If you traveled back in time and met a younger version of yourself, what would you say to the younger you? And what would the younger version say to you? Would the younger you be proud of the person they become?
This is a hard one. Part of me would want to go back to my 18 yo self and tell him to transition by the end of college. The other part would tell him that it's ok to stick it out as a male because we get 2 wonderful children that way, but a lot of heartache.
I would want to tell myself sooo much, and not just about transitioning. I would want to talk about a life full of missed opportunities, lost friends and family, drug abuse and mental illness. I have had a pretty rough and wild ride and I carry a lot of regret and scars from the past that could have been easily avoided with a little guidance.
Though honestly, as a child, I would probably despise and fear my older self. I was very judgmental towards adults in a way very much like Peter Pan. I felt that adults had lost the path, forgotten how to be nice and true to themselves and their world. I guess I still think that way, though, as an adult I am not so quick to pass judgment.
If I met myself ten years ago the fifteen year old "boy " that was me would have hit on the present day me if I was passing or would have started a fight if I wasn't passing. At fifteen I was a total jerk. I was racist, homophobic, transphobic etc. and a total junkie. The funniest part is that at fifteen I was secretly dressing in these almost dissociative spells, but I was closeted even to myself. I wouldn't even tell that punk who I was, I would just punch" his" lights out and jump in my time machine.
If I met myself at nine I would have a hard time not crying. At nine I knew that deep down I wanted to live as a girl, but I had been convinced that doing so was an unforgivable sin. The adult me would probably try to talk some sense into the younger me, but it would be hard. Blind faith is a hard obstacle to move, and morbid, graphic descriptions of hell to a child are, well, scary as hell. I would tell the poor kid not to be afraid, not to fear hell or god, and not to fear being yourself, and to be good to people. Then I would scoop that little girl up, plant a big kiss on her forehead, and look into her eyes and told her she's beautiful
I would tell my self to face my problems and stop burying them and that being trans is nothing to be ashamed of. He would be proud of the woman I am now and how far I have come. Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: Mariah2014 on August 18, 2015, 04:22:41 PM
I would tell my self to face my problems and stop burying them and that being trans is nothing to be ashamed of. He would proud of the woman I am now and how far I have come. Hugs
Mariah
I couldn't say it better myself. I'll ditto that.
Cindi
i been thinking on this,other then the drugs and booze there is not much i would change..i was a girl who was taught how to be a male by my father,he knew i was different from the other boys and wanted me to be strong so i could face a cold cruel world head on,it was my male parts that allowed me to father 3 children..maybe i would have told myself to be more open then hiding or changing myself to fit gender sterotype.. i have since 13 have worn gender neutral clothing,i hate suits and haven;t worn one in 37 yrs. even though i suffer from g.d. i have learned to control it.
I would say, doubt yourself as much as you want, but don't let others doubt yourself. Odd one-liners were the only things I would have really payed attention and listened to. I had zero control over my ADD back then lol.
I'd tell me that a) those feelings won't go away, no matter how much you ignore them and b) start T early so you have a chance at getting taller than 5'3." :P
I would tell myself to own up and except that you're a girl so you can get treatment early and not have to go through the hell of male puberty to avoid having to deal with its effects later on, saving me a lot of disphoria and self-esteem issues
Can I change my mind? I'd like to change my answer to buy Apple stock, as much as I possibly could and to hold on to it until August 2015.
;)
Cindi
Speculation about what IF can be fun but in one sense we do have opportunities to speak to young people now who may share our family genes, neighborhood and potential to be transgender.
I think that is why it is important for parents and any adult to encourage young people to explore and not ignore their feelings, learn critical thinking skills and feel good about just being themselves. Providing the love and security kids need to grow is essential for our future.
The latest research about Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) scores strongly correlates high scores to a meaner shorter life. No child asked to be born. Lets give them the support they need.
I honestly don't know. Anything I tell younger me would might mitigate the misery and confusion I suffered, but it might also create financial, emotional, and even physical danger that kid me would not be prepared to handle. Or maybe I would be stronger all along if armed with knowledge.
I do like the buying Apple stocks angle.
Goodness, so much to say:
1) Stop trying to prove your manhood. You are going to get picked on the same regardless.
2) Don't try to study engineering in college. You really can't handle the math once the numbers change to x and y.
3) Do get out of your parents' house and become self sufficient as early as possible. Your dad's family is rotten with mental illness and dad is a creepo. Your parents don't love you all that much, and they will always treat you less well than your younger brother and sister no matter how hard you try, so don't waste your energy trying to be what they want. You can never win with them.
4) After you finish school and start working, there is a party a high school friend will invite you to. You will meet a girl there. REALLY, REALLY DON'T GO TO THAT PARTY.
