For the past 4 months I have successfully managed all dysphoria, denied myself and lived as a man as I should........etc., etc.
This week I just could not deny myself any longer. I just had to dress and behave as the woman I am. While its good to be back, it just shows that the feelings never do go away. I'm going to have to buy some more clothes now ☺️.
Yup. Always there in some form.
Good luck.
With warmth,
Joanna
Sent from my XT1060 using Tapatalk
How did you manage dysporia for that long?
Whenever I trybi barley last more than a few weeks...
Quote from: Joanna50 on August 14, 2015, 08:23:28 AM
Yup. Always there in some form.
Perhaps this above all else is why I keep reading Susans. I'm constantly hoping that someone figures a way to get rid of dysphoria or I can somehow find a way to transition without wrecking my family. Lord knows I've tried over the last 50 years. Every morning when I wake up, every hour, and just as I'm going to sleep, it's all I can think of. I believe I'm slowly going insane.
Paige :)
Paige,
Not to be too flip but as I understand it, transition is how to beat it but that is an issue within your constraints. I understand and wanted to beat it without effecting my family when I came to grips 6-7 months ago. I was either unaware or in deep denial for those 50 years you speak of. I thought everybody felt like that...
So, now I am prepping to do slow, low level, measured steps. After each, my wife and I re-evaluate. I am just prepped to start some blockers and maybe HRT and my anxiety has dropped quite a bit. Still fighting dysphoria off and on. Still think about changing often... but better most of the time.
Wish you all smooth journeys.
With warmth,
Joanna
Sent from my XT1060 using Tapatalk
Quote from: Paige on August 14, 2015, 01:49:05 PM
Perhaps this above all else is why I keep reading Susans. I'm constantly hoping that someone figures a way to get rid of dysphoria or I can somehow find a way to transition without wrecking my family. Lord knows I've tried over the last 50 years. Every morning when I wake up, every hour, and just as I'm going to sleep, it's all I can think of. I believe I'm slowly going insane.
Paige :)
You might look for a good gender therapist...
they might help you evaluate steps you might take...
well without guarantees but there are families that live happily thereafter...
one person on another place wrote the only person not consenting was a stepdad and he was described as not a really good person anyway...
even their colleagues consented, and they said it was in glasgow, a place they considered rather conservative...
remember its a step by step process, it might be a bit daunting to look at the end result... just take the next step...
hugs
Quote from: chloeD33 on August 14, 2015, 01:16:59 PM
How did you manage dysporia for that long?
Perhaps it's because I have 56 years practise. It's never easy though!!
Don't bother denying who you are, it only hurts you in the long run. Today I had to shave my whole body... just a compulsive decision. I feel right... smooth and nice. I even decided to go out and get the whole makeup "kit". I haven't attempted it yet but I know there's no going back, I'm going to face who I am. The clerk kind of gave me an odd look, on the outside I looked shy but on the inside I was laughing. She prob thought I was gay, I don't care. Normality is overrated.
Great, I'm only 33 and I can only go maybe half an hour without at least 1 thought about my gender.
Quote from: KatelynBG on August 15, 2015, 07:03:31 AM
Great, I'm only 33 and I can only go maybe half an hour without at least 1 thought about my gender.
I wouldn't say that my gender did no enter my mind over the four months. It just did not cause me any distress.
Right now I'm loving being a woman again.
People always ask me how long I felt the way I did. I remember being 7 or 8 and feeling this way, but having no idea what it was called or how to explain it until I got into my early teens and we got the internet finally. I still fought it as much as I could until I was 27ish. The feeling never goes away as hard as you try to get it to. It's better to just be happy than to live and wonder.
Quote from: Paige on August 14, 2015, 01:49:05 PM
Perhaps this above all else is why I keep reading Susans. I'm constantly hoping that someone figures a way to get rid of dysphoria or I can somehow find a way to transition without wrecking my family. Lord knows I've tried over the last 50 years. Every morning when I wake up, every hour, and just as I'm going to sleep, it's all I can think of. I believe I'm slowly going insane.
Paige :)
I know exactly how you fee Paige. I'm a similar age and have lived with different levels of dysphoria all my life. It became especially bad two years ago......gender was the only thought all day, every day. Self acceptance and support from friends here at Susan's helped. I will never come out or transition as to do so would wreck my family also, but I have learned to accept that.
However, denying the truth within me is never a long term solution. I have accepted that I am a woman in a man's body and continue to learn to live with that.
I wish you well.
Ciara.
