How does one deal with life post transition?
Over the last few years, I have spent my waking hours just thinking and planning my transition. Now that my transition is complete, I find that my mind has become so calm and silent, no more disphoria, no more anxiety, no more screaming in head. I am left with just me. I would describe this feeling as similar to being in a room that suddenly goes from being really noisy to absolute silence.
Now, I find myself thinking - "What do I do with my life"... All this time I was so focused on transition that I never thought about anything else.
My question is, how do I deal with this gaping hole that transition left in my life? Please don't get me wrong, I am happy and on top of the world. But, I cannot help but wonder, what next?
I know excactly what you mean. Im in the same boat.. but i think now that all the stress is now gone i can actually be focused now. So i decided to go back to studying and start doing things i couldnt before because of all the screaming monkeys in my head..
I do feel different now and i feel that i could finally focus on getting a better career. Now i have got the body i wanted, time to get the career to match..
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Quote from: ssneha23 on August 12, 2015, 04:23:03 AM
My question is, how do I deal with this gaping hole that transition left in my life?
I've tried to get involved in improving things for other trans people. I help run a support group, I've been involved in getting anti-discrimination legislation passed in my state, I speak about trans issues when I can, I write stories and news articles, and I answer questions and give advice on the forum.
The gaping hole that transition left in your life brings you the possibility of finding happiness and enjoying life to an extent that was never possible before. I have so many things I like to do that 10 lifetimes wouldn't be enough to do them all and transition steals resources from these other activities. If you had hobbies before transition nothing is stopping you from picking them up again and there so many things to do and so much to learn in this world. Just follow your heart and do something that makes you feel good.
I kind of feel similar. I am nowhere near complete but going full time and changing my voice, it's as if I walked through a door and it closed behind me.
I still think about transition, as in what I'm doing next, SRS, FFS, body contouring. I have my name change coming up and I have so much things to change. I'm already changing what I can without the court order.
Then I have my family issues - divorce, co-parenting of my children, and hoping the relationship with my dad can somehow be repaired.
Then I may want to get a new job and go semi-stealth.
But yes, there is that gaping hole... And I have no idea what I want to do with it. Paying it forward is a given but I want something for me as well. I'd say maybe I'd like to just enjoy life and maybe travel a bit. Also work on my physical and financial health.
It sounds amazing to be rid of your gender thoughts. I can't imagine that right now.
I went through this kind of "post transition crisis" after having had an orchiectomy done. It was a feeling of "there's nothing left for me to do," but then I just kind of rolled with it.
I accepted exactly where I was. I was recovering from surgery, and basically just using the time for that.
I just kind of followed my joy when I got more productive and able to not have to sit on the ice so much. I went around the mall, had a little shopping spree and just did something I loved doing just because it felt good :-)
Of course, I still have my issues with family, not having the vaginoplasty and just many other things taking their toll.
Though, it's really a great time before I get the vaginoplasty and just make my fantasy come true.
I think alot of it is just kind of waiting for that breakthrough to come along. Anytime after a dramatic change in our lives, it takes some time of self examination and then of course there's that saying "Sometimes you have to lose yourself in order to find yourself." That's exactly what's going on :-)
I came out the other end with no 'gaping hole' in my life. None at all, not even a small one. Why? Because I'd never let transition or being trans become the centre of my universe. I realised that there was life after transition and that I needed to start living that life before I was done. Transition, in the end, was a fairly small part of my life.
But then, from my perspective, I came out, started transition and started living my life as a woman. Transition happened as a part of living my life. There were no 'gaps' to start with, so there were no 'gaps' after.
Choose your next dream and chase it
It's true, I have SRS to go, but for all most part of I post transition. Choosing and chasing my next dream along with living my life are what I have been concentrating on. I spend my time helping others including everyone on here as a moderator. Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: Oriah on August 12, 2015, 08:43:34 PM
Choose your next dream and chase it
Pretty simple, you start living like everybody else, I worked, saved for my retirement, purchased my first and second house, found a roommate who taught me how to be social, went back to photography, learned to shoot trap, seen many things in the United States and learned how good and accepting people really are.
Look to your past at interest you put on hold and when somebody suggest trying something you never did, live a little and try it. Think of your life like that old TV series "Run for your life" where the star only has 6 months to live and wants to make up for years of not living life to the fullest.
Even though I don't think we are ever truly done with our transition once we have accomplished the major items we then have to just live our lives. I know that I am in a very unique position because I have a professional position with an employer who has employed me for 27 years. I have another 10 or so years to go before I can retire but I am not having to try to get new employment nor do I have to prove myself all over again.
I plan to pretty much continue to live my life pretty much as I did before except for having some different interests. I get up every day and go to work. It does take me longer to get ready and I now actually care about how I look, but it is pretty much the same as before. I am still working on the same cases I was pre-transition and still have to deal with the same people. I just look and feel better doing it.
To me, my transition was not the goal or the end point. It has just been another thing I had to address and resolve as a part of living my life. I do have to say, next to becoming a father, it has been the most satisfying thing I achieved. To finally be free to be me has been wonderful.
I'm sure if I was forced to deal with many of the obstacles that so many individuals in our community have to face I would not have the same outlook. So I have made it part of my plans for the future to address the inequality that exists. It should not matter where you live or who you work for in order to successfully transition. I hope to be able to use some of my talents to address these issues. We are loving, caring and very unique individuals. We all deserve to be treated with respect and dignity as we go through a tremendously difficult process.