5) Once you finish school and start working, really, really look at transitioning then. Do not be afraid. Because the other road will wreck your health.
Quote from: Oriah on August 18, 2015, 11:46:52 AM
If you traveled back in time and met a younger version of yourself, what would you say to the younger you? And what would the younger version say to you? Would the younger you be proud of the person they become?
Honestly I felt this already happened to me when I watched the Bruce Jenner interview on WABC.
What if I could go back and visit my pre-puberty self? Hell yeah I would! So much I would tell me! I'd sit myself down and explain myself to myself, and most importantly, tell myself to not be ashamed and scared of who and what I was. I'd especially tell myself about hormone blockers! ;)
This would be really hard for me because there is so little advice I could give that would make things better. I was waiting for the medical community to catch up with me and I didn't seek help until it was ready for me. With the exception of delivering the proper doctors name which would cut about two years off treatment, most everything else I might suggest would make more of a mess. In addition, if I had been treated two years earlier, I would have never met my roommate changing the next 30 years of my life.
All I could do would be to provide a map of my future and tell my younger self there is hope but you will have to wait for it.
I would tell myself to tell my father the need to see a counselor because of the feeling like i was a female the whole time. I would have said skip any combat job in the military because you will be stuffed in a room full of meat heads who already think your a girl because you are not on the latest T-enhancing suppliment like the rest of the squad. Oh and regardless the military will make you gain some muscle which later you will be hating because HRT is a long process. I would tell myself to just do the college route upfront instead of going to school full time and raising a family. Oh and race cars are money pits and impractical to drive every day so why have one.
I'd tell him to nut up and shut up. I was this sensitive, soft-handed, crybaby kid with a hundred dollar vocabulary and pretentions up the butthole. Frankly, I'm surprised my folks didn't drown me like a sack of kittens.
Seriously though, I would tell him that gender is different than sex. That's it. I was very genderless as a kid, with no sort of internal compass guiding me towards male or femaleness, and while post-puberty that would be kind of cemented into a strange 'not girl'ness, it was actually fairly untraumatic for baby me. I was allowed to do whatever I wanted without gender restriction, and since my understanding of gender was so biological, I didn't think to question whether or not I was female. Girls had vaginas and boys had penises. Done deal. Whatever I was must be what girls were, right?
In retrospect, if I had existed in either a more restrictive (ie: forcibly gender conforming) or more progressive environment, I would have been forced to concluded that I didn't fit into the girl-box earlier. That would have spared me some time, and also maybe some of the disbelief from my family.
Quote from: Oriah on August 18, 2015, 11:46:52 AM
If you traveled back in time and met a younger version of yourself, what would you say to the younger you? And what would the younger version say to you? Would the younger you be proud of the person they become?
I'd say "Don't worry in thirty years you invent a time machine!"
But seriously I'd rather speak with my parents, try to help them avoid stuffing up too bad.
If that were not an option is tell little me "Firstly the reason you feel so tired is called sleep apnea, tell Dad to take you to the doctor. Secondly you don't have to be what people tell you, you have more freedom and Dad is more open minded than you think, but mum isn't so tell Dad."
Nintendo's pretty rad, isn't it? Oh, I LOVE Mario games and Zelda games! Of course, you do too. Isn't skateboarding fun? Stick with it. Loosen those trucks. No, it's not the nuts on the wheels, it's that nut in the middle of the tuck.
Your animals love you, too. Your friend across the street means no harm, but he's bad news nonetheless. I know you guys are friends, but look at how much trouble you've already gotten into together. He'll only get worse. And don't worry, that kid downstairs, nobody likes him. It's not just you. And some day a friend of yours is going to kick his ass.
Oh, ask your mom to take you to a record store. Check out this band called Nirvana. You're gonna love 'em! The album's called Bleach. And that band you want to know about, they're called Black Sabbath, not Black Savage. You're thinking of Fred Savage. And that song on the radio you really like, that band's called Faith No More.
How do I know all of this? Because I'm you. Yep, you'll grow up to be a beautiful girl, and you'll be loved for it. It's okay to feel this way. It's okay to have these feelings. And when those kids tease you and start calling you a girl, tell 'em, "yep, I'm a girl," and go back to what you're doing. You know you want to do this. Remember that song you sang in the bathtub?
And all that physical therapy you're going to? Take that ->-bleeped-<- seriously! Do that every day, even when your therapist isn't coming over. Get strong! Recover from your accident!
I love you tons. I'm always here with you, because I AM you.
Then I would hold my scrawny, lanky, crippled child self and comfort her. I'd stroke her fine, blonde hair and joke, "Enjoy this ->-bleeped-<- while you got it. Someday you're gonna have to wear a wig!" I'd rub her back and gently blow air into her ear, because I always loved that.
