So here it goes... I'm married have three kids and have been on HRT since december. I am I a band, and through that I have a lot of friends. I am currently presenting as my assigned gender and although it's getting more difficult as time and changes progress, I have yet to come out to my band/ and most my friends... Devistatingly I know I will lose music, probably most my friends and probably a big part of me when I finally do. I know it's going to be hard, and I feel terrified!
Blue_firefly from des moines iowa
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Hello and welcome :)
You could have a look here and the links there:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,194986.msg1737439.html#msg1737439
Well according to a survey of about 2 thousand trans women, very roughly one third were lesbian, one third straight and one third bi/queer etc...
so you are in good company :)
hugs
Welcome to Susan's Place. We tend to have a dooms day scenario on coming out to other people and while a few of us are right, most of us end up with much of our past life staying with us. It's not clear which direction you are going but I suspect from the clues it's FTM and if so, you should start talking to people pretty quick because you still have time to prepare people for the changes that are taking place. I hope you are wrong about the others in your life and have true friends who will stay with you.
It is absolutely terrifying and we all know the feeling all too well. Luckily, my mom who is realllllllllly into reality tv shows enjoyed seeing Chaz Bono on that dance show. That's how I came out to both of my parents. I compared how I felt to him and my parents were accepting and understanding. My best friend also started his transition before I did and that also helped me along. I already dressed like a guy and people accepted it very easily. There were still people at my job who would slip up and say she, her and use my birth name. I luckily was able to transfer within my job and start in a new area. There were people in the new area who knew me prior to my transition but they have been doing well with my pronouns and my name (except for one person who I yell at every time she slips up). If you hold your feelings inside too long you're going to explode and be absolutely miserable. It's best to do it now and get it out of the way. If people decide they don't want your friendship then clearly, they were never a true friend. A friend will stay by your side no matter what you choose to do.
Welcome, I hope you don't loose much, but don't let the fear of loss control your actions and I think you will be happier.
So just to clarify I'm MTF. My wife, an old friend, and my whole family know (my sister was pissed at me when I came out to her and outed me to the whole family). I just wish I didn't have to give up music... I sing and love that but I can't sing in a female range. Thanks for the comments and support!
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Quote from: blue_firefly on September 02, 2015, 09:33:54 AM
So just to clarify I'm MTF. My wife, an old friend, and my whole family know (my sister was pissed at me when I came out to her and outed me to the whole family). I just wish I didn't have to give up music... I sing and love that but I can't sing in a female range. Thanks for the comments and support!
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You could have a look here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,190936.msg1701516.html#msg1701516
Well voice training takes time... just be persistent...
and singing should help.. many people who did sing say they had it a bit easier developing their voice...
there is also one kind of voice training which starts with singing in a higher voice...
just don't go too high... with training it should be possible after some time.
After all its also training of the larynx... of muscles there keeping it in a higher position.
hugs
Quote from: blue_firefly on September 02, 2015, 09:33:54 AM
So just to clarify I'm MTF. My wife, an old friend, and my whole family know (my sister was pissed at me when I came out to her and outed me to the whole family). I just wish I didn't have to give up music... I sing and love that but I can't sing in a female range. Thanks for the comments and support!
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Singing in a female range is possible with voice surgery. My male voice was totally unusable for singing in the male range and while I am still healing from the surgery, my range has been greatly expanded. If you have a usable male voice, you should see a far better improvement after voice surgery. This is something you should educate your self on before proceeding so you understand exactly what the doctor will give you, but in my case, I ended up with far more than I expected. I am not trained as a singer and my voice has other problem that may still prevent me from singing but there is no reason why you couldn't sing in the female range.
I don't know, what does Laura Grace Jane sound like
You don't have to necessarily sing in a "female-range" to sing femininely. I think the dark/husky female singing voice is quite beautiful/sexy. It's more of a style than a range of pitch.
I wish it were that simple but I do believe that if when I come out to the band I will be out in more ways than one... it's never simple for us is it... I'm slowly trying to shift from presenting as a male to taking on an androgynous persona.. followed by... well who knows. I'm having quite the time with it though it's new and exciting but I can't even find a middle ground for my hair that's not a mullet or something from the British invasion... I'm having a rough go. Really I just want to vent I haven't been able to do that much for a lot of reasons. Thanks for listening though. I really do appreciate the feed back, it helps me know I'm not alone.
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