I don't have any religion making me hate myself or internalized transphobia or anything. It's just that transition is expensive and a long journey and it just seems like too much change for me even if the change is in a positive direction.
Anyway, you know those people who claim they can cure lgbt+ kids with "Praying the gay away" or whatever? Well are there credible psychologists who can actually do that without using religion to scare you or leaving you more psychologically damaged in the end? Just take away the dysphoria itself?
Quote from: perrystephens on September 13, 2015, 05:57:50 PM
I don't have any religion making me hate myself or internalized transphobia or anything. It's just that transition is expensive and a long journey and it just seems like too much change for me even if the change is in a positive direction.
Anyway, you know those people who claim they can cure lgbt+ kids with "Praying the gay away" or whatever? Well are there credible psychologists who can actually do that without using religion to scare you or leaving you more psychologically damaged in the end? Just take away the dysphoria itself?
What you are talking about is known as reparative therapy and is considered unethical and pointless by reputable mental health professionals.. Transition is the only workable treatment I know of.
Without any treatment, I think suppression would the only thing that would contain your feelings. Some people might be able to do it if they have strong religious conviction but there would be something always in the background. A news item told the story of a Transexual News Woman at the blaze who is remaining a woman but as she and her husband own a farm, she dresses up in male clothes and works the farm doing the most manly tasks to relieve some of the urge she feels.
Surgery isn't needed by everybody but some adjustment to your life will make you far more comfortable. Other non binaries on this site may never seek surgery but they have found the magic mix where they can now live in comfort.
The doctors worked with be between age 23 and 30 but none found anything wrong with me other than I wanted to be a girl. The also didn't know of any way to fix it. The last doctor was the wisest of the bunch and he said "so you have a problem, tough, live with it". I found the way that works for me and I have very happy living with it.
You will notice that some of the ways people here adjust is include living in the opposite role full time, cross dressing, mixing the genders and wearing items of the opposite gender while still presenting as the birth gender. There is no right answer other than the one that works for you. If you think you can be comfortable in your birth gender but a visit to Susan's from time to time helps, more power to you. As long as you are happy, that's fine with us.
Quote from: kelly_aus on September 13, 2015, 06:04:26 PM
What you are talking about is known as reparative therapy and is considered unethical and pointless by reputable mental health professionals.. Transition is the only workable treatment I know of.
Reparative therapy is also somewhat illegal in the USA. It sounds quite horrifying.
Conversion therapy
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conversion_therapy#Medical.2C_scientific_and_legal_views
I've read about folks who have naturally transitioned but I don't think it's as effective as HRT. You'd have to google more about it since I'm not exactly sure what people use to do it.
IMHO, there is no "Cure", only various ways to minimize or otherwise manage the dysphoria. For some it can be as little as simply understanding that wierd feeling they had. For others, some cross-dressing as needed, the list can go on up to HRT and Surgeries.
Life has many priorities, some of which may be in conflict with each other. So some balance between these needs must be struck. How that balance is obtained can change over time. In my case the occasional cross-dressing served as a good enough escape from maleness. Every 5 years or so I needed to add in a short stint of low dose hrt. There was also a LOT of things I was doing to address they dysphoria. Diversions, Distractions, and some Denial only goes so far.
Life is about learning and growing. Life, living is change
Quote from: buttertly on September 13, 2015, 09:49:38 PM
Unless you are 100% passable then transitioning won't cure your disphoria at all.
People never really think of you as a woman, even if they think you are at first. I now believe the best treatment for gender disphoria is cross dressing. This is obviously easier if you are ftm. But then, everything is socially easier for cis females.
I have to disagree. You're correct that dysphoria may not be completely corrected by transitioning. Even being 100% passible, were that even possible, may not. However, if some of your dysphoria is caused by "running on the wrong hormones" as mine was, then transitioning can significantly alleviate it. Crossdressing was no solution to my dysphoria at all. When dressed in women's clothing prior to transition my dysphoria spiked. It seemed to point out even more that I was not physically a woman. Now the situation is reversed. If I have to wear unequivocally male clothing I can't function.
From what I've learned here the word "dysphoria" is misleading. It implies that we all have the same symptoms if not the same causes. This doesn't appear to be true. What triggers you may not be what triggers me, and what triggers me today, given continuous changes, may not be what triggers me a year from now.
Quote from: buttertly on September 13, 2015, 09:49:38 PM
Unless you are 100% passable then transitioning won't cure your disphoria at all.