"Here, you wanna learn some new stuff on your skateboard? Allons-y! ... that means let's go!"
Lovely question :)
Well if my younger self did not; first, take fright and run at the sight of me. I would hug her and simply say this-
You are a beautiful, bright, funny, pig headed, tangled mess with eyes like fire.
I love you, I give you your future to run to. Arms wide and heart full of hope.
Be bold. Hold on to your dreams. And please never listen to your mother ;)
Paula,<3 X.
Quote from: TamorTom on August 18, 2015, 09:18:40 PM
I do like the buying Apple stocks angle.
I did this in 1998... and then sold it in a few weeks, because I didn't know how stocks worked!
However, poverty taught me compassion. If I had never been where I was, if I never had to worry about money, I would probably have some pretty ->-bleeped-<-ty opinions about money and class issues. Or maybe not. But there have been a couple situations where being poor has actually gotten me out of trouble. And I won't elaborate on that for my own sake.
Quote from: KatelynBG on August 18, 2015, 12:46:49 PM
This is a hard one. Part of me would want to go back to my 18 yo self and tell him to transition by the end of college. The other part would tell him that it's ok to stick it out as a male because we get 2 wonderful children that way, but a lot of heartache.
Almost word-for-word me right there.
As much harm I have endured by waiting so long and all the near brushes with death because of it, I still wouldn't trade it in for my wife and daughter. It's a rough thing to think about for too long.
If I could go back in time to my twelve year old self, I would probably say something like..
"You're NOT better off dead and you're not worthless, no matter how many people have told you that and will tell you that.
You were just born in the wrong body. You're a girl.. just accept it now before you get yourself thrown into a mental hospital, that's what happened to me and you don't want that. You know how you don't like sports or acting like a jerk.? You know how you hate having hair on your legs.? You know how you feel so much more comfortable when you steal mom's clothes.?
You CAN make yourself a girl on the outside to match the inside. It really works. If you think I look good.. if you start hormones before you turn 20, you'll look way better than I do. You probably won't need surgery to look good like I will.
So go to mom and dad. RIGHT NOW. And tell them you want to see a therapist because you feel like you're a girl, not a boy. They'll be more accepting than you think. And if they refuse to take you to therapy for whatever reason, you have to act out to kind of force them to take you to therapy."
When I was 18 (and younger), I cared way too much about what other people thought. There were several occasions that I legitimately considered coming out to someone. However my fears kept me back. This is what I'd say-
"Audrey, you are loved and cherished more than you can know right now. Do not continue to bury yourself because of your fear of other people. You are going off to college. There are safe places there. Meet people, be open. Take baby steps. No, your family may never understand but their problems are not your fault in any way. The culture is changing for the better. Most people will become more accepting. Don't let your fears hold you back. Be crave and face them."
Transition before your brain starts realizing how the world works and the ->-bleeped-<-ed up ->-bleeped-<- that people have to endure everyday.
I'd say "You're doing good, I'll see you at the end."
Oh I've thought of this so many times. The younger me had NO IDEA I was trans anyway, things were just being very weird constantly. I think "she" would be a bit afraid of me, and be surprised that I "became a guy", but still recognise herself in me, even if identify as another gender now. I would tell her that she doesn't need to prove to everyone that she's a pretty girl, that it's okay to be different even if she doesn't even know what different means at that stage. I would also tell her that it's okay to try different things for yourself, tell her to practice drawing more and not surpress her creativity.
-Ala David Tenant but an older gentleman steps out of a blue box with "brainy specs" and approaches the five year old. The child(always serious) looks him over and says , "Hi".
Response-oddly without and English accent.
"I am so sorry, Jono. So sorry. But you have to pull your big girl panties up and stop crying. Oh, you're not crying, isn't that unusual? Never mind, I have a lot of things to tell you and I can't stay long.
All right. In a few years, if you haven't done it yet, you are going to borrow some clothes from your Mom and sister's closets and drawers. That and borrowing or buying girls clothes will be something you will always do till you figure this all out. Then you'll just buy your own.
Because it is what is right for you. It's okay. Don't deny it and don't feel bad. No regrets, not guilt. You are not like most people but you know that already. This may sound really weird but there is a girl in your head and you should let her do things. She is going to help save you.
From yourself.
If you get the chance, try to tell your Mom(not your Dad yet) that you think you are a girl. I'm not sure if you have worked that through in your own head but trust me. You can think of it like pretend but I think you will find it is real. It may freak your mom out a bit. However, she loves you and will try to do what she can for you. I don't know what all that will entail but try to convince her and don't badger. But don't forget it either! Every several months if you have to. Your Dad may be a scientist and teacher but he won't get it yet, despite his understanding that the wrong chemical balance can effect people's bodies and psychological being.
I know you understand most of what I'm saying. You may have questions but I have more information to get through.
