I'm 17 and want to be a girl, my parents want me to wait to start doing anything until i'm out of high school because high school can be a cruel place and i totally agree, but I don't want to sit around and not be able to do anything for a whole year so is there anything I can do to make myself feel more feminine without anyone noticing.
Well, long hair is more gender neutral that it used to be. So if you want longer hair (not saying you have to :P ) but start growing it out now. I am a little on the butch side myself, so I started wearing more female clothing without anyone noticing. For example, getting all female jeans, all they will look like is skinny jeans no will think more than that.
If I can ask, what is your "style?" Maybe we can be more helpful with that info?
Anyway congrats on admitting it to yourself and coming out to your parents at that age. That's really freaking awesome!
Honey, go out and get yourself some cute comfortable panties and a couple of sports bras. Your undergarments are your business and no one else's. Nobody will know they are there but you.
lets see things I got away with in high school, I started growing my hair out, Girls underwear, no bra's though, I started shaving everywhere, legs, underarms, other parts. Ohh and Nail polish, mostly just clear coat but occasionally I did them black or silver and called it a goth things despite not being goth at all.
I have started doing a few of these things already, including the growing my hair out and wearing skinny jeans, i'm gunna start shaving my legs again once cross country season is over cause you know you cant really hide shaved legs in short shorts. As for the question of style, something like this picture is my usual day to day outfit - http://postimg.org/image/i3bhg8cct/ -
With undergarments one of my friends managed to get me a bra and a high waist control bottom to give a bit more shape. I only wear the bra at night while I surf the internet because my parents don't know about it and the control bottom I wear around the house without them knowing, my parents are supportive but they wouldn't be thrilled to hear I was secretly wearing women's clothing. And with hair, does anyone know how to properly trim your hair when growing it out, my hair is at the length that my dad is getting annoyed at how messy my hair looks and is near the point of just chopping it off in my sleep
Quote from: Foxtran on August 23, 2015, 09:46:40 PM
And with hair, does anyone know how to properly trim your hair when growing it out, my hair is at the length that my dad is getting annoyed at how messy my hair looks and is near the point of just chopping it off in my sleep
Have your hair layered while just having a minimal amount of the length taken off.
Yea, I haven't my hair cut in a while so it is nearing mullet territory. its scary
Quote from: Foxtran on August 23, 2015, 09:46:40 PM
I have started doing a few of these things already, including the growing my hair out and wearing skinny jeans, i'm gunna start shaving my legs again once cross country season is over cause you know you cant really hide shaved legs in short shorts. As for the question of style, something like this picture is my usual day to day outfit - http://postimg.org/image/i3bhg8cct/ -
With undergarments one of my friends managed to get me a bra and a high waist control bottom to give a bit more shape. I only wear the bra at night while I surf the internet because my parents don't know about it and the control bottom I wear around the house without them knowing, my parents are supportive but they wouldn't be thrilled to hear I was secretly wearing women's clothing. And with hair, does anyone know how to properly trim your hair when growing it out, my hair is at the length that my dad is getting annoyed at how messy my hair looks and is near the point of just chopping it off in my sleep
Honey, if you got a sports bra that fit right and wore a t shirt or long sleeves over it no one would be the wiser, and if your parents find out about it just tell them it's something very personal and private that is very important to you, and your mental health and wellbeing. And tell them that you are a little uncomfortable talking about your undergarments. Try to shed a tear or two. I bet they wouldn't make too big of a deal about it.
I would do that but the problem with that is that I myself did not get the bra I have (no money T_T), and my friend they would only get me the one bra, so the only way I would be able to do that is by stealing one of my sisters sports bras and I don't think she would be to happy about that
Quote from: Foxtran on August 23, 2015, 10:47:43 PM
I would do that but the problem with that is that I myself did not get the bra I have (no money T_T), and my friend they would only get me the one bra, so the only way I would be able to do that is by stealing one of my sisters sports bras and I don't think she would be to happy about that
Honey, just pm me with your band size and get me an address and I'll send you some, and I will hide them in something less conspicuous in the package
Thank you for the offer but my parents would be suspicious of a package from someone they don't know and trust me it would not end well, and if I absolutely need a bra I might be able to convince my mom to get one for me (she is more understanding of what i'm going through than my dad)
Quote from: Foxtran on August 23, 2015, 11:27:23 PM
Thank you for the offer but my parents would be suspicious of a package from someone they don't know and trust me it would not end well, and if I absolutely need a bra I might be able to convince my mom to get one for me (she is more understanding of what i'm going through than my dad)
That sounds like a good idea, I think it would help you a lot.