Quote from: crushdani on August 15, 2015, 09:52:24 AM
People always ask me how long I felt the way I did. I remember being 7 or 8 and feeling this way, but having no idea what it was called or how to explain it until I got into my early teens and we got the internet finally. I still fought it as much as I could until I was 27ish. The feeling never goes away as hard as you try to get it to. It's better to just be happy than to live and wonder.
For most of my life I thought I was a freak and nobody else had these feelings. It is only in the past ten years that I discovered there are many others like me. Now I know that the feelings are normal for people like me and I also know that I AM normal.
Quote from: Lex Six on August 14, 2015, 08:25:32 PM
Don't bother denying who you are, it only hurts you in the long run. Today I had to shave my whole body... just a compulsive decision. I feel right... smooth and nice. I even decided to go out and get the whole makeup "kit". I haven't attempted it yet but I know there's no going back, I'm going to face who I am. The clerk kind of gave me an odd look, on the outside I looked shy but on the inside I was laughing. She prob thought I was gay, I don't care. Normality is overrated.
I would love to shave my whole body but I think my wife would notice 😒.
I'm sure it must feel really nice.
Hmmm... Bit late to this, but here goes ::)
I have suffered, lived and managed my Dysphoria for 58 years. Dunno how I survived but I have and have reached beyond the point of hiding, lying and pretending... Yes it never does go away, and comes back, time and time again stronger each and every time!
I threw myself into work and bringing up a family, not sure which was the harder, hiding or working!
In hindsight, like most, I wish I had the courage, support and will power to have been who I really am way back, i didn't, couldn't and survived.
So with you there Ciara :-* my first stirrings were at 4, reality of Gender physical differences confirmed at 5... Ensuing 12 odd years was the worst period of my life...
Katy xxx
I agree with your thread title. It was true in my life too. We do, however, have a remarkable ability to fool ourselves and repress such feelings. I was too successful in the purge and forget routine with years of events seemingly gone until i accepted myself. Like so many, I previously talked myself into considering all kinds of other explanations such as being an alien or just making it all up. You know, anything but the truth of being TRANSGENDER!
I also urge people to recognize that we may fool ourselves and even a lot of others but many of our significant others, family and friends may see us before we do. They may see it in our depression, anger and withdrawal. They may see it in our unguarded moments. And many will say they knew before we told them, if we ever do. Some of my friends were actually pissed that I didn't trust them to come out sooner. My son saw me as a closeted sissy girl instead of one who is now proud to be out. We really don't fool all the people all the time and we may actually be a better friend, parent and partner to those we love as our true selves vs the self loathing and depression.
I gotta put my two cents in here. I've been struggling to be who I am since I was 7 or 8, I am now 25.
I never gave it a second thought.
When I was younger, and my parents will back me up on this; I was always trying to go into the girls section to get my clothing all through school. When I was about 12, my parents explained to me "That is wrong little boys should not wear girls clothes. Men should dress as men. It's wrong if he dresses like a girl"
When I was 15, I found out what Transgender means, and I researched it and researched and researched. I came to terms with that's who I was. I was a girl... not a boy. I never was a boy, at least in the emotional sense.
My point here, Ciara. You should't try to suppress it. I mean you can't fake who you are. It does not work that way. You are who you are. If someone can't accept that, then it goes to show that well... they still live in the dark ages. Like my father.
Yeah people may look at you funny, but the main question you should be asking yourself is "Am I comfortable enough to walk out in public dressed up as who I TRUELY am, with pride? Or do I feel more comfortable wearing this mask, personifying this man society expects me to be?"
I asked myself this very same question and ended up throwing out all my male clothes. And honestly, I could not be happier with that decision :)
Quote from: chloeD33 on August 14, 2015, 01:16:59 PM
How did you manage dysporia for that long?
The last time I tried, it took 1,5 years to reach breakdowns.
It is harder when one knows there are things they can do. My longest period were decades from kindergarten, elementary school, high school and part of the uni. Even then I kept silent at the uni.
I am not hiding anymore. Too much of the life wasted.
Quote from: Martine A. on August 15, 2015, 12:49:40 PM
The last time I tried, it took 1,5 years to reach breakdowns.
It is harder when one knows there are things they can do. My longest period were decades from kindergarten, elementary school, high school and part of the uni. Even then I kept silent at the uni.
I am not hiding anymore. Too much of the life wasted.
well said love.... well said
In one way I was far luckier that those of you aren't ready to change. I lived with it between ages 13 and 23 and in those 10 years it just kept getting worst. It reached point where the only thing I valued in life was my sanity and if I couldn't have that, I didn't want life. That type of motivation does a pretty good job of pushing you forward. I hope my presence here will help you understand that delaying treatment will only cause more harm to you and will mean fewer years of happiness when you do face reality.
I understand the commitment you made when you started a family but not all families are like "Leave it to Beaver". Families have problems they need to face and you can't be expected to live in the pain that you do jut so the remainder of the family can avoid facing reality. In many cases, facing problems like this can make the family stronger and not weaker. In the end it is your decision and not mine but it pains me to see someone in pain when help is available.
Quote from: Joanna50 on August 14, 2015, 02:04:45 PM
Paige,
Not to be too flip but as I understand it, transition is how to beat it but that is an issue within your constraints. I understand and wanted to beat it without effecting my family when I came to grips 6-7 months ago. I was either unaware or in deep denial for those 50 years you speak of. I thought everybody felt like that...
So, now I am prepping to do slow, low level, measured steps. After each, my wife and I re-evaluate. I am just prepped to start some blockers and maybe HRT and my anxiety has dropped quite a bit. Still fighting dysphoria off and on. Still think about changing often... but better most of the time.
Wish you all smooth journeys.
With warmth,
Joanna
Sent from my XT1060 using Tapatalk
Thanks Joanna for you kind thoughts. Unfortunately my wife wants nothing to do with my transition. I've even suggested she find her own therapist to deal with my issues, but she completely balks at the idea.
Take care,
Paige :)
Quote from: Laura_7 on August 14, 2015, 02:13:12 PM
You might look for a good gender therapist...
they might help you evaluate steps you might take...
well without guarantees but there are families that live happily thereafter...
one person on another place wrote the only person not consenting was a stepdad and he was described as not a really good person anyway...
even their colleagues consented, and they said it was in glasgow, a place they considered rather conservative...
remember its a step by step process, it might be a bit daunting to look at the end result... just take the next step...
hugs
Thanks Laura, I actually have 2 gender therapists. Both are quite good and believe I should transition. I went to the second one just to get another opinion. She agreed with basically everything my other therapist said. And I agree with them, I'm transgender and probably the best thing for me would be to transition.
I've also talked to my family doctor and he's been great too. He's willing to prescribe HRT to me, when I feel ready for it.
The problem basically comes down to family as I said earlier. One therapist says I have too much empathy which she describes as a feminine trait :) I have an appointment soon with her maybe a light bulb will turn on.
Thanks again,
Paige
Quote from: Ciara on August 15, 2015, 09:57:07 AM
I know exactly how you fee Paige. I'm a similar age and have lived with different levels of dysphoria all my life. It became especially bad two years ago......gender was the only thought all day, every day. Self acceptance and support from friends here at Susan's helped. I will never come out or transition as to do so would wreck my family also, but I have learned to accept that.
However, denying the truth within me is never a long term solution. I have accepted that I am a woman in a man's body and continue to learn to live with that.
I wish you well.
Ciara.
Hi Ciara,
I wish you well too Ciara. Thanks for starting this thread and thanks for your kind words of encouragement.
Paige :)
I relied HEAVILY on my weekly, Bi-Weekly, Monthly escapes from maleness. No matter how much the 3D's of Distraction, Diversions, and Denial I implored, I for decades I needed that Escape
Quote from: chloeD33 on August 14, 2015, 01:16:59 PM
How did you manage dysporia for that long?
I manged it for about 49 years.
Until one night when I was drinking my nightly 12 pack to deal with my GD and it occurred to me that I would not be doing that for much longer, because I physically felt (and had been feeling) terrible and I was ultimately on my way to having a date with a pine box. I had been fooling myself into thinking that I had it under control while it was spinning far, far out of control. We are good at telling ourselves what we want to hear it seems.
That moment of abject clarity led me to therapy and the journey to where I am today.
I know what its like to try to hold it together for family - please watch out for signs that the wheels are coming off for you and take action if you feel that they are.
Quote from: Dena on August 15, 2015, 01:04:33 PM
.............I understand the commitment you made when you started a family but not all families are like "Leave it to Beaver". Families have problems they need to face and you can't be expected to live in the pain that you do jut so the remainder of the family can avoid facing reality. In many cases, facing problems like this can make the family stronger and not weaker. In the end it is your decision and not mine but it pains me to see someone in pain when help is available.
Hi Dena,
I understand what you mean, but there are also issues that may bring a family to a point where there is no road back (or forward). All families and their environments are different and I'm afraid that my family, environment and circumstances do not facilitate my coming out, not to mind transition to any degree.
However, I should be clear that I am fortunate to have a very loving wife and children, I have much to be thankful for and I fear that I could lose them, or even place their family stability in jeopardy.
For me, periodic escapes from maleness (girlie days/hours on my own) and conversations with you all at Susans is normally enough to maintain my sanity.
Thank you for your thoughts and advice.
Ciara
Quote from: JoanneB on August 16, 2015, 10:11:45 PM
I relied HEAVILY on my weekly, Bi-Weekly, Monthly escapes from maleness. No matter how much the 3D's of Distraction, Diversions, and Denial I implored, I for decades I needed that Escape
Hi Joanne,
Those same periodic escapes keep me stable. I too have relied on them most of my life.
They work for me anyway.
Thank you.
Ciara.
Quote from: Eva Marie on August 17, 2015, 01:16:17 AM
...................I know what its like to try to hold it together for family - please watch out for signs that the wheels are coming off for you and take action if you feel that they are.
Thank you Eva Marie,
Two years ago, the wheels did start to come off and I had a very difficult six months where my gender was my every waking thought. My life was falling apart but I got through it mainly with the support of a couple of friends here at Susans. It means a lot to know that I have friends who understand that I'm not the "wierdo" that I believed I was for years.
Thank you,
Ciara
Quote from: Ciara on August 17, 2015, 03:09:31 AM
Hi Joanne,
Those same periodic escapes keep me stable. I too have relied on them most of my life.
They work for me anyway.
Thank you.
Ciara.
The downside that I learned, and it's a biggie, is that you slowly turn into lifeless, soulless, Thing with no hopes, wishes, or dreams bar one you gave up on long ago. You are simply some machine that wakes up in the morning, does what she is "expected" to do, and repeat
Quote from: JoanneB on August 17, 2015, 06:04:45 AM
The downside that I learned, and it's a biggie, is that you slowly turn into lifeless, soulless, Thing with no hopes, wishes, or dreams bar one you gave up on long ago. You are simply some machine that wakes up in the morning, does what she is "expected" to do, and repeat
You are right Joanne. That could easily happen.
There really are no easy answers. No matter what road we take, there is a cost. Yes, the dream, albeit given up on, will always be there. It is not a bad dream though..
I am lucky in other ways in that I have a great family and friends so I have a lot that I am positive about and thankful for.
Keeping the balance is always the challenge.
Thank you for your support.
Ciara.
Quote from: JoanneB on August 17, 2015, 06:04:45 AM
The downside that I learned, and it's a biggie, is that you slowly turn into lifeless, soulless, Thing with no hopes, wishes, or dreams bar one you gave up on long ago. You are simply some machine that wakes up in the morning, does what she is "expected" to do, and repeat
Wow I totally feel like this already. Your comment completely hits home for me.
Quote from: KatelynBG on August 17, 2015, 06:23:41 AM
Wow I totally feel like this already. Your comment completely hits home for me.
There is one thing that can be learned from this. Listening to the voice of intuition.
It should be better felt now and clearer.
Hold on to your dreams, keep having daydreams, try a few things out.
The universe has a way to come up with solutions.
Most important is to know what feels right.
I'd say there are quite a few people in this situation. The last years was kind of an awakening for many.
Sentiment is much better now imo, and peoples reactions are possibly better.
hugs
Quote from: JoanneB on August 17, 2015, 06:04:45 AM
The downside that I learned, and it's a biggie, is that you slowly turn into lifeless, soulless, Thing with no hopes, wishes, or dreams bar one you gave up on long ago. You are simply some machine that wakes up in the morning, does what she is "expected" to do, and repeat
You are so right Joanne. I feel like this is who I'm becoming. I just go through the motions most days. The only time things seem to pick up for me is when I think there might be a chance at transition.
Dressing up use to make a difference for me or at least distract me. It doesn't seem to work at all anymore. I guess it's the old tired face looking back at me in the mirror or maybe it's because this summer I let my chest hair grow back just in case I needed to go swimming. Maybe when I shave it off again in a week I'll feel a little better.
With that said I'm very much like Ciara, great family and friends. I just can't imagine throwing the spammer into the gears.
In many ways, I think my only option to keep my sanity, is to follow Joanne's method and transition as much as possible in stealth. The only thing, is that my wife thinks once I get on this train I won't be able to stop until I've fully transitioned and I'm not sure that she's wrong.
