male role. By that time, I was sure that the female role was my future and I would only be unhappy if I returned to the male role.
RLE is important and while surgery was right for me, I am sure I would have questioned myself post surgically had I not learned about myself before surgery.
Brainwashing implies an active third party deliberately attempting to influence you. I don't see anything here you didn't do to yourself. I do hope you find peace.
I'm truly sorry your in so much pain, but your arguments seem quite distorted. You blame a cousin for getting an orchi , you blame her for being a girl and not being born the same and you blame TV for your problems. I don't know , but your logic seems quite distorted from my point of view. please I truly mean no harm , but I really think if you were to bounce these ideas off of a professional therapist they could help you organize your thoughts better and find some solutions to your pain. Again please take no offense to what I'm saying , I truly want to help you find solutions.
I agree with the others that you should take some responsibility for your own actions. On the other hand, teenagers are not very responsible, and rather impulsive.
From what I've heard from an mtf friend, and seen online, many young trans teen girls go for full surgery very fast, about one year after coming out. They egg each other on, or are influenced online in that silly teenage competition thing that is so normal, but in this case rather dangerous.
I've also seen a couple of young trans women from very conservative eastern european backgrounds where I felt they were maybe transitioning because their parents hated them being gay, but were ok with a trans daughter.
So while I'm all for people transition early to have an easier life, surgery should really come later, just in case that someone changes their mind- which would be normal for young people.
De-Transitioning is possible, especially for mtf, but after surgery it's really tough.
It's not easy to work out if you're "just" an effeminate guy, or "in-between", or trans. Also if transitioning is for you (these are two different questions). It takes a lot of time and shouldn't be decided impulsively.
Quote from: Bunter on August 20, 2015, 04:05:31 AM
I agree with the others that you should take some responsibility for your own actions. On the other hand, teenagers are not very responsible, and rather impulsive.
From what I've heard from an mtf friend, and seen online, many young trans teen girls go for full surgery very fast, about one year after coming out. They egg each other on, or are influenced online in that silly teenage competition thing that is so normal, but in this case rather dangerous.
I've also seen a couple of young trans women from very conservative eastern european backgrounds where I felt they were maybe transitioning because their parents hated them being gay, but were ok with a trans daughter.
So while I'm all for people transition early to have an easier life, surgery should really come later, just in case that someone changes their mind- which would be normal for young people.
De-Transitioning is possible, especially for mtf, but after surgery it's really tough.
It's not easy to work out if you're "just" an effeminate guy, or "in-between", or trans. Also if transitioning is for you (these are two different questions). It takes a lot of time and shouldn't be decided impulsively.
Hey some of us had our entire childhood to think about it and we did so...
As I'm now training as a doctor you can take it I'm not stupid, but by the time I was sixteen I was very sure indeed that this was the right thing for me. I understand the noble motives in your thinking, but the truth is you cant protect people from themselves nor should you try - because I had rights too - and if in your effort to protect someone else from themselves you then injure me by needless delay and needlesly prolonging the intense dysphoria I felt at that time I cannot see how that is in any way a just result. You cannot simply trade off my right to have what I need against the fact that someone else might make a mistake. You have to treat people as individuals.
I not only needed early SRS, but was somewhat damaged by being prevented from having it. Yes its a long time ago now, and I've forgiven the well meaning idiots who took it upon themselves to do what they did, but as a result I am implacably hostile to anyone who wants to be too rigid in their approach to this, because there are always exceptions and we need to be flexible enough to respond to them, as well as to the majority.
As you can read, I'm only warning people who came out a short time ago, including to themselves. Maybe I was a bit unclear with the wording.
I've met (young and old) people who had never had a thought or feeling of being trans, and then suddenly had something of an extreme conversion or whatever, and transitioned fully within a year or two, much faster than usual.
I'm not saying they are not trans or should not transition, I'm just saying they should take it slow when it comes to surgeries.
I have been talking about being trans since I was 4 or something, so I hear you.
But you are right, in the end it's not possible to protect people from themselves, and sometimes you just can't know what's right without trying it. Just lets not be hasty ;-)
Quote from: Bunter on August 25, 2015, 12:19:43 PM
As you can read, I'm only warning people who came out a short time ago, including to themselves. Maybe I was a bit unclear with the wording.
I've met (young and old) people who had never had a thought or feeling of being trans, and then suddenly had something of an extreme conversion or whatever, and transitioned fully within a year or two, much faster than usual.
I'm not saying they are not trans or should not transition, I'm just saying they should take it slow when it comes to surgeries.
I have been talking about being trans since I was 4 or something, so I hear you.
But you are right, in the end it's not possible to protect people from themselves, and sometimes you just can't know what's right without trying it. Just lets not be hasty ;-)
I hope I'm misunderstanding you. It sounds like you're getting awfully close to saying that people who knew since they were 4 are more likely to understand what they need than those who got in touch with their gender issues later in life.
Please tell me that's not what you're saying.
Quote from: suzifrommd on August 25, 2015, 02:44:22 PM
I hope I'm misunderstanding you. It sounds like you're getting awfully close to saying that people who knew since they were 4 are more likely to understand what they need than those who got in touch with their gender issues later in life.
Please tell me that's not what you're saying.
That's not what I got from that. I actually have a friend that I worry about, in a very similar situation. In the past year or two she really confronted her gender identity issues, and before that didn't seem to have much of a struggle with it. She even voiced her concerns that she didn't show any signs of it in her past. Well, she impulsively went ahead with transitioning. Didn't wait for therapy, didn't plan it very well (she lost her car because she was making payments on laser and hormones instead)... Her impulsive nature is what concerns me. And though I fully believe she is trans, and will likely be happier transitioning, I just think she's probably rushed into it without fully considering the impact it will have on her. And that, I think, is probably where Bunter was going with that. Trans women who haven't had much time considering their gender issues impulsively and quickly rushing into transition, in my opinion, should take a step back and slow down to consider what they're doing.
Quote from: Ashey on August 26, 2015, 12:26:14 AM
That's not what I got from that. I actually have a friend that I worry about, in a very similar situation. In the past year or two she really confronted her gender identity issues, and before that didn't seem to have much of a struggle with it. She even voiced her concerns that she didn't show any signs of it in her past. Well, she impulsively went ahead with transitioning. Didn't wait for therapy, didn't plan it very well (she lost her car because she was making payments on laser and hormones instead)... Her impulsive nature is what concerns me. And though I fully believe she is trans, and will likely be happier transitioning, I just think she's probably rushed into it without fully considering the impact it will have on her. And that, I think, is probably where Bunter was going with that. Trans women who haven't had much time considering their gender issues impulsively and quickly rushing into transition, in my opinion, should take a step back and slow down to consider what they're doing.
Yes, I've seen people who have this sort of impulsiveness, not just among trans people but among others too. Not paying attention to survival priorities, spending money frivolously, etc.
What I'm asking is, what does that have to do with how long you've known you are trans?
Quote from: Sydney Blair on August 07, 2015, 09:47:37 AM
I led a very sheltered life. I grew up in Forest Hills, Queens. I had a very pretty cousin who I noticed was being treated better by men, while I am gay. The more I saw this cousin, the more I desired to have her lifestyle - to be treated, by her, to be a woman. I ended up getting an orchiectomy after a huge verbal altercation with this cousin over her conceited behavior, despite the fact that I was the one who attacked her first. Her rejection of me drove me to it. After years of contemplating suicide, I realized that it was all about the *treatment*. They weren't treating me the same way as her. Just because someone treats someone else better doesn't mean that you have to become a woman. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I adivse that you don't do it unless you really feel like it. Unless you must to stay alive. I simply wanted men to be attracted to me. To look at me the way they look at her. If you feel this way, it doesn't necessarily mean you are a woman. The television can easily brainwash an innocent teenage boy who is simply gay. Be careful before you make any rash decisions. You may make a decision you regret for the rest of your life.
