Hello, I have been questioning my gender since January this year and I've been considering trying a low dose HRT for diagnostic/therapeutic purposes. I have a few concerns though which I hope you could help me address.
1) Is it normal to be apprehensive over the physical changes? For instance, I've read some people can't wait to develop breasts, but I honestly have no idea how I would feel having them. I'm a gay male (for now?) and I always found them gross (those big nipples :-X), so I don't know how I'd feel if they were attached to me. Obviously, part of me is female or I wouldn't even be considering this, but maybe not enough to require a full transition?
2) I still live at home and am not ready to come out to my parents. Would it be possible to hide this from them for a year or so, or would the physical changes become too obvious?
Hi! This is one of the situations where a therapist is needed to explore exactly what you want or need. HRT is not for diagnosing. It is a treatment for gender Dysphoria and not something you start and stop to see how it does. Some places you will need a letter from a therapist to even get an appointment with and Endocrinologist. I would clear up and find out what you want before HRT is even considered. As for the effects, there is no way anyone can tell you what the effects will be with your body or how long they will take. It works on all of differently. If you do not like the idea of breast's my advice would not be HRT even at low dosages. :)
I reviewed the three post you have made to date so I see where you are coming from. Therapy is something you need before you attempt HRT but you may not have a clear idea of what transsexualism is. Before you go much farther, go to youtube and request "the transition channel". It will give you a better idea if you are transsexual and the direction your treatment should follow. We can't tell you if you are transexual or if you should transition as that is a decision you need to make when you have all the facts.
Let me know if I can provide any additional help.
I'm not going to go out tomorrow and start DIYing. I'm a worrier and my mind tends to jump ahead into the future, so I was just looking for some answers to relieve my anxiety.
I may get a bunch of stuff wrong in this post, but if I do, it's because I still don't know very much about you. Dysphoria is different from person to person but what you are describing sounds much like the flavor I had. I was thin at 6'2" and 140 pounds and my male bits were the only part of my body I was uncomfortable with. My dysphoria was the life I was living made me uncomfortable and I wanted to live it as a woman and not as a man. Because the hormones only had a mild effect on me, my body isn't that much different to day but I do have small breast and a little more shape
Before surgery I had a little less shape but I reached a point where I was pretty comfortable cross living. That level of comfort told me the dysphoria I had was over my life and not my skinny body.
To answer your questions, I suspect the blockers alone will help you by reliving the pressure in your head that is caused by the male hormones. Unless you desire a female shape, the female hormones should do little to alter your feelings. If I am correct about your desires, a transition is going to be the only thing that makes you comfortable as it's the life and not the body you are after.
If I am correct about all this, your anxiety level just went off the scale and other than the blockers that won't cause physical changes, there will be little you can do that will help you without your parents noticing big time.
Therapy will be very important as you need to determine what will make you comfortable in life. What I posted above is a good deal guesswork based on the fact you don't sound uncomfortable with your body. If you understand what you are uncomfortable with or what you want to change, let me know so I can eliminate some of the guess work and give you a better idea of what you are dealing with.
I will answer the questions posted. it is just my opinion. Then I will make a recommendation.
#1) It is normal to be apprehensive of physical change. Transition is a major change in your life. I am 2 years on HRT and a full a cup. I wish they were a D. Not a D in a day but in 3 years so I had time to adjust. I am ready for a D now. If I had a D in 1 year I would have moved my time table up and been happy about it.
#2) Genetics, age and body type will determine how fast and how large you will get.
I recommend you see a gender therapist and sort out your feelings.
I have always questioned my sexuality. I came to the conclusion (my therapist agrees) I am heterosexual with a lesbian twist. Growing up I just assumed I was gay. I had a boyfriend in High School and felt like a girl and wanted to be a girl. I want to go on hormones too. I wish I had access to a gender therapist when I was young.
I don't remember thinking I wanted to be a girl when I was younger. I just had a sudden realisation/fear that I was trans. I really hope I'm not, or at least I'm one of those people who can get along on a low dose HRT without social transition. It's scary and I don't like it. :-(
Most of us understand what we are by the time we hit puberty but there are some who for some reason discover themselves at a much latter age. What we know about transsexualism is based on a pretty small population and we don't really know much about transsexualism in people with Aspergers. It is possible that condition delayed your discovery. Again therapy would be a good idea to explore these feelings. As I said before, the blockers would most likely help you if you need a chemical solution as they remove the aggressive male emotions. Female hormones don't really alter your emotions so no dose, low dose or regular dose would all have pretty much the same effect on what you feel. Now it would be different if you desired a female body. Then the changes in your body would give you an emotional boost.
With what you desire, you should agree to the blockers but not the hormones. That may be the solution you are looking for.
Nothing in the transition process is done without you agreeing to it. At every step the person undergoing the transition has to agree to proceed to the next step. You don't have to worry about being forced to do something you don't want to do.