Hello Everyone!
So I recently became full time (yay!!) but I keep getting misgendered by family and friends. I've told them how I want to be gendered and some people just seem to not listen, like my immediate family. Any ideas of how to tell them/ correct them without making them be offended or take it the wrong way. Thanks!
Well politely correct them but imagine how hard it would be for you to break that kind of habit you've been doing for years
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Quote from: Cole 1994 on August 15, 2015, 07:14:54 PM
Hello Everyone!
So I recently became full time (yay!!) but I keep getting misgendered by family and friends. I've told them how I want to be gendered and some people just seem to not listen, like my immediate family. Any ideas of how to tell them/ correct them without making them be offended or take it the wrong way. Thanks!
First, THEY should be worrying about offending YOU. It is tremendously rude (if they're doing it intentionally).
Two cases:
1. Accidental - Tell them politely "it's she". The proper response is for them to apologize. If they are defensive or dismissive, it's ok to tell them your expectations. "If you get it wrong, that's ok, I know it is hard. But I expect you to apologize when you make a mistake." Repeat this as many times as necessary. If you think you'll have trouble, try practicing ahead of time so that it comes out naturally.
2. Deliberate - This is rude, insulting, disrespectful, and aggressive. Treat it as such. "That's very insulting. I will not tolerate being called that." If they persist, treat them as you would any rude, insulting, disrespectful, aggressive person, and remove yourself from their presence.
If you're not sure, treat it as accidental.
I just asked "who?" - even if it was interrupting them. They then realise they had made a mistake and corrected themselves. It's the only way to make them reprogram their brain.
I just mis-gender them back and start complimenting how good they would look if they transitioned and then proceed to tell them they are gay for exploring the idea.
People need time to adjust. One very good friend of mine who knows about me still makes pronoun mistakes in written communication. Another gay friend needed extensive education to get along with the fact I feel like female since kindergarten and was never a boy in my head.
Patience and politeness, it is normal that people get confused. And they need education. I wouldn't choose to allienate them because they are so.
Thanks you guys! It just feels a bit discouraging because I took the time to tell them all and almost no one is evening doing it correctly (except work). It just feels like they aren't even trying which hurts. Maybe I'll try the more joking terms because I think that will work the best. Thanks again.
Quote from: Cole 1994 on August 15, 2015, 07:14:54 PM
Hello Everyone!
So I recently became full time (yay!!) but I keep getting misgendered by family and friends. I've told them how I want to be gendered and some people just seem to not listen, like my immediate family. Any ideas of how to tell them/ correct them without making them be offended or take it the wrong way. Thanks!
My mother and brother always call me by my old name, been 2 months since I changed name.
For me, they have been used to calling my old name for nearly 26 years, so I am being patient as I can imagine a sudden change like I have done will take a while to kick in due to them being used to the old one.
Easy to use old name without thinking.
I told my brother and he told me I would always be [old name] to him, regardless of what I looked like or if I changed it. It kinda hurt to hear that, but I also kinda understand since it's so fresh for him. I can only hope that he'll come around when I'm presenting female full time, at least in the presence of people who may not know. If he can't, then I may have to limit my interactions with him. :(
Quote from: KristinaM on August 17, 2015, 01:14:18 PM
I told my brother and he told me I would always be [old name] to him, regardless of what I looked like or if I changed it.
If a family member told me this, it would be time to put distance between me and their toxicity.
Quote from: Ms Grace on August 15, 2015, 08:03:24 PM
I just asked "who?" - even if it was interrupting them. They then realise they had made a mistake and corrected themselves. It's the only way to make them reprogram their brain.
This is what worked for me.
Quote from: suzifrommd on August 17, 2015, 03:32:50 PM
If a family member told me this, it would be time to put distance between me and their toxicity.
In context, he also said he would always love me and accept me. He doesn't understand, but he wants to, so his decision on what to call me may change in time. The door is open though so I'm not about to cut him off when my father and sister have already slammed that door shut. He's the only family I've got nearby.
This Really ! bothered me but now I just let it go. For me it's a joy to be seen and spoken to as me. My family know me " pre " so sometimes the odd " he " or "Him " slips out. But it's all good as in the real world it does not. Life is good " Go live it " ;)