I didn't have anyone for support when I first started, so trust me I understand how hard life is for you right now. If you ever need a friend you can contact me and I would be thrilled to, talk with you.
You probably cant I started wearing female pants, minimal make up, etc... not extremely feminine, growing my hair out and I was still call out walking etc... And if you dont come out, you probably cant even get support, I think its usually you do it all over or not at all (which is really hard), or you can be a very androgynous person but still it will be very awful.
GOOD LUCK.
Im 18 btw and just graduated high school.
Quote from: Foxtran on August 23, 2015, 11:27:23 PM
Thank you for the offer but my parents would be suspicious of a package from someone they don't know and trust me it would not end well, and if I absolutely need a bra I might be able to convince my mom to get one for me (she is more understanding of what i'm going through than my dad)
May I ask, what do you do for hair care, and what kind of hair do you have? Is it wavy, light, thick, straight, curly?
I did all this kinda subconsciously, cause I didn't realize what I was doing. Using lots of girls products always helped me. Facial scrubs, women's shampoo, conditioner, and lotions. People tend to just think you have really good skin. Sometimes I would leave my hair wet so it would curl nice, and then put product in it. This was like an hour and a half process even with the short hair. I wasn't allowed to have hair longer than my ears. And I wore cologne that was a little more feminine, like some from hugo boss and ralph lauren every day to cover up the smell of the products. When of my friends complained that his soap was drying out his skin. And told him that he should use shower gel and the problem is solved. And he's like, only woman use luffas. I then said a real man doesn't need to use for men only products to feel secure. I convinced him to switch xD
I also pretended to be really into cars and guns, cause my friends were. But sometimes I think they knew I wasn't. We all at least had a thing for fire, if only they knew I thought it was pretty instead of cool. But having a lot of guy friends was kinda my in. I think people would have had more doubts about me if I only had gfs, even though I would have rather had girls as friends. Also had different style for my clothes. One day baggy jeans, over sized t-shirt, and sneakers. and then tight jeans, dressy shirt, and dress shoes. And then a work-out shirt with swooshie pants, and running shoes. Kinda like bringing the fashion world to the male side. Cussing a lot helped me too. lol Every time I met them, I had the mouth of a sailor.
Gahd, I wish I got this kind of advice in high school! Then again, it was the nineties...
I should'a started wearing panties back then, instead of starting at age twenty six. Should'a started shaving then, instead of at age twenty six. Should'a, should'a, should'a.
At least you're out to your parents, and they're being cooperative. Eighteen is still a very early start on transitioning, but I totally get the feeling of wanting nothing more than to transition, and having to wait.
Quote from: Everbrooke on August 24, 2015, 12:30:52 AM
May I ask, what do you do for hair care, and what kind of hair do you have? Is it wavy, light, thick, straight, curly?
I have thin curly(ish) hair, at the moment it is wandering dangerously close to mullet territory, thankfully my dad has given up on trying to convincing me to let him give me a haircut that he is gunna take me to the local barber shop were they can cut it better than he could (he can basically do buzz cut and that's it, hate buzz cuts). For hair care I use this amazing stuff that makes my hair ludicrously soft and gets rid of my dandruff, sometimes I will use this stuff that repairs hair and smells like coconut but I only use that when my hair is bad.
Long hair is cool. Tell people that male pattern baldness runs in the family and you want to grow it while you still have it.
Leg hair? Spend a month or 3 with random bandaids then shave your legs. You got sick of them sticking to your leg hairs. It works for cyclists.
Or the old you said something stupid to your mothe/sister/cousin and they dared you to shave your legs for 6 months.
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Go in stealth mode. You can wear girls jeans, tops, tshirts, panties, socks, and even shoes that look enough like guys that you wont be noticed. its just the pants and top they will see any way. If you really look there is alot of guys that wear girls jeans and shirts.
I was not social in high school and I was very quiet and under the radar. I think that helped me not to get noticed too much, and it formed a positive impression of me though I kind of just did my own thing and didn't care.
