Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: CaptFido87 on September 13, 2015, 10:32:23 PM

Title: I want to help others but can't
Post by: CaptFido87 on September 13, 2015, 10:32:23 PM
Hi Folks,

Here's whats on my mind. I come here to this wonderful site to learn more about my inner woman and offer the best tips or advice to everyone.

The problem though is often I come here and reading topics; and they are very depressing or emotionally sad. I choke up and can't muster the words to say anything. It hurts me as I can't find a way to help the situation get any better. I feel so ashamed that many of you come here looking for answers to questions with no answers and I can't offer any good input to help. I really do want to be there for all of you, but seeing some of these super depressing posts just makes me sad and a little glad that I don't have it as bad as some people. I feel like i'm being a bad friend here. I'm sorry to you all. :'(

It's my nature to be a good person and always find a way to help. This is why I became a boy scout many years ago, to help others out. I'm always thinking and coming up with ways on I would have done hings differently. Just who I am. Mix that with the transgender thoughts and dysphoria and its a lot of emotional thoughts.

I will still continue to do my best to be there for you all. I just wish I could offer more help to some of you. :'(

Love Sammi
Title: Re: I want to help others but can't
Post by: Dena on September 13, 2015, 11:01:11 PM
You are already helping with your donations. Money in the community is hard to come by and every little bit helps. You are also early in the discovery process and as you work through it, you will find ways to help others. An example is many people need work and possibly you might help them find work. You may also discover something that helps other with their appearance. Don't feel you have to take after me because I have been around a LOOOONNNNNNGGG time. I have lived more than half my life as a woman. Others on this site have been dealing with peoples problems for a while as well. Just enjoy the site and learn from it. Your time will come latter.
Title: Re: I want to help others but can't
Post by: QueenSwag on September 13, 2015, 11:55:44 PM
Quote from: CaptFido87 on September 13, 2015, 10:32:23 PMI will still continue to do my best to be there for you all. I just wish I could offer more help to some of you. :'(

Love Sammi

I hardly know you Sammi, but you sound sweet. I feel the same way sometimes when it comes to wanting to be helpful, but wondering what I can really do in the face of people's serious problems. Being present helps, and listening. And sometimes you just have to find the right time :)
Title: Re: I want to help others but can't
Post by: stephaniec on September 14, 2015, 12:33:39 AM
giving  :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug:  is a good way to help
Title: Re: I want to help others but can't
Post by: Cindy on September 14, 2015, 12:41:39 AM
Sammi,

You are a lovely person and you help people in ways you don't realise just by being you, being brave and dealing with your issues inspires others.

Thanks Hon

Cindy
Title: Re: I want to help others but can't
Post by: CaptFido87 on September 14, 2015, 09:40:54 PM
Thanks friends. I do try my best to be here for everyone. I do listen and read a lot of comments. Its just hard to offer support to others when you have it so much better and you don't even realise it. I just got so upset yesterday that I felt useless to others problems.

Yes I do donate some money each month. I've had to cancel my subscription a few times but I always try to offer some. It makes me feel a little better inside.

And dena once I finally become the real me I do want to stay on this website for as long as possible. I know others will suffer the same problems and hopefully than I canbgive advice on what to do. I know 10 years from now the rules will different but trans folk community has a long way to go before we finally get our rightful recognition in the world. I'm happy to be a part of it that helps it become easier.

Still wish there was more I could do on here

Hugs and love Sammi
Title: Re: I want to help others but can't
Post by: Qrachel on September 15, 2015, 01:33:14 AM
Hi Sammi:

A little personal history - I wanted to help desperately too and found that is was all I could do to just show up and accept that others would do the helping, including helping me.  In time my crisis became manageable and I was able to contribute planfully.

What I came to understand later was that I was helping immensely by showing up and talking about my journey (the good, the bad, the ugly).  My being able to stand in the face of my life and challenges (and opportunities) gave hope to others and a sense of togetherness that created an amazing sisterhood.  The gift of witnessing your life humbly is beautiful.

