Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'd like to be stealth, but it's really not practical  for me. Just out and about I can be , but people I know will know.

Somewhat. I won't be a flag waving trans woman that's for sure. I just plan to be a woman and really only tell close friends, medical practitioners, HR at whichever job I am at and intimate partners.

Like a Ninja!

Quote from: iKate on September 12, 2015, 07:36:08 PM
Somewhat. I won't be a flag waving trans woman that's for sure. I just plan to be a woman and really only tell close friends, medical practitioners, HR at whichever job I am at and intimate partners.

exactly how I feel

Ugh! ninja! I didn't even think of that. Can I change my answer?

You can change your vote now if you want to. I adjusted the poll so that can be done. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: AbbyDS74 on September 12, 2015, 08:11:43 PM
Ugh! ninja! I didn't even think of that. Can I change my answer?

I pretty much consider my transition done pending surgery. I neither try to be stealth nor do I tell people I'm transgender unless it's relevant. Basically my close friends know but my job doesn't. I had to go to the ER 3 times this week and even though I told the nurse at triage that I was transgender I still got asked several times when my last period was and they did a pregnancy test before I had a CT scan.

Like a kunoichi (female ninja)


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I have another 10 years at my current job before I can retire and since I've been there 27 years and have worked with many of the people in my office it is impractical for me to believe that I can be any kind of stealth until after I retire and only then if I move to a different area.  It really doesn't bother me as I had a fairly good reputation as a prosecutor as him.  I'd like to think that some of those many years of good reputation will transfer over to my new self.  So far it has.

Yes I do.

Neighbors are witnessing my part time so they will always know. If I can go full time at work, that will add the co-workers.

There are millions of other people.

I'm kind of "stealth" at my current job but that is a flimsy definition of it. I've only told one person, and she was in HR and had to see my birth certificate. But it's not a secret per se - there are a lot of people in my life who know and it wouldn't take much digging to work it out.

I couldn't ever be stealth at work, I'm too well known, in my private life I have a don't tell policy. If I'm doing counselling sessions I tell straight off.

I think in many ways it depend on your age. If I was lucky enough to have transitioned as a teen I wouldn't tell but now? Way too late.

I'm also rather proud of being me and facing my issues, so why hide? And at least where I live no one seems to care anyway.

when you get old like me you tend not to give two hoots, but it's nice if nobody else gives two hoots about how you look other then commenting on how nice you look in the dress you just bought.

I'm not particularly passable, so while it would be nice, realistically, not gonna happen :).

Just do whatever suits you. Don't worry about issues of "stealth" or 'not stealth" - just be yourself.

I tell people I'm close to, because I'd rather not have to edit what I tell them. Plus, any guys I date I'm very forthright in the beginning so I don't have to worry about telling them after catching feelings. But randoms don't have to know my business and I'm not going to wear a scarlet T or a pink armband.


     Hugs,
- Katie
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I'll never be stealth and that's okay~

Passing in public is one thing... stealth?  C'mon, someone will always know.

Short of uprooting my life completely and moving to, say, South Dakota, it doesn't seem feasible as I enjoy family/friends, I enjoy my job, I enjoy my setting, I enjoy my LIFE.

I sincerely applaud anyone who is stealth or is legitimately working toward that goal. :eusa_clap:

Hello everyone, well lets see......completion means what?

Anne's Complete Plan
Name docs changed - Check
New Passport - Check
SRS - Check
Divorce - In progress
Getting let go from work  - In progress
Move to England and burning the past - Goal (plan)
Marriage to a man - Dream

I don't need to be stealth anymore.  I'm just a different type of woman.  Albeit an ugly one.  Passing is another matter.

Thank you,
Anne

I neve intended to go stealth, but it has just happened. When I started my most recent job, I had to reveal my previous name for the background check, but that was not seen by anyone at my job site. I'm currently out on disability, but one of the last days I worked I was running to the ladies room every 30 minutes and two of my coworkers asked "Are you sure you're not pregnant?"  :laugh:

I will be stealth as far as I want to. It will be father if I ever leave the area because then most won't know my past. I don't mind sharing, but as others said I won't advertise. I'm just another girl. Nothing more and nothing less. Hugs
Mariah

*

I thought of writing my book to this topic.  Naw.  I have written plenty of my details at other topics here at 'Susan's'.  If someone wants to find them, they will.

My very open feminine protesting to family from age three into my teen years led to my entire process that began in stealth in 1974:

   -  I kept my contacts with Stanford and Janus mum from family throughout 1977 and 1978.

   -  I kept my counsellor and doctor appointments stealth from work and family (1978 - 1985).

   -  I changed my SSA file to Sharon and female (1978) yet I would endure more than six years of workplace gossip when the Social Security discrepancy list outed me at work (I worked as Nick and male until May 1985).

   -  I kept my prescription ERT stealth from family.  I actually challenged my mother multiple times about my ERT (1979, 1989, 1983, and 1984); I showed them to her, but she went in denial and told me that she thought they were candy novelties.

   -  I filed my first legal name change to Sharon and female (1980) and promptly got my new MVD licence all under stealth.

   -  I kept my exploratory confirming inter-sex female (November 1982) and correction (May 1983) procedures stealth.  I fabricated excuses for work and to my family and friends to explain my hospital stays, recoveries, and absences.

   -  I was a volunteer for the county hospital as a pharmacy tech and licenced psych tech for a year (1985 - 1986) without them knowing.

   -  I worked a series of temp agency assignments in stealth; I was later employed at a major Tucson hospital and their health insurance program nearly three years (1986 - 1989) in stealth.

   -  I worked a side career at the local community TV station; I crewed many shows (1986 - 2014), including a special episode of one show with transgender as the topic, and I produced two shows of my own (1983 - 2001) - all under stealth.

   -  I was hired and employed by the State of Arizona beginning 1990 and remained in stealth.

With all that stealth experience I thought that I was set for a lifetime of peacefull, private anonymity living post-op full-time forever female minding my own business for three decades.

My stealth came crashing down on me in 2005.

A manager summoned me to her office and demanded that I explain my name on that now-familiar SSA discrepancy list that suddenly showed me reverted as Nick and male.  She ended our conversation telling me that she suspected me of being a male working as a female and she could not have it.  It was 1983 all over again - in reverse.

I went to Social Security Administration.  An agent told me that post-'9 - 11' caused panic throughout the federal government and auditors pulled people with a questionable history wherever that may be.  He explained that SSA decided my name and sex change from 1978 was questionable, they reverted my file, and they demanded that I present new legal papers to restore my file as Sharon and female.  So it came to pass that it was that SSA action that outed me again, this time where I was employed in stealth by the State of Arizona.

I remained as private and anonymous as possible despite SSA outing me in 2005.  That ended for good last year.  I was in deep depression, was absent from home for a short duration, and returned to find it burglarised and ransacked.  It took from September through December to clean up the mess, assess my losses, and move on.  I went to SSA to report the crime and put an alert on my file to watch for identity theft (the crooks stole my personal papers that included my SSAN).  Guess what?  SSA again reverted my file to Nick and male; SSA agents refused to tell me why despite my latest 2007 civil papers documenting my legal name change and sex change.  SSA demanded that I re-submit that same court document or a new one to restore me to Sharon and female.  The crooks stole my legal papers including that 2007 court paper so my endo agreed to write her statement.  SSA rejected her first statement.  She wrote a second statement; SSA accepted that and my new certified copy of my 2007 court order.

That was not the end of SSA.  Nope.  I went to SSA several times during July alone to find my file continually reverted to Nick and male yet no SSA agent would 'splain how and why they were doing this.  As of 17 Jul 15, it remains so far so good but I am not holding my breath.

Meanwhile, I came to the realisation that my stealth was no longer important.  Right on, Obfuskatie!  While I do not wear a lapel emblem or blurt out my medical history to everyone on the street, I decided I no longer had any fear of being out.  I found comfort at this site and other sites; I created my own web-site to control my outed self and story.

Kittykat, I too enjoy that nicety of my clinic screeners asking for my LMP and G&P status.  It sets me in a good mental mood.

MsGrace, you are so correct.  With Internet searches of court records, there is my legal paper that documents my legitimacy.

The strange thing is that perhaps all my past three decades of worry was unfounded.  I now realise that people do not suppose me as a M-F transsexual; nope, they accept me as a woman because that is who I am.  I am still wearing a smile from when I recently conducted business at a local school.  The proctor asked me if I was a mom with my daughter there at the school to attend their mother-daughter event.

*

I have no intention of telling anyone if no one asks. If someone asks I'll probably be ask why they are asking.

I'm "stealth" from the standpoint that I'm not going around publicly outing myself. I present as Eva and if people figure it out more power to them. I really don't care one way or the other - people can take me or they can leave me.

I transitioned in place at work and there's 60 people that will always know  :laugh: but it's no one else's business.

I'm in a relationship now but if I were ever to find myself dating again I'd out myself immediately to avoid drama.

I haven't started HRT so I can't really tell how well my body will take to it, but if I can pull it off, then yes, absolutely!

Stealth = bad for mental health.

No way am I going back in the closet :~D

Quote from: Delaney on September 14, 2015, 01:28:42 AM
I haven't started HRT so I can't really tell how well my body will take to it, but if I can pull it off, then yes, absolutely!

But surely it's actually got nothing to do with now feminine you end up being, but more to do with the fact that you've already left an indelible official papertrail that can easily be dug up by curious souls that will out you no matter what?