I know because kids are a lot smarter than how most people treat them, and I know you. Moving on.
Stop obsessing over how absurd the plastic vegetables in your kindergarten class room are. The teachers know they can't really be grown and they don't really know why they are there either.
If you don't believe what I am telling you yet, it is okay. Wait a few years but don't forget. In two years you will get glasses for reading(it's really a form of dyslexia that you will adapt to in 6 years but they won't diagnose it). Oh, and you will move to a new school district. If you don't believe me and then that happens, go back up to my advice before. Except for the bit about the plastic vegetables. You will remember that but it will just be curious. See if you can convince your Mom you are a girl. It's still okay if it is just she and maybe your sister who believes you. Also, don't let them think you believe you are a girl because your sister told you to. That is something that might happen isn't it?
I know, right?
Anyway. You may not want to be seen as a girl in your schools yet. You will probably get bullied without being seen as a girl. Here's the thing. If you can convince your Mom to get you blockers by 13 or 14, do it. No not a offensive lineman from the Miami Dolphins. These are some medicine they will give you to stop your voice from dropping and a bunch of other stuff you will not want to happen later. Once again, trust me.
No, you can't go to the bathroom yet. Sorry my time here is short.
If you still don't believe me it's okay to wait on all this till you're done with college. You'll still be pretty androgynous then. Just your voice will drop and the electrolysis will hurt.
It's when they poke a needle in where a hair is coming out of your face; shock it with electricity and pull it out. Yes, it does hurt quite a bit. But as I was saying, you will still be pretty good then, though it would be better if you start all this stuff before going to college. However, then you will also need to start some sort of estrogen too.
It helps your girl feel right in your body.
Oh, I forgot. You need to see a therapist. .. You know like a psychologist. No I didn't say you're crazy. You will just need one to help with a few things.
Like, helping you work through some of your feelings, help others to understand you better. You will also need them to let the doctors know it's okay to start the blockers. Well, by then you should know the rest and take it from there.
Thanks. I gotta go now.
Yes, I have always loved that stuffed bear.
Well I know because although we haven't met yet I have always been there and it was my favorite too.
If you still don't believe me. It's alright. You will meet a wonderful woman and have three great daughters. Come to think of it, it's up to you. But this time think about it.
Because last time I didn't.
Oh, and if you need a little extra cash, and you will if you follow my advice. You might work all I just told you into a script and send it to Russel T Davies, Neil Gaiman or Steven Moffat as a potential episode, by or before 2009. They can flesh it out from there. Make sure you have a lawyer to help you make that binding.
The contract of course.
Of course if you do believe me and follow through any of this, I don't know if I can come back and visit you in the first place. Any wayyyyy.
Ooooh, gotta dash. I am so sorry.
Cuz it's not gonna be easy. Any choice you make will be hard but what isn't? You will be okay. Try to laugh sometimes.
I do not think I would actually say anything to myself, except I would not insult them at times their inner self came out. For me I think it would be what I said to others on their behalf, that would be more helpfull.
All the things I say for myself now, I would say on behalf of my younger self.
I would say to others, look at them, their happy, is that not enough? and are you realy so bad of a person as to force this child to live in such a way that brings suffering to their hearts, because it suits you? If so, how long must it be for you to allow their happyness to bring you joy? How long must this child seal away their happyness for yours?
It matters not what the rest of the world thinks, only what you think? and because of what you want for this child based upon the rest of the world, this child will live without joy. This childs life will become less and less meaningfull. Please pay not attention to how much this child bocomes what you want, instead pay attention to how happy this child becomes, as they grow as god intended.
I say as god intended and I'll exspalain what I mean.
Take the rose bush, the bush that has been offered attention, pruned and dead headed for the sole perpose of blooming into flowers we look upon with joy. Do you look upon this bush with joy because it reminds you of nature? or because it looks pleasing to your eyes?
I can tell you, it is because it is pleasing to your eyes, because every clip goes against nature, focing this plant to grow how the gardener designs, because they are not content with nature. I can tell you, when you look upon the rotted stem, half eaten leaf and the pettals on the ground with the same joy as the flower in bloom, then you addmire its nature.
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Score one on the religiouse farther front :), asked my dad what he made of it, "well its right isnt it" was his answer.
I would probably disappear if I could meet myself as a child, because wouldn't it would interfere with the time stream or something, right? Back To The Future style speeding at 88 in a pimped-out car and ending up making myself *poof* cause I decided to talk to myself :laugh:
To be serious though, I'd probably try to explain to my what, six-seven year old self what exactly all of this in her head means and what it adds up to, because it took me until I was probably 12 to actually take a computer and start figuring things out, but I had a notion about not being what I was physically for many many years before I became one with the computer. ;D