Sooo, show up and be open about your transition and listen to others who are there with you on their own journeys.  It's called role modelling and is powerful, so powerful. 

Simply put, you are helping, you are making a difference (and don't discount that making a difference for yourself is a huge contribution to us all, HUGE!).

Love and all the best,

Rachel
Title: Re: I want to help others but can't
Post by: Jayne01 on September 15, 2015, 01:54:46 AM
Hi Sammi,

Here is my 2cents worth.

I don't post on here too much. Most of my posts revolve around me in one way or another and problems I'm having. I too wish I could contribute more. But I am realising that I don't have to have the answer to solve a problem or an issue someone is having. I know from all the kind replies to my posts that sometimes it is just enough for someone to say they understand what you are going through. To know they took the time to read and then reply to you. For me, knowing that I'm not alone is a HUGE help.

I'm sure as I move along my journey, wherever that may be, I will learn things along the way and then I will also be better able to provide more in depth meaningful support to others. So don't worry, simply knowing that you are out there somewhere willing to listen is support in itself.

I hope that made sense. I'm not very good at converting my thoughts into words.

Take care.

Jayne
Title: Re: I want to help others but can't
Post by: warlockmaker on September 15, 2015, 03:11:58 AM
I am going to post a fun happy thread for you.
Title: Re: I want to help others but can't
Post by: Obfuskatie on September 15, 2015, 03:27:05 AM
One of the biggest things we can do for each other is listen to each other and be heard. It helps knowing there are people here that we can bounce things off of and will lend a sympathetic ear. Knowing there are other people like me going through similar things, is humbling and grounding. Above all, positivity is always helpful. Just be your bright and awesome self and share when and what you can, we all benefit from a stronger community.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: I want to help others but can't
Post by: suzifrommd on September 15, 2015, 06:51:56 AM
Sammi, just by being here and being part of the community you are helping. Susan's Place is a very strong community and people are getting the help they need. There will come topics where your special insight will be exactly what someone needs, but you need not fret in the meantime if the right words don't come.
Title: Re: I want to help others but can't
Post by: katrinaw on September 15, 2015, 08:18:35 AM
We all get emotional because we all have been there or are there, that's what makes us so unique and caring, its part of who we are.
Because we can't always find the right words is because it brings experiences back, or simply just no experience.

Don't ever feel you do not contribute, you do, you are part of us and we of you.
There are many posts I can't respond to, because of no knowledge or emotionally too hard to comment on.

We are, after all, all human.

Katy  :-* :-*
Title: Re: I want to help others but can't
Post by: JoanneB on September 15, 2015, 07:42:23 PM
When I first joined my TG support group I was in a similar mindset. Like what can I contribute? I'm scared, have all sorts of doubts and questions. What can I possibly contribute to a meeting?

The moderator simply responded, "Just being there helps others"



Title: Re: I want to help others but can't
Post by: RevanDFS on September 15, 2015, 10:00:43 PM
This may help... http://www.translifeline.org/
Title: Re: I want to help others but can't
Post by: sweetbriar9 on September 16, 2015, 01:00:25 AM
I feel the same way.It's difficult to come up with the right words when someone far away is suffering. Sometimes  I wish that it were possible to send someone a "hug" or a "smile" or an "I'm listening and I care about you" (in relation to a specific post) without needing to take up space in the thread. It'd be a nice way to send love without worrying about sounding presumptuous or asinine. I think that it's always wonderful to know that people care.
Title: Re: I want to help others but can't
Post by: Dena on September 16, 2015, 01:24:00 AM
Something I already told somebody else. Many of you who are early in your transition already have an emotionally over loaded plate between dealing with the public, work family and years of attempting to cover up you problem. Nobody will fault your for not posting on a thread. Some of the threads could be dangerous to your emotional health and your first responsibility is to your health and your transition. Post only when you feel comfortable doing so. It is enough for now that you care about others and want to help. You will be able to help more as time goes on.