Hi all! I'm Rebecca, a pre-everything trans girl from Sweden. My name on here, Pluvia, is Latin meaning rain. I love rain. When I was younger I used to grab a blanket and some hot chocolate and sit outside on the porch, listening to the rain, watching the rain. It is a way better help against anxiety than my anxiety pills for me.
I started self-identifying as transfeminine when I was about 6 years old. Even so, I didn't come out to myself until this year, and I'm 19 now.
I'm semi-closeted. I'm out to friends and partly to family, but I don't present female in public - rather androgynous. I live in a small, bigoted town and I fear for my safety and that people I know might see me. I came here because I wanted advice on that, and because I wanted a second forum to spend time on.
On top of being trans, I have other issues e.g. abandonment/attachment issues, depersonalization on some level, etc. I also have a problem with understanding implicit meanings and cues in conversation, so please don't be offended if I sometimes don't answer you or so - it's likely because people assume I understand things about what they're saying but I don't.
I struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts and have had to go into a psychiatric ward before. I'm in therapy and psychiatry. One thing that's a little bit funny about the psychiatry: I talked about how waiting for HRT was pure agony and that (please don't judge me. It's awful...) I was thinking of starting self-medicating with HRT. He said that that might make me too kind of... happy, thus disturbing their investigation of my other problems that they needed to get done before I could get a referral to the right hospital. So, they didn't want me to take it because it might make me happy, which would disturb their investigation aimed at finding out what's wrong with me and make me happy.
I do understand where they're coming from, I just find that something to laugh a little bit about, like a light in the dark.
Anyways, I've rambled enough!
Hello and welcome :)
Enjoy also the sunshine... plants and flowers and animals there...
well you might try small steps, like changes to hair and clothing styles... growing the hair out, keeping it in a ponytail when necessary...
second hand stores could be a good source for clothing...
and see how they make you feel.
Some people simply wear one or two pieces of clothing of their preferred gender during the day as a reminder...
I'd say take your time, get more and more aquainted with what you like, and what makes you happy...
so you should get more and more a feeling for who you are...
and that might make you also less dependent on others...
you might talk that through with your counselor...
if you feel like it please reach out... talk to someone, or there should be helplines in your country...
they also have a chat...
http://glbthotline.org/hotline.html
http://translifeline.org
here is a bit more general info:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,188309.msg1674885.html#msg1674885
just take part, ask questions, tell stories...
and there is a chat on susans...
hugs
Welcome to Susan's Place. Transsexualism can cause a number of other issues. The best approach is to treat the transsexualism and then treat the remaining problems. It sound to me like your doctor isn't very knowledgable about the treatment of transsexualism and feels many of your problems are independent of your transsexualism. I would ask about how much he has worked with transsexuals and what makes him think your other issues are unrelated to transsexualism.
You do need several meeting with the doctor before HRT should be permitted but hormones aren't going to solve all your problems or give you a high so the doctor is wrong on that point as well. There will still be plenty of issues to work on after you start hormones.
It is possible to be transsexual had have other issues like depression or bipolarism which might require a second medication to control but HRT would not interfere with diagnosing or treatment of those conditions so I am a bit puzzled by your doctor withholding HRT with the information you have provided.
Hi Rebecca, welcome to Susan's. Self medicating is a bad idea. I know the hoops are long and slow where you live and I wish that wasn't the case. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah
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Big warm welcome to Susan's Rebecca
As previously mentioned self medicating is highly risky, you are playing with your endocrine system.
The journey can be long winded because safety measures are set up to protect professionals and people from themselves if transition is all based on a whim! So we hear you on timelines, but if you think ahead; how you life will change and how happy will you be.
I went through all the self same concerns and self doubt, but as the Dysphoria (in its generic term) keeps coming back to hit you, it gets harder and harder o hold back, this generally forces you to push all those barriers down, one by one...and sometimes altogether :laugh:
Seriously its all about self acceptance and confidence.
These days a wonderful life is more than possible and the younger you are the easier it is build a new life... Always think ahead and positively, the world is there to enjoy, especially as who you are meant to be.
Best wishes for your journey and look forward to seeing you about the forum's
L Katy :-*
Hi Rebecca :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Hi Rebecca and welcome to Susan's.
:)