People never really think of you as a woman, even if they think you are at first. I now believe the best treatment for gender disphoria is cross dressing. This is obviously easier if you are ftm. But then, everything is socially easier for cis females.
Wasn't going to comment until I read this. Your experience does not seem to be applicable to the situation, and is not helpful.
Passability does not always have an affect on dysphoria, if your dysphoria isn't socially centered. I pass 100% of the time and I still experience dysphoria on a daily basis because my brain doesn't match up with my parts.
And everything is socially easier for cis females? Oh boy. Go tell them that and let me know how it goes for you.
OP - The long and short of it is, no. Transitioning is regarded in the medical community as the cure for gender dysphoria. The degree that you need to transition (socially, HRT only, HRT+top surgery, the whole kit and caboodle, etc.) is up to you. You're young. Transition is becoming less expensive as time goes on, and there are a lot more insurance options to help pay for it. If this is what you want, don't give up hope.
Quote from: buttertly on September 13, 2015, 09:49:38 PM
Unless you are 100% passable then transitioning won't cure your disphoria at all.
People never really think of you as a woman, even if they think you are at first. I now believe the best treatment for gender disphoria is cross dressing. This is obviously easier if you are ftm. But then, everything is socially easier for cis females.
I'm going to have to disagree on most of this. Transitioning doesn't "cure" dysphoria but it certainly can ease it, and dressing in masc clothing (as a trans man) pre-transition only helped so far as I wasn't wearing the Really Not For Me clothing popular amongst girls my age. I wasn't showing off whatever feminine body type I might've had, so that eased dysphoria a little. Better than nothing, at least, but transitioning (even just socially) was definitely better for me because I got misgendered waaaaaaay less.
As for your statement that everything is socially easier for cis females (and, based on the way you're saying it, you're for some reason including trans men in that category... which is wild, because trans men are neither cis nor females), I'm gonna
really disagree. Certainly things for trans women are harder than for cis women, socially, but to put cis women at the top of the social ladder is laughable at best.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on September 13, 2015, 10:08:12 PM
I have to disagree. You're correct that dysphoria may not be completely corrected by transitioning. Even being 100% passible, were that even possible, may not. However, if some of your dysphoria is caused by "running on the wrong hormones" as mine was, then transitioning can significantly alleviate it. Crossdressing was no solution to my dysphoria at all. When dressed in women's clothing prior to transition my dysphoria spiked. It seemed to point out even more that I was not physically a woman. Now the situation is reversed. If I have to wear unequivocally male clothing I can't function.
From what I've learned here the word "dysphoria" is misleading. It implies that we all have the same symptoms if not the same causes. This doesn't appear to be true. What triggers you may not be what triggers me, and what triggers me today, given continuous changes, may not be what triggers me a year from now.
I have to say that this was one of the best descriptions of the way I always felt. I'm ftm btw. Putting on a false beard or binding sent me through the roof with dysphoria, because of that intensified divergence. I have some underlying hormonal thing going on, so I think that is similar too.
@perrystephens: As an action plan, from someone who lives without physical transition since a very long time-
As the others have said, "dysphoria" is a very vague and somewhat vogue-y term. First of all, I would figure out what that means in your case. Is it a physical feeling, a social feeling, a sexual feeling, when does it occur, etc. You could try to alleviate the feeling by giving in to it in that area. For example, I always only wear men's clothes, in every single detail. It's harder if you're mtf, but you could still get lots of female clothes that look masculine, and wear that. Or just wear the underwear.
When it's physical, you could experiment with body modification like binding, tucking etc. Or take low dose hormones (careful when you're ftm, even low dose can cause voice change).
To quote Oscar Wilde: "The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself, with desire for what its monstrous laws have made monstrous and unlawful."
If there is one way to make dysphoria stronger, it's to fight it directly. It's like with a melody that you can't get rid of, or with a nagging child.
You give in in some areas, meaning, you relax with the feeling, and then you distract, distract, distract ;-)
I.e. do whatever you need to feel ok, and then get something else to do. Concentrate more on work, hobbys, family etc. Just make sure that it doesn't get obsessive or addictive.
To answer your question, if there are therapists who can actually cure?
Well, I'm a bit older and from what I've seen, they cure- for a time (months or a couple of years perhaps). But so far, everybody has relapsed. This is not just true for trans but for all kinds of things to do with gender identity or sexuality.