I guess there's numerous types of stealth; physical (fairly achievable), social (perhaps, if you cut all ties or have close friends/family who keep their mouths shut), and legal (pretty much impossible, especially these days.)

I'd love physical stealth - that's my goal and it's 90% within my control.  Social stealth is something (at my age) I have very little control over, and legal stealth will never happen.

Happy inside though, which is really what matters!

I remember sitting with my sisters and SO and discussing this. Its not possible for me as I'm just too well known, I don't want to rub it in people faces but I don't plan to lurk around in secret. So my sisters and  cousins are going to have a big coming out party. Then I have a magazine story and a TV interview. I will let you all know when next year ......

we'll be waiting

We girls just got to have fun. I'll invite some of the members here ....no stealth for me

Quote from: stephaniec on September 12, 2015, 07:23:04 PM
I'd like to be stealth, but it's really not practical  for me. Just out and about I can be , but people I know will know.

I have similar issues. Due to my job lots of people know but many of them seem to have forgotten "him".

I never intended to be "stealth" but newer friends have never asked and I have never volunteered the information. I have no idea if they know or suspect but I have no intention of asking.

So I have no idea if I am stealth or not.

Quote from: iKate on September 12, 2015, 07:36:08 PM
Somewhat. I won't be a flag waving trans woman that's for sure. I just plan to be a woman and really only tell close friends, medical practitioners, HR at whichever job I am at and intimate partners.

that's pretty much how I roll, seems to be working out fine. Though I only tell medical people if it's relevant to what I am seeing them for and friends have to be mighty close to know.

In a way, I am still not sure how far "transition" will take me. I am going slowly and taking time to be sure about this and including my wife; as well as getting my girls out of the house before really presenting(not sure if that will be possible). I think my wife hopes I will only go so far, but deep inside I keep thinking I may end up transitioning fully. So I put undecided.

I think if can pass I would be very tempted to go stealth. In 5 or so years I hope to move and start a new career. All that would make it much easier.

However, where i plan to move is very friendly to most of those in the minority of sexual orientation as well as gender identification spectrum. More importantly, I have found some role models and inspirations in books and on this site but few in person(in all fairness, I have not presented in public yet). I keep thinking that I would like to help people who went through the mental challenges I have experienced and continue to experience. I would love to help others to see that one can survive(provided I do).

So, ultimately, while I like to keep to myself; I think I would not be a person who is screaming "I'm a transsexual". However, I will not deny it, and may be open enough to be available to others.

Sorry, it all sounds so corny when I re-read that. lt is how I feel and can't seem to find a better way to phrase it.

Joanna

I'm curious as to what defines the termination of transition. In answer to your question:  I transitioned before I even knew what 'transition' was -- way before my teens. I was stealth without knowing it. I'd heard the term 'hyper-female' before I knew of stealth. Only individuals involved with any of medical stuff know -- and my husband.

Quote from: herekitten on September 14, 2015, 12:18:59 PM
I'm curious as to what defines the termination of transition. In answer to your question:  I transitioned before I even knew what 'transition' was -- way before my teens. I was stealth without knowing it. I'd heard the term 'hyper-female' before I knew of stealth. Only individuals involved with any of medical stuff know -- and my husband.

I think it's the point at which you decide

It was expected - virtually a requirement - when I transitioned in 1974. After having my 'stealth' broken twice over the years, I just quit the concept. My best friends know about  my childhood but it is nobody else's business - I don't mention it and have never been asked.

I had to live in stealth with my hubby. I thought we had become good friends and he had started making love overtures. I kept telling him I was single and planned to remain so. In any case, he tricked me into a date to "plan a backpacking trip" where we did no planning. He kissed me after and I planned to drop him the next time I saw him.  When we went out on our first real date he put his hand on my breast. Well, he did a lot more... it was more like rape in that i kept telling him no. I finally pushed him away and told him STOP!. He asked why and I told him. He told me he loved me all the more for telling me the truth. But he was a control freak and didn't want anyone else to know. He ultimately left me for a "real woman." We were together 24 years. I lived in stealth 27 years. Now I'm telling my closest friends and his blood relatives who have become my family over the years. I made sure I waited several months so they would know it wasn't a vengeful act. They have really opened up with me. I can't believe how well they continue to make an effort to stay in touch with me. I'm ecstatic about that. I thought I might lose them.

I've also told some close friends. So far, everything is good. I can't believe how free it feels. When i made the change I didn't think I'd ever tell anyone and I planned to live my life alone. I don't think I'll ever have another personal relationship but at least I'll be surrounded by lovely friends and family.

Cindi

I'm sure that when my transition is over (AKA six feet under), I will finally attain stealth when everyone that knew I was trans is also six feet under.

Jill F (1969-20??)