Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So, what can I say, I am gang stalked and technically considered a targeted individual. It began in high school, and has carried on to become a huge snowball presently. I began my transition back in May of 2013, after months of therapy, after a few years out of high school. 21 I was. I am not psychic but you know those hunches you have when you feel you are being followed or observed, well I would have that constantly at work or wherever; the convenience of a small town!

Grew to be stressful and I could not explain why life felt so, hopeless and everything felt fake. Anyways, long story short, everyone including family and associates within the town as well as neighboring cities and towns knew. I knew but did not know, you know..

I moved, after being bashed and belittled online in every way possible. Left to a city and got it together kinda and this way by November.. So.. 6ish months in, had to be, I began on May 15, those first pills before I went into work. Thanks PMC, for the service, miles and hours just to get it all together.

Eventually I was being stalked in the city I had just moved to, roommates, community, it just even more weird and people were mentioning semi personal aspects about my life, which then I only had a nook, but I remember riding transportation to the beach and this person behind us just subliminally blabbering about my business. You know how your libido changes after a certain period of time while in transition, well I was into men much more and maturing, and I noticed sex was never on my mind anymore, it was more about who they were. So I went through this whole, asexual aromatic idea but knowing that some aspect of me wanted to have sexual intercourse, I felt better, knew myself in a much better understanding, or one that I could agree with. Though I looked it up, I only just consider and observe, just like a conspiracy but I was interested in the men who were around me, so clearly I was not just boxing myself off, besides that!

I move in a "spontaneous" but really I kept an watchful eye and a way of predicting what would come about, if I went to go and eat dinner, even at 6:47 all of the sudden everyone would rush out of their room, it just got weird and people would stare at me eat. A roommate or someone asked me, do you want to reconnect with your family, I did not answer, and was quickly questioned again if I did, said yes, but a quick question, I just left them because it was horrible, they only live 200+ miles away, not much to chase after, just pick up the phone and maybe visit.

Anyways, I had developed an eating disorder as a teenager which possibly had a huge deal with my gender. You know those mirror looks, trying to "adjust" and "see" your body, I can just visualize how angry I would get looking in the mirror, oh and growing facial hair, -_____-... anyways there is a entire cake icing left on the table in mid table away from everything, once I saw it there, I flipped and held it together, but it stayed there for at least two days, from what I remember. 

I end up walking around the city mad.. Like crazy mad, and angry mad.. I went to a food market and got shrimp rolls and started talking to myself and I felt trapped, cars keep surrounding me, same cars are passing, I even went to the police and said that people were following me, and just to be heard I told them I was going to hit someone with a bat, and that just ended it all right there. Thought I would be heard and asked why, but I have went to the police many times and it is never what I expect.  & I always get the short stick, my last merry go round I got a 51/50.. -___-.. This gang stalking is hell on earth, you witness the devil, do or die bishes, do or die.. Like I only trust myself, and only believe people are merely and only associates.. Not in some emo way, I enjoy people and see the best, but same time I give less ->-bleeped-<-s.. To glorify and admire only leaves you... Hmph...

Anyways, I leave and in "chaos" mode I move to NYC in a back and forth, which all together came to be four times back and forth, and in survival, being followed on the bus, it just got worse, and what happens on a bus, blows even more... Anyways, I did not forget my transition but this is June-ish and I am trying to find help, a job, a place, and somewhere to continue my hormonal transition.. Stuck in a mens shelter, more this more that, now this city is doing it, I am like, tf.. What else can I do, ya know? I mean lock me in a cage fine, but let me get a job or get on SSI at the minimum...

This entire situation makes me so immature because my entire life has been orchestrated within these boundaries and it is backwards. All these people have to say is something to belittle you, throw some backwards ass psychology at you that from the outside opinion only is real.. Anyways.. I am reaching my one year mark next month, and through the homelessness and self reliance I am glad. All me.. It is one thing to be gang stalked but to do it while in transition, I feel more of a woman within myself. Forget looks, and mannerisms, just the effort.. The actual journey..

Funny once you find out what gang stalking and targeted individuals are, you will probably commit suicide at the thought of being constantly outed, followed, criticized and held to fake people with hidden intentions and agendas.. It is a transgender individuals worst nightmare, but in a huge spiritual aspect, which makes this well worth, even if it was considered "a sin" to transition and yada yada, I sure know I will die enlightened and towards somewhere much better.. Heaven, or maybe a caterpillar.. Self Worth.. Growth through Experience of my Soul.. Ahh.. On some Buddha..

Hmmm plan on going to college now, catch up on all of the education I missed, a job, totally, not a thought. I would become a bartender but that is 595 dollars I will not spend just to have my attempts at interviews and jobs to be a total waste.. Just no, being in this situation I will never try and get a job, and meaning I will not try. As long as I got myself =).. I may use my money to become attuned to the secondary reiki level...!?

Ahh, being a BERDACHE!

If anyone will actually see this.

SO yea, I move