I am out to my parents, many friends, and some people who I thought were friends. Although everyone says "it is like lifting a 1000 pounds off your shoulders", and is at first after you get the fear of the act of coming out, but that is not really the whole story. It can become really emotionally taxing days or weeks afterwards because of tension with close family members, people in your life who now hate you, well-intentioned people who do not fully understand, and also just from the fact that a big change is now taking place and even relationships with supportive friends will change. I'm feeling kind of beaten down right now and I might be dealing with depression right now. Has anyone gone through a depression stage after coming out even if they have many supporters and a few detractors.
Hi hi. Just came by to show you some love. I've gone through a depression twice in my life, and usually if you're in one, you don't think about being depressed. It's something that goes beyond just sadness and loneliness. Just emptiness and a racing negative thought that can't stop. I'm not saying you aren't, but I don't wish it on anyone. It is a major change in your life, and that can really mess with your head. Everyone is gonna see you in a different light and not really understand it. But, you definitely aren't alone. Everyone here has their own story and had to tell at least someone. It's actually pretty awesome when someone doesn't understand and still wants to support you. The friends you may lose weren't meant to be your friends to begin with. You'll met new people and make new friends. It's a part of life, no matter who you are. Just stay focused on the people that still support you and stay positive. This can be the difference between crying yourself to sleep every night and loving life. You are you, and no one can take that away from you. <3
Also you could try making a happiness list. Write down everything that makes you smile on a piece of paper. Even if it's something small like bunnies or watching a favorite movie. That always cheered me up right away.
I've come out to everyone that matters to me, except at work. My immediate family (sans my only living grandfather), my wife and her immediate family, my close friends and my doctors. There were some bad reactions (notably two, my father and sister), a couple of people who don't understand and may never, a couple who are very worried about my wife, and mostly people that are happy that I'm happy. To be honest, I'm over most of it. I'm living my life in the only way I know how and I've done my due diligence by getting the facts out there. Now it's up to everyone to either get onboard, or gtfo of my way. Cruel? Perhaps. But I'm living my life, not them, and I'm not hurting anyone, so I don't feel that I should second guess my decision on this subject.
Now, that being said. Since I finished coming out to all of these people, I have felt more relieved because it's fewer people I have to hide around. However, I still have places that I have to hide, and my wife imposes more restrictions on my female presentation with her in public than I would like at this time. These things are what cause me depression, not the small rifts I've caused in my relationships. The fact that I have to get up and go to work and pretend to be someone I'm not, wearing the boy clothes, and using the wrong restroom, that's what depresses me. Some days lately I just want to go out wearing a dress but can't and have to wear hot and saggy jeans when it's 90 degrees out with 100% humidity. Grah!!! And maybe it's the hormonal mood swings, but I couldn't be happier with the path I'm on. Any discomfort I've felt along the way has been peanuts so far.
Not sure if this is a completely valid followup to your initial post, but I can relate to having depression since coming out, but for different reasons I think.
I think it doesn't always feel like taking burden off one's back. That is alright.
But one question I would ask, did you ask yourself whether feeling bad is related to how other people react, or could there be something that is out of sight? Not saying it is your case, but someone might feel that way because they want to go back.
And this is a great advice:
> Also you could try making a happiness list.
Some people are just holding onto things they don't feel happy about. Creating a happiness list and expanding it may bring them back to things that they do feel happy about. Once the happiness things are back in the focus, there comes happiness.
Most of it is how some people have reacted. Some things will be changing like my body and voice (hopefully) and mannerisms, but there are parts of me that are still the same. Dealing with transphobic people and their ignorance and prejudice is more difficult than I thought and has taken a huge emotional toll on me recently. Also, just getting the courage to come out in the first place is pretty stressful. Add on to it anxiety/depression, not having a job, frustration with the pace of progress in my transition, and going through the awkward moments that occur in transition with mannerisms, not quite knowing how to do makeup, and serious fashion mistakes.
Just make sure you don't repeat mistakes! :)
About uneducated people, I can relate. Don't know if you can use the advice, but the only one I have is don't try too hard to change people, it will exhaust you. Adapt to them, if that is agree to disagree. When harmed, see if it pays off to just move away and see if they realize they said a wrong thing. Have them make effort to connect.
My coming out hour is near, so I will see how the advice works for me.
OK, i really am one of the cheerleaders for coming out, liberating ourselves and getting on that path to being our authentic self. This has been described for all kinds of people by philosophers like Maslow in his stage of "self actualization."
While I believe this is a good and, for me, necessary journey there is no doubt about the work load entailed. As you point out even our friends can feel the change and unintentionally add to the stress in their efforts to look and be supportive.
It does get better and what you describe seems very reasonable and understandably difficult. It has been said many times that this is like a second puberty and goodness knows it's better than the first, with a far deeper connection to our happiness. Hang on girl!