The only thing they can honestly offer when it is really a question of life and death, like for pedophiles or something, is management. There are methods from behaviour therapy or 10 step programs that were developed to manage behaviour.
But if being trans is a feeling that has been with you for a long time, that feeling probably won't go away completely. You can only manage to live with it.
And, as someone said earlier, even when you transition, it might not go away completely. So it makes sense to learn how to live with dysphoria.
Quote from: JoanneB on September 13, 2015, 08:12:12 PM
IMHO, there is no "Cure", only various ways to minimize or otherwise manage the dysphoria. For some it can be as little as simply understanding that wierd feeling they had. For others, some cross-dressing as needed, the list can go on up to HRT and Surgeries.
I agree with Joanne that there really is no "cure" since studies have shown that being transgender in many cases comes from differences in the brain--it's something physical in the brain/body connection. I think it certainly IS POSSIBLE to manage dysphoria without transitioning at all, and as some others have said, transitioning isn't necessarily a 100% emotional cure-all that some hope for -- many people do feel better after transitioning, but many people still have dysphoria even after hormones and surgical procedures.
I honestly think meditating or finding any other sort of practice is the best way to manage dysphoria, both for people not transitioning and for those who are transitioning. Most meditation techniques are about training and controlling your brain/mind. You can train your brain to have it not be bothered as much and not produce strong negative emotions that negatively impact your life. In Sikhi, one of the most popular quotes from Japji Sahib (which is in my signature line below) is "
maan jeetai jag jeet" which translates as "conquer the mind, conquer the world"; I sincerely believes that is correct in all things. While you can't change the fact the you may be transgender, you can change the way you view it and can change how you allow it to affect your emotions/life.
Locking for review.
:police:
Okay folks. I'm going to reopen this thread, but please make sure that posts don't ridicule or belittle those who do transition. Please also keep in mind we need to be considerate of all transgender activities. Lets be considerate of everyone's needs. Thank You
Mariah
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Perry, from my own experience, even the most well meaning reparative therapy does not work long term. My "therapy" helped me to repress my feminine feelings long enough to get married and have a child. Then feelings came back. It never really goes away. You just need to find a way to live with it. For some that's full transition, some cross-dress, some just need low dose HRT. It's up to you. Find a good therapist who help guide you through your feelings. Find one you're comfortable with. Good luck and Hugs!
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I think it comes down to we are individuals. We are all different in our own special ways. When I was going through my difficult times I was seeking a cure too. I was married with 4 kids and trying to keep things together and my family. I called and visited with several therapists. I had one tell me it would take 6-7 years of sessions 2-3 Times a month. He then proceeded to tell me that I would need more or occasionally meet with him. I called another therapist and she told me I would deal with this for the rest of my life and there was no cure. I have dealt with this my entire life (I am 56). I spent more time or couldn't stop thinking of anything else. I just knew I needed to do something. I started out slowly with my transition. Low dosages of hormones. Once I started I knew I was on the right path. I have never felt better in my entire life. I have a great job and can focus on work and normal everyday things. But as I first stated we are all different people and there is not a perfect path. You are in control of what you want to do it not do. Best wishes
I have heard of various people who cope with being trans via a number of mechanisms, but in every single case, what works for one is unique to that one.
This is why the only standard treatment plan for gender dysphoria is transition.
That works over 99% of the time for those that transition.
Now remember, other alternatives can work but are not standard. You have to find your solution yourself.
But if you reach the point of even thinking about self-harm, then it's time to seek professional help, and if you are contemplating self-harm, then the right answer very very probably is transition.
Note: All those that I know who use their own mechanisms to "cope" and live in their birth gender also admit to not having what they would classify as "bad" dysphoria that overwhelms them either.
The above are my observations.
From what I have experienced, having dealt with this for over 50 yrs. once triggered "gender dysphoria" is kind of like the cliché "Once the genie is out of the bottle you can't put him/her back in."
Those in the medical community (medical practitioners) who have studied the "scientific data" have confirmed that gender identity and sexual preference are determined in utero.
IMO: Our expression of these traits merely awaits a triggering event (that can happen early in life or most likely as we experience puberty) I recently came up with an analogy which I found to be quite plausible when pondering how "gender dyphoria" works. I liken it to the female menstrual cycle. Sometimes it's dormant and then the flow (emotion) builds in intensity. It then diminishes, but it is certain to return. I'm not talking about a "monthly" cycle, but its regularity and permanence are unique to each individual. What I have found though is that although one would think that it would fade as we enter the late stages of life, for example menopause, that has not been the case for me. What has really worked for me has been "cross sex hormone therapy." The flow is steady and my life is much more manageable.
Quote from: buttertly on September 13, 2015, 09:49:38 PM
Unless you are 100% passable then transitioning won't cure your disphoria at all.
People never really think of you as a woman, even if they think you are at first. I now believe the best treatment for gender disphoria is cross dressing. This is obviously easier if you are ftm. But then, everything is socially easier for cis females.
Not gonna comment on the "easier for cis women" thing other than to say "yikes!", but I will say that using cross dressing as an outlet for dysphoria as an ftm can actually be HARDER because while you might be less likely to be shamed by the public, you are also much more likely to simply be seen as a regular woman. People don't even consider that they should possibly call you 'sir' if you have any female secondary characteristics. Short of wearing a beard, people tend to see women in men's clothes as a fairly normal occurrence and don't consider that you are actually attempting to LOOK like a man, while it is pretty obvious that a cross dressing man is attempting to dress female. So people don't see you as bending gender at all unless you go all the way and wear facial hair.
As for "curing" dysphoria... I think that depends greatly on a person's personal experience with dysphoria, their support system, their needs and wants, etc. It is too general a term to say that no one can overcome it, yet it is not something to be counted on. It is kind of like "curing" clinical (AKA chemical) depression. There really ISN'T a cure for depression other than lifelong counseling and medication, yet while I was once diagnosed with bipolar disorder after ten years I was "cured." Not by counseling or psychologists but by a change in my brain chemistry that occurred between the age of eighteen and twenty-eight, probably as my brain chemistry finished developing around 25ish. I no longer needed medication or counseling. In the same note, I imagine that some people suffer from dysphoria and eventually manage to conquer it. But like overcoming bipolar or depression, I wouldn't say that it is something you can count on, no matter how much counseling you receive. You may learn to live with dysphoria, but there is no magic wand to wave it away, unfortunately. Transition, to whatever extent makes you feel better, is the most accepted way of handling it, and a therapist may help you manage your reactions to the symptoms (such as depression) but they cannot make it just go away.
The topic is locked while under review.
Post in question wasn't new and as such the previous warning seems to being followed and as such thread is reopened.
A snippet from an article I read:
"Trans folks may have a lot of dysphoria or none at all – but most will have gender euphoria. That is, euphoria or happiness upon being correctly gendered, upon naming their identity, and being validated and recognized as their authentic self.
I like to think that it's the euphoria – not the dysphoria – that makes a person trans."
The "cure" is not the elimination of dysphoria. It's finding enough of the balance of euphoria, too, so that the dysphoria doesn't overwhelm you anymore. Whether or not you can do that, with or without standard medicine is something only you can honestly answer for yourself. Some people can, some people can't.
That's great Jera! Haven't thought about it like that, but I do know the feeling. Just today while I was picking up some meds at the pharm., the clerk, whom I have dealt with for a couple of years and knew me before transition looked up from her work as I approached the window. Visually she saw a woman and the 1st words out of her mouth were: "Can I help you m'am" Then she realized who I was & immediately corrected herself and said "I mean sir" I just told her you got it right the 1st time and she coyly smiled. Regardless, the "euphoria" was experienced.
:police:
Enough is enough and considering we can't stop from going right back to the types of posts that caused this thread to be locked before. Thread locked.
Quote5. The posting of messages on the chat or forums which are of a threatening tone; intended solely to communicate sarcasm, contempt, or derision; are intended to belittle or ridicule a person or group; to disgust the viewer; contain obscene or pornographic materials; which are intended to titillate (http://www.answers.com/titillate); or which depicts/promotes illegal acts; will not be permitted.
9. If you disapprove of people who are Transgender, Gay, Lesbian, or Bisexual; or activities which cross gender boundaries; take your arguments to a more appropriate website.
10. Bashing or flaming of an individual or group is not acceptable behavior on this website and will not be tolerated in the slightest for any reason. This includes but is not limited to:
- Advocating the separation or exclusion of one or more group from under the Transgender umbrella term. The same restriction applies to advocating the removal of the T from GLBT.
- Suggesting or claiming that one segment or sub-segment of our community is more or less legitimate, deserving, or real than any others
- Posting any messages that engages in personal attacks and/or is actively or passively aggressive no matter the provocation.