Life is so fun,
Paige :)
Quote from: Paige on August 17, 2015, 08:09:27 AM
.... I guess it's the old tired face looking back at me in the mirror or maybe it's because this summer I let my chest hair grow back just in case I needed to go swimming. Maybe when I shave it off again in a week I'll feel a little better.
With that said I'm very much like Ciara, great family and friends. I just can't imagine throwing the spammer into the gears.
I've dropped a spanner or two into gearboxes, never my fried spam ;D
I know that "old tired face" bit. I call it the "Sad old man looking back at me in the mirror". When those days hit the GD is REALLY bad. Strangely, these days of high anxiety I haven't been seeing him, just Joanne. I think so much of the reason is because I came to realize "I don't want to not be able to transition". Not that I do totally want to, I just can't bare the thought of it ever being taken off the table
Quote from: JoanneB on August 17, 2015, 08:44:15 AM
I've dropped a spanner or two into gearboxes, never my fried spam ;D
Oops, spam is messy when you throw it into the gears, but doesn't break anything ;)
Quote
I know that "old tired face" bit. I call it the "Sad old man looking back at me in the mirror". When those days hit the GD is REALLY bad. Strangely, these days of high anxiety I haven't been seeing him, just Joanne. I think so much of the reason is because I came to realize "I don't want to not be able to transition". Not that I do totally want to, I just can't bare the thought of it ever being taken off the table
I think this is why it hits so hard when you get older. When you're younger you always have that hope that you will eventually transition. You can put it off for another day but as you get older, you start to realize that time is really running out.
Thanks Joanne you're always a big help,
Paige :)
Quote from: Laura_7 on August 17, 2015, 06:37:42 AM
There is one thing that can be learned from this. Listening to the voice of intuition.
It should be better felt now and clearer.
Hold on to your dreams, keep having daydreams, try a few things out.
The universe has a way to come up with solutions.
Most important is to know what feels right.
I'd say there are quite a few people in this situation. The last years was kind of an awakening for many.
Sentiment is much better now imo, and peoples reactions are possibly better.
hugs
I just love your positive attitude Laura. Yes, we should hold on to our dreams. The world is changing. In my country (Ireland) we recently passed a referendum approving same sex marriage. 30 years ago you could be imprisoned if you were in a same sex relationship. Our legislators are now preparing legislation to support transgendered people. Sentiment is and will continue to improve.
Let's hold on to our dreams and keep daydreaming. Who knows what good things lie ahead.
Ciara.
Quote from: Paige on August 17, 2015, 08:09:27 AM
You are so right Joanne. I feel like this is who I'm becoming. I just go through the motions most days. The only time things seem to pick up for me is when I think there might be a chance at transition.
Dressing up use to make a difference for me or at least distract me. It doesn't seem to work at all anymore. I guess it's the old tired face looking back at me in the mirror or maybe it's because this summer I let my chest hair grow back just in case I needed to go swimming. Maybe when I shave it off again in a week I'll feel a little better.
With that said I'm very much like Ciara, great family and friends. I just can't imagine throwing the spammer into the gears.
In many ways, I think my only option to keep my sanity, is to follow Joanne's method and transition as much as possible in stealth. The only thing, is that my wife thinks once I get on this train I won't be able to stop until I've fully transitioned and I'm not sure that she's wrong.
Life is so fun,
Paige :)
I have learned that different things work for different people Paige. I try to take all the positives I can from little things and express my femininity a little and often. Even if only I notice then it may be something I can feel good about. I try not to focus on what is outside my control.
Ciara.
Quote from: Paige on August 17, 2015, 08:56:14 AM
I think this is why it hits so hard when you get older. When you're younger you always have that hope that you will eventually transition. You can put it off for another day but as you get older, you start to realize that time is really running out.
Paige :)
I often wonder where I would be if I would have made different choices when I was younger. While I would love to think that I would, those choices were driven by circumstance and if I was back there again the same circumstances may drive the same choices. Also, the opportunity was not there for trans girls when I was young.
I am where I am so I accept those decisions and get on with my life. I don't let my gender consume me as it did before.
Ciara.
Ireland is awesome!!
Hi everyone, I'm brand new to the forum making only my second post. I finally decided to and start to open up somewhere outside myself that I'm trans. I'm only 26 but I think I'm starting to realize what you ladies are talking about. This thing never does go away. I dive head first into sports, work, a wife, etc but each time those escapes wear off, I find myself aching to finally live as my true self. I'm starting to think it would be best for everyone if I faced this sooner rather than later. It's so, so nice to know that I'm not alone in hoping it will all go away but realize it just won't.