You fooled yourself. No one brainwashed you and most people here were diagnosed by professionals
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Quote from: Amy1988 on August 29, 2015, 05:47:52 PM
You fooled yourself. No one brainwashed you and most people here were diagnosed by professionals
Just to throw the cat among the pigeons, are we "diagnosed" by professionals or by ourselves?
I find it hard to believe that anyone would knowingly "fool themselves" into thinking they were trans. Not unless they believed it to be true on some level. And if someone suspected that they might be trans, while noting that being trans rests largely on self-reporting, would a psychiatrist not validate that belief? Now, what if this person who suspected they were trans, and who had this belief validated by a psychiatrist, discovers that they are in fact not trans -- who is responsible for this error in judgement?
Perhaps the nature of being trans is far too complex to ever attribute blame to anyone in such a situation.
Will all those here who are trans and transitioned and wished many many times there was Something, Anything else they can do, please raise your hands.
Quote from: Sydney Blair on August 07, 2015, 09:47:37 AM
I led a very sheltered life. I grew up in Forest Hills, Queens. I had a very pretty cousin who I noticed was being treated better by men, while I am gay. The more I saw this cousin, the more I desired to have her lifestyle - to be treated, by her, to be a woman. I ended up getting an orchiectomy after a huge verbal altercation with this cousin over her conceited behavior, despite the fact that I was the one who attacked her first. Her rejection of me drove me to it. After years of contemplating suicide, I realized that it was all about the *treatment*. They weren't treating me the same way as her. Just because someone treats someone else better doesn't mean that you have to become a woman. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I adivse that you don't do it unless you really feel like it. Unless you must to stay alive. I simply wanted men to be attracted to me. To look at me the way they look at her. If you feel this way, it doesn't necessarily mean you are a woman. The television can easily brainwash an innocent teenage boy who is simply gay. Be careful before you make any rash decisions. You may make a decision you regret for the rest of your life.
Are you having passability issues?
Hey Suzie,
what I'm saying is that when you have actively known that you were trans since age 4, you had basically 15 or 20 years to think about (esp. physical transition) plans. It's not fool prove, but a certain amount of time has passed to sort things out. I'm not talking so much about transition yes or no, but rather about: what kinds of transition, in what order etc.
Physical transition is not a one fits all solution, there are variants etc. All bodies are different etc. Some people find out that they want only social transition, others want very specific surgeries, or hormones etc. I know that for me it took several years to figure things out/I'm still in the process, even though I came out at pre-school age.
When people have *never* thought a single thought about trans and then do the whole thing including bottom surgery in one or two years, that's pretty extreme, like marrying after knowing someone of for a couple of weeks or something. It *can* work, but the risk is high. And esp. with teens who tend to be very impulsive, it's perhaps not such a good idea.
Btw. I don't think that "early transitioners" or "trans kids" or whatever are "real" or "better" transsexuals. I believe, from several decades of experience, that it's completely individual. E.g. I knew a very early transitioner, who was 150% sure, had complete passing, had been living as a girl/woman for years and was just waiting for bottom surgery all her life. And when she had it, it was a mistake. Nobody could have told that before. These things just happen.
Quote from: suzifrommd on August 25, 2015, 02:44:22 PM
I hope I'm misunderstanding you. It sounds like you're getting awfully close to saying that people who knew since they were 4 are more likely to understand what they need than those who got in touch with their gender issues later in life.
Please tell me that's not what you're saying.
I think it's important that professionals make it very clear *that they have no clue*.
An honest professional tells you that she can help you to figure out what you want slowly, but that there is no "trans diagnostic".
I have heard from time to time about professionals (and self help group gurus) who pretend that they can "diagnose trans". This is very dangerous and should be legally prohibited.
