So I have some things I want to get out to you wonderful girls to get some opinions. Forgive me in advance this might be a bit wordy.
Today I got the news that my sister is pregnant. Which is fantastic! The not so fantastic part is that she didn't tell me, and my mom finally called me for the first time. I have to make the contact or it doesn't happen 99% of the time. Previously I always was just given to my dad to talk to, which was okay I suppose. The frustrating thing is that after I came out to them (this was July 4th, my birthday) my dad stopped answering... now only my mom picks up, and if cornered with no excuse he will talk to me briefly.
It really hurts because before we'd talk for literally hours before we had to go due to something like dinner being done or something similar. Now I feel like he doesn't want anything to do with me, he's not shoving me out of his life but I can tell that he is extremely uncomfortable with me, anything he says nice sounds horribly strained. Before I joined the navy all we did was talk, enjoy time together (mostly on MMOs) and now he won't even ramble on about that.
Back to my sister... She got married on friday. And I wasn't invited, nor did I have any clue it was happening until Thursday so I couldn't even have put in for leave to go home for it. She found out she was pregnant yesterday (it was a coincidence believe it or not) and to hear my mom quote her "You have to tell my brother he's my best friend!" I wasn't invited to her wedding... I don't want to be the uncle no matter how many times I said today that I would probably be an aunt before the child will remember differently..
My mom won't call me anything but son now. And she keeps mentioning that she wants grandkids from me, and I have told her that it can't happen. From what I've seen freezing sperm isn't cheap, and I know I can't afford it currently. The military isn't too fond of helping it's people from my experience. I don't know what to do with my life...
Any advice girls? Am I just blowing things up in my head?
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Dad & sis think you're a freak. Mom is hoping its a phase or otherwise in denial
Time, could be many year
What's your transition timeline, and where are you on it?
Generally, parents need time to grieve the loss of their conception and expectations of you. That doesn't mean you have to accept being the elephant in the room, or even the elephant not invited to the room as the case may be. You may need to simply not speak to your parents until they come to terms.
It may help if you address the problems before going silent. Tell your mom she will be gaining a happier albeit female version of you. Tell your dad that you need him and his approval just as much as you used to, and that your gender has nothing to do with his parenting. Both of your parents are probably looking for something or someone to blame, tell it like it is, that it isn't anyone's fault that you are who you are. Also, underscore that this is not a phase. Talk to your sister directly if you can, and tell her you need her now more than ever especially with your folks having acceptance issues.
My favorite approach is the very direct and honest one, and when you do so with an open mind and heart, able to listen and patiently say your piece, most people will rise to your level. Stay calm, and try to remember that they feel like someone they cared about has died. It's crazy, but that's the process.
Hugs,
- Katie
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Also, I'm very sorry you're going through this. It sucks, sometimes the people most important to us let us down. Just try to accept them as they are and ask them to do the same and hopefully they'll come around. Hang in there, and don't get down on yourself. The biggest acceptance battle for us is with ourselves. Confidence and positivity are infectious qualities that inspire trust and loyalty. You may have to be the bigger person, but cest la vie.
Hugs,
- Katie
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Lilith,
I am sorry you are being treated this way.
It sounds like your family are not accepting who you really are. Perhaps in time things will change for the better.