i everyone. First off I'm so thankful for this group. I'm in a relationship of almost 3 years with a trans man. He is the most amazing person. He has shown me the way i deserve to be treated. I love him so much. I didnt know i could love like this or be loved like this.
With that being said here is the problem. When we got together he was starting his transition. He was pre surgery, and pre T. Since we have been together he has started T and had his hysto.
The issue I'm having is sexual. I'm not a lesbian. I have nothing against them. I'm veey LGBT friendly. But I can't do some things sexually that he would want me to do.
Like i can't go down on him, as much as i would like to. I just can't thats not what I'm attracted to. I've gotten to the point where I'm able to touch him there without any problem. Insertion is a bit of a weird point for me.
Anyone have any advice on how to get over this. I know he is having bottom surgery and the T is changing things and that's making it easier honestly. I just don't wanna lose him.
We are getting married and I just want to be the best wife i can be to him. I just wanted to see if anyone had any advice or has been through this before.
Thank you!
Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk
I don't know if I have any advice per se, but I wanted to say you are definitely not alone. I've struggled with this at various points throughout my relationship (I'm straight cis woman, he's straight ftm, and I guess we're a bit both queer).
Don't be too hard on yourself. You are only desiring to have sex with your boyfriend in a way that feels good for you. It's hard when you experience him as the man he is, but the parts don't always match up. That's not to say, the parts are required to be a man, but If you've been with cis men before it can feel at times something's missing. I feel guilty about that at times. I call it dysphoria by proxy. I'm not sure if it's mine or me picking up on my BFs feelings.
When we first got together, one of my biggest fears was he was going to want to be penetrated because I was not into that... At all... He's not. And if he was, I couldn't do it. I don't even like to penetrate myself.
When we have sex, I think about his parts as male and try to focus just on making him feel good. I never want him to feel less of a man, but now that he has decided to have a phalloplasty I am excited. I crave that intimacy with him. If your BF is having bottom surgery, then you can take comfort in knowing this is temporary. I don't think there's any "getting over it." You like what you like. Has he made a decision of which type to have? Depending on what he chooses, this might be something that goes away after surgery. You've obviously got a lot of love for each other, this is just one of those things we have to navigate. It can feel extra hard because your friends probably don't and you don't wanna sound like a hater.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
You could look up tribbing... its rubbing on each other and can be very pleasurable...
You could use fingers and preferable natural lube for stimulation... anchoring with two fingers and circling or stroking rhythmically with another... one stroke per second for example...
there are strapons which also pleasure the wearer... I'd look for good materials or use a condom...
and there are strapless strapons which can also pleasure the wearer...
hugs
Quote from: bwr on September 08, 2015, 09:56:29 AM
I don't know if I have any advice per se, but I wanted to say you are definitely not alone. I've struggled with this at various points throughout my relationship (I'm straight cis woman, he's straight ftm, and I guess we're a bit both queer).
Don't be too hard on yourself. You are only desiring to have sex with your boyfriend in a way that feels good for you. It's hard when you experience him as the man he is, but the parts don't always match up. That's not to say, the parts are required to be a man, but If you've been with cis men before it can feel at times something's missing. I feel guilty about that at times. I call it dysphoria by proxy. I'm not sure if it's mine or me picking up on my BFs feelings.
When we first got together, one of my biggest fears was he was going to want to be penetrated because I was not into that... At all... He's not. And if he was, I couldn't do it. I don't even like to penetrate myself.
When we have sex, I think about his parts as male and try to focus just on making him feel good. I never want him to feel less of a man, but now that he has decided to have a phalloplasty I am excited. I crave that intimacy with him. If your BF is having bottom surgery, then you can take comfort in knowing this is temporary. I don't think there's any "getting over it." You like what you like. Has he made a decision of which type to have? Depending on what he chooses, this might be something that goes away after surgery. You've obviously got a lot of love for each other, this is just one of those things we have to navigate. It can feel extra hard because your friends probably don't and you don't wanna sound like a hater.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Thank you for this! He is going to have bottom surgery. Idk if he has decided what type. It makes me feel a lot better to know I'm not the only one going through the issues. [emoji3]
Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk
Quote from: Laura_7 on September 08, 2015, 10:05:30 AM
You could look up tribbing... its rubbing on each other and can be very pleasurable...
You could use fingers and preferable natural lube for stimulation... anchoring with two fingers and circling or stroking rhythmically with another... one stroke per second for example...
there are strapons which also pleasure the wearer... I'd look for good materials or use a condom...
and there are strapless strapons which can also pleasure the wearer...
hugs
Hhmmm. Sounds interesting. We have a strapless but we have the issue of lube. It dries out really fast. So we should try the condoms?
Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk
Quote from: sabreanderson199 on September 08, 2015, 10:18:27 AM
Hhmmm. Sounds interesting. We have a strapless but we have the issue of lube. It dries out really fast. So we should try the condoms?
Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk
We stay under a sheet or blanket to help minimize it drying out. With the T growth I'm able to stroke him like its a small penis so that helps.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I've started doing that. He has only been on T since April. But the person that started him out. Started him wwwaaayyy high. So he has the growth. That's much easier for me to.
Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk
Quote from: sabreanderson199 on September 08, 2015, 10:18:27 AM
Hhmmm. Sounds interesting. We have a strapless but we have the issue of lube. It dries out really fast. So we should try the condoms?
Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk
All at your own risk...
you could try organic coconut oil. Use condoms not made of latex then (you can look up which ones are good). And have a look if the toys are suitable.
There are a few different strapless ones with different ridges or even vibrators to pleasure the wearer.
Some people use panties or a harness to keep them in place.
There are strapons also with vibrators, or harnesses with vibrators. I'd use condoms there too or safe materials like good silicone.
This might be for you concerning lubrication...
you might have a look here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,190841.msg1700440.html#msg1700440
and here... this one is explicit... but its a conscise explanation...
friskybusinessboutique.com/her-other-sweet-spot-pleasure-in-the-key-of-g/
don't hold in... just let go...
Thank you so much!
Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk