My birth name is Seth but my real name is Stephanie. I will be 30 years old in December. I have struggled with my gender identity all my life and have just recently realized that I am transgender. I am still "in the closet" as some would say except that my wife knows and my younger brother has an idea. I am still really struggling with accepting who I am, I carry around a lot of anger and hate for myself. I have not told my family and feel that I cannot tell them right now for reasons I would rather not discuss at the moment. I'm not really sure what else to say, to be honest. I'm kinda scared out of my wits...I've never really done this before.
Welcome to Susan's Place. There was a first time for all of us so don't worry about nerves or fear around here. We are not here to judge you but we are here to help you. Feel free to ask what every you want as we know that everything is new to you and you may have had very little learning before coming here. Just relax and let us know what we can help you with.
Hi Stephanie, welcome to Susan's It's completely normal to be scared so early in your transition. At least your wife knows. It takes time and a therapist would be a good start at this stage. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah
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Hi Stephanie :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Big warm welcome to Susan's Stephanie
Its a hard thing coming out to your family, however married partners is very hard too, especially after many years of marriage.. best wishes to you on your Journey and I look forward to seeing you about the forum's
L Katy :-*
Hi Stephanie - welcome to the forum! No need to hate and be angry at yourself - it is sadly a very common feeling I know but as someone who has once been in that space myself, believe me it is easier to grow and heal if you turn that energy into love for yourself and a passion to become the real you. :)
Hi Stephanie,
I can tell you from recent, although it seems like ages ago, experience that it is tough and scary. I came out to my wife in April. I had braces for the worst, expecting at the least divorce and hatred. I had gotten to the point that I couldn't continue on as I was. I had to acknowledge who I am, who I have always been but been hiding it. Telling her went better than I could have dreamed possible. I am lucky in all sorts of ways.
I have since come out to a few other people. Friends, my son. I still haven't come out to all my family yet. And I am scheduled to start HRT in earnest later this month.
I still have moments of self hate, denial, and abject terror. I am scared of the road I am starting down. I am scared of backlash from those in my life. But most of all I'm scared that if I don't do this, I won't be able to live with how things were again.
What I can tell you is get a therapist you trust. Talk with them. They can help you sort through your feelings, both good and bad. Take it as slow as you need to. I have heard from so many that this isn't a race. Sometimes taking it slow and sensible is harder than you would believe. [emoji3] But whatever pace you take, whatever path you follow just make sure to do it for you. *hugs*
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I can't thank you all enough for the kind words. I really don't know what to say atm, simply because I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. I know that I need to find a therapist, but right now that's not really possible. I'm having to work two jobs to pay bills, and the insurance I have is nothing more than basic emergency insurance. So I'm not sure what options I have, or really any idea where to start looking.
Welcome to Susan's.
I know fully the fear you have. I came out to my wife and later may daughter. My family (other than wife and daughter)and work are very supportive.
Take one day at a time.