It's true AudreyMichelle, you're younger than I am but I could have written that post word for word and it would apply to me too. It's scary and exciting to think about at the same time.
Quote from: chloeD33 on August 19, 2015, 10:50:39 PM
Ireland is awesome!!
Our legislators have been forced to introduce transgender legislation following a Supreme Court ruling, and that is fantastic news. However I'm not confidant that people will openly accept us. There are many conservative opinions here still and there is really little understanding of what it is to be transgender. Hopefully time will improve this.
Quote from: AudreyMichelle on August 19, 2015, 11:06:34 PM
Hi everyone, I'm brand new to the forum making only my second post. I finally decided to and start to open up somewhere outside myself that I'm trans. I'm only 26 but I think I'm starting to realize what you ladies are talking about. This thing never does go away. I dive head first into sports, work, a wife, etc but each time those escapes wear off, I find myself aching to finally live as my true self. I'm starting to think it would be best for everyone if I faced this sooner rather than later. It's so, so nice to know that I'm not alone in hoping it will all go away but realize it just won't.
Hi Audrey Michelle,
You sound just like me and many others. I too have thrown myself into various activities to try to forget, but it keeps coming back. It can never go away simply because I am a woman inside. However it does not mean that I can't live with it. Yes as Katelyn said it is scary at times but also very exciting.
It does help to open up to someone, even if it can only be online.
Ciara.
*
I have little more to add to all the great ideas so I will try sharing my transition. I did it a little at a time for different elements of my life; the last to go was my job and that had long collapsed because I was being fired for being trans - they cluelessly had it backwards and thought I was female transitioning to male.
Counselling helps give focus to you.
ERT gives you the boost of the feelings being physically female (skin, hair, scent, taste, morphology, anatomy) - and that impetus to move your transition along. Your transformation to female also supports your mental well-being.
Work on your own schedule as you achieve being comfortable with each completed step in your transition. It looks so far when you only see the end point; remember that your next step is right in front of you - take it when you are ready. My regrets were that I failed to do my transition better and I failed to see opportunities to advance my transition schedule.
I thought I was young when I started (age 18 in 1974) but it took me until 1985 (age 29) to finish. Dena is so correct. You do not want to waste time - you do not know how many years you will experience so why waste your youth being despondent? I am 59 now and I see my end closer than my youth and that message of the ticking clock is hitting home to me. I do not want to waste any more of my days. Twenty years ago (when I was 39) seems as yesterday; 20 years in the future (when I will be 79) will pass equally fast and I can't let one moment slip through my fingers.
You seem worried about what to wear. One counsellor advised me to wear the most frilly feminine dress that I could find to suit my style. That is not totally necessary. There is plenty of uni-sex female clothing available. That's how I learned one lesson of transition's 'passing the 'passing' test' - your presentation is as much as the other person's perception. I could wear the exact same uni-sex female jeans, shoes, sox, and top and present as male at work and they perceived me as male, then re-style my hair, add a little make-up, and present as female at the grocery and they perceived me as female. I later realised I could drop the make-up and live in one hair style - that I needed only my presentation alone. At that point I was fully female transitioned.
You are so fortuneate having a loving family who support you and want what is best for you.
I had no issue 'coming out' among family because I lived my life since age three in a continual state of what was then called 'feminine protesting'. Family knew one day would be my last as male and first as female. That does not mean that they accepted me, nope, that meant they could reject me once and for all and make my change their excuse. It was tough but I knew that was coming.
Likewise, friends can be difficult; my best friend for example. He chose me as his 'Best Man' for his wedding that took place mere days before I planned to tell him. He initially took it well and curiously. Within weeks he planned an assault against me with four of his former college football buddies. Since I planned to move more than 1000 miles and settle at an entirely new community, I told none at my departing home town - I simply departed and my male predecessor was never heard from again. My new community would know me only as Sharon and female.
Yep. Your gender identity does not go away. It was fixed for life since your second month of gestation. You will do well.
*
Thank you Sharon. It is lovely to read your story and told with such honesty.
Your name "McC" looks like an abbreviation on an Irish name. Are you part Irish?
Ciara.
One thing I learned this that the feelings never go away. I acted on my feelings and it has been wonderful. That was a decade ago at age 56.
:)