As I contemplate the pro's and con's of transition I've found that one thing that worries me is that I'd start liking guys. I've only ever been attracted to women (in fact I find the male body somewhat revolting), and while I know many transwomen find that they weren't so much attracted to women as attracted to being women, I don't think that's the case with me. I have met women who I thought "If I were female, she's who I'd be like," and I've also met women where I feel romantic chemistry. While there's at least one overlap, the kind of woman I generally try to have a relationship with is different than the kind I see myself as. I suppose this could just be simple fear of the unknown/change but I think it might be more than that, thus I think it might be some combination of the following:
1) After working through my feelings I've come to the conclusion that having biological children of my own is very important to me. Obviously if I have a cisfemale partner that would be much simpler. (If I transition I intend to freeze sperm beforehand)
2)Issues of gender roles. I'm not sure how I'd feel about being "the mother" in a heterosexual relationship. One of my biggest concerns about transitioning is that I'd like the physical changes but not like the social changes. My nightmare would be to end up with social dysphoria going the opposite direction. Another difficulty I'm having with this is the fact that I've been heavily repressing my femininity since high school, and now that the walls have come down I've effectively mind-melded with a teenager so any deep questions about my future seem to garner the mental equivalent of blank stares. Time will probably help with this.
3) I might be non-binary and my Male side is putting his foot down.
It's weird how a month ago I was a straight male, and now I appear to be a transwoman who hopes she becomes a lesbian. To think, I used to worry I might have a boring life. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.
Quote from: AnamethatstartswithE on September 15, 2015, 11:57:37 AMAs I contemplate the pro's and con's of transition I've found that one thing that worries me is that I'd start liking guys. I've only ever been attracted to women (in fact I find the male body somewhat revolting), and while I know many transwomen find that they weren't so much attracted to women as attracted to being women, I don't think that's the case with me. I have met women who I thought "If I were female, she's who I'd be like," and I've also met women where I feel romantic chemistry. While there's at least one overlap, the kind of woman I generally try to have a relationship with is different than the kind I see myself as.
This is a thing that can happen, I will personally vouch for it. But it's one of those things where you just have to take things as they come. No one is going to force you to have sex with a man if you don't want to. I haven't really decided if it's something I want to do myself, and I'm not going to until after SRS. I'm still attracted to women, and there are a lot of reasons why I might not ever end up even attempting to have a relationship at all, so who knows what will happen there... But however you end up feeing, it's important to just let your hangups go and not worry about it too much. Even if certain things change there's nothing wrong with that, it's just different.
Quote from: AnamethatstartswithE on September 15, 2015, 11:57:37 AMI suppose this could just be simple fear of the unknown/change but I think it might be more than that, thus I think it might be some combination of the following:
1) After working through my feelings I've come to the conclusion that having biological children of my own is very important to me. Obviously if I have a cisfemale partner that would be much simpler. (If I transition I intend to freeze sperm beforehand)
2)Issues of gender roles. I'm not sure how I'd feel about being "the mother" in a heterosexual relationship. One of my biggest concerns about transitioning is that I'd like the physical changes but not like the social changes. My nightmare would be to end up with social dysphoria going the opposite direction. Another difficulty I'm having with this is the fact that I've been heavily repressing my femininity since high school, and now that the walls have come down I've effectively mind-melded with a teenager so any deep questions about my future seem to garner the mental equivalent of blank stares. Time will probably help with this.
3) I might be non-binary and my Male side is putting his foot down.
It's weird how a month ago I was a straight male, and now I appear to be a transwoman who hopes she becomes a lesbian. To think, I used to worry I might have a boring life. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.
It sounds like a lot of it could be fear of the unknown. The social aspect especially can be scary, because if you have no experience with it, there's no telling how difficult it will be. The only thing that you can do is to take things one step at a time. You don't have to do anything that feels wrong. You don't have to jump headfirst into being a woman overnight. It's a process, and you just need to work through it and figure out what works for you and what doesn't. Just try not to be too afraid of opening yourself up to new things and stretching your boundaries.
Thank you for your insights. One issue I have is that I'm the kind of person who likes to plan ahead as much as possible, small changes are OK but major changes trouble me. I also don't like cutting off options unless I'm sure of something, yet a lot of this just can't be known until I try it.
I guess worrying about hangups and normalcy seems a little strange while I'm contemplating a sex change isn't it.
Well, you know, normal is a relative term. ;) I figured out pretty early on in life, that being "normal" was probably not going to be part of the equation for me... Anyway, this is a difficult thing for anyone to deal with, and there are a lot of unknowns that can't be planned for. But nothing about it is probably as bad as your imagination can make it seem. ;)