So recently I have been experiencing quite a bit of gender dysphoria, and its tearing me apart I have yet to see a therapist mainly because I'm stubborn as hell lol. I am already on ativan for the anxiety, but was just curious if anybody has any tips or suggestions on how to deal with it.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. As a gender therapist of course I'm going to say it would be best to see a therapist. However, I know that a knowledgeable therapist is not always available for some. I highly suggest beginning a variety of calming practices like yoga, guided meditations (find them on youtube), a good support group, and distractions.
Good luck my dear.
You might look here for online therapists:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=187135.0
and here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,162888.msg1400316.html#msg1400316
hugs
I exercise. I walk steps and keep my time and constantly improve each week. I go to the gym and have a trainer. Also, I walk each night. Endorphins are wonderful. It help with sleeping too which also helps with dysphoria.
I know how my dysphoria is but everyone is different and yours may be different. I have found making progress in transition helps a great deal.
I have been trying to lose weight and have lost 10 pounds in the past year but it is slowwwww.
A gender therapist is an awesome aid.
I hope this helps.
Let me know if you figure out how to cope. My brain is a mishmash of gender fluid at the moment. One second I know I have to transition and lose my family, the next second absolute disgust at my body, the following second the guilt and shame knowing males don't think this way and to "man up."
I'm just exhausted and I've come to realise that a journey into womanhood is the only elixir for what ails me. Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead (Maybe? Someday? Definitely someday right?) :-\
I don't have any advice on the gender dysphoria, but propranolol has done wonders for my anxiety, and it's not addictive or habit forming.
Thanks for the tips everyone this is going to be a long journey for me but, I am just taking one day at a time. I am on venalfaxine right now for the depression which is working wonders. I do think I need to look for a therapist though I think it would help with thinks while right now I am happy being between male and female that may change in the future I am just really unsure of things right now. I am so grateful for all the people here though that know what I am going through it is such a big help.
For some reason I am unable to reply to the message you sent me. My website is at "leahnewmancounseling". You can message me through there.
Mod edit: sorry offsite web links are not permitted, reference ToS -1 without prior permission.
- additionally you need to reach 15 posts to release PM response capability
I used Tai Chi as a way to calm and centre myself as I began transition. I'm reaping the benefit now many years later though as Tai Chi helps me to overcome balance issues I have with this illness I live with.
Quote from: ELLENOIR80 on August 14, 2015, 09:04:51 AM
For some reason I am unable to reply to the message you sent me. My website is www.leahnewmancounseling.com. You can message me through there.
You have to reach 15 post before you can reply but I will message you there thank you Ellen
Gonna repeat some advice: a good gender therapist can save your life.
I do a few things for the dysphoria. Underwear is the easiest thing -- nobody has to see it! Body hair is another -- if you were assigned female at birth, stop removing it; if you're assigned male at birth, start removing it. Again, you can cover this up with your clothes, and nobody needs to know.
In the beginning, "cross dressing" was hard because I looked so awful in everything I tried on. Some days, I stop at window shopping because the experience in the dressing room can be more painful than not trying. On stronger days, I've built up enough experience that I've found clothing styles that work for my pre-HRT body -- I expect it to be a couple of years before I feel comfortable looking in a mirror, but every little bit helps. My wardrobe is now 100% from my preferred gender, even though I'm not "out", and I no longer consider it cross dressing, and I feel alright about how I look despite being read as my birth-assigned gender by everybody I encounter.
Making progress towards transition helps. Once I made the decision to medically transition, my patience kicked in. As long as I could remember, I've had a very deep well of patience, so I'm lucky there. The ball is rolling, however slowly, and my dysphoria is almost gone except when I look in the mirror. When I get back from vacation, I have estrogen patches waiting for me at the pharmacy... that is such an awesome feeling! It'll be another two weeks after that before I get to take them, but whatever!
Transitioning socially helps. Some of my friends know. My wife calls me by my preferred name without fail now, except when we're with people who don't know. Wow, that's a huge help. Every time somebody uses my new name, it gives me a happy feeling. If you can find a group of people you've never met, and who will accept you for who you are, use your new name and never tell them your old name -- they might accidentally misgender you, they might forget your name, but they'll never call you by the wrong name.
Micah,
So many good suggestions so far. I would really push for the therapist. ( I didn't start for years upon years but it has helped me work through all the conflicting thoughts more easiley). Under dressing and hair removal has helped me too(I am not out publicly or at work). Exercise is very good relieving some of my tension. If I could add another couple that people suggested to me?
Volunteering in whatever way you can. Hobbies and distractions that allow you to focus on things are helpful. Making or listening to music is great. If you can get lost in a book or a garden, those things may distract as well.
I am by no means stable enough to give advise with absolute authority. However, the things above help me.
I wish you luck.
With warm thoughts,
Joanna
Do what it takes to survive. Alcohol was and sometimes necessary for me, but don't rely on it, addiction is a terrible substitute for transition. I'm in the beginning of finding a better way to deal with things, but not perfect. My suggestions are to eat healthy, exercise, and go en femme as much as possible. Having an IDGAF attitude really, really helps a lot, it helped me, and if I didn't might not be here.
Thank you everyone for the suggestions, I will certainly try them all. Ultimately what I am noticing though is that I think I need to find a therapist, which I am nervous about doing because it would me having to tell someone about myself and something that I have hidden for so long, but it has gotten to the point where I can't hide it anymore. You guys have been a great help and I am grateful for all of you, you have made me feel accepted for my identity when no one else has.
Hi Micah,
I can understand being reluctant to tell anyone about yourself. I am 42 and I finally decided to see a therapist. I was really hesitant to make an appointment. I didn't even know where to begin to find a therapist. When I finally built up the courage to make a phone call to schedule an appointment, it took several attempts at picking up the phone and putting it down again.
I ended up telling myself that I want to get better and I need help. Therapists help people for a living, they won't judge me. When I went to my first appointment, it a little while for me to get the words out, but once I started and saw how the therapist was just listening with no judgement what so ever, it became much easier to keep talking. The therapist I am seeing isn't even a gender therapist. I am his first!
Hope this helps.
Jayne
Yes, there are great ideas for coping here. I too found myself enjoying an androgynous appearance with long hair, nails, earnings, cycling tights and private dressing sessions before I could more fully transition. The more freedom I allowed myself to be real the more i wanted! Coping is what we can do when change is not happening or not fast enough. Having the capacity for maintaining our personal resilience in the face of distress is a useful skill for all kinds of tough spots eh?
I just have to say as I have said before, everyone on here has been great. everyone here has been the best support system I have ever had, thinking back I think this has been happening longer then I realize because I can't remember large chunks of my childhood. Listening to music is what has basically keep my going right now, but ultimately I think I just need to find a good gender therapist while I don't have much money I think it is something that just needs to be done. But anyway thank you for everything to everyone on this site I am glad to be part of this family and have a place where I can just be me.
Quote from: Micah (Alecia) on August 15, 2015, 12:27:04 PM
... because I can't remember large chunks of my childhood.
That's often a sign of pretty severe stress during childhood. I've got that too. I still don't form long-term memories, except those with high emotional content, without an inordinate amount of effort. Therapy is recommended for folk like us, regardless of gender. I'm glad you're going to keep posting here, we need you.
I stuff a bra :p
Wigs don't do it for me but playing with my hair helps also.
Sometimes I get all fabulous, put my hands in my sides and do this facial expression.
Its something ive always done and I think its funny, maybe that can work for you too.
Little trinkets.
Accepting it: like when I feel down I tell mysel it's that trans stuff as if it's something quantifiable. Sometimes it helps, usually makes me sad though haha
Shaving but I only have an electric one. Go buy a girl one don't ever use that crap lol
Sporting/working out so hard untill my body only feel pain.
Then afterwards when you are exhausted mind is racing less and that bad feeling goes away for awhile.
Be wary though, working out is kinda a double edged-knife because some days I feel it make my body appear more male and then it makes me reaaaalllllyyyy unhappy.
Not nailbite and abrade(?) them. Chisel them? I can't find the word at the moment. "to file" apparently.
Chat on Susans <3
Quote from: sparrow on August 15, 2015, 02:03:44 PM
That's often a sign of pretty severe stress during childhood. I've got that too. I still don't form long-term memories, except those with high emotional content, without an inordinate amount of effort. Therapy is recommended for folk like us, regardless of gender. I'm glad you're going to keep posting here, we need you.
Wow, me too. I had a question about this a few months ago. I did not have anything traumatic happen and don't know what would have severely stressed me out. I know I tried my sisters things on by 8 or 9 and continued cross dressing off and on to varying degrees my whole life but didn't think it was a sever stressor. 'Course it was the early 70s when I was 8...
Take care and keep coping as needed.
With warmth,
Joanna
Quote from: Joanna50 on August 16, 2015, 03:43:51 AM
Wow, me too. I had a question about this a few months ago. I did not have anything traumatic happen and don't know what would have severely stressed me out. I know I tried my sisters things on by 8 or 9 and continued cross dressing off and on to varying degrees my whole life but didn't think it was a sever stressor. 'Course it was the early 70s when I was 8...
Take care and keep coping as needed.
With warmth,
Joanna
I do intend to stay I am not going anywhere, coping is the only way I am surviving right now. I'm actually studying psychology for college right now so I know something of the topic. During serve emotional trauma your brains way of coping is to more or less shut of your memory receptors in order to protect you from the event. I am also unable to form any long term memory, as such I don't really know when my gender dystonia really started.
I have a blog and I write...just anything that comes into my head...I don't publish it all but it soothes me to write it down, Much of it I have never read a second time but it is almost as good as talking when it comes to helping the Dysphoria. Crop tops under my shirt, got my other ear pierced, start using moisturiser on a regular basis, clear nail polish and for the really brave a bit of eyeliner and concealer...only done the eyeliner once and nobody appeared to give me a second look..it was just a quick run over to the shops.
Writing is good. I just about beat a typewriter to death when I was going through transition.
once again thank you for the suggestions everyone, every little bit helps. Writing is something that helps me tremendously, I also like to write short verse poetry and that also seems to help. The clear nail polish is something I already do what also helps is that I Paint my toenails as well and as those are covered most of the time I can paint them any color I want :), I have also began experimenting with my hair so that is also a plus. I just have to convey again how grateful I am for each and everyone of you on this forum knowing, there are people out there like me is one of the only things that is keeping me alive right now. Once I work up the courage to get a therapist I am sure things will get better from there, after this is the beginning of a very long journey and everyone here helps me stay on the path. (:
Alecia (Micah)