I shaved my legs and even had partial breast development. I wore clear lip smackers gloss, and I even went into a reddish tinted one. I also wore some shirts my senior year that were from a woman's catalogue.
I also always carried myself in a way that could easily be seen as feminine, plus my facial features are soft.
I just did what I felt comfortable with even though I was in there under a male name, and was often gendered that way just for that reason primarily.
I was in an "adaptive" gym class as well. I was not expected to change apparently, though I thought it was just eww, so I didn't do it. I quickly changed my bottoms away from the males if I did anything about it.
I don't know if it helps, but I'm just saying that the right persona can make it doable.
ohh I just remembered changing in gym class, avoiding anyone seeing my underwear...at the time traumatic and painful, now sorta funny when looking back on it, though I blocked out the memory apparently. Also as someone said, girl shoes sneakers are so general that most people can't tell unless they are pink. pink is fine too if your ok shrugging and saying "there comfortable" or you can give a story about wearing them for breast cancer awareness, no one argues after that.
Serena
Quote from: Foxtran on August 24, 2015, 08:41:27 PM
I have thin curly(ish) hair, at the moment it is wandering dangerously close to mullet territory, thankfully my dad has given up on trying to convincing me to let him give me a haircut that he is gunna take me to the local barber shop were they can cut it better than he could (he can basically do buzz cut and that's it, hate buzz cuts). For hair care I use this amazing stuff that makes my hair ludicrously soft and gets rid of my dandruff, sometimes I will use this stuff that repairs hair and smells like coconut but I only use that when my hair is bad.
If you can grow it out past the point that it stabs you in the eyes, you can get some long hair going. I recommend non-sulfate based product, as your hair sounds similar to mine, and sulfate can damage delicate hair. Light curly hair is the best, and most girls will be envious of you if you grow it out. Also, as a guy without hormones your hair grows better now, so getting it long is best to do now. If your school won't flip out on it, stop worrying about a mullet and learn some basic hair care.
You'll want two brushes, one with stubs, and one with whiskers(that's how I refer to them, by stubs I mean plastic thick prongs, and by whiskers, I mean lots of thin bendy wires.) The stubby brush for when your hair is wet, you may also want a dry conditioner. I like Hollywood Beauty's Olive Oil blend a whole lot, but you can also just use straight olive oil. This will stop it from puffing up and notting, and allow you to care for it. It's best to apply it when your hair is drying but not completely wet. The whisker brush is for brushing when your hair is dry, and should be used about twice daily, maybe a bit more but don't over do it.
I use Giovanni Triple Tea Extract shampoo for my head, and I use the same conditioner:
http://www.amazon.com/Giovanni-Invigorating-Shampoo-8-5-Ounce-Bottles/dp/B001ET788S
No dandruff when I use it, and it feels amazing when you put it in your hair...like minty. Hair is no longer closely associated with gender so I believe you could get your hair growing while you wait to get out of high school. You could talk to your dad about this new avenue if you like as well.
Quote from: CosmicJoke on August 24, 2015, 11:33:15 PM
I was not social in high school and I was very quiet and under the radar.
This sounds pretty similar to me, i'm one of the nerds at my school and we sit at a table in the back corner of the lunchroom and generally keep to ourselves so that will definitely help me not get noticed. Something that's funny to think about now is that my freshman year (before I knew I was transgender) one of my fairly observant friends kept asking me if I was gay because I acted pretty feminine, they knew something was up before I myself even knew.
Oh high school. I threw myself into sports when I was young. I was one of only 3 3-sport athletes at my school (and the other 2 played golf in the spring, that's cheating and I became a golf pro later life so I could have done it too). Anyways, I was always the quietest athlete on the team and I was horrible at/very uncomfortable with locker room talk. I just never got it. The faux homosexuality was always very confusing and scary to me as well. I remember a goth boy at my school (2001 so goths were somewhat of a newish thing for my area) and he wore a dress to school everyday but did not identify as trans. I remember being jealous that he had the guys to do that and put up with the abuse. I never said an unkind word to him or about him and would intervene if my friends got on his case.
I could not have lived authentically back then, though my high school was probably one of the most progressive high schools in the whole country. If I attended now it wouldn't be an unusual thing for me to be trans.
I wish you luck on your journey into womanhood and with matriculating from your high school safely and with happy memories.