Quote from: Serverlan on September 01, 2015, 06:50:55 AM
Just to throw the cat among the pigeons, are we "diagnosed" by professionals or by ourselves?
I find it hard to believe that anyone would knowingly "fool themselves" into thinking they were trans. Not unless they believed it to be true on some level. And if someone suspected that they might be trans, while noting that being trans rests largely on self-reporting, would a psychiatrist not validate that belief? Now, what if this person who suspected they were trans, and who had this belief validated by a psychiatrist, discovers that they are in fact not trans -- who is responsible for this error in judgement?
Perhaps the nature of being trans is far too complex to ever attribute blame to anyone in such a situation.
Quote from: Bunter on September 08, 2015, 06:40:45 AM
Hey Suzie,
what I'm saying is that when you have actively known that you were trans since age 4, you had basically 15 or 20 years to think about (esp. physical transition) plans. It's not fool prove, but a certain amount of time has passed to sort things out. I'm not talking so much about transition yes or no, but rather about: what kinds of transition, in what order etc.
Thanks for the explanation.
Quote from: Bunter on September 08, 2015, 06:40:45 AM
When people have *never* thought a single thought about trans and then do the whole thing including bottom surgery in one or two years, that's pretty extreme, like marrying after knowing someone of for a couple of weeks or something. It *can* work, but the risk is high. And esp. with teens who tend to be very impulsive, it's perhaps not such a good idea.
I'm not sure how you can say that this is riskier. Do you have statistics or studies that back that up?
I managed to plan my transition in only a few months and it turned out just fine. I don't feel like I was taking any risks. I'm a play-it-safe sort of person, but I felt fairly certain that things would work. If I'd had a few more decades, I don't think I could have done it any better.
Quote from: Sydney Blair on August 07, 2015, 09:47:37 AM
I led a very sheltered life. I grew up in Forest Hills, Queens. I had a very pretty cousin who I noticed was being treated better by men, while I am gay. The more I saw this cousin, the more I desired to have her lifestyle - to be treated, by her, to be a woman. I ended up getting an orchiectomy after a huge verbal altercation with this cousin over her conceited behavior, despite the fact that I was the one who attacked her first. Her rejection of me drove me to it. After years of contemplating suicide, I realized that it was all about the *treatment*. They weren't treating me the same way as her. Just because someone treats someone else better doesn't mean that you have to become a woman. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I adivse that you don't do it unless you really feel like it. Unless you must to stay alive. I simply wanted men to be attracted to me. To look at me the way they look at her. If you feel this way, it doesn't necessarily mean you are a woman. The television can easily brainwash an innocent teenage boy who is simply gay. Be careful before you make any rash decisions. You may make a decision you regret for the rest of your life.
A lot of people are brainwashed into gender dysphoria. The idea of the male and the female is so degraded now that most people are a bit dysphoric. I'd say cis-gays are a better example of brainwashing.
However, from reading your OP I believe you are deluded. Who's to say most of us aren't? Probably a lot of people lol.
When I sought medical opinions, I did tell my doctors and therapists that I was a transsexual. Is that a self diagnosis? My medical professionals never disagreed with. I was severely questioned when I got my three, yes, count them, three letters. But I had been through the gambit of purging several times, going back and forth, and even got caught up into the "pray the gay away" movement.
I finally decided I had to transition or die trying. So, I did. I was severely questioned when I got my three, yes, count them, three letters. That's what Dr. Biber required at the time. And looking back, I'm glad that requirement was in place. By that time, I had no doubts.
Still, with all that, I have a close friend who went through all that and has questioned whether she made the right decision. She's been seeing a therapist over the past couple of years and has come to terms with it. This is truly a complicated decision to make and not all of us are created equal. I often caution people to see the correct medical professionals and even at that to only go forward with genital modification only when they feel they have no